Hubbub At The Host Club
by zero.xo
Summary: When Fred and George meet the Host Club everything is turned on its head. Or maybe... they just set a few things in motion. Either way, the results are very interesting. - Main pairings: Tamaki&Haruhi, Hikaru&Kaoru, Kyoya
1. Chapter 1

_**Hubbub At The Host Club**_

**Disclaimer**: Harry Potter belongs to J.K Rowling, Ouran High belongs to Bisco Hatori. Sadly, I am neither of these people.

**Warnings: **Language. Twincest- but Hitachiins only! (Heh. Double standards.) This fic is also rather lengthy.

**Notes: **Let's pretend that Harry Potter and Ouran High operate on the same time-line.

* * *

**Chapter One**

* * *

Fred sighed and exchanged an exasperated look with his twin. Both were seated at the kitchen table, folding thick linen napkins listlessly and polishing cutlery. Their eyes were dull and expressions vacant, save for a small crease upon each of their brows, bored beyond description, as their mother, Molly Weasley, continued to lecture, her form bustling back and forth around the kitchen, while shaking her head and drawing them despairing looks.

'-and, _really_, if you two don't have anything better to do then you can help me with the house work. Heaven knows you should be doing more with your magic than conjuring up useless tricks! It's bad enough that I'm so busy with the Order, to return here and find you two- imagine just _fleeing_ the school, what they must _think_ of the family-'

George stopped frowning only to roll his eyes and let out a heavy sigh. 'We're of age, Mum.'

'And we can't sit about doing dishes!' Fred added angrily, jabbing his wand at one of the napkins. 'We have a joke-shop to set up, you know!' Their mother's retort (the old argument; something along the lines of how a joke-shop was not considered a suitable career move) was lost as Fred glanced down at the napkin he had just attacked and cringed. 'Oops?'

George looked over to see what had happened. 'Oh, well done,' he said, giving Fred a sarcastically hearty thumbs up. 'She's gonna kill us now.'

A corner of the fabric had caught fire from the jab, the glowing red and black circle growing larger by the second, a thin waft of smoke drifting from it. Fred, scowling, flicked his wand and the napkin became a sodden lump with an ashy centre. He threw the wet napkin at George who tried to hide it behind his back just as their mother turned around. Her sharp brown eyes caught the half-hidden, blackened napkin.

'Okay, that's it!' she shrieked, her cheeks flaring up in rage. 'I will not let you succeed in burning the whole house down, we already went through that torment when you were seven!' (At this, Fred and George grinned appreciatively, apparently basking in the memory.) 'Get outside! You're going to start helping by cleaning out the shed!'

'What?' they both exclaimed simultaneously, grins vanishing abruptly.

Mrs Weasley crossed her arms, setting down her dish towel. 'That's right, _and _-'

'Have you seen the amount of junk that's in there?' Fred gaped, appalled.

'It's worse than when you made Ron and Ginny clean out the attic!'

'Hm, I don't know, George,' Fred suddenly smirked, 'I mean, they had it pretty bad. What with that miserable bugger of a ghoul and them spiders.'

'True,' George agreed, with a grin and half-shrug. 'Remember Ron pulled down the box of old dress robes and one the size of a taran-'

'Enough.' Mrs Weasley crossed her arms and glared pointedly at the door. 'Go. And be done by dinner time. I'll have your father inspect your work.'

'Yeah, like he'll care,' Fred muttered. 'He probably won't want us throwing stuff out anyway, most of it is just that old Muggle rubbish he's collected over the years…'

They turned towards the door.

Mrs Weasley walked over to the sink and waved her wand, perhaps more forcefully than she had intended, for a whole host of dishes went plummeting into the murky depths, then emerged covered in the debris of potato peelings.

A sudden thought struck George. 'Hey, maybe that quad bike thing is still in there, I know since the car got-'

'No!' snapped Mrs Weasley, whirling around, wielding her wand threateningly. 'If I catch you two anywhere near it, I'll be sending you straight back to Hogwarts.'

'You wouldn't do that, Mum,' Fred said confidently. 'Not back to that old toad. You love us too much for that.'

'Just try me,' said Mrs Weasley tersely, turning back to her pot and pointing her wand at the bubbling mixture.

George snorted. 'Let's just go get started on the stupid thing.'

'Besides,' George added, once they were safely out of the kitchen, 'she can't even see the shed from where she is. We could have the quad out and fixed without her even noticing anything beyond that pot of stew.'

* * *

After half an hour spent rummaging through all the furniture, wires, plugs, batteries, lightbulbs, telephones and more useless Muggle objects - even using Summoning charms - Fred and George were forced to accept the brutal truth that the quad bike was well and truly gone.

'I guess Dad must've took it away,' Fred said, blowing dust off of one of the grime-coated windows. He looked around the rest of the shed with distaste. 'Do you think we could just blast everything out of here?' There was a particularly ugly piece of furniture, an outdated floral couch slumped in one corner, and Fred was entertaining the pleasant thought of it simply exploding, its dusty innards sent rocketing skywards.

'She'd murder us,' George replied nonchalantly from where he was perched on top of a broken, lopsided bookcase, doing absolutely nothing but staring vacantly out into the messy garden. He paused. 'So would Dad, I guess.'

Fred laughed. 'Plus,' he added, sounding slightly more serious, '_reducto_ would just make this whole place collapse. And there's got to be millions of Doxies as well.' He sighed and slumped down beside George, the bookcase sliding precariously beneath them. 'I hate to admit it, but I think I'd rather be back at the school.'

One of George's eyebrows arced high. 'Are you feeling alright? I think the dust got to you.'

'Okay, maybe not,' Fred sighed. 'But- you'd think that this would be freedom!' Fred threw his arms up in the air restlessly. 'But instead, we're stuck in this hellish shed…'

George shrugged. 'Could be worse.' He stretched his legs out in front of him before standing up. But this motion made the unbalanced bookcase slide further across the ground and before he could do anything about it, Fred was sent toppling over the other side of it.

'Ow! Shit!'

'You okay?' George asked, peering over, plainly trying not to laugh, his teeth biting his bottom lip.

Fred, having landed awkwardly on his wrist, frowned. 'What does it look like?' He pushed himself up and surveyed his arm, still wincing. 'Y'know what,' he said bitterly, 'I actually do wish we were back at school now. Madam Pomfrey would-' It became apparent his brother was not listening.

'What are you doing?' Fred grumbled, getting to his feet.

George had jumped over the bookcase to unearth a badly wrapped parcel from underneath some old, dusty volumes; yellow sheaves of paper scattered across the ground, falling like leaves from the ripped spines. The string was pulled off and thrown over his shoulder, ripping the brown paper away. Fred, his sore wrist forgotten, hurried over too and kneeled close to see what it was. George tore the remainder of the paper off and held the package at arms length.

'It's… green tea?' George read in a confused tone.

Fred cocked his head at the other lettering running up the side of the green and white box. 'Japanese? Why the hell would Dad have that? He's never been to Japan. Hell, we've not got the money to go to _Ireland_, never mind-'

George shook the box, hearing a sort of rustling; inevitably the clusters of leaf fragments. 'Wanna try some?'

'Give it here. You can be useful and conjure up the water.' Fred tried to grab the box.

'Wait, that's not how you open it! Look, the line's on the other side.'

Fred rolled his eyes. 'Yeah, well, if you weren't grabbing it so tightly I might actually have been able to see that-'

'Just let go then!'

'God, you're so flipping childish!'

'Says you?'

Busy as they were bickering they did not notice as the packet of green tea lit up, an electric blue glow emanating from it. Fred felt his stomach being withdrawn and pulled as though by an invisible line. On his right, he felt George's shoulder slam into his as some strange force yanked them up through space. Colors blurred and sounds whirled by. The world seemed to have lost any sense of reasonable shape. It was now sky and ground mixed together in some insane blend of landscapes. Just as Fred began to gather some vague idea of what was happening, he was unceremoniously dropped from the sky and sent slamming down onto hard ground for the second time, although this time the impact was considerably greater. It felt like all air had been scooped from his lungs and he lay, winded.

A thud and a muffled groan told him that George had landed too.

* * *

'What the-' Fred sat up and looked around, bright sunlight almost blinding him. He had crash-landed on a dew-ridden luscious green lawn. Cherry blossoms lined the edges of the lawn, and Fred could see the pink petals falling and spinning slowly towards the ground. Up ahead, an immense white building shone in the sun's glare. 'Forge?'

The half-hearted groan sounded again. 'Right here, Gred. I think I've died though.'

Fred got to his feet shakily and walked over to George, outstretching a hand to help his twin up.

'Wasn't expecting the stupid tea leaves to pull that one us.' George glowered in the direction of the green tea, which lay innocently, non-glowing, on the grass beside them. 'I mean, seriously- a portkey?'

'Where do you think we are?' Fred frowned, a hand slapped over his brow to shield his eyes from the sun.

'No idea. And it's all thanks to that bloody thing.' For good measure, it seemed, George kicked the box of green tea.

Fred dragged him further across the impeccable lawn. 'Look, we'll just have to Apparate back or something. Have you still got your wand?'

'Yeah, I think so.' He checked his pockets. 'And some Snackboxes and other random stuff from the shop but I doubt those will be much-'

'Hika-chan! Kao-chan!'

Startled, they turned as they heard the voice. A very small figure was speeding towards them, wearing a powder blue blazer and black trousers, ruffled blonde hair bouncing on his head with every step.

'Hikaru, Kaoru, nani shiteruno?'

Fred and George exchanged the same bewildered look. 'Erm. What?'

The small boy peered at them curiously for a second from behind a lock of hair, then blinked. 'Oh!' he cried and his hands came together in a silent clap. 'Konnichiwa!' he beamed. 'Watashi wa Mitskuni Haninozuka desu!'

'Sorry- _what_?' George said, his eyebrows arching and looking worriedly towards at Fred. 'What's he saying? What language is that, anyway?'

'Dunno… But he's smaller than Flitwick!' Fred looked amused. 'I didn't think that was even humanly possible.'

The boy had now turned, still beaming, to shout something that sounded like: 'Takashi! Takashi!'

Fred suddenly slapped his forehead. He pointed to the box of green tea, abandoned a few feet away. George's eyes followed to rest on it too. He stared blankly for a moment then recognition flickered in his eyes.

'Japan?' he said numbly. 'Well. Uh. Wow.' He laughed. 'We couldn't have done that if we tried! Do you think-'

'Hold up,' Fred said suddenly, nudging George in the ribs. 'Who's this geezer?'

For a tall, pale, older-looking boy with black hair, wearing a white martial arts uniform, had come walking out from between the cherry blossoms and was fast approaching them. 'Doshitano, Mitskuni?' He spoke in a low serious tone.

The small blonde boy with the large brown eyes pointed at Fred and George excitedly then continued to gabble on.

'What in the name of Merlin-?' Fred muttered, shifting restlessly.

'You are English?' Although it seemed to be a question, it sounded more like a statement from the boy who was apparently called Takashi. He had a slight accent.

'Oh, thank god,' Fred said in relief, sighing. 'I was feeling like a total prat for not understanding a single word before.'

George laughed and nodded to the tall boy. 'Yeah. We are.'

'Come with.' He began to walk, beckoning for the other boy to follow, who did, skipping after him.

Fred and George glanced at each other. Fred just nodded in response to George's unspoken question. 'I'm not arguing with that uniform. Besides, we can't exactly Apparate right now. They've got to be Muggles.'

So Fred and George followed the other two. It was the grandest place that they had ever seen, if they weren't counting Hogwarts at Christmas time. The four of them walked through what had to have been entrance gates and then into the large white building before climbing a massive red-carpeted gold-furnished staircase and through a series of tastefully decorated corridors. What looked like classrooms lined each side of the walls.

'Blimey. Bit posh, innit, Fred,' George noted, his head tipped back as he stared up at one of the large crystal chandeliers. ''Specially for a school.'

'Yeah,' Fred said, grinning. 'I feel a tad out of place, myself.'

He glanced down at his old black jeans, and his black sweater. George was wearing similar attire; black jeans and a grey hoodie. He imagined how much worse it would be if they were wearing their robes, and had to bite back a laugh.

They came to an abrupt halt outside a room.

'Music Room Three,' the small boy intoned.

'Right,' Fred and George said, wondering if this was supposed to bear any significance.

At the end of the corridor a group of girls wearing pale yellow dresses flocked by, giggling. 'Takashi' opened the door and the smaller boy ran inside, already shouting in what seemed to be delighted tones, not that they could truly tell since they didn't understand one word.

'Come in. Wait here.'

Fred resisted the urge to salute. Both Weasley twins stood on the marble floor with their hands tucked inside their pockets, looking around at the immaculate room as the black haired boy strode quickly to the other side of the room and out a set of adjoining doors. Arched windows let beams of light fall across the room, illuminating the tea sets on top of the tables and casting shadows across the red velour of the love-seats scattered across the room.

'Hmm. For a music room…' George began sceptically.

'It doesn't seem to have that many instruments,' Fred agreed.

'Hello. Welcome to Ouran High School. I am Kyoya Ohtori.' Another boy with black hair, but this time with glasses, stood in front of them wearing a gracious smile that didn't quite seem to match his calculating eyes. He too wore a powder blue blazer and black trousers. He held a clipboard in one hand as he regarded them over the top of his glasses. 'Twins, hm? This should be interesting. Right now, you are in the presence of the Ouran High School Host Club. Mori tells me you were in the school grounds?'

'Mori?' Fred said quizzically. He wasn't sure if he had even taken in anything this Kyoya person had said. 'Who's that? The small one?' He helpfully held a hand out to around knee height. George snorted, ducking his head.

'Hm.' The Kyoya character did not appear amused. 'Perhaps full introductions are in order. Excuse me.' Kyoya walked out into the corridor.

'What did he mean "_this should be interesting_"?' George demanded at once, leaning towards Fred. 'D'you think he's never met twins before?'

A high laugh broke out from behind them. 'No, I wouldn't say that's the case, would you, Kaoru?'

Fred and George spun around to see two teenage boys parade in, identical twins. Both had light reddish brown hair and wore mischievous grins. Fred blinked and glanced at George who looked equally dazed. It was like looking at altered, perhaps younger, perhaps more symmetrical, versions of themselves.

'Hmm,' Fred said with true interest. 'And I always thought having one double was enough.'

'We're Hikaru and Kaoru Hitachiin,' they said together, outstretching their left hands.

'Fred and George Weasley,' the Weasleys countered, shaking hands with the other two.

'_Weasel_?' said one of the other twins. 'What kind of name is _weasel_? Isn't that a rodent of some sort?'

'Hikaru…' His twin sighed.

'What?'

'It's not weasel, idiot, it's Weasley,' snapped Fred, developing a sudden dislike for them. 'And I don't know what you're talking about, Hitachiin. Sounds like some weird kind of game- Hit-A-Chin.'

'Yeah, like Whack-A-Mole,' George laughed, and both Weasleys collapsed into laughter.

They'd came across this Muggle game a few years ago after a venture out with a reluctant Percy into a Muggle city. As expected, it had been a very eventful day, especially when they'd decided to change the game to Whack-A-Prefect instead, and had consequently been turfed out of the gaming arcade by a security guard.

Meanwhile, the Hitachiin twins seemed unfazed by this jibe on their name, they continued to survey Fred and George, as though making up their minds about them.

'This is Mori, and this is Hunny,' said Kyoya, entering briskly and bringing with him the two that had escorted Fred and George up to the music room. Mori had already changed into the school uniform. 'They are cousins.'

'Visitors!' a loud flowing voice cried dramatically from the corridor. 'How _wonderful_!'

'Boss,' drawled the Hitachiin twin on the right. 'There's no need to get too excited. They're just your average-'

Suddenly, both Hitachiins were jostled to the side -both making loud irritated squawks of '_Baka_!' at this- as a tall, fair-skinned, blonde haired, blue (almost violet) eyed boy burst in. George and Fred blinked at this sudden apparition, both being forcibly reminded of someone, someone their mother (and countless other women) used to have a helpless infatuation with.

Hello there, my foreign fellows!' Pearly teeth shone. 'I am Tamaki Suoh, but you can call me King~!'

'Oh, jeez,' the Hitachiins chorused, shielding each other's eyes in evident embarrassment.

'Well. To be honest-' George grinned, glancing at Fred.

'-we'd much rather call you _Lockhart_.'

'Lock-hart?' Tamaki repeated slowly. 'Is this a British term for King?'

Fred's smirk blossomed into a grin. 'Yeah, something like that.'

Footsteps sounded, and the suspicious looks Hikaru and Kaoru were giving Fred vanished as they all turned towards the doorway. 'Hey, guys, sorry I'm late- have you started sorting the stuff for the auction yet because I- ohh, uh..'

'Haruhi~!' Tamaki sang and swooped down on this person. 'This is Haruhi Fujioka and these are-' he paused thoughtfully, 'what are your names?'

'I'm Fred, and he's George,' George misled casually, pointing in accordance with the lie. Again, the Hitachiins looked suspicious.

Haruhi stared.

Fred struggled for a moment, then apparently decided that being polite was too much effort. 'Well, I'm just gonna say it,' he said bluntly. 'Are you a boy or a girl?'

The person certainly dressed like a boy and certainly had hair like a boy but had feminine bone structure and long dark eyelashes, beneath which sat wide brown eyes.

'Well, he wouldn't be in the Host Club if he weren't a boy, would he?' said one of the other twins in an irate tone.

'Yes, you see, the Host Club is a club of young men that offers services to young maidens-' began Tamaki.

'_Basically_,' cut in the bored-looking Haruhi, snapping through what seemed to be a well-rehearsed speech on the Lockhart guy's part, 'we entertain them and talk to them and give them cakes and tea and stuff. They request time with us, because apparently, being wealthy opens up a whole load of free time.' He sounded oddly sardonic.

'And being young, handsome and rich- well, that certainly helps,' nodded Kaoru.

'And we all have different qualities that appeal to the ladies,' added Hikaru.

'Like?' Fred asked, sounding as though he seriously doubted that Hikaru could have any appealing qualities.

'Well,' Hikaru said. 'We are the mischievous types, so you can guess what that entails. Plus, being a twin is always a bonus,' he added, hooking an arm around Kaoru's neck and smirking. Kaoru leaned into the touch. 'Let's just say, some of the ladies' tastes at this school are a bit _out there_. They prefer double the love, and so we accommodate-'

George held up a hand; a gesture universally meaning stop. ''Kay, thanks. No more. Don't wanna know.'

'Yeah,' Fred agreed. 'Don't really think my stomach could handle-'

'Regardless,' said Kyoya smoothly, 'you'll find the Hitachiins rather popular in this school. Now.' He straightened his clipboard, eyes narrowing considerably. Fred couldn't help but fleetingly think that he would belong in Slytherin if he attended Hogwarts. 'May you tell us why you were found on school property? Background checks are routine now, and passes must be presented. The consequences of not having one may lead to extensive interviews with the local police force.' He smiled sweetly. 'Employed by the family, by the way. They could be over in an instant.'

'Christ,' muttered George, eyes widening. 'He'd get on well in the Ministry, eh?'

'Y'know, Boss,' Hikaru said slyly, edging towards Tamaki. 'I wouldn't trust those two, if I were you.'

'Yeah,' agreed Kaoru, smirking. 'I mean, just look at them. _Very_ untrustworthy looking.'

'What's wrong with them?' Tamaki asked ducking down, listening avidly, as the twins stood on either side of him casting stage-whispers into his ear.

'They're- well, they're-' Hikaru appeared to falter for words.

'Yes?' said Tamaki impatiently.

Kaoru fidgeted and glanced at Hikaru. 'Well, they're _twins_, Boss,' he said in a tone as though this said it all.

Tamaki looked as lost as ever. 'And aren't you two twins?'

'Well, _exactly_!' they chorused, rolling their eyes.

'Nutters,' sighed George, shaking his head and averting his eyes from the two conspiring Hitachiins. 'I _told_ Dad Muggles were a bit mental. Still, the Lockhart guy seems like a bit of a troll intellectually. Y'know, we _could_ Apparate then wipe their memories. I mean, that's always an option, right?'

'Definitely,' said Fred sarcastically, still glowering over at the Hitachiins. 'Apparate, then what? Apparate straight back again to Oblivate them? Yeah, George, _great _plan. Why don't we just stun them while we're at it? Or, hey, we could wipe them out completely! I'm getting pretty rusty on that old Avada Kedavra.'

'_What_ then? And don't take it out on me!'

Fred exhaled a quick 'sorry' before muttering sullenly: 'Untrustworthy. _Huh_. Us? Arrogant twats, aren't they?'

George just shrugged. He turned back to Kyoya and tried to force his face into a polite expression. 'It was an accident. We really had no intention of being on the school's premises. And, we really have no intention of staying on them either, so… we'll just be off. See ya.'

'Yeah, real nice meeting you and all that. We'll find our own way out. Cheery-bye!'

The Weasley twins waved merrily, then turned and began to walk swiftly towards the door.

'Wait, wait!' Hunny ran up, waving his arms wildly. 'Stay for cake? Pleaseee? We have the ones with the strawberry and the chocolate gateau and the vanilla and the lemon cheesecake selection and the toffee-fudge- oh! And there's the-'

'Mitskuni,' said Mori solemnly.

'But Takashi!' he whined, reaching up and pulling on the elder's sleeve. 'Let them stay!' He turned his eyes to Tamaki, or the 'Lockhart guy' as the Weasleys were referring to him. 'Tama-chan! I don't want them to go! Please let them stay for cake! Usa-chan wants them to stay too!'

'Mitskuni,' Mori repeated, still in the same solemn tone.

'Well, I don't see why not,' Tamaki said slowly, brushing back his hair. 'I always like to show hospitality to our-'

An ecstatic 'Yaaaay!' from Hunny drowned out the rest of his sentence.

Hunny grabbed a helpless Fred and George and pulled them over to one of the tables where a great array of cakes were laid out. A pink bunny soft-toy lay on the table. With a strength that was thoroughly unexpected, Hunny forced Fred and George into seats and began busying himself with cutting the cakes.

'Well, I wouldn't say no to a bit of gateau,' George said at last. 'It's been a good while since breakfast, after all.'

'Too right it has,' Fred agreed, his stomach growling in raw anticipation at the sight of all the confectionary.

'You realise, don't you, Tamaki, that we have an auction to prepare for?' Kyoya said mildly, looking up from his clipboard. 'The Host Club was awarded responsibility for the event and it wouldn't be fitting if we neglected it. We still have to organize the placing of-'

'Yes, yes,' Tamaki said airily, waving away Kyoya's concern with a fluttering hand. 'Later. It can all be done later. We have until noon, do we not?'

Fred and George sniggered at the way Kyoya was unceremoniously dismissed.

Haruhi rolled his eyes. 'If we're just going to be eating, then I'm heading off to the library. I've got studying to do.'

'But Haruhi!' Tamaki pouted. 'Daddy wants you to stay _here_!'

'Daddy?' Fred and George repeated through mouthfuls of chocolate gateau.

(_'I don't care, Senpai. I have a math test later.'_

'_Ah, we'll help you, Haruhi. You missed the mock one didn't you?'_

'_Don't touch her, you rotters!'_)

'Tama-chan is silly,' Hunny told them brightly, picking up his bunny. 'Would you like some tea? Or coffee?'

'Coffee,' answered Fred, snickering. 'George and tea aren't exactly on speaking terms right now… Ow, piss off.'

'Here you go!' Hunny said, placing the cups on an artfully decorated expensive-looking ceramic tray. 'Coffee! The sugar's over there.'

'Cheers,' they chorused, Fred a bit slow off the mark as he rubbed his arm where George had punched him for the tea comment.

'So, are you guys at school?' Hunny asked a few minutes later, hugging the bunny to his chest.

George wiped his mouth and shrugged. 'Well, our headmistress was an old toad who put us in detention every other day so we set some fireworks on her and her, ehm, boyfriend-' Fred sniggered at this, remembering the way Filch had tried to ward off the fireworks with a broom, '-and then we fl -uh- made our escape. '

'Really?' gasped Hunny. 'Even Hikaru and Kaoru haven't done something like that!'

'Yeah, well,' Fred replied darkly. 'Maybe we don't belong in the same category as your delightful Hikaru and Kaoru.'

Hikaru and Kaoru, standing in the background, bristled and turned their heads away snootily with mutters of: 'How rude.'

'So what do you two do now?' Haruhi asked, still lingering at the door, trying to keep a flailing and loudly protesting Tamaki at bay. 'If you're not at school, that is?'

'We own a jokeshop!' George said animatedly. 'It's still in the basic stages, but it's getting there.'

'A jokeshop?' Hikaru suddenly laughed, eyes glinting maliciously. 'What a load of rubbish.'

George and Fred both exchanged a glance. Suddenly Fred's eyes looked exceedingly bright too. He looked pleadingly at George as they conversed without words. George gave a loud sigh and nodded reluctantly. Fred beamed.

'Want a sweet?' Fred offered, jumping up and outstretching his hand to Hikaru.

In his palm lay half of a chewy sweet which George knew to be a piece of Nosebleed Nougat. He was glad it wasn't a Toffee; one of those would have been exceedingly difficult to explain. No normal sweet could make one's tongue swell to that size. And of course, they'd have to use magic to get it back to normal. (He doubted these rich twerps could wait long enough for the charm to wear off.)

Hikaru eyed the offering warily for a moment before stepping forwards and taking it out of Fred's hand. Kaoru opened his mouth, as if to cry out in warning, but closed it again, as though knowing his brother would never step down from a dare.

Hikaru began to chew.

The effects were instantaneous. His face was drained of all colour, turning bone-white, and then his nose began to stream with blood. Hikaru gasped and stumbled backwards, looking even more shocked as he pressed a hand to his nose and upper lip and felt the red fountain.

'Hikaru!' yelled Kaoru. 'Someone, get a cloth! What the hell have you done to my brother? Hikaru!'

Kaoru jumped at Fred but George had already got to his feet and held him back. Mori sprinted over with a bundle of napkins. Haruhi held a couple to Hikaru's nose and mouth. Hunny looked close to tears, brown eyes large and frightened as he clung to his bunny. Tamaki helped George keep hold of Kaoru, as Kyoya surveyed silently in the background, making yet another note on his clipboard.

'Merlin's beard, relax!' Fred gave Hikaru another half of a sweet. 'Eat it. I'm serious! Eat it. The nosebleed will stop straight away, I swear.'

George and Tamaki let go of Kaoru, who immediately jumped to his brother's side. Reluctantly Hikaru ate this other sweet. Haruhi stopped mopping up the ribbons of blood and drew back. Gradually the colour rose back in Hikaru's cheeks.

'Hikaru!' gasped Kaoru, who was on his knees. He looked very near to tears and rather pale himself. 'I thought- I thought-'

Hikaru knelt down and pressed foreheads with his twin. 'It's okay, Kaoru, I'm fine. Really.'

Fred and George stood back with folded arms and watched the two envelope each other in a tight embrace.

'Merlin help us,' Fred muttered. 'What's with the amateur dramatics?' He turned to George and began to wail. 'Oh George- I thought- I thought I'd never see you again! How would I go on? Oh, my!'

'Don't even,' George said warningly, but he was laughing. 'You really would die without me.'

'Yes, I wouldn't joke,' said Tamaki quietly from behind. 'Those two have the closest bond I have ever seen. They are completely dependent on one another; it really would kill Kaoru if anything were to happen to Hikaru, likewise with Hikaru. Only recently have they expanded their world and been able to socialize properly with others. What you see with them may be an exaggerated form of love and devotion, but it is nonetheless true.'

Hunny nodded earnestly beside Tamaki.

'He wasn't in any danger, though,' Fred muttered, though he looked a bit uncomfortable. 'Meh. Should I apologize?'

George nodded, turning to try and console the other two, but stopped when he saw their beaming faces.

'Tell us, how is a sweet like that created?' they said in perfect unison.

In the background, Haruhi sighed. 'Typical.'

'No!' cried Tamaki, serenity and wisdom swiftly leaving him. 'Don't tell them! They're bad enough as it is! Don't join forces!'

'It's classified anyway,' Fred said in a pompous manner. George's lip twitched in amusement at the imitation.

'Well, give us some, at least?' Hikaru asked.

'So, you don't doubt our joke-shop any more?' Fred said coldly.

They shook their heads. 'Nope.'

'Would you use them properly? Because you have to give the person the other half of the sweet within twenty minutes of consumption, or they could bleed to death.'

'Got it!' said the Hitachiin twins.

George reluctantly handed them over a couple of Snackboxes.

'Hmm. Well. Now that you have almost succeeded in killing two of our Hosts,' Kyoya said tonelessly, 'Hikaru, and naturally, by consequence, Kaoru, I suggest you both drink your coffee before it gets cold, ne?'

They both sat back down hastily, not wanting to get into an argument with the quick-thinking Kyoya.

However, as they pulled their cups towards them, the ceramic tray underneath slid out from their grasp.

Time seemed to stop as it hung on the edge of the table, faltered- Fred and George lunged forward- but by that time- the ceramic tray had met its end, shattering as it made contact with the hard, sparkling marble floor.

Haruhi facepalmed as Fred and George gulped.

Silence fell, the air thick.

'Oh dear,' said Kyoya, not sounding remotely mournful, while pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose yet again. 'Oh dear, oh dear. How _dreadful._'


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

* * *

Fred's hand dived inside his jeans right pocket, reaching for his wand, thinking a quick silent _reparo _and all would be right with the world. But George jumped forward and grabbed his arm, shaking his head violently and whispered: 'Muggles, remember?'

Kyoya paced over, crouched down and examined the remnants of the ceramic tray. 'Yes, as I thought,' he sniffed, standing back up. 'That tray was for the auction. The starting price for that item was particularly high. A towering amount of yen at any rate.'

'Oh, and there was me thinking they were knut a dozen,' muttered George.

'Ah well,' said Fred, leaning back on the balls of his feet and smiling around at them confidently. 'You all seem like rich enough guys, right? I'm sure you'll be able to replace it without too much trouble.'

Kyoya actually laughed; something the Weasley twins thought him incapable of doing. 'The Host Club is not responsible for any breakage that occurs inside this room. It is the individual, or individuals, that must find a suitable way to pay back the damage. And that tray,' he added coldly, 'was an antique.'

'Is it just me, or has an intense feeling of déjà vu just passed over the room?' groaned Haruhi, his shoulders slumping. 'I'm glad it isn't me this time. That's all I need, more debt. Even more time spent in this place.'

Tamaki looked hurt. 'Haruhi, don't use that begrudging tone! You say that as if you don't like spending time with the Host Club!'

'Really, senpai? I wasn't aware of it.'

Fred and George turned back to each other and carried out a discussion in murmuring fragments of sentences, shaking their heads at one another and gesticulating here and there to emphasise each point.

'If we had brought a time-turner…'

'…a nice little Decoy Detonator might have done the trick-'

'…although, that probably wouldn't have worked…'

'-probably would've blew apart half the wall, mind you.'

'…stupid Toast Club. They've got more money than sense and won't bloody well use it!'

'…and won't exactly be thrilled if we tried to pay them in Extendable Ears, will they? I've got a few in this pocket.'

George suddenly clapped his hands and grinned. 'Okay, here's the plan. _You_ distract them, _I_ Apparate back, get enough Galleons from the stock in the shop, convert that to- to- whatever the hell _our_ Muggle money is called- Apparate back here and let _them_ convert that to-'

'No, that wouldn't work either, do you want Dad to flip out when we get back, start quoting the Secrecy act?'

George sighed. 'We're done for then, is that what you're saying?'

'What I'd like to know,' Hikaru began suddenly, his cat-like eyes narrowing, 'is why was the tray out in the first place? Surely it should have been kept with the other artefacts at the other side of the room?'

'Yeah,' agreed Kaoru. 'What _idiot _would get it mixed up with the everyday tea-sets?' He grinned and cast a look over his shoulder. 'Was it _you_, Milord? You did seem _awfu_l flippant about the auction earlier.' Hikaru swivelled round too and both Hitachiins sent accusing looks at their 'King'.

Tamaki shook his head. 'I wasn't anywhere near that table this morning! I was helping Kyoya decorate the gardens for the guests!' He turned to Haruhi, his violet eyes glimmering. 'Would you like to accompany Daddy on a stroll through the blossoms? There's a designated area for the tea and delicacies that just looks wondrous- I had Kyoya install these fountains…'

'Is this my fault?' Hunny asked, stricken, gazing up at the other club members worriedly.

'Because Takashi and I were outside the kendo building this morning and I didn't know about the auction until we came up here but the tray was already out and had the cups and saucers on it, so I-'

'Mitskuni.'

'Is that all he says?' George whispered. 'Sounds like a broken record.'

Kyoya's slim black brows lowered in a frown. 'Haruhi, tell them what happened to you when you broke that vase. I don't think they understand the seriousness of their actions.'

'What?' said Haruhi blankly, edging away from Tamaki who was still in full-flow about the gardens. 'Oh, uhm, they made me do their chores and stuff, and go fetch them coffee and attend to them so that I would pay off my debt,' Haruhi explained. 'But then, I don't know, they changed their minds and made me a host, and I've been working off my debt since then.'

'But you love it, don't you Haruhi?' Tamaki said, beaming. 'I always knew the Host Club would open up lots of opportunities for you.'

('_Yeah, like fancy tuna,_' Kaoru muttered in an undertone.)

'Yeah, it's great, Senpai. I really, really adore it.'

'Oh, _Haruhi~_!' The tall blonde scooped up the small brunette and spun him around the room.

'Hey!' Hikaru and Kaoru jumped forwards, outraged. 'Put Haruhi down!'

Fred stared at the four of them; Tamaki spinning blissfully, obliviously; eyes closed and Haruhi being held at arms length, Haruhi kicking and complaining, and Hikaru and Kaoru jumping around the pair, waving their fists and baring their teeth.

Fred shook his head to clear it, before fixing his incredulous stare on Kyoya instead. 'Right, let me get this straight: you're telling us we have to be your own personal hou- I mean- slaves?'

Squabbling and yelling sounded as Hikaru and Kaoru attempted to free Haruhi from Tamaki's possessive clutches. A few seconds later Hikaru and Kaoru had their arms around Haruhi soothingly and Tamaki was curled in a corner, sulking, his head bowed and his expression one of utter dejection. Mori, with Hunny on his shoulders, trotted over to Tamaki. Hunny held, above his head, a piece of cake on a shining silver plate, the cherry on top glittering like a ruby.

Kyoya flicked some imaginary dirt off his immaculate uniform. 'Unless you can pay the debt off on the spot, then, yes. And, forgive me for saying, but it seems very unlikely that you have that amount of money.' If his eyes swept distastefully over their clothes as he said this he did it very subtly indeed.

Hikaru sauntered over, yawning. 'Not wanting to be the bearer of bad news or anything,' he drawled, looking as though he actually did, 'but it's almost noon. And,' he surveyed the room happily, 'there's still loads of stuff to fix up. What you gonna do, Kyoya?' He laughed; a laugh that had more than a fraction of evil humour in it.

Kyoya narrowed his eyes. 'May I remind you, Kaoru, that it's a group effort, and while your smart attitude might-'

'Hey, what the hell have _I_ done?' Kaoru called indignantly from where he was sitting on the floor with Haruhi, math textbooks and scraps of note-paper strewn across the marble. 'I'm over here being a good Samaritan and everything, helping out someone in need and yet I'm still getting blamed!' He exhaled loudly before turning back to Haruhi. 'Right, anyway… ' he pointed to one of the sheets. 'And _that_ part of the equation is paired with…'

'You ran out of time with the parade thingy?' Fred yawned. 'Shame.'

'Parade?' Kyoya repeated stonily. 'It is an _auction-_ of grandeur standards, I might add.'

George inclined his head to the right. 'Of course, sir, forgive him his ignorance. But you'll all get the boot for not carrying out the task, and the fact we broke the platter thing won't make any difference!'

'I assure you, we will not be -ahem- "_getting the boot_" and don't think your misdemanour will be let off so easily.'

'Sure know how to drag a thing out, don't you, Kyoya?' Hikaru said, sounding bored. 'Look, why don't you and the others just go down and fix up the stuff for the damn thing, while I'll sort this out with these two and Kaoru helps Haruhi with her math? We'll meet up with you later, right?'

Kyoya looked reluctant to follow anyone else's orders, but it seemed the seemed the seriousness of his predicament got to him. 'Fine.' He sent an ice-glare towards the Weasleys, who smiled back in return, before striding over to the curled-up Tamaki and wrenching him upwards by his collar. Mori and Hunny left right on their heels and Tamaki was still too depressed to notice that Hikaru and Kaoru were left with his precious daughter.

'By the way,' said Kyoya suddenly, reappearing at the doorway. 'If you bring those two down to accompany you, find something for them to _wear_, won't you? Those foul outfits are hardly- _well_- they won't face a good reception at any rate.'

'Naturally,' Hikaru called sweetly. 'Bye bye.'

Kyoya disappeared.

George laughed. 'Nice one, mate,' he said to Hikaru.

'Yeah,' agreed Fred. 'Well played. But, seriously, is that Kyoya guy usually that… well…'

'Scary? Cold? Demonic?' Hikaru supplied. 'Yeah, he is. But today's a _good _day for him. Today means money, what with the auction and all, and Kyoya sure loves his money. He takes care of all the club finances.'

'Ah. Guess that's why he was so pissed off with us about the-' Fred jerked a thumb over his shoulder, 'plate.'

'Get on the good side of the Boss,' Hikaru advised them, guiding them back over to his brother and Haruhi. 'Call him King a couple of times, he might deduct the debt. And, by the way, what _are_ you actually doing here?'

'Mistake,' Fred said quickly. 'Got lost.'

'But you're foreigners,' Hikaru said, picking up one of the cakes off the table before sprawling out on the floor beside Kaoru. 'How'd you get here to start with? Cake?'

'Oh, that's kinda our Mum's fault,' George said, declining the cake, and thinking of the way she had ordered them to the shed. If she hadn't, he reasoned, he'd never have found the green tea. 'So,' he said swiftly, trying to get off the subject, 'do you think we'll actually have to work to get the money?'

'Unless you find a way to escape Kyoya,' Kaoru replied, pinching a slice of strawberry off Hikaru's cake, while lazily watching Haruhi carry out a list of sums and work out theorems.

'That one's wrong, Haruhi. You need to carry _x _to the other side.'

Fred thought about how easy it was to Apparate. 'Well, we're quite the escape artists, us.'

George laughed.

'It's not that bad,' Haruhi piped up suddenly. 'The Host club, I mean. Yeah, Tamaki-senpai will expect you to answer his every whimsical demand, but, you get used to the eccentricities of these guys.'

'Well, Haruhi,' said Hikaru, sounding stunned. 'I don't know whether to be happy or insulted.'

'Don't get me wrong,' Haruhi said, pointing his pen at him. 'It was a real pain at first, especially the whole fuss when he realised I was a girl-'

'Ah, so you are a girl!' Fred said triumphantly, as though he'd just single-handedly proven this. 'I knew it!'

'Well done, Haruhi,' Kaoru said sarcastically, patting her on the head. 'Great way to keep a secret. Announcing it to total strangers.'

'We're not that strange,' George said. 'Anyway, your secret's safe with us. But why d'you pretend to be a boy?'

'It's easier to pay off the debt as a member of the Host Club,' Haruhi shrugged. 'Plus, I can't be bothered with all the pettiness of hanging out with other girls.'

'Pettiness is good,' Fred grinned. 'It's what sparks off cat-fights.'

Haruhi just laughed. 'Well, anyway.' She shut over her math book, gathered up the notes, and smiled. 'Thanks for this, Kaoru.' She fixed the latch on her satchel and stood up. 'I'm gonna go down to the gardens now, Tamaki-senpai will probably be having a fit.' She waved and headed towards the door.

Kaoru straightened up, dusting off the knees of his black trousers. 'So, Hikaru, they need outfits, huh?'

'Yeah. Shadow king's orders.' He turned to Fred and George. 'You don't want to wear any cosplay outfits do you?'

'Erm, what? Cosplay?'

'What's that?'

'_Y'know_,' said Kaoru, arching an eyebrow. 'Manga?' He frowned at their blank faces doubtfully. 'Never mind, guess not. C'mon, anyway, we'll see what we have. Our Mother's new range is probably still in the changing rooms-'

A sudden roar of what sounded like an engine sounded. A loud whirring accompanied it. Fred and George stumbled back as the ground shook.

'What the _bloody hell_-?'

'Aw _man_!' exclaimed Hikaru angrily. 'Otaku's on her way! _Damnit_!'

'_Who_?' Fred asked, bewildered, as a high, manic female laugh sounded from…underground, was that?

'Renge!' Kaoru spat, his eyebrows furrowing. 'We need to run! Go, go go! Quick!'

He pushed the Weasleys in the direction of the door and then all four of them were sprinting urgently down the corridor as though the Dark Lord himself was after them. Hikaru and Kaoru were in front, urging Fred and George to keep up.

'Y'know,' panted Fred as they continued to run, their thundering footfalls echoing behind them, 'I'm actually starting to like this place.'

George grinned. 'Yeah, I was thinking the same. Should we stay?'

'Don't- see- why not,' Fred said, heaving as a particularly painful stitch surfaced in his side. 'It'll get us away from sheds and chicken coops after all-'

'Quick!' Hikaru called over his shoulder. 'Don't underestimate the powers of a rabid fangirl!'

'In here!' yelled Kaoru, throwing open a door at the end of the corridor. 'Hurry! She's after us!'

* * *

'Oh, Arthur!' Mrs Weasley said tearfully and she threw herself at her husband, her arms latching around his neck before he was barely over the threshold of the kitchen door. 'Thank heavens you're back! They're gone, Arthur! They're _gone_!'

Mr Weasley prised his wife off him and blinked at her from behind his glasses. 'Who're gone, Molly dear?'

'_The twins_!' she sobbed. 'They're gone! Been missing for hours! I've been going mad with worry!'

'Molly. Molly. _Molly_.' He cupped her tear-stained face in his hands. 'What happened?'

'I- I sent them to the shed, and- and they're not there anymore! I was angry at them - but if something's happened to them, oh - I'll just never _forgive_ myself!'

'C'mon, they're big boys now, they'll be okay,' he said consolingly. 'They've probably gone back to the shop.'

'They haven't, Arthur! All their things are still _here_! And - the clock- the clock, it says Lost! They're lost, Arthur! Something bad's happened, I just know! All the family's breaking apart! First Percy, now the twins are missing-'

'Don't get yourself more worked up.' He patted her shoulder. 'I'll go out to the shed and see, okay Molly? Everything will be fine.'

She brought up the hem of her apron and wiped her eyes on it. 'I'll come with you.'

* * *

Mr Weasley crouched on the floor of the shed, beside the lopsided piece of furniture. The loose brown packaging and string were strewn across his lap.

'Well, Arthur?' she sniffed, standing at the other side of the shed and peering out into the lonely darkened paddock. 'Any clues?'

'It's not a murder-mystery, Molly,' he said faintly.

'_Don't_ say that word!' She collapsed into sobs again.

'Oh, Molly, I know they haven't been _murdered_,' he murmured.

'_How_ do you know? How? They could've been! You-Know-Who- oh my!'

Mr Weasley twiddled the bit of string and bit his lip. 'Well, Molly. There might have been a bit of an accident.'

The sobbing ceased and Mrs Weasley's footsteps edged towards him, strangely menacing.

'What do you mean, Arthur _dearest_?' Her tone was suddenly dangerous. 'Is this the result of your tinkering with non-magical-'

'No! No! No!' He held his hands up. 'It's… well…' He tugged at his collar. 'There may have been- well, I mean-'

'Spit it out, Arthur.'

'I- I- only mean there was a - well- there was a Portkey in here.'

'_And_?'

'Well, it's -_ahem_- it's gone now, you see.'

'And where has it gone?'

Mr Weasley mumbled something under his breath.

Mrs Weasley narrowed her eyes. 'What was that, _sweetheart_?'

'Mnoquisure, Molly.'

'_Pardon_? Where are our _sons_, Arthur?'

'I said, I'm not quite sure. The…erm…destination is, well, I'd never really found out-'

'_ARTHUR_!'

In the yard, a few chickens squawked and clucked in fright, feathers sent flurrying as Mrs Weasley's roars made the air shake.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

* * *

'You really suit blue! Don't they, Takashi?'

Mori murmured his familiar assent.

'Well, they weren't interested in cosplaying as anyone,' Hikaru shrugged, 'so we gave them our spares.'

Fred and George were standing beside the thick bamboo walls of a gazebo within the shelter of the blossoms. The afternoon sun was filtering around the branches and through the leaves, casting a faint green glow mixing with the golden. All the eyes of the Host Club were on them; Kyoya's eyes were assessing, Tamaki's were proud (as though he were a father whose kids were embarking on their first day at school), Haruhi's kind but vaguely uninterested, Hunny's happy, Mori's unfathomable and the Hitachiins' amused.

'At least they aren't green.' Fred pulled a faint light blue thread from where it was dangling from the sleeve of his -Hikaru's- blazer. 'Vile, serpentine color.'

Guests with sparkling glasses of champagne and students with equally sparkling glasses of pink-orange fruit juice were milling around, their shoes crunching across the gravel and the light-hearted chatter drifting towards the nine of them. Though no one was approaching the Host Club and their two guests, they weren't ignoring them either. A mixture of intimidated, admiring and curious looks kept being shot over.

'What's up with you guys?' George demanded. 'Are you like, the elite or something?'

'Milord's the Big Cheese,' Hikaru said, 'but we're all popular, so..' He shrugged one shoulder offhandedly.

'The Big Cheese, eh?' Fred echoed, pushing back a grin. 'Funny. I figured Kyoya was the one in charge.'

'Oh, he's the de facto leader.' Kaoru smirked, glancing over at the two of them who were arguing over where to place a shining silver trumpet. 'Daddy may be the _King_, but _Mommy_ wears the trousers.'

As if to prove this statement, Kyoya planted the trumpet down firmly in his preferred place before prompting Tamaki forwards with a poke in the back. Kyoya retreated into the shade as Tamaki glided over to the centre of the congregation. He climbed up onto a podium. Kyoya pulled out a fairly big, flat device Fred and George knew as a laptop (Mr Weasley's latest obsession), connected a wire into the side of it and began talking into a small mouth-piece.

On the podium, Tamaki became animated and addressed everyone in the vicinity.

George raised an eyebrow. 'Why doesn't Kyoya just make the speech?'

'That would be defamatory to Tamaki,' Kaoru explained, tapping a finger against his chin. 'He's the chairman's son, after all. But, it's not like Tamaki doesn't have a brain- although, this is the only time you'll hear me say that. I think he would be able to make the speech himself - he just gets too carried away.'

Fred shook his head. 'Weird set-up you've got going on here,' he decided.

Hikaru opened his mouth to reply but broke off, staring up at the where Tamaki was making frantic signing in their direction. 'Oh- looks like we're needed up there - be back in a minute.'

With Hikaru's departing words, he and Kaoru disappeared.

Fred and George sat down and got comfortable in the shade. After a little while of just sitting people-watching- or rather, pointing and sniggering at whoever had the most ridiculous hair-cut or at the fat ladies in the big fancy hats that had congregated beside the fountain - the one with the stone cherub that couldn't seem to control its bladder - Fred pulled out a bag of Bertie Bott's Every-Flavour Beans.

'Oi, I asked you this morning if you had any of those left!' George said, clocking the sweets at once.

'Well, that was at breakfast,' Fred reminded him with an innocent smile, throwing a red jellybean into the air and catching it in his mouth. 'I can't have your precious teeth rotting away, can I?' he added, chewing obscenely loud. 'What if people got us mixed up and thought _I_ was the twin with the icky brown teeth? That would destroy me.'

'Cut the crap,' George advised, outstretching his palm, 'and give me one.'

Fred mock-sighed and delved his hand into the bag. 'Okay, I su_ppose_ you can have _one_.'

'Piss _off, _that's a radish! Give me a popcorn one or something.'

Fred threw a scattering handful at George, who managed to skilfully catch them all and proceeded to line them up across one palm; sorting out the colors with an expert eye. He popped a few in his mouth and flicked one back at Fred. 'You can have _that _one back, that's a sprout for sure!' It hit Fred square in the chest.

'What are those.' Hikaru had trotted back over with Kaoru in tow and they sat down, cross-legged, beside the Weasleys.

'Try some and you'll see!' Fred chucked the bag at them. 'But watch- no_- no_- don't try that one-'

George groaned in sympathy.

'Eww!' Kaoru spat the silvery jellybean out. 'What the hell was that?'

'Looked like anchovies,' Fred said musingly.

'Yeah,' snorted George. 'I could have _sworn_ the silver ones looked a bit fishy.'

'Mmm, cinnamon.' Hikaru was savouring the taste as Kaoru continued to spit, his face crinkled in disgust.

And then Kyoya was by their side, whispering something to Hikaru and Kaoru- who responded with annoyed yells and then disgruntled mutterings of 'Tono', irate expressions _then _a load of head-shakes and arm-folding and _finally_, reluctant nods. Kyoya disappeared once more into the throng.

'What is it?' Fred asked through a mouthful of cranberry and apple.

The Hitachiins proceeded to explain in short snippets. 'He's making us do our club duties today-'

'-when they were supposed to be cancelled-'

'-just because the customers are here-'

'I mean, come _on_, it's lunchtime. I'm hungry!'

'Jelly bean?' George offered innocently, waving the bag under Kaoru's nose.

Kaoru wrinkled his nose. 'What, and get a fish again? No thanks.'

Hikaru continued the tirade on his own. 'And there's a professional photographer somewhere around, so we're getting sent over there to be primped and preened then to stand about in the sun like total idiots for hours while some jerk bounces around with a stupid camera telling us how to look and what expression to wear and- goddamnit!' He folded his arms violently and glared off to the side. 'This totally sucks.'

Fred clicked his tongue sympathetically, but he was wearing a lopsided grin. 'What a bummer. We'll see you later then, hm?'

Kaoru wagged a finger from side to side. 'No way. You guys are coming with us, we're not being bored by ourselves!'

'That's right,' Hikaru said, brightening as he latched himself onto George. 'You're our new favorite people.'

'Yep,' agreed Kaoru merrily, grabbing Fred. 'Let's get going.'

Five minutes later the Weasleys found themselves being dragged through an archway; jasmine and ivy draping from the iron framework in trails, before being led to one of the many circular tables dotted across the lawn and told to take a seat. Hikaru perched on the edge of the table, swinging his legs in a careless fashion that almost made his bones look limp.

Kaoru arranged himself in the seat beside him, looking more neat in his posture and position. 'What script are we doing?'

'Script? What, are you guys gonna perform a play?' George asked.

Hikaru snorted. 'Sure. You could call it that.'

'Hi_iii_karu.' Kaoru nudged his twin's swinging left leg sharply. 'You didn't answer me. What _script_ are we gonna do?'

'The one we prepared last night?' Hikaru suggested. '_Or_ we could ad-lib.'

'No _way_- last time you deliberately set that up so that I had to-' Kaoru fell abruptly silent, as though someone had pressed a mute button on him.

'Hello ladies!' Hikaru waved energetically, his other arm contrastingly still where it was latched snugly around Kaoru's shoulders.

'Observe,' Kaoru muttered to Fred and George discreetly, who stifled laughs.

'How are you?' Hikaru asked with a bright smile as the two girls; one blonde and one brunette, sat down.

'Fine,' the blonde answered, nodding, smoothing out her skirt.

'We got Tamaki-senpai's notice that we were all to speak English,' the brunette said, in a tone that was clearly begging for an explanation.

'Is that because of us?' Fred asked, his eyebrows dancing. 'Didn't know we were that important.'

'Eeeee!' the brunette squealed before turning to the blonde and whispering into her ear. They both giggled and clutched each other, their cheeks glowing pink.

Fred looked confused yet mildly proud of himself nonetheless. 'Also didn't know I could invoke that reaction. Not right from the off, anyway.'

Hikaru poured some tea. 'Yeah, they're our foreign exchange students,' he invented, dropping the sugar cubes in. 'Transferred this morning. Because it's Ouran, the places were limited to a mere two, so we got Fred and George Weasley from England.'

'This is so cool!' the blonde squeaked excitedly, her curls bouncing around her shoulders. 'And you're twins!'

'_Are_ we?' Fred and George said in unison, sounding blank and looking astonished.

The blonde blinked uncertainly at them before letting out a nervous laugh, looking at Hikaru for help. When he just laughed too she settled back in her seat.

'Hello, Kaoru,' the brunette said sweetly, tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear. 'You're quiet today.'

'Good afternoon,' Kaoru said with a shy, reserved smile. And then he let out a tiny cough.

Hikaru handed them their tea. 'You must forgive Kaoru,' he said gently. 'He isn't feeling very well. He awoke in the night with a fever. He woke me up too, with the thrashing and everything.'

Fred and George raised their eyebrows. Kaoru had seemed alright to them. It seemed only now that he looked sleepy and had developed a mysterious cough. Kaoru caught them looking and he jerked a corner of his lip upwards in a quick, crafty smirk before settling his features back into the subdued, withdrawn expression.

'Oh, how are you now, Kaoru?' the blonde trilled sympathetically. 'Did you call a doctor?'

'I'm getting better,' he answered quietly, flicking a weak hand in a calculated attempt to be casual. 'And, no- Hikaru tended to me well. He stayed up half the night with me.'

The brunette gasped. 'Are you both not terribly tired?'

'Well,' Hikaru shrugged, with a faint smile as he looked fondly at Kaoru, 'we're sort of used to staying up all night with each other.' He peered up through his eyelashes to see if the girls had caught the innuendo. It was hard to tell; they were _always _clutching and giggling. He couldn't help but also wonder if the Weasleys had caught the covert suggestion too. He didn't have time to check. 'But, no,' he continued, glancing at Kaoru, who immediately ducked his head on cue. 'I don't feel that tired. You know how great the commoners coffee is.' He smiled. 'I've had a few cups so far today.'

'Hikaru, I'm sorry,' Kaoru whined softly, his head still bowed.

Hikaru made his eyes go from amused to soft and anxious, eyebrows drawn down just enough. 'What for?'

'I- I feel guilty,' Kaoru mumbled, raising his eyes fleetingly before going back to looking down at his knees. 'You had a headache last night too, and I kept you up just because I was ill - and I've only realised now how selfish I was to do that to you-'

'Kaoru- don't say things like that.' Hikaru wrapped his arm around Kaoru's waist instead. Kaoru's head rested gently on his shoulder. 'It was just a small headache. I could put up with far worse things if it was to make sure you were okay.'

The two girls looked moved; the brunette actually had tears clinging to her long soot-colored eyelashes. Then they began jabbering excitedly to each other in Japanese. They seemed to have forgotten that they should have been speaking English.

Kaoru kicked Fred from under the table. Fred leaned over, his eyebrows raised expectantly.

'And that,' whispered Kaoru, 'is how it's done.' He shot over a clandestine wink.

The blonde quickly turned to the Weasleys. 'Will you be joining the Host Club? Two sets of twins would be so great!'

'Ah, you'll have to discuss that matter with the Host Club's leader,' George said apologetically, feeling he could not give a definite answer.

Still, the girls looked happy enough with what he'd supplied them with. 'We'd totally request you!' Cue happy smiles.

'So, uhm, how do we tell you apart?' Now nervous giggles, hair twirling.

'What's your favorite colour, Fred? Oops, are you George?' More nervous giggles.

'I totally _love_ your accent. Where in England are you from?'

'My cousin lives in London. Do you know her?'

'How did you find out about Ouran?'

'What was _your_ school called?'

'What's your star-sign? It'd be _so _cool if we were compatible!'

As the questions mounted and Fred and George struggled to spin off answers, Hikaru and Kaoru turned to each other. Two sly grins twisted onto their faces. They were going to make sure Fred and George got into the Host Club. There would be absolutely no dispute. Not even Kyoya would be able to-

* * *

'…deny us like this! It's not fair, Kyoya!' Tamaki whined, banging his fists on the gleaming mahogany table, making everything on the table shudder.

A few metres down, Hunny's mouth fell agape as the cupcake that sat in front of him rose an inch or two off of the wood before dropping again. His large brown eyes widened as he surveyed his snack anxiously, but after a moment or two he dismissed the fact that it had been positively levitating and happily chomped his way through the pink and sprinkled treat.

'It's perfectly fair,' snapped Kyoya. 'They cannot join the school without a reference.'

Hikaru frowned. 'But they're not _join_ing the school - you don't join permanently if it's just an exchange trip!'

'Yes, and that would be fine if it actually _was_ an exchange trip, but this is not even organised!'

'But we're organising it _right now_!' cried Tamaki, picking up a sheet from Kyoya's pile of documents. He began folding it.

'I hardly call _this _organising. And they would still need a reference from their previous school!' Kyoya tried to snatch his piece of paper but Tamaki danced out of his reach.

'But we were home-schooled,' George cut in lazily, scratching his arm.

Kyoya momentarily forgot Tamaki as he swivelled in his seat to face George. 'Really? Yet I recall you telling Hunny-senpai that you left school because you disliked your headmistress?' The tone was more accusatory than questioning but the inflection was still there at the end of his sentence.

'Oooh, he's giving you the evil eye!' Kaoru warned George, peering over at Kyoya. 'Look! That glare could make roses wilt!'

Suddenly the doors creaked open and a sinister figure shrouded in a black cloak scuttled forwards. 'Did someone mention the word _evil_?' a voice from beneath the hood purred. 'At the Black Magic Club we can accommodate all your evil needs.'

'Gyahh!' Tamaki dropped his folded piece of paper in fright and tried to jump into Haruhi's arms.

'Black Magic?' hissed Fred, his eyes wide as they locked with George. 'Is he a _Death Eater_?'

The Weasley twins jumped up and approached the cloaked figure.

'Ah, new students?' The jet-black fringe was flicked back and one aqua coloured eye was exposed. 'Come along to the Black Magic club, we're always looking for new recruits interested in the occult. And each new member gets a free Belzenef and, just recently introduced, Belzenef shaped sweets-'

'Who the hell _are_ you?' demanded Fred, grabbing the figure by the scruff of the neck and shoving him up against the wall.

The jet-black fringe slipped suddenly and a flash of blonde shone through.

George yanked down the hood and exposed the rest of the wig, along with the pale teenage boy that hid underneath it. 'Why are you dressing up like a-'

The fair boy suddenly cowered down against the wall, his arms folded up over his head, clutching at the glossy black wig as if it were his life-line. 'The _light_~!'

'Oi!' snapped Fred. 'Get up, this isn't a bloody joke, you-'

But the boy jumped to his feet and fled the room before Fred could utter another word.

'Hey, hey-' Haruhi ran up and pulled Fred and George back as they made to follow. 'Leave him alone! That was just Nekozawa-senpai. He runs the Black Magic Club. He's pretty harmless really, if you excuse his preference for the macabre side of life. And he's really scared of bright lights.'

'Speaking of being scared,' Hikaru began maliciously, 'I don't why you freaked out so much, Boss. It's not like you don't know who Nekozawa is by now. You even helped him out, remember?'

Tamaki picked up his folded sheet of paper with trembling fingers. 'It's not that- he just appears so _abruptly_. It's enough to give anyone the chills.'

Kyoya cleared his throat. 'As I was saying before all the _non_sense: there is absolutely no way-'

'Are you deaf or something? We were _home-schooled_,' Fred hoisted the words out slowly and carefully, as though he were explaining the concept to a three year old.

Tamaki leaped up. Gone was the sheet of paper- now he held a paper airplane in one hand. With childish glee he threw the paper toy and watched it soar smoothly around the room.

Kyoya shrewdly watched the plane make its last arc before it fell to the ground. 'That had better not have been the list of photographs that are to be developed and sold next week,' he said to the room.

'They were home-schooled,' Tamaki informed him knowledgeably in return, unperturbed by the threat. 'That sorts it, doesn't it?'

Kyoya crossed his arms in two swift motions. 'I'll think you'll find it actually does no such thing.'

Tamaki spun round to face the Weasley twins. 'I'm going to set you some preliminary rounds, just so that you get used to the standards expected- no one can take the job of a Host with as much brilliance as moi, I do understand that, so feel no trepidation in asking where you are unsure! We'll also have to work out what type you are going to be, but Hikaru and Kaoru tell me you already could captivate the ladies' attention, and that's a start! So, welcome to the Host Club, new members!'

The Hitachiins beamed and high-fived. 'Yay!'

Kyoya slammed his notebook shut. The dull sound echoed. 'Tamaki, you _cannot_ be serious-'

'You're being pedantic, Kyoya!' Tamaki done another sort of graceful pirouette so that he was facing him again. 'This will work out well for the club! You'll see!'

'What is your basis for that assumption?' If he was hoping for a serious answer then he was severely let down.

Tamaki twirled again. 'Haruhi, sure Mommy's being pedantic?'

'Uhh, I don't know? I don't think that's even the right word for that context, senpai.'

'We're leaving now,' Kaoru informed everyone cheerfully. He yanked Hikaru up, who yanked George, who, in turn, yanked Fred to his feet.

'…and the school entry fees- and the interest on admission went up ten percent this year…' Kyoya continued ticking off all the payments on his fingers. 'It's virtually impossible for them to…'

'Kyoya will tire eventually,' Hikaru said confidently, striding to the door.

'Even he can't put up with Milord's whining for very long.' Kaoru opened the door.

'So, the battle has been won,' Hikaru proclaimed triumphantly. 'Because we're just that awesome.'

George scratched the back of his head. 'Mmm,' he said uncertainly, 'well, this is great and all, y'know, running away and ditching them and everything, but-' he glanced at Fred anxiously.

'-where exactly are we going to go?'

Hikaru rolled his eyes. '_Home_, of course.'

They left the room.

* * *

It was late as Kyoya gathered up his belongings from his classroom. He cursed under his breath as he dropped one of his books, stooping to pick it up before stuffing it into his satchel bad-temperedly. Of course, he would never show such clumsy anger in public, but here he was alone in an empty classroom, and so he felt completely justified in his right to show just a _little_ bit of childish hostility.

His argument with Tamaki had ceased hours ago but he, Kyoya, was still incensed by the whole ordeal.

It just wasn't _right _that the idiot had inducted two new members to the Host Club having only known them a couple of hours. It wasn't _logical_ that he had lost the argument to Tamaki. Although, granted, he'd more or less given up. Why waste his valuable time and energy arguing with such a blithering fool? It seemed that sense and logic flew right over Tamaki's head. And it just wasn't _fair_ that the two new Hosts were another pair of insufferable twins.

Kyoya clicked the classroom door closed. He rearranged his satchel; the strap was digging into his shoulder blade again and he wouldn't be surprised if it left a red welt across his skin. (The books alone were heavy but he really had to stop lugging this laptop around everywhere with him. But then again, he'd be lost without it.)

Looking back, Kyoya felt slightly naïve in thinking that Tamaki would see how suspicious those Weasley twins actually were. Before, he had somehow come to the conclusion that Tamaki would at least like to find out more about them before he gave in the papers that registered them to join the school as temporary exchange students.

But evidently not. This _was_ Tamaki Suoh he was talking about.

Kyoya pursed his lips together as he glided down the quiet corridors, the blood-red sunset flickering through the window panes and reflecting off his glasses.

Who exactly were these Weasley twins? How did they come to be in Japan? How did they end up on Ouran High School property? Why were they so defensive about their own schooling? And how, _how_ had they managed to wheedle their way into the Host Club?

Oh, he _would_ find out. Even if it meant bringing in the whole police force, he would find out.

But first, the background checks would have to be carried out.

And also, there was another little thing that he needed to be sure of.

Kyoya swiftly pulled out his cell phone and contacted his driver to pick him up. Then, he speed-dialled another number. Leaning against the wall in the courtyard and hearing the ringing in his ear, he smirked to himself.

Kyoya Ohtori would never let it be said that he was not, purely, a professional.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

* * *

What kind do you want?'

'…'

'I said, what _kind _do you want?'

'…'

'Hel_lo~,_' Hikaru said loudly, drumming his fingers on the kitchen counter and rolling his eyes exasperatedly.

'…'

'_Fred_!'

George snapped out of his reverie. 'It's George,' he said automatically, switching his gaze away from the darkened gardens and turning to look at Hikaru dazedly.

Hikaru grinned. 'I knew that, but how else was I gonna get your attention?' He turned back to the freezer. 'Mother used to always do that. But, I doubt she really knew which one of us she was talking to to start with. Anyway, what kind of popsicle do you want?' He held up the two flavours. 'Haruhi introduced us to these! It's like, flavoured, coloured ice! And they're really cheap to buy. So yeah, there's raspberry or grape. Which one do you want?'

'Uh, any,' George said distractedly, looking back out into the gardens. 'Raspberry, yeah, why not- but, yeah,' he pointed out the window, 'is that a _peacock_ in your garden?'

Hikaru drifted over and peered out the window at the sloping lawn, looking at the rainbow streak of glowing solar lights planted into the soil that was on either side of the winding path. He saw a shadow of a bird and shrugged.

'Probably a green pheasant,' he said, waving a vague hand. 'I've lost track of all the animals to be honest. Although I liked that one flamingo...' He laughed. 'It used to run up and try to peck Kaoru's hair. Don't know why it didn't try mine. Probably preferred the shampoo he uses or something.' Hikaru began sorting out the different popsicles. 'What flavour do you think Fred wants?'

George shrugged. 'Any. What happened to it now?' He paused. 'The flamingo, by the way.'

'No idea.' Hikaru set about closing the freezer lid, the icy air disappearing, though leaving some freezing condensation on the surface of the silver overly-sterile-looking cooker, before beckoning for George to follow him.

They walked out into the hallway and into the elevator.

Hikaru elaborated as he pressed the L2 button. 'Mother said she was gonna use the exotic birds as the backdrop pieces for one of her events- not for the actual outfits. She doesn't use animals in her designs.' Hikaru shot George a sideways glance. 'But why do you care?'

George shrugged. 'Dunno.' He looked around the mirrored elevator walls with a subtle hint of wistfulness playing in his eyes. 'I guess it must be nice living this life of luxury. I mean, this estate's huge.'

Hikaru looked at him curiously. 'How big's your house?'

An image of the tall, tottering, crooked house flashed in front of George's eyes. He hesitated. 'We- it's- well, we've got about five storeys, anyway.'

'Cool.'

One of the golden buttons started to glow and the elevator doors opened with a small ping. Hikaru and George walked out and towards the room at the end of the corridor. Hikaru threw out an arm to stop George from entering.

'Can you take these? My fingers are getting numb.' He handed George two of the freezing light green and deep red popsicles before exhaling breaths of hot air onto his frozen fingers. Then he extended an arm to open the door. But before his hand could reach the handle his body went completely rigid.

'Look at you,' George exclaimed, stretching his own arms out in a mocking sluggish fashion and letting out a guttural sound from deep in his throat. 'You look like a zombie!' He burst out laughing.

'Shh, listen!' Hikaru hissed, his face pale. 'Listen!'

George paused, straining his ears. He frowned. 'What? I can't hear anything.'

Hikaru gaped. 'You seriously can't hear that?'

George sighed. 'I guess I will in a minute.' He reached into his pocket and pulling out a couple of pinkish-beige coloured strings. 'Here.' He handed Hikaru one of the Extendable Ears.

Hikaru twirled it disdainfully. 'And what do you want me to do with _this_ thing?'

'Put it to your ear, idiot. No- like this- look…' George set up the Extendable Ears and they both settled, crouching beside the bedroom door. 'What am I supposed to be listening for?' asked George. 'I don't hear-'

'Maybe because you're talking over it!' snapped Hikaru. 'Move over to that side with the Ear thing.'

George quietened down and he pressed the Extendable Ear firmly to his own, feeling somewhat sour at the fact he was being told how to use his own product. From the other room a quiet scuffling could be heard, followed by a slight creaking.

'Is that it?' George said, disappointed. 'Well, I was kind of expecting something a little more-'

'Shut up!' Hikaru nudged him sharply and pressed a finger to his own lips. George rolled his eyes but pursed his lips, staring sceptically at the door. A noise suddenly crackled through the Extendable Ears and Kaoru's voice drifted towards them.

'That's not going to fit,' he was laughing softly. 'No, seriously, me and Hikaru have tried it before- it won't work, you'll have to get-'

'Ah, what do you know,' Fred was panting, 'Besides, why were you and Hikaru even in this situation?'

George shot a glance at Hikaru. Hikaru just looked back with a shrug of his shoulders.

Kaoru sniffed. 'We got bored,' he said defensively. Then he laughed again. 'That's going to be hard work for you, y'know, that position. Plus, I doubt it's very comfortable.'

Fred grunted. 'I have my methods.'

The unmistakable sound of sheets rustling was heard.

An irritable sigh from Fred followed. 'Look, I can't do this when all these blankets are still here.'

Now George was the one to freeze. His head moved robotically to stare at Hikaru. 'What- the _hell_- are they doing in there?' he mouthed.

Hikaru just stared frightfully back, his golden eyes wide as the sounds continued in their ears.

'Kaoru- yeah, right- put it right there-'

More panting followed. 'Ah, God!' Fred hissed.

Kaoru's gasp was heard. 'Are you okay?'

'That was sore,' Fred said petulantly. 'Right, just keep going anyway.'

'I can't listen to this,' George proclaimed, horrified, dispatching the Extendable Ear. He stood up and ran his hands through his hair, looking sick. 'What are we going to _do_?'

'I guess we'll-' Hikaru swallowed hard, as though gearing himself up for something, 'there's only one thing _to_ do.' He pulled out the Extendable Ear, giving it back to George and rose to his feet, his knees creaking audibly. 'Here goes,' he sighed, and he kicked the door open.

It swung all the way round before crashing hard into the other wall, revealing Fred and Kaoru, frozen in their motions of - pushing a king size bed across the massive bedroom. White linen sheets lay strewn across the floor, along with heavy blankets and fluffy pillows.

Hikaru dropped one of the popsicles.

'Oh, hey,' Kaoru said brightly, smiling across at them.

'You brought food,' Fred noticed. He beamed. 'Excellent. This is real thirsty work.'

'You don't say,' George said dubiously, his eyes flickering towards the scattered sheets. 'You're really only moving a bed?'

'Well, yeah,' Fred said. 'And Kaoru dropped one side of the thing on my foot! Think he broke a toe or two, clumsy git.'

'It was an accident!' Kaoru protested. 'I _told_ you dragging it from that side would be uncomfortable!'

'So, you were really only moving the bed?' George repeated. He was still standing in the doorway, holding onto the doorframe with an odd expression on his face.

Fred frowned. 'What, did you expect us to, like, redecorate the room or something?'

George bit his lip. 'No, we- we thought…' He trailed off hopelessly. 'It doesn't matter.'

'No,' Fred said suspiciously, 'what were you going to say?'

'It doesn't matter,' he repeated hastily.

'Hikaru?' Kaoru asked, looking over at his twin, who was standing there watching the red popsicle melt slowly on the floor.

'It- it didn't sound like you were just moving a bed,' Hikaru said numbly. 'Not from out there.'

Kaoru looked puzzled. 'What did it sound like then?'

Hikaru and George looked at each other then back at their identical counterparts, both of whom were wearing the same sort of bemused expression.

'Well, it didn't sound PG, anyway,' Hikaru muttered.

'What's that supposed to- wait.' Fred's mouth fell open. 'You actually thought-'

Kaoru cottoned on. 'You thought we were-!'

George crossed his arms. "Kaoru- yeah, right there",' he mimicked. 'What would _you_ have thought? Course, the bit that sort of threw me was when Kaoru said "me and Hikaru have tried it before".'

'Well we have!' Kaoru exclaimed. 'We tried moving our beds around last month because we were sick of waking up facing that wall.'

'That's true,' agreed Hikaru fairly. 'That wall over there is so boring. Who'd want to wake up to that every morning?'

Fred tutted, still shaking his head at George and Hikaru in amusement. 'Perverts.' He grinned. 'Anyway, if you thought that was bad you should have heard us trying to get the bed through the door!'

'Oh, Merlin.' George lifted his eyes to the ceiling, laughing. He looked back over at Fred and Kaoru. 'Well, get going,' he said cheerfully, clapping his hands. 'C'mon, _vite, vite_!'

Hikaru bit into one of the green popsicles and glanced at the time on his cell phone. 'Yeah, it's getting late. You should put the bed over there,' he directed, waving the popsicle at the window, 'there's more space over there, see.'

'Why don't you get off your own arse and help then?' Fred retorted.

'Naaaah,' Hikaru drawled happily, leaning against the wall. 'We're good here.'

'Plus,' George said as Kaoru and Fred went, grumbling, back over to heave the bed forwards, 'we've just been mentally scarred for life. We deserve a break.'

* * *

Fred awoke halfway rising out of bed and he grabbed the sheets in his fists, gazing around at the unfamiliar room with hazy eyes. 'Wha'shappenin' Where ama? Who dunnit?'

Then the memory of the previous day and all its events came trickling back, but his ears suddenly tuned into the relentless marching sounds that could be heard from outside the room.

'Don't mind the Dawn Patrol,' Hikaru murmured from the other side of the room. 'You'll get used to it.'

'Dawn Patrol?' Fred repeated. 'What in the blazes-?'

'The cleaners,' sighed Kaoru, rolling over. 'They start at dawn.'

'They'll be in with breakfast soon,' said Hikaru before pulling a pillow over his head.

'And new sets of clothes for you two as well,' added Kaoru with a yawn.

Fred turned and saw George sleeping on the double bed set up next to him, his mouth hanging open and breathing loudly.

Fred wrinkled his nose. 'Hope I don't look as gormless as that when I sleep,' he muttered to himself before turning on his side.

* * *

'We'll have to think of what Host type you two can be,' Tamaki said thoughtfully, tapping a finger to his temple.

A Host Club meeting had just commenced but Tamaki was the only one showing any real enthusiasm. All the others were either half asleep (Mori, Hunny and both sets of twins) or disinterested (Kyoya, Haruhi).

'Any suggestions?' Tamaki asked.

'Well, they won't be able to replicate the Hitachiins' act, no matter how popular it is with the girls,' Kyoya said in a dull drone. 'That would be unoriginal.'

'Seconded,' Fred and George said at once, mutually disagreeable to the proposition that they also offer the "brotherly love" package.

'Yeah, well, can't they just be the Foreign Hosts or something?' Hikaru said, who had been dozing off on Haruhi's shoulder. 'I mean, this is a total waste of time. We could still be sleeping, y'know.'

'You were the one who campaigned from them to be admitted to the Host Club,' Kyoya reminded him. 'Although I too think this whole situation's preposterous, there is nothing that can be done. I would suggest you show more interest since it was your idea.'

Instead of replying, Hikaru just lolled against the wall, yawning.

'I don't think you should categorize people like that,' Haruhi said slowly. 'I mean, to box in peoples' personalities is like encasing them into requirements. I don't think that should be done.'

'Don't make us feel guilty, Haruhi,' Kaoru said. 'You didn't have any problem with it before.'

Haruhi shrugged. 'I've really only just thought about it just now.'

'What about the Funny Hosts or something?' Hunny suggested. 'You go to them when you're in need of cheering up and feeling happy! Don't you think that's a good idea, Takashi?'

'Hm,' Mori nodded.

'Hmm, yes, but that sounds too tame,' Tamaki sighed, staring off out the window as though for inspiration. ' "Funny" isn't exactly a type, it's just an adjective. No, no, we need something with a little more vibrancy.'

'Just call us Weasleys' Wi-' Fred broke off after seeing the cautious look from George. 'I mean, Weasleys' Wheezes.' He frowned. 'Although,' he said huffily in an undertone, 'that doesn't have as much of a ring to it.'

'What can you do,' George shrugged unconcernedly.

'Yes, that'll do just fine,' Kyoya said in his usual monotone as he wrote it down. 'And your type can be mischievous and funny. Yes, that'll work out. I'll go get someone to make the notice.'

* * *

'No- _No_! It _exploded_! Why did it _explode_?'

'Well, that's the point of the game,' George said to Tamaki from behind a cloud of smoke.

'Yeah, hence the game's name,' Fred said, wafting the smoke away.

('_ Huh, didn't know they were the Poet Hosts,' Hikaru snickered, glancing over from his own table._

'_Hikaru, are you ignoring me?' Kaoru whimpered, looking hurt. 'You never pay any attention to me now.'_

'_I'm sorry, Kaoru, I won't let my eyes deviate from you for the rest of the day. I promise.' _)

'Exploding Snap?' Kyoya said, expressing a strange interest as he hovered beside the table with his clipboard. 'Intriguing. I've never seen or heard of this game before.'

'No, well, it's exclusive to Britain,' George said, reshuffling the cards.

'Quite intriguing,' Kyoya repeated, walking away.

Fred and George watched him go suspiciously. Fred narrowed his eyes. 'Think we should slip some U-No-Poo into his drink later?'

'But it's not developed properly yet,' George reminded him.

Fred's eyes twinkled nastily. 'I know,' he said with an evil grin. 'Think of all the _pleasant _side effects _that_ could give him.'

'Okay, so will I put this card here?' Tamaki wondered aloud, still harping on about Exploding Snap.

'Sure,' grinned Fred. 'If you want your eyebrows singed off, that is.'

'Look, Milord, you're totally disrupting their Host session,' Hikaru pointed out. 'How are they supposed to interact with the ladies if you're hogging the whole game?'

'Yeah, go away, Boss,' Kaoru said.

Tamaki stuck out his bottom lip. 'I'm not _hogging _anything. But fine, if you really want it that way…' He got up and swept over to Haruhi's table.

Hikaru glared after him.

Kaoru turned back to their guest with an overly-bright, slightly strained smile.

* * *

'Well, _that_ is an interesting observation,' Kyoya mused quietly, staring at the back of his cell phone. What he'd found out had the potential to benefit the Ohtori company and benefit Kyoya's own position in the establishment…

'Good afternoon all,' Tamaki said, flowing into the last period English class. The other male students just looked up and nodded reluctantly in his direction while the females all giggled and waved.

'Who was that?' Tamaki asked Kyoya, throwing himself down into his seat with a flourish. 'On the phone, I mean.' He nodded towards the cell phone. 'Who was it?'

'No one that you need to know about,' Kyoya answered smartly, pulling out his English books. He sorted his glasses and realised Tamaki was still staring at him. 'Oh,_ fine_.' He sighed. 'I'll tell you this much: the Weasley twins better watch themselves.'

Tamaki's mouth fell open and his eyebrows sunk down. 'Oh, Kyoya, _no_!' He pouted. 'Why are you ruining things?'

'I'm not ruining things,' Kyoya said, picking up his black pen and flicking to a page in his booklet. 'I'm merely sorting things out. They're not being clear with us and I would like to know why.' He smiled. 'Where's the ruining in that?'

'It's seeping out from _every_where,' Tamaki mumbled sorrowfully, sinking in his seat.

'I doubt I'm going to get rid of them,' Kyoya said airily. 'After all, they did draw in quite a few customers with their stupid games today. But I am going to make them realise that this isn't a place you can flounce into and expect-'

'I don't want to know about your evil plans,' Tamaki said, hunching still further. 'I won't let you do it.'

'But you don't even know what I'm planning,' Kyoya laughed.

'I don't care,' came the childish reply. 'I know that it's evil. That's all I _have _to know.'

Kyoya just sighed and began working on his verbs, unconcerned.

He'd have his answers by tomorrow.

* * *

An unfamiliar tapping noise woke Kaoru in the early morning.

Groaning, he lifted his heavy head off of the pillow and stared blinkingly around the room, rubbing one eye with a knuckle. Hikaru was sleeping, curled with his knees to his chest, beside him on the king size bed, and Fred and George were lying on Kaoru and Hikaru's usual double beds, both of them asleep also. Kaoru pushed himself upwards into a sitting position with one weak hand and continued to blink blearily.

The tapping clicks came again.

Kaoru turned towards the window and stared. Through the curtains he could see a blurred outline, a shadow hovering outside. He threw out an arm and snatched up the ruffles of the curtains and threw them up, exposing the glass underneath and squinted, running a hand through his already mussed-up hair.

At first he couldn't see anything but the purple morning canvas of sky, with the squiggles of white cloud shimmering across the horizon, but then the shape came back into view and Kaoru found himself letting out a horrified cry of surprise as he saw two bright yellow eyes, before jolting back onto the bed hurriedly, almost landing across Hikaru's stomach.

'Hmmm?' Hikaru mumbled, slowly rousing from sleep. 'Nani-?

'Hikaru, mite!'

Hikaru sat up, shoving the covers down to his knees and yawning. 'Ka-oru,' he yawned, shielding his eyes against the early morning light. 'Daijoubu ka?

'Mmmphh?Wuzzhappenin'?' George snuffled, half raising his head.

Fred groaned into his pillow. 'S'tooearly. Go'way.'

'But- there's something at the window,' Kaoru said. 'With yellow eyes.'

Fred waved this away with a limp hand. 'Go get Potter,' he muttered. 'Tell him the basilisk's back with a vengeance.'

'What? No, it's a bird,' Kaoru told him. 'It won't go away.'

'That flamingo came back to haunt you?' George said, stumbling out of bed and staggering towards the window on unsteady legs.

'No, it's not a flamingo, it's-'

George spun around. 'Where? Where is it? I don't see a damned thing.'

Kaoru and Hikaru pointed towards where the curtains were creased.

'Awft! It's Errol!' George cried, fighting to pull the curtain up.

'Errol?' Hikaru said, leaning forward warily.

'Errol?' repeated Fred. 'Owltreatsareinthecorner.'

George just cast a weary glance at him. 'No, they're not.'

'Is it an owl?' Kaoru asked, blinking rather owlishly himself.

'Yeah, stupidest one you'll ever meet,' George said grumpily, tugging at the window. 'Why won't this open?' He grabbed the handle with his both hands and pulled but nothing happened. Casting a furtive look at the Hitachiins George pulled out his wand and silently opened the lock. He slipped the wand back into his waistband again and opened the window. Errol hopped in and immediately began to shuffle on the spot.

'Stand _still_, you complete _prat_,' George snapped at the bird. 'How am I supposed to get the letter if you insist on dancing?'

Errol continued to hobble across the paintwork.

'Stand there!' George snatched the letter and slammed the window shut. Errol promptly tumbled off the window sill and fell on the floor. George sent a scathing look down at him. 'Flippin' owl.'

George staggered to his bed before falling heavily back down onto the mattress. Within seconds he was sound asleep.

The Hitachiins looked at each other. A moment passed before they both shrugged and fell back onto their pillows too.

Suddenly there was a loud honking.

'Oh, what the _fuck_ is it this time?' Fred snapped, his eyes tiny slits as he glared around the room.

Hikaru jumped out of bed, Kaoru at his heels, and looked out the window. His angry expression suddenly flickered to one of surprise.

'Wow, since when has he got up early?' Kaoru said, peering over Hikaru's shoulder at the sleek black limousine parked outside.

'Who? Who is it?' the Weasleys chorused.

Hikaru and Kaoru turned to them wearing dumbstruck expressions.

'That's- that's _Kyoya_-senpai's car.'


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

* * *

The waiting room was fresh and spacious with dark-blue flooring. Skylights let the shining brightness of the morning pass through into the room. On the stark white walls hung unframed canvases of vivid Japanese artwork, the angles of which casting a greyish hue of shadows stream-lining down the wall. Rows of navy-coloured plastic chairs were also edged along the walls, and it was in two of these chairs that Fred and George sat. Other people were dotted around them; some looking ill, others coughing into clenched fists. One little girl with her dark hair in pigtails was bawling her eyes out over at the other side of the room, clinging to her mother's hand.

'Wonder what the stinking kidnapper is up to,' Fred muttered, staring up at the patch of pale blue sky he could see peeking in through the skylight above them as he fiddled with the sleeve of his sweater.

Earlier, Kyoya had kept honking the car's horn in a highly aggravating manner, and when he came to the realisation that the four twins were merely going to watch him from the window above with expressions that bordered between curiosity and irritation, he marched straight into the Hitachiin estate and demanded Fred and George dress themselves (in the clothes the twins had selected for them the previous day) before accompanying him on a mysterious journey. The presence of the two bodyguards standing next to Kyoya aptly made any questions or complaints that Fred and George may have had ebb away. And the Hitachiins were left standing, shivering in the cold early morning air in their pajamas, staring at the swiftly departing black limousine, still too tired to quite get their heads around what exactly had happened.

George quit examining one of the canvases. 'I bet he's- oh, wait, look-'

The kidnapper in question was now standing at the reception desk, his lithe frame leaning against the edge casually, as he conversed with the receptionist. He nodded, took something from her outstretched hand, pushed back his dark raven hair and then turned towards them, beckoning them to follow.

Fred and George grudgingly got up and followed Kyoya through the set of swinging doors.

The doctors and nurses making their way down the corridors made a point to nod respectfully to Kyoya before hurrying off to do their duties.

As they turned down yet another corridor and into the next wing of the hospital, Kyoya pulled out a card and swiped it through the machine at the door. The button on the machine glowed a startling neon green and the automatic doors slid open. The three of them walked through. This department was more quiet, and slightly more ominous than the rest of the hospital had been.

Kyoya peered through the glass panes of a door. Apparently satisfied with the interior of the room, he swiped the card once more and, with a small click, the door swung open.

'After you,' he said, standing back to allow them entry.

Fred and George trooped in and regarded the room with suspicious eyes. It was painted in pastel colors, all light pinks and blues and yellows. Two sofas sat in the middle of the room, with a coffee table stretched out between them. Kyoya closed the door crisply and walked over. He sat himself neatly on the sofa closest to the window. He then gestured for them to sit down opposite him, which they did before switching their hardened gaze on him.

'I should probably explain my motives for bringing you here this morning,' Kyoya said.

'Yeah, probably should,' George said, straining out a yawn. 'Y'know, if it's not too much of a bother for you.'

'Have you noticed anything strange about this hospital?' Kyoya asked them without preamble, watching their reactions from over the top of his glasses.

There came a resounding 'No' from Fred, who clearly was not in the mood for games, and a noncommittal shrug from the tousle-haired George.

'Didn't you perhaps wonder why there are two wings to this hospital?' Kyoya persisted.

Fred lost patience. 'Stop asking questions, Ohtori,' he said, slamming a hand down on the coffee table, 'and get to it.'

Kyoya pushed on relentlessly. 'You might be wondering how the Ohtori Hospital branch has received such high prestige and distinction from the other hospitals-'

'Oh, hell, let's just humour the bastard,' Fred decided, before putting on a thoughtful expression. 'Yes. The thought has been crossing my mind persistently for the past few days. George?'

'Oh, yes,' George confirmed, nodding profusely. 'I've been losing sleep over it.'

'Well, it might interest you two to know that while one half is open to what we might refer to as "the general public" the other half is for another group of people.' He paused. 'Can you guess?'

'Yep,' George said promptly. 'Rich bastards like yourself.'

Kyoya shook his head. 'No, that's the "general public". What I mean is, the other half of the hospital is controlled by _Healers_.'

He allowed this statement to sink in.

There seemed to be a surprise anticlimax to his words, but after a moment or two, Fred and George gaped at him.

'You havin' us on?' Fred said, frowning.

'You're a wizard?' George said disbelievingly.

'Like, an actual wizard?' Fred repeated.

'Not quite,' Kyoya said, and his expression turned a fraction bitter. 'As the third son of the Ohtori family, my father felt no great urgency in enrolling me into the Japanese Academy of Magic and Medicine, having already sent my two older brothers before me. But while attending Ouran in the day, I attend the suitable classes at night, just to prepare myself for the future.'

'So you're in training to become a Healer?' George summarized.

'More or less.'

'Could've said so sooner,' George muttered.

'And do the others know?' Fred asked. 'The other Hosts?'

Kyoya's dark eyes flashed. 'No. And you may not inform them of such a thing.'

Fred folded his arms. 'Okay, don't get your knickers in a twist.'

'What are you getting at, telling us all of this?' George asked.

'Well, until recently,' Kyoya began, 'the British and the Japanese medicinal trading companies have been on good terms with each other. However, when the Ohtori group started gaining more power and increasing gains with every deal they made, the connection was cut.'

'Why?' said Fred reluctantly; knowing Kyoya had paused only to be prompted to continue.

'I believe St. Mungo's was worried that we would extend our power overseas and take control over their establishment. So, when the trade was diminished, our standards fell - not dramatically, but still by a fraction that we can't afford to sink any further.' Kyoya sighed.

'Currently, my father is in a series of legal meetings with the British Ministry, as St. Mungo's is under obligations from the Ministry not to partake in any exchanges. I have advised him many a time to rethink his agreement, but he will not listen to me. Perhaps if I were the next successor of the Ohtori name he would pay me more attention. But, as it is…'

'Well, sorry to interrupt your little tragedy,' Fred said slowly. 'But what the shit has this got to do with _us_?'

Kyoya's eyes lost the resentful look. They were now glinting. Glinting in companion to his little smirk. 'Why, you two are going to be granted the honour of pulling me out of this situation,' he said.

'What,' George said flatly. 'What.'

Fred's mouth was curling into a distasteful what-the-hell-are-you-on-about scowl.

'What.' George seemed stuck on that loop.

Fred decided to help him out. 'What can _we_ do to help you?'

'You two can act as a sort of- _shipping _company? Shall we say?' Kyoya's smirk widened as he reached into his pocket. 'You can purchase the goods on this list,' he pulled out a sheet of paper, and slid it across the table towards them, 'and deliver them. To me.'

Fred and George both held a side of the paper, their blue-gray eyes scanning the long list.

'These are all Class B Non-Tradeables,' they chorused, glancing up at Kyoya.

Kyoya sat primly on the sofa, expressionless.

'It's i-_lle-gal_,' Fred added bluntly, his sentence punctured with where he tapped the piece of paper.

George suddenly laughed. 'Didn't think I'd see the day we'd be preaching the rules to other people.'

'Indeed,' said Kyoya, his brow knotting slightly. 'I would not have thought you two would have a problem with breaking a couple of regulations here and there.'

'Well, we don't,' admitted Fred, 'but usually we have a good reason to break them.'

'Plus, we've really only worked with Class C's before-'

'-and what we'd like to know-'

'-is why you even need these things-'

'-and why you need us to get them?'

'We need these products for the continual produce of the medicine that has received such high reverence. And, haven't I just explained? The trade right now is non-existent. This is a last resort.'

Fred's eyes flickered back to the list for a few moments. 'Okay,' he said at last, looking back towards Kyoya, 'say we do agree to this little proposition and we get this stuff for you. Where does that leave us?'

'I do not comprehend,' Kyoya said stiffly.

Fred laughed humourlessly. 'No, of course you don't… money grubber.'

'I beg your pardon?'

George rolled his eyes. 'Let me rephrase that. What do we get in return?'

There was a moment of silence.

'I understand you two own a joke-shop,' Kyoya said finally. 'Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes, is it?'

'Ooh, someone's done his homework,' Fred grumbled.

'Yeah, what of it?' George asked Kyoya.

'I can help you set up premises here, and conduct all the business from Japan, while you two get all the profit from the branch,' Kyoya said promptly.

George rested his chin in the soft cushion of his palm and surveyed him carefully. 'And what makes you think we'd like that? Being indebted to you?'

Kyoya raised his eyebrows coolly. 'Well, I have noticed there is a reasonable gap in the wizarding market and I do believe you would benefit from such a set-up… However, if you find the proposition unreasonable, I can completely withdraw the offer and propose something else, something much more to my own liking.'

'Oh yeah?' they challenged.

When Kyoya smiled, it was a tangible warning that what he was about to say would not be pleasant. So when Fred and George saw the corners of his mouth rising, they immediately narrowed their eyes in return.

'The other option is simple,' Kyoya said, flicking out his open palms to the ceiling. 'If you do not run these errands for me, I escort you off Ouran premises, while informing the authorities of your mishap with the antique ceramic.' At this, Kyoya's shoulders gave a small ripple as a bout of compressed laughter washed over him.

George raised his eyebrows. 'Yeah, you were right about him,' he whispered to Fred. 'Really off his rocker.' Fred nodded reverently.

Kyoya cleared his throat. 'You'll find yourself in a situation much worse than the one I have already presented.'

'You realise we can Apparate at any minute, right?' George reminded him.

Kyoya nodded. 'I do. However, you are overlooking one thing.'

Fred frowned. 'What's that, Mr. Smart-Arse?'

'I had some business to attend to last summer with the department of International Magical Co-operation. It did take me a while to remember, but I believe I know your brother.' He glanced down at his clipboard. 'Percy Weasley, is it?'

Fred and George's faces contorted with shock and anger.

'So?' Fred exclaimed, somewhat explosively. 'That pompous prick has nothing to do with us! He's not considered family! Are you hoping to hold him to ransom? Because you can go right ahead!'

Kyoya allowed himself a laugh. 'Don't be ridiculous. I am merely telling you that if I pull a few strings I can also find out where you live. Apparate if you must, but don't think you can hide.'

Fred and George sent him another steely glare before turning to each other.

They began whispering, sending checks back to the piece of paper they still held between them. Fred could be heard murmuring something along the lines of 'S'pose Mundungus could…' and George saying something with the words 'worst comes to the worst' and 'Knockturn Alley.'

Kyoya watched them for the best part of ten minutes before glancing at the clock hanging on the pale blue wall. 'Now, believe it or not, I have things to attend to.' He sniffed. 'Namely- condemning myself to school, even in this tired state.' He fixed them with a clear stare. 'So. What is your answer?'

They sighed resignedly. 'We agree,' they chorused in a dull sing-song manner.

'Very good,' Kyoya nodded, stretching, before moving swiftly to the door. 'Well. I shall see you at school.'

Fred's neck jolted upwards. 'What's with the speedy departure?'

'Yeah, you not gonna give us a lift?' George called to him indignantly.

'Why waste diesel?' he replied evenly. 'You two are clearly accomplished wizards. Why not Apparate there?'

Fred and George sent fuming glares at him.

'_Tosser_.'

With an extra loud crack, they both vanished.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

* * *

'Look, we've clearly went the wrong way-'

'No, I'm bloody telling you, this is the way we went last time with that Mori guy.'

'Yeah? Funny how we've been through this damn corridor five times-'

'How do you know? They all look the same!'

'Not all of them have that same portrait though.'

'What the- _what_ portrait?'

'The one down there! With the bloke that looks like Prince Charles!'

'Who the _heck_ is Prince Charles?'

'You don't know who Prince Charles is?'

'No. You talk some amount of dragon dung.'

'Hermione gave Ron a full lesson on the Royal family-'

'Yeah, well- _no_, I'm not even getting into this…The _point_ is, we've been wandering aimlessly for almost three hours and _now _you decide to go blathering on about some Charles idiot-'

'Wasn't that when you decided to have a gander at the swimming pool-'

'What, may I ask, are you two doing?'

Fred and George stopped arguing and spun around at the slick, unimpressed voice, almost expecting to see Snape.

'It's you!' Fred strode forwards.

'Yes, it's me,' Kyoya said distastefully, folding his arms over his blazer. 'What are you doing?'

'We were trying to find you!'

Kyoya glanced at his watch. 'You should have been in the club room two and a half hours ago.' He raised a hand to stop them from protesting. 'However, you've found me now. Let's go. We're in the kitchens today.' He turned and moved swiftly down the corridor.

'_What's_ this? House Elf Training programme?' Fred said in mock-horror, lolloping after Kyoya, his shoes squeaking on the marble floor.

'Please desist with that noise. It's not appropriate to drag your feet,' Kyoya said, shooting Fred a look from over his shoulder. 'Also, I have no idea what you are talking about.'

'What?' said George incredulously, 'you don't get house elves here?' He made sure to scuff his shoes along the floor just out of spite.

'I'm afraid not, no,' Kyoya said dryly, sounding highly patronizing.

'Do you get goblins?'

'Gnomes?'

'Flobberworms?'

'Skrewts?'

'Thestrals?'

'Hippogriffs?'

'Custard Creams?'

'Moonca- _Custard Creams_?' Fred looked at George bemusedly.

'What?' George said defensively. 'I could really go a Custard Cream right about now.'

'Funny you should mention cakes,' Kyoya said as he unenthusiastically pushed open a door to a classroom.

Before Fred and George could bound beyond the threshold Hunny launched himself forwards, flinging his arms around them with a squealing yell.

'Waaah! Fred-kun~! George-kun~!'

'H-hey,' George said, patting him on the back awkwardly. 'What's going-eh, is that a wooden spoon you're holding?'

Fred stared. 'Yeah, and what's the deal with the apron?'

Hunny stepped back from them and plucked the hem of his apron, holding the front out for them to see. A large pink bunny was imprinted on the front. 'We're _baking_!' Hunny proclaimed happily, pointing at the scene behind him excitedly. 'It's _cake_ day~!'

Fred and George stepped fully into the room and looked around the kitchen. Six massive silver cookers were lined against the back wall along with six work placements, complete with a large sink and piled with equipment. The Hosts were all allocated a placement.

Tamaki was twirling eggs around a plastic bowl with a whisk in such an exuberant fashion that particles of yolk were being sent flying around him and onto his deep purple apron; but to this fact he was happily oblivious.

Mori was working methodically at the next table, cutting up a bundle of strawberries into neat slices. He was wearing a white apron with a matching chef's hat, which oddly suited him.

At the table beside him Haruhi was measuring out ingredients onto the mini set of scales beside her. She was wearing a nondescript yellow apron and her tongue was poking out between her lips as she concentrated on pouring the sparkling grains of sugar.

Kyoya was pushing a tray of cakes into the oven, before wiping his flour-dusted hands onto his black apron. He began to tidy up his work table, rolling up the tops of the paper bags that held the flour and sugar. He was acting with the air of a person who wanted to get the job done as soon as possible.

Hikaru and Kaoru were at the fifth table and were trying to mix the bowl simultaneously, but their mixers kept colliding with harsh clangs of metal against metal. This soon turned into a wooden-spoon fight; an act that drew disapproving glares from Kyoya as he organised his utensils. A minute of them battling it out resulted in the front of their blue aprons being spattered in cake mixture.

The sixth placement was untouched.

Laughing, Hikaru and Kaoru turned and their grins stretched even wider.

'Hey, you made it!' Hikaru wiped a smudge of flour off his cheek as they stalked over. 'We thought Kyoya-senpai had killed you or something.'

'We went to his hospital,' George said.

'Wha?' Hunny blinked, looking shocked. 'Did Kyo-chan hurt you and then take you to his hospital?'

'I think that'd be a bit counter-productive, Hunny-senpai,' giggled Kaoru.

'So are you okay?' Hunny asked Fred and George, looking up at them with his mouth open in a small 'o'.

'Yeah, we're fine,' they said together, smiling at the small boy.

'That's good!' Hunny bounded back over to Mori and helped him break up the large blocks of dark chocolate. The two of them broke the presumably brick-hard pieces with idle ease, as Hunny chattered amiably and Mori smiled and nodded.

'So why did Kyoya-senpai take you to his hospital?' Kaoru asked.

'He wanted to know if we could be kidney donors,' Fred said without a moment's hesitation. 'He was sorely disappointed.'

Kaoru laughed, whereas Hikaru shot Fred an odd look.

'What's going on?' George asked, to gloss over the moment.

'It was supposedly meant to be non-uniform day today,' Kaoru started, but stopped to lick a spot of cake mixture off his wrist.

Watching Kaoru do this, Hikaru suddenly leaned over and whispered in his ear. It must have been a suggestion or question for Kaoru nodded, with a slight grin, then batted Hikaru away slightly. 'Usually we don't do anything on these days,' Kaoru continued, ignoring the way Hikaru pretended to pout sulkily, 'but Hunny-senpai requested leave from his class, and Mori-senpai went with him-'

'-and before we know it, we're here because Hunny's proposed a "cake day" for the Hosts and their customers,' Hikaru laughed. 'We're not complaining though-'

'-mostly on non-uniform days we just sit and watch movies-'

'-and that can get so boring…'

'Yeah, but you're all still wearing uniform,' George pointed out.

'So?' Hikaru sounded as though he couldn't care less. 'We missed the announcements yesterday since we were at the Club.'

Tamaki made his way over, still holding the bowl of whisked eggs close to his chest like it was a treasure. 'Bonjour!' he cried. 'Today is all about showing the ladies the romantic side of cooking! We all know they love a man that can cook but we plan to present them with these delicious cakes as tokens of our undying love!'

'Yeah, even though Hunny-senpai will probably eat them all before they even get a chance,' Haruhi muttered, and Mori looked as though he were in silent agreement.

'Maybe you should actually get started, Milord,' Hikaru sneered, casting a look at the bowl the Host Club King was holding. 'I'd hate to see you have nothing to present them with but a bowl of watery egg.'

'My cake will outshine _your_ miserable concoction by far!' Tamaki proclaimed. 'I expect it is my French heritage that explains my outstanding talent, for it is well-known that the French cuisine-'

'_Boo_.' Hikaru gave Tamaki a thumbs-down. 'You're boring me, Tono. If I want to know about snails and frogs-legs I can easily pick up a cookbook.'

'You two need to get started as well,' Kaoru smiled, putting each of his hands on Fred and George's forearms and leading them forwards. 'Do you do any cooking usually?' he queried.

'Hah! I have a tendency to burn everything and George eats everything during the process of making it. Don't you, George?'

'I do not,' protested George as they made their way over to the sixth cooker.

'Ginny's tenth birthday? Any memories? About the cake?'

George crossed his arms. 'Okay, so I ate a few measly glazed cherries. Big deal.'

'Yeah?' Fred grinned. 'So what happened to the condensed milk?'

'Okay, so maybe I polished off a few of the ingredients,' George said, changing tactics. 'But _you_ burnt the cake!'

'That was Ron that time,' Fred said at once. 'I told him to keep an eye on it. Didn't listen.'

'Yeah, yeah, blame Ron.' George picked up one of the green aprons and slipped it around himself, tying the knot at the back before turning to Hikaru and Kaoru expectantly. 'Okay, what do we do now?'

'I think you two are to make the shortbread,' Kaoru said uncertainly, looking down at the sheet of paper. After a moment he shrugged and skirted round the table back to his own placement, taking Hikaru with him and leaving the Weasleys peering down at their recipe with bewilderment.

'It's surely just like Potions, right?' Fred said dubiously.

'I think so,' George agreed with a slow doubtful nod. 'But, given our track-record in Potions-'

'-this whole room will either be blown up or burnt to a crisp, yeah.'

They continued to stare at the recipe for a few seconds

'Oh well,' grinned George.

'Let's get started!' Fred put on his apron with a fiercely determined look on his face.

Kaoru shuffled the sheets of paper that were on his desk, dusting away some flour that was obscuring a few lines of the print. 'Hey, Hikaru, gimme a hand with this,' he said absently. 'It says we need a food processor.' He made a face. 'What's a food processor?'

'How should I know?' Hikaru replied. He picked up the set of instructions and began to flap them in the air obnoxiously, waving over at Haruhi. 'Hey, Haruhi! What's a food processor?'

Haruhi set down her large silver spoon and let out a long-suffering sigh before walking over to help them.

* * *

'This is absolutely delicious,' Tamaki said, one and a half hours later. His eyes were closed in delight. 'Even if I do say so myself,' he added, winking at the girls seated around him. 'Won't you try some?' he said seductively to the one closest. 'If I feed it to you?'

'Y- yes- of course,' the girl fluttered. 'I'd love to.'

Tamaki smiled, piercing a piece of his cake onto the fork. 'Open up,' he whispered, placing a slender hand under her chin and tilting it upwards. The other girls squealed, calling out things like, 'me next, me next!'

At the other tables, similar things were happening.

Haruhi was helping her designators decorate the baking. Tubes of coloured icing were scattered next to the large platter of delicate gingerbread treats. Most were shaped into the conservative gingerbread men form but one was a clumsy bear shaped monstrosity with tiny eyes. It seemed Tamaki had been over and had taken it upon himself to make a gingerbread replica of his beloved 'Beary'. None of the girls, however, seemed happy enough to approach it with their tubes of icing- something that Hikaru had pointed out with malicious glee.

Hunny was, as expected, in his element.

'…so great! I love eating cake, and I love all of you! Today is my new favorite day!'

'Oh, we love you too, Hunny!'

'And you, Mori! I heard you did all the decorating. Was it difficult to get…'

A few metres across the room, the Hitachiin twins were working with a more 'hands-on' approach. They were currently gracing the surface of their chocolate gateau with chocolate sauce and whipped cream while their customers were seated around them in a half circle, watching avidly. Hikaru was decoratively swirling the chocolate sauce over the snow-white top layer in artful squiggles, while Kaoru carefully distributed pointed clouds of whipped cream around the frosted rim of the cake. But after a minute's worth of harmonized working…

'Ah, Hikaru- look what you've done!' Kaoru stepped back and looked at the chocolate sauce trickling from his palm down his wrist, much like the cake mixture had earlier. He looked at Hikaru with wide eyes.

'Oops, sorry, Kaoru,' Hikaru said, but a second later his apologetic expression turned into a devilish smirk. 'I can help you out with that, if you'd like.'

Hikaru put down the tube of chocolate sauce and turned to Kaoru. He gripped his wrist delicately and leaned over, tilting his head. A collective gasp was heard from the girls as Hikaru flicked out his tongue and began to lap the chocolate sauce off Kaoru's skin. Kaoru's eyes fluttered shut as Hikaru's tongue ranged from his palm to his wrist.

Kaoru let out a dramatic gasp, his copper layers falling forwards into his face. 'I- I think you got it all..'

Hikaru withdrew, running his tongue across his lips. 'Is it wrong that I prefer your taste more than the taste of the chocolate?' he said in a carrying whisper.

'H-Hikaru,' Kaoru breathed, his lips barely forming the name over the din of the squealing girls.

'I think I'll ask Milord if we can take some of this home,' Hikaru informed them matter-of-factly, fastening the lid on the whipped cream. 'Kaoru might act shy now, but later…' He trailed off suggestively, popping a finger into his mouth and licking whipped cream off the tip, glancing back at Kaoru as a corner of his lip rose up in a slanted grin.

Kaoru wore a mask of mortification. 'Hikaru!' He bowed his head, then glanced towards his twin again. His expression changed. 'Hikaruuu, it's on my blazer as well…'

Hikaru surveyed the sleeve of Kaoru's blazer. 'I see… Well, I guess there's only one thing to do. Come here, Kaoru... I can't have you wearing dirty clothes for the rest of the day...'

Fred hissed, clamping his hands over his ears as the screams that had started when Hikaru began to ease Kaoru out of his blazer threatened to deafen him.

'Y'know, I don't think I'll ever get used to that,' George said absently, looking over to see one girl topple out of her chair in a dead-faint.

Tamaki's head whirled around and he looked utterly appalled at the scene developing at the Hitachiins' table. His violet eyes widened. _'Unscrupulous antics! Disgusting, unruly twins! Haruhi, shield your eyes! Kyoya- do something! We cannot allow this- what do you mean this is _good for sales_? Kyoya!'_

George, having been caught up in watching Tamaki's fit blossom into a full-blown tantrum, jolted suddenly. 'Sorry,' he said to the girl who had been talking to him, giving her a bright smile. 'Biscuit?' He indicated the tray.

They _had _set out with the intention to make the shortbread but one way or another the ingredients had morphed into something more along the lines of a kind of biscuit type thing that was a vague dark brown in colour.

'It's quite edible,' Fred assured the girl. 'Maybe a bit crunchy in some parts, but I suspect that's just the fudge. At least, I _think_ it's the fudge...'

'Oh, it's not that,' the girl giggled, sharing a glance with her friends. 'Just, after hearing about all those trick sweets you made, I am frightened that…' A light blush dusted her cheeks.

'But we wouldn't play such a nasty trick on someone as sweet as you,' George said with his best earnest expression plastered onto his face, while Fred smiled charmingly from beside him, hastily removing one of the biscuits from the plate and sliding it into his pocket without even the smallest falter in his smile.

Tamaki, who had been watching, sparkled with joy at the way they had adopted the Host Club way of life.

But his happiness was extremely short-lived, for the doors banged open quite abruptly and a girl, wearing the yellow high school uniform and an oversized pink bow in her hair stormed in, her caramel coloured hair flaring out like vicious ribbons behind her. 'No, no, no, no, NO!' she was screaming.

'Uhh, Miss-' Tamaki began tentatively.

She pushed him aside with a splayed out hand. 'Not NOW!'

Tamaki let out a noise that was half-squawk half-sob as he peeled himself from the wall and traced the familiar steps to his lonesome corner.

'What happened to her high-powered motor?' Kaoru muttered to Hikaru from behind his hand.

'Must be needing maintenance,' Hikaru replied as they switched their gaze to the girl as she raged past them.

She snatched the plate of biscuits from Fred and threw them violently over her shoulder without a second thought.

The flying plate missed Tamaki by inches but still managed to shower him in clumps of crumbs before it hit the wall and shattered at Kyoya's feet, while the hard grainy burnt biscuits began to rain down on Hunny's head. Hunny looked up and paused for half a second before his eyes brimmed with real tears and he let out a long despairing wail.

'Oh my,' said Fred, dropping the biscuit he was holding between his thumb and forefinger.

Hikaru and Kaoru looked at each other before very deliberately looking away and focusing on a point on the ceiling, pressing their lips into thin bloodless lines. It was all they could do to not burst into peals of laughter.

Mori ran over and scooped Hunny out of harm's way.

'It's all WRONG!' the angry girl shrieked, stomping her foot and throwing another platter of cakes aside.

'P-pardon?' stuttered George.

Hunny's wails increased to a frightening new pitch as he saw the cheesecakes meet their demise on the floor, in a splattering cloudburst of cream and jelly and custard and strawberries.

Now, very few things actually scared the Weasley twins. While they whole-heartedly admitted to being frightened of their mother's roaring tempers, and they did regard Percy's singing as something to be feared and cautioned (although, they hadn't had to put up with that as of late), and okay, they also had to exert a wary disposition when in the presence of Hermione, they could also safely say that they were not ones to be scared so easily. So, it said a lot for them now to be cowering away from the furious Renge Houshakuji.

'Your personas are all wrong!' she screeched, her honey-coloured eyes blazing, with flames dancing behind the irises. She looked positively possessed. 'You're giving over to the phoniness!'

'The…phoniness?' Fred said weakly.

'Yes, the phoniness!' she said shrilly.

'Right,' said George worriedly, shooting an anxious look over at Kyoya, who skilfully avoided eye-contact as he noted something on his clipboard.

'As your manager, I must put a stop to this immediately!'

'Oh, here it comes,' Haruhi muttered at the same time as Hikaru and Kaoru slumped down on the table with their heads propped up on their arms watching Renge begin to twirl.

'You arrived here,' Renge continued, in ringing tones over Hunny's drawn-out screaming, 'a blank canvas! Unpainted picture - and now, you are being shaped into a _disaster_!'

'Are we?' George said, genuinely interested.

'That's news to me,' Fred said.

'I am going to graft you into masterpieces!' Renge said loudly, and the Weasley twins immediately lost their regained confidence and shrank back as she loomed forwards. 'Your personalities will be crafted to my sole approval. So when I say alter…'

'Why, she's gotten even more obtrusive since the last time we saw her,' Kyoya commented mildly, watching the scene from over the frame of his glasses.

'Aren't you going to stop her, Kyoya-senpai?' Haruhi asked anxiously as Renge continued to twirl and lecture lavishly; Fred and George steadily withdrawing.

Kyoya looked personally insulted by the question. 'Oh, no. It has absolutely nothing to do with me. Why don't you, Haruhi? I was under the impression you were her new-found favorite?'

Haruhi sweatdropped. 'Uh. Yeah. Well.' She pulled at her collar uncomfortably; seeming just as reluctant to intervene.

'…and so, you will be unveiled as the "personae non gratae"!' Renge squealed, her anger giving over to excitement. 'The twin characters who trick and shatter young womens' hearts with a combination of their devilish attitudes and their blatant disregard to true love!' She swooned. 'I could eat-'

'Three bowls of rice,' Hikaru and Kaoru finished dully. 'Yeah, we get it.'

Renge completed her speech and looked slightly upset to find Fred and George's expressions looking a far cry short of enlightened.

'Come on!' she commanded, a hand outstretched. 'There is no time to waste! Your transformations must be carried out!'

With that last battle cry Renge wrenched Fred and George upwards.

'Wait- wait- Renge- Ren-' Tamaki's feeble protest melted away as Renge tugged them to their feet, threw Tamaki dismissively aside, and made off out of the room with Fred and George.

A silence fell.

Hikaru tapped one of his ears experimentally. 'Weird. I can still hear the echoes of her shrieking.'

The Host Club just stood, still shell-shocked by the impromptu intrusion.

Hunny finally looked up with a sniffle. 'Kyo-chan?' he whimpered pleadingly, pulling his knees up to his ribcage. This move made him look even smaller and cuter, although the other members knew by now that Hunny had probably calculated that move to accomplish exactly that. 'Please get rid of Renge-chan?'

Kyoya shook his head curtly. 'I'm afraid that is impossible.'

The glistening pools of chocolate brown were turned to Haruhi. 'Haru-chan?'

Haruhi cringed. 'Sorry, Hunny-senpai. I can't do anything.'

'Tama-' Hunny stopped and saw that Tamaki had retreated to his corner again. It seemed Renge's latest blow had not only bruised him externally but it also damaged his ego. Hunny glared petulantly at the crumbs on the floor.

'Takashi?' he whispered.

Mori crouched down beside him. 'Yeah?'

'I- I,' he sniffed, his eyes swimming in tears again, 'I really don't _like _her!'

And he promptly buried his face in Mori's flat expanse of chest, renewed sobs wracking his small, hunched frame.

'Hikaru?' Kaoru whispered.

'Yeah?' Hikaru whispered back.

'Why are we all still speaking in English?'

Hikaru pondered this question, tilting his head to the side. 'Y'know, I don't exactly…know.'

* * *

'What a _control_-freak,' Fred panted, leaning against one of the pillars in the Ouran courtyard, letting his hands slide down the smooth stone structure.

George lay down on the warm concrete. 'What was it she said again?' he breathed, one hand across his heaving chest, feeling his heart beat excessively. "Embrace the passionate burning fires of moe"?'

'Something like that,' agreed Fred disdainfully. 'What the hell is _moe_, anyway?'

George closed his eyes. 'I dunno, and just as long as I'm not made to embrace it, I honestly _don't care_.'

Fred stretched and walked out into the sunlight, watching a few doves circulate above. 'Can we leave?'

'Yeah.' George nodded but made no effort to get up.

Fred frowned, walked over and nudged him lightly in the ribs. 'C'mon, get off your arse.' Except George looked content to lie there all day, catching his breath. 'Well, if you Splinch yourself, it's your own fault.' Fred knelt down and grabbed George's wrist.

George's eyes flew open. 'What- _what_-?'

The world suddenly folded in on itself and any words George had immediately dissolved.

A few seconds later Fred and George stood in a hallway of the Hitachiin estate with the twin maids opposite them.

'And we'll be needing some seeds,' Fred said quickly, as the twin maids made to walk away.

They revolved slowly to face the Weasley twins again, their dark eyes large with confusion. 'Seeds?'

'Bird seeds- as in, tweet tweet?' Fred offered with a little flap of his arms and hands.

George sniggered. 'You look gay when you do that.'

'Yeah? Well, you look gay all the time,' Fred retorted.

George laughed even more. 'You still haven't grasped the concept of us being _identical_ have you? By saying I look gay, you're really saying-'

'Yeah, yeah, shut up.' Fred turned back to the maids. 'Okay, so yeah, we want bird seeds.'

'Bird seeds?' the maids chorused in bewilderment, tilting their heads to the left, their black hair swooping sideways.

'Yeah,' George sighed before Fred could get a word in. 'My brother here has some weird habits.' He smiled sadly and apologetically, patting Fred's shoulder lightly. 'Can't be helped.'

'Is it a serious condition?' the maid on the left asked worriedly as the other tittered sympathetically at Fred; who was glaring none too subtly at George.

George tried not to laugh as he nodded devoutly. 'Oh yeah, they think it might be a kind of mental dysfunction, but they're not all too sure. It's early days yet.' He sighed. 'But to be on the safe side, it's best if you just get him the bird seeds…' He leaned forward slightly and beckoned the maids closer, lowering his voice to a whisper. 'He gets a little…_agitated_, see.'

Fred rolled his eyes and cracked his knuckles; the ominous sounds only seemed to add truth to George's words.

The twin maids looked alarmed. 'Certainly, sir,' they chimed before hurrying off down the corridor.

'Arrigato!' George called after them, before dodging the punch Fred was about to land on him.

'Hate you,' Fred muttered as they walked up to Hikaru and Kaoru's vacated room. 'Seriously.'

'Now, I know you don't mean that,' George grinned, shoving open the door to see Errol lying limply on the floor, exactly where they had left him.

'Uh oh.' George paced over to the owl and crouched down. He prodded the owl beneath the wing. 'Is he dead for good this time? 'Cause Mum'll kill us.'

'Just dehydrated, I think…' Fred bit his lip. 'I hope.'

He scanned the room, his blue eyes coming to rest on one of the shelves. He went over and inspected the various ornaments and objects before selecting one small bowl. He frowned disgustedly at the pink and orange potpourri inside it before upending the contents onto the floor; the scented flowery shapes sent scattering all over the floor. Fred then drew his wand and filled up the bowl with water before placing it in front of Errol, with a mutter of, 'There y'go.'

Errol remained as limp as ever. The water glittered in the rays of sunlight falling in squares across the room.

'Wake up, you,' snapped George impatiently, leaning forwards and flicking the water in the owl's face.

Errol gave a sleepy hoot and dipped his beak wearily into the water, and just as Fred and George were feeling the tiniest bit proud of the decrepit old bird, Errol ruined the moment by slumping face-first into the water bowl.

George slapped a hand over his brow, shaking his head. He straightened up. '_Un_believable.'

'Well,' said Fred uncertainly, looking at the sopping wet owl, 'at least we know he's alive…'

'I'm wondering if that's a good thing,' George muttered disdainfully.

For a few moments they stood in silence, watching the motionless bird.

Then, Fred spoke. 'By the way, who was the letter from?'

Just as George was pulling the letter from his pocket to consult, there was a knock at the door. Fred crossed the room quickly and opened the door.

'The bird seeds,' the maids chorused and thrust the packet forward.

'Thanks,' said Fred. 'I'll make sure he gets them.' He shot a nastily satisfied look at George, who was focused on the piece of parchment, a look that plainly said: _yeah, that's right, they think _you're _the crazy twin now. _He took the bird seeds and closed the door.

George looked up, resting the parchment beside him on the bed.

'So?' prompted Fred, biting the packet of seeds open with his teeth and scattering some down for Errol.

'It's from Mum,' said George. 'She says-' he looked over at the owl, his eyes widening. 'Hey! Keep an eye on him- he's trying to eat the potpourri!'

Fred looked down in alarm. True enough, Errol had a bit of potpourri lodged inside his beak. Fred lunged for the bird.

After a graceless wrestle on the floor, trying to get the offending object from the bird, Fred sat up and dusted his knees. 'You were saying?' he said to George calmly, as though he hadn't just wrestled with an owl.

'Ah, right, yeah.' George glanced back at the letter for a review. 'So, it's basically the old "how are you, where are you, what have you done now" sort of shtick. She's also saying we've to "get back this instant" and that she's "worried sick" and that "some Verity girl" has been looking for us.'

'Verity…' Fred repeated, staring into space thoughtfully. '_Verity_… that name rings a bell. Where've I heard it before?'

George rolled his eyes. 'It might be, y'know, the one we employed to work in the shop?'

Fred continued to look blank. '_Who_?'

'Blonde?' George supplied. 'With the big-' He made large semi-circular movements over his chest.

'Oh yeah!' Fred said happily. 'Forgot about her! That's the one Katie and Angelina weren't happy about? Remember?'

'Yeah,' said George, rubbing his arm subconsciously, a slight frown creeping onto his face as he began to mumble. 'Katie… Stinging Hex… five hours later... still hurt…wasn't even funny…'

'Don't know what you're complaining about,' Fred said. 'Remember the time Angie thought I was staring at Verity's arse?' It seemed the indignity of the confrontation still had him bristling with outrage. 'I mean, forget _wands_, she just came over and _slapped_ me!'

'But you _were _staring at Verity's arse,' George laughed.

'Y_ea_h,' conceded Fred, 'but how was Angie truly to know that? She could have been suspecting me for nothing!'

'But she wasn't- I mean, it wasn't that hard to tell, your eyes were basically bulging out your skull and I could have swore you were drooling a bit-'

'Yeah, well, anyway,' Fred said hastily, folding his arms and narrowing his eyes at the gleam in George's grin. 'We're going a bit off-topic here, I think.'

'Okay,' George said complacently, still laughing, 'What will I write back to Mum?'

Fred raised an eyebrow. 'Better question, what will you write _with_? I didn't bring a quill, did you?'

'That's easily sorted,' George said, grabbing a pen from the bedside table where a pile of schoolbooks were lying. He looked at Fred, ready and poised with the pen. 'See? Prepared for everything, I am.'

'Tell Dad we're in Japan, staying with Muggles,' Fred dictated. 'Put in a load of guff about their television and all that… Dad'll love it. '

George turned over the piece of parchment and began to scrawl. 'Maybe we should ask them to send over some dosh,' he said after a few minutes. 'Muggle, of course.'

'Yeah!' said Fred enthusiastically, 'and some Chocolate Frogs and Smart-Answer Quills!'

George nodded automatically, still scribbling. Then he paused. 'Wait, why the Quills?'

Fred gave George a sardonic look that was all eyebrows. 'We're going to school, remember? When was the last time _you_ did Maths or Biology?'

'Good point,' George nodded, jotting down a note. He looked up. 'Okay, and we should probably ask them to send some more stuff from the shop- or d'you think that's asking a bit too much?'

Fred waved a hand unconcernedly. 'Just chance it. Worst thing we'll get back is a Howler.'

'Haven't had one of those in a while,' George grinned, then looked back at the parchment. 'Well, we could always Apparate back if they downright refuse.'

'Yeah, but it's more fun being awkward and making them deliver it to us,' Fred said with a devious grin.

'True,' George said, inclining his head to the right as he laughed, thinking of his Mother's response when their letter floated back looking more like an order form.

George scrawled down some more lines then glanced at the black pen fondly. 'Y'know, I don't see why we faff around with quills so much,' he said. 'These things are clearly way more handy. And you don't have to carry about those blasted pots of ink.'

'But quills are just so much more in-keeping with our wizardly-ness…'

George merely recapped the pen, choosing not to debate whether or not "wizardly-ness" was a word. 'Okay..' He glanced down at the parchment. 'What lines should we request?'

Fred thought. 'Hmm, d'you think, the Wonder products? We'd get great sales from the girls at that school but-'

'-but we might have to tweak the covers a bit, yeah.'

Fred nodded. 'And rule out the love potions…'

'Oh, I dunno,' said George seriously, his face cracking into a grin. 'We could have some real fun with those…'


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

* * *

It had been a little over one week since Fred and George had literally dropped into Ouran High. With them, they had brought more colour, vibrancy and chaos than anyone could have imagined, and that wasn't counting the flying, winged plastic pigs that kept popping up around the building.

They had already bewitched the teacups to make noises of general distaste when about to be drunk from, enchanted the carpets to roll up beneath people and had vanished one section of the second floor library. It was also rumoured that they had transformed one of the staircases into a waterslide, but the pupils of Ouran who had witnessed this manifestation were scoffed at, for the tale was simply too implausible to be believed. Not that many had taken the stories about the teacups seriously either, but they were more easily accepted as a prank; clearly involving some sort of hidden tape recorder. As for the library, the students looking for that particular section were forced to conclude that they were perhaps going prematurely senile.

Nevertheless, these events had raised some suspicions (particularly when the unfortunate pupils caught up in a roll of red carpet had got to their feet, wincing, and saw Fred and George lurking at the end of the corridor, laughing their heads off), but mostly (and this was the only reason that Kyoya hadn't blew a fuse yet) the Weasley twins were attracting more customers to the club. Kyoya _had_, however, crisply informed them that their antics were 'lacking subtlety', 'tiresome' and 'overall dim-witted'; to which they'd replied that they'd 'heard it all before'.

But it wasn't just Kyoya that had been affected by their arrival.

Neither Hikaru nor Kaoru had been heard to utter the word 'bored' in the past week, and while that should have been somewhat of a relief for Tamaki, it wasn't. For he had realised that there was something much worse than twins with too much time on their hands: two sets of twins with too much time on their hands. He was now known to declare fretfully things like 'my woes will never cease!' and 'must I, God's chosen, be afflicted with such misfortune?'

Hunny was eager to force cake upon them (he hadn't yet realised the connection between the floating pigs and his disappearing snacks) and with their robust Weasley appetite they felt no need to decline. Mori was more or less impartial to their presence and neither of the Weasleys were particularly insulted. (They'd never admit it, but they were slightly intimidated by his stoic look and the fact that they'd yet to make him laugh- and that wasn't for lack of trying, either. They consoled themselves with the agreement that he clearly wasn't well-enough educated in the English language and therefore didn't understand their jokes. They also pretended to be hard of hearing when Kyoya informed them that, in actual fact, Mori was quite brilliant in his English.)

Haruhi took a modest interest in their lives; asking about their family and where they lived. The Weasleys immediately took a liking to her. Once, in the passing, she had expressed casually that she'd like to visit England, but Tamaki had overheard and started gabbling about 'making arrangements' and 'passports', so Haruhi had quickly shut up and had not raised the subject since.

* * *

Back in the present, Fred and George were lurking inside Music Room Three. Classes had almost ended for the day. The Weasleys had slipped into their Muggle schooling with ease. Their teachers were stunned but happy with their marks; one hundred percent in every test, and one hundred percent identical answers, although teachers and classmates alike had all agreed there was something slightly strange about the fact that they wrote with large white feathers (Smart-Answer quills that had been Charmed to answer any Muggle question)- but had refrained from saying anything for fear of offending their foreign guest, and so, when the Weasley twins informed their English teacher that they would be leaving a few minutes early, she accepted this without complaint and so they had been able to Apparate up into the Host Club room.

'Ready?' grinned Fred.

'As ever,' replied George.

They sunk their hands into the medium-sized purple velvet sack and drew fistfuls of glittering silver powder. With simultaneous grins and eyes bright with anticipation they threw the powder into the air, jumped backwards and waited with bated breath. It hung in a shimmering cloud before dissolving into the atmosphere of the empty Third Music Room.

George took half a step forward. 'Did it work?'

'Dunno,' Fred replied, his neck tilted as he scrutinized the ceiling. 'Guess we're going to have to wait for a test subject.'

They retreated to stand next to the wall. Beside them were the familiar sight of cardboard boxes, towering haphazardly, all with the words Weasleys' _ Wheezes printed on them. Fred and George weren't so happy with the censorship but, as they found out when they voiced their complaints, The Shadow King had glares in all shades of scary.

Footsteps sounded in the hallway and Fred's face took on a look of glee. He started to laugh, shoulders shaking. 'Shut it!' George hissed, nudging him. 'They're gonna hear you-'

The door opened and someone walked in. Fred let out a whoosh of laughter when he

registered the tidy black hair, glasses and clipboard. 'Yes!' he whispered triumphantly under his breath. 'Prime target!'

Kyoya walked further into the room, his slender eyebrows knotting. He muttered something in Japanese. When no one replied he took another step forward, casting his eyes around the room.

And that was when it happened: he was knocked momentarily off-balance and suddenly lifted into the air, as though pulled by invisible ropes. His mouth falling open in a shout, Kyoya struggled, but his motions looked weighed down as though he were immersed in a heavy load of water, his legs wading through the thick air. His clipboard, having fallen out of his hands, hung in the air also, swaying as though a breeze was washing over it. Floating without strings, Kyoya continued to linger there, like an absurd human-shaped balloon, until he heard movement from behind the main door.

A bay of laughter sounded and Fred and George emerged, overlarge grins dominating their faces.

'That,' George was saying, as he wiped his eyes, 'wasn't half bad. For a first try.'

'It was bloody brilliant!' Fred whooped. 'Your _face_!' he told Kyoya. 'Wish I had a camera!'

Kyoya gritted his teeth.

George looked up at him before glancing at Fred. 'Our friend here doesn't look so chuffed.'

Fred surveyed Kyoya. 'Y'know, I think you're right there, George. He's looking a little miffed, in fact.'

"Miffed" was an understatement- Kyoya looked livid. His hands were clenched into tight fists. 'Get. Me. Down. _Now_.'

'Why?' Fred said, as though he couldn't believe such a wish would be spoken. 'You're on top of the world, up there!' He sniggered. 'Well, not quite- a bit more Powder though, and I bet you would be!'

'_Now_!' Kyoya snarled again.

George sighed. 'As you wish.' He made a big deal of pulling out another velvet bag; this one was blue. He then showered Kyoya in what looked like golden dust; and, slowly, Kyoya drifted downwards until he was standing gingerly on the marble floor again, breathing heavily.

Fred frowned, shaking his head and tsking. 'No, we need to refine that… or _un_-refine it.'

'What?' said George, pocketing the bag of the golden substance. 'Why?'

'Didn't you see the way he came down?' Fred said, looking disgruntled. 'Too graceful. We want them to come crashing down, land in a heap, that sort of thing-'

'You IDIOTS!' Kyoya exploded now that he had retrieved his clipboard and sorted his glasses.

'I think he's surpassed "miffed",' George commented quietly.

'Surpassed furious too,' Fred agreed in a low tone.

'What the hell _was_ that _abhorrence_?' Kyoya spat.

'Anti-Gravitational Powder!' Fred said jovially. 'Smashing, isn't it?'

'I can think of many words to describe it,' Kyoya said coldly, 'and "smashing" is not one of them, believe me. Now, get these boxes-' he pointed to the cardboard towers, 'stowed away in the other room.' Kyoya swept away from them to one of the tables, sat down and pulled out his laptop.

'Still a bit ticked off, I think,' George summarised. 'You still reckon we should try and pull off the other one?'

'Definitely,' grinned Fred. He glanced at George. 'Why, you worried about it?'

George shrugged. 'Nah, not really. Anyway, he's already gone mental, what's a bit more mayhem gonna do?'

Fred laughed and clapped him on the back. 'That's the kind of philosophy I admire. Well, brother, let's do as the good man says and put these boxes away.' He paused, before pointing to the closest to the door. 'But mind and keep those out.' He glanced thoughtfully at Kyoya again. 'Say, should I offer him a nice cuppa?'

'I wouldn't chance it,' George advised, picking up a box.

* * *

'Hey, what's the deal with these posters?' Haruhi said, walking into the music room just as Fred and George had packed away the majority of boxes, with a bright pink leaflet in her hand.

George ran up to her frantically. 'Oh shit, is that one of the old ones?'

She held it out looking bewildered. He took it from her.

'Damnit, it is.'

On the luminous pink backdrop was bold ink-black lettering, spelling the words: **FEELING UGLY? DON'T WORRY**. And below that blunt proclamation, in a slightly smaller font it said: _**Just Hotfoot It Down To Music Room Three, Where The Hosts, Fred and George, Will Be. We'll Kit You Out With Our Wondrous Cosmetics, So You Don't Have To Fret About Your Facial Aesthetics.**_

'Are there anymore of those?' George asked her.

'Uh, I don't think so,' she said. 'I found that one in my classroom. What's going on anyway?'

'Lockha- _Tamaki_,' George amended hastily, crumpling up the poster and throwing it over his

shoulder, 'said that we were being insulting in our wording. So we had to make new copies. And he'll probably get all shirty if he finds out the old ones are still circulating. Plus, Kyoya's already a tad peeved… You know how he gets sometimes.'

Haruhi gave a slight nod. 'So, uh, what is it you're up to?'

'Just doing a bit of business,' Fred said airily, passing by with a box balanced on his head. 'Come over here and we'll show you.'

She followed them over to where they had set up a luridly pink stall, with flashing and glittering and gleaming products all in shades of pink. Her eyes widened at the sight and she took an unsteady step backwards. 'Oh.'

'Like it?' George said.

Haruhi looked blank. 'Uh, it's a bit… _pink_.'

'That's the idea,' said Fred, winking knowledgably. 'It has come to our attention that you lady-creatures mostly favour pink above all colours. So we've tried to accommodate this penchant, see?'

'Anything you want, Haruhi, just take, okay?' George said.

'What is this stuff, anyway?' Haruhi asked, leaning forward to examine it. 'Ten Second Pimple Vanisher?'

'That's right! Works a treat!'

'We rid our school of a whole host of spotty third years!'

'Was great!'

Haruhi bit her lip. 'Yeah, you know what, I think I'll pass.' Her voice trailed off.

'Well, the offer still stands,' Fred said, shrugging. 'Anything that tickles your fancy, take.'

'Thanks,' said Haruhi. 'But I don't feel particularly ugly today,' she added with an eye-roll as she reached her table.

* * *

Soon the room was crowded with guests.

'What's that?' Fred called over the din. 'Another Magic Monochrome Mascara?'

'Yeah,' yelled George, 'and the Vanisher sticks - chuck us a few of them. And the Haute

Couture Concealer - the ivory ones, yeah..'

As Fred plunged his hand inside the cardboard box he felt a presence behind him. He craned his neck and looked over his shoulder. 'Oh, hiya Kyoya,' he said. 'Heads!' he shouted, lumping a bag over at George, who ducked. Fred turned back to Kyoya. 'Need any cosmetic care?

'Cause I've got just the thing for you, mate, Sleepless Shadow- takes away any circles under your eyes and, no offence, but you look as though you need it-'

Kyoya arranged his glasses, ignored Fred and addressed the girls waiting around him, who were clutching little beaded purse-like bags that were filled with money. 'Excuse me, ladies,' he said pleasantly. 'I may have to steal your Host for a moment.'

'Just a moment,' Fred promised them. 'Oi, George! Be back in a minute, right?' Fred got up and followed Kyoya away from the squealing huddle of yellow dresses. 'So,' he said promptly. 'What's up? Have we trod on any more important toes lately?'

Kyoya was busy watching the gathering still clustered around George, buying the overly pink products in bundles. 'Not quite,' he said and then in the same breath, 'are those products dermatologically tested?'

'Of course,' said Fred, offended. 'We test all our products. Firstly on ourselves, then on others. No allergic reactions to date. It's high standard stuff, ours.'

'And high priced, I noticed,' Kyoya said. 'Which, really, you should be using to pay off your debt.'

'Well,' smirked Fred, 'I heard tell from a reliable source that said debt is already half-paid... Underestimated our charming qualities, did you?' He grinned. '_Charming_, geddit?'

'Reliable source, hm?' Kyoya said dryly. 'Wouldn't happen to be one Tamaki Suoh, would it? And another thing, this is no magical school. Your behaviour has already attracted more attention than is wanted. That stunt you pulled on me earlier could easily have been on a teacher and how would you have explained that?'

'A nice and simple memory charm,' Fred replied easily, tapping his temple. 'Got it all thought out, mate.'

Kyoya ignored him and continued. 'Any more incidents like that and there will be investigations or charges for vandalism of school property. Understood?'

Fred yawned. 'Righto, Perce. But I can't promise anything yet.'

Kyoya's eyes flickered. _Perce?_ he echoed internally.

He paused for a moment, watching Fred saunter back to the stall and immerse himself in sales. Kyoya shook his head slightly before making his way over to the other side of the room where Tamaki was wailing, Hikaru and Kaoru were doing a victory dance around Haruhi and Hunny was wondering why there was a great big plastic pig sat where his chocolate gateau had been moments before.

* * *

'…cheers,' said George, taking the bundle of notes from one girl. 'Excellent choice, it'll look great on you.' He turned away from the now-blushing girl and looked to Fred. 'Pretty good haul, wouldn't you say?'

'Yeah,' said Fred, nodding. 'I think we're better off Apparating back for supplies though. Mum was only tolerant 'cause she was relieved we hadn't got ourselves assassinated by You-Know-Who.'

George laughed. 'I think you have to be famous to be assassinated, though.'

'Yeah, what's your point?' said Fred, eyebrows raised.

George laughed again, before something across the room caught his eye. 'Oh, here she comes, c'mon.'

'Hey-' Fred addressed Renge, 'can you man the stations? We'll be back in a minute- what? No, it's beauty products - you can't sell your cuckoo comics there- Oooh, sorry,' he held his hands up in mock-surrender, '_doujinshi_, my mistake.' He rolled his eyes. 'Look, will you do it or not?'

'Fred, stop arguing with her, c'mon! Cheers, Renge!' George called over his shoulder as Renge huffily took over management of the stall. They hurried over to Haruhi who was walking steadily across the room with a large tray laden with empty cups and saucers in her arms.

'Hey, Haruhi!' Fred said brightly as they halted in front of her. 'Need a hand? Looks a tad heavy.'

'No, I'm alright,' she said, beginning to walk again.

Fred and George skirted around her so that they were on her either side.

'Nonsense,' George said. 'We'll take it. Really, it's no trouble.'

'Plus, it's not fair for you to do all the legwork around here.' Fred, with a persuasive smile, tried to ease the tray out of her grip.

Haruhi sighed. 'Okay, fine. I don't know what you two are up to-'

('_We're not up to anything'-'_

'_-imagine suspecting cherubs like us!')_

'- and I'm not going to ask, all I request is that you don't break this tray, okay?'

'Okay,' they confirmed together, grabbing the tray hastily. 'Now, where's the tea?'

* * *

George unloaded a selection of sparkling vials filled with a simmering pink potion and set them on the tabletop with a musical clink. 'This'll work won't it?'

'What?' said Fred absently, unscrewing the heart-shaped crystal stoppers.

'I said, this'll work, won't it? I mean-'

'George, it's our invention remember? Nothing will go wrong.' Fred checked the vials against the light. 'Okay, that's them in order, this one's Tamaki's and…'

'You said that when we coerced the house elves into sabotaging Snape's dinner with Puking Pastilles, and look where _that_ got us-'

'What? I don't remember saying "this one's Tamaki's" when we were sat doing dungeon detentions.'

'Shut up, you git, you know what I meant.'

'Nothing will go wrong,' Fred repeated. He set down the stoppers and filled each cup with two thirds of tea. 'Others still preoccupied?' he said out of the corner of his mouth.

George looked around furtively. 'Yeah,' he said as Fred seasoned the tea with the love potions. Steam rose in mini spirals before ceasing, and the substance remained quite still.

Fred sniffed deeply and smiled. 'Love the smell.'

'Well, you're supposed to.' George frowned for a moment. 'Why, what can _you _smell?'

'Matches. And Angie's perfume,' Fred said. 'What about you?'

'Gunpowder,' George grinned. 'And butterbeer.'

'Nice,' Fred laughed. 'Okay, ready to dish this out, or what?'

'Dish what out?' came the voice of Hikaru. He had sidled up and was peering over George's shoulder.

'The tea, of course,' George said testily.

'Oh,' said Hikaru, the corners of his mouth turning down in disappointment; he evidently found the answer boring. But then Hikaru performed a sharp turn and sniffed the air. 'What is that? That smell?' He cut in between the two of them and reached over to pick up the amber-coloured tea. 'Have you put flavourings in this?'

'Yeah, of sorts,' Fred replied mysteriously, silently willing Hikaru to put-the-damn-cup-down. _Trust him to pick his own cup_, Fred thought furiously_, as if he isn't narcissistic enough!_

Hikaru sniffed the liquid deeply. 'Hmmm. It's almost like there's… I don't know… cinnamon and maple syrup and…' He tilted his head to the side, thinking, before shrugging. 'Anyway, I'll take this to Kaoru. He likes maple syrup as well.'

Fred's eyes widened. 'No! No- there's a time and place for being generous - I mean, here, take this one to him- I'm sure he'll like this better- they smell the same anyway-' He thrust Haruhi's cup at him.

Hikaru gave him a strange look before shaking his head. 'It's okay, I'll give him this one.' He strolled back off to his table before Fred or George could do anything about it. 'Hey, Kaoru! Try this!'

'Damnit!' cursed Fred, slamming his hands on the table.

'What is it?' asked George, who had watched the exchange with increased worry.

Fred shook his head.

'Fred, seriously, what's up?' George said urgently.

'He… took his own cup,' Fred said, looking pale. 'He took it…and he's gonna give it to…'

'Kaoru,' George finished, looking horrified. '_Shit_.'

'Yeah, that pretty much sums it up,' Fred agreed, face in his hands.

'Oh,_ shit_,' George said again. 'What are we gonna do?'

They looked nervously over at the Hitachiins' Hosting table, trying to catch a snippet of their conversation. Kaoru was smiling and setting the teacup over at one side. George thought he caught the words 'too warm'. George hoped Kaoru would forget about the tea long enough for it to go stone-cold, and then conveniently find it too disgusting to drink. Fred, however, had a more desperate plan of action.

'Right - you distract them and I'll go nab the tea-'

'_Fred_, you can't just bolt over there and steal their tea-'

'Watch me!'

'But-'

'It's not that big a crime, stealing a flippin' teacup- what they're about to do however, is a crime and a much more punishable one than-'

'Are you guys not done yet?' Haruhi asked, appearing at their side so suddenly that they were sure she had Apparated. Fred wilted, mid-rant. 'You're taking ages, you know.' She reached out for the teacup in Fred's hands; her own.

'Wait- where are you taking that?' Fred cried, determined to stop anything else going wrong.

'Uhh,' Haruhi looked alarmed, 'I was gonna just-'

'Haruhi~! Bring that to Daddy, won't you? I'm parched!'

'…take it to Tamaki-senpai, I guess,' she finished, sounding resigned. And she began to walk over to him with the cup, saying, 'You're only parched, senpai, because you talk so much, maybe if you…'

'You know,' said George, watching Tamaki click his fingers in mid-air as though arrogantly summoning a waiter, 'I think this is kinda the equivalent of sitting back and letting her sign her own death warrant.'

'What is the problem here? Can you two not even serve tea without difficulty?' Kyoya had strode over, his face set in a disapproving frown.

'No need to be narky,' George said. 'We were just-'

'Is there peppermint in this?' Kyoya asked them suddenly, pointing at a cup.

'Sure,' exhaled Fred, shrugging helplessly. 'What?' he mouthed at George who was looking over with wide eyes. 'I don't even care any more.'

Kyoya said nothing as he strode away with the cup.

George looked hesitant. 'And, er, dare I ask whose that was?'

Fred looked over the remaining beverages. 'Weeeell, I'd hazard a guess at that being either Tamaki's or Renge's.'

'So, whoever he starts trying to grope, basically?' George said, quirking an eyebrow.

'Yeah, basically,' Fred agreed as they both sighed in tandem.

'Whaaat's going on~?'

'Ah, Hunny-senpai,' George said, turning at the innocent, child-like voice. 'Nothing, we're just making tea, don't worry about it.' He resisted the urge to pat him on the head.

'Oh! Vanilla!' Hunny said happily. 'We haven't had vanilla tea in ages, have we, Takashi?'

'No,' Mori murmured.

'Can I take this?' Hunny said, beaming at them, hooking his small fingers around the cup. 'Or do you want it, Takashi?'

Mori shook his head. 'I am not thirsty.'

'Soo, I can take it then?' Hunny said, looking from Fred to George and then back again.

'Uh-well,' stuttered George.

'Actually!' Fred wildly intervened. 'We were going to give that one to Renge! But, you can come back for another one in a little while!' He gave George a pointed nod.

'Right,' said George. With a disguised flick of his wand, George set about making vanilla flavouring.

'Okay, I'll take this one to Renge-chan!' Hunny said, and he dawdled off.

'I thought he hated her after the whole biscuit-on-his-head episode,' George muttered, eyeing the water and thinking of the best way to Transfigure it into vanilla essence.

'Mitskuni does not hold grudges,' Mori informed them, before sloping off.

'Huh, well, that's good to know I guess,' Fred said, 'once he finds out about the real identity of those pigs.' He turned back to the table and heaved a sigh. 'Right, well, Renge now loves Kaoru.'

'Great,' George said dully.

'Let's just get shot of these, 'kay?' Fred said, nodding his head at the remaining teacups littering the tray. 'I mean, if we get rid of the incriminating evidence, no one's going to know-'

The rest of his sentence was lost to a shattering crash, a collective gasp, mingling squeals and piercing screams, the tinkling of scattering china, several dull thumps, one high-pitched 'eeep!' of shock and thundering footfalls.

Fred and George let out tiny groans as they revolved to see what damage had been caused.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

* * *

'It just gets worse with every viewing, doesn't it?' Fred said pulling an appropriately mournful face- one that was at total odds with his gleeful tone of voice.

'You could say that,' Kyoya said tightly, clutching the remote.

They were seated in the Media/Film Studies department. It was like a theatre hall meets cinema and it was empty except for the two of them. The ceiling was high and curved like a dome with decorative images of flowers carved out of the stone. The seats were a plush scarlet red, soft and velvet, and the screen stretched out in front of them was massive. The only disappointment was the severe lack of 'cinema food'. When, a little earlier, Fred had expressed his desire for some popcorn he was awarded one of Kyoya's cold looks (he had a whole range) and was effectively silenced.

Kyoya extended his arm, the flat thin silver remote held out in his hand and pressed down slowly on the _pause_ button. Having completed this action, he stared stonily forwards. On the screen a figure cloaked in black is advancing on a much smaller blond boy who is clutching an oversized cupcake in his small hands.

'That does look rather frightening,' Fred opined, rummaging in his pocket. His face lit up when he pulled out an object in purple cellophane packaging. 'Chocolate Frog! Yes!' He ripped off the wrapper and grabbed the frog before it had a chance to take more than a tentative venture out of the remaining wrappings. Fred crammed the frog into his mouth.

Kyoya turned and blinked slowly. He muttered something incomprehensible and flicked his eyes towards the ceiling. He may have spoken in a different language, but Fred was sure he was saying something like 'God give me strength.' It seemed God had answered Kyoya's pleas for when he turned his face looked almost pleasant. Well, expressionless, which, for Kyoya, was a substitute for pleasant. 'What I'd like to know is why Umehito Nekozawa suddenly found himself infatuated with Hunny-senpai,' he said.

'Yeah, y'know, that may have been me,' Fred said conversationally, swallowing the last of the chocolate.

'What?' Kyoya's head snapped around to face him.

'Like-' Fred leisurely wiped his chocolatey hands on his black trousers. 'Rewind it back a bit and I'll show you.'

Kyoya did so. The frames on the film flickered each portraying either a different scene or angle. The footage, that documented almost the entire afternoon, had been caught on one of Renge's cameras by one of her followers and written onto a disc by Kyoya.

'Stop, stop, stop!' Fred cried, pointing at the screen. '_PLAY_!'

Kyoya pressed _play_. Movement sank slowly into the scene.

'Oop, no, my mistake, keep rewinding.' Fred grinned.

Kyoya glared.

'Keep going, keep going,' Fred muttered, looking at the screen. '_STOP! _Oh, wait,' Fred shook his head. 'That's not it either… Try again, I'll tell you when it's coming up.'

Kyoya intensified his glare.

A few seconds later…

'_THERE_!'

Kyoya jammed down on the _pause _button.

'Ermmm,' Fred tilted his head and peered thoughtfully at the screen. 'Ermm…'

Kyoya cracked his knuckles.

'Nope!' Fred said. 'That's not it. Keep trying,' he encouraged.

His answer came by snarl.

'Oh, give it here then, if you're going to get all pissed off about it.' Fred grabbed the remote, hit the_ stop_ button twice then the _play _button. 'Aha,' he nodded, 'there it is.'

'That's the start!' Kyoya nearly yelled.

'I know,' Fred said brightly. 'That's the bit I was looking for.'

Kyoya blinked indignantly. 'And you let me-'

'Hush!' Fred said, pressing a finger to his lips. 'Movie's starting!' Fred kicked his legs up, resting his feet comfortably on top of the red seat one row in front.

Kyoya folded his arms and made sure his glasses were, as always, aligned perfectly on the bridge of his nose.

On the screen the camera is progressively panning every angle of the room. It starts with the pink back wall -the lighting in the room is pale orange, this subtle shade evenly mixing with all the pink and floral decor- before sweeping upwards to the ceiling -the crystals on the chandeliers glitter, each rainbow-sparkle caught and cased on camera- before turning to cover the rest of the room. Free from the burden and confusion of real-time and in a generalized perspective, movement and noise are blending into a strange elegant chaos.

It all looks relatively normal. Tea is being handed out, Hosts are wearing their most devastating smiles, the girls are laughing or blushing or flicking their hair, Kyoya is pattering away on his laptop, all around the temporary make-up stall is a chattering crowd, other cameras letting off diamond flashes of bright light.

'Yes, a sleepover!' Tamaki is shouting excitedly. 'With refreshments of the finest sort -and a commoner's selection too! I have found that I am partial to many of those foods. And we can have a draw to see which lucky girls get to accompany us!'

Kyoya looks up from his laptop. 'Perhaps you should hold off such extravagant thoughts until the Club meeting, Tamaki? It wouldn't do for you to get these lovely ladies' hopes up just to have them dashed by improper, hasty planning.'

The cautious words make no difference to Tamaki; he is water, excited words flowing and rippling, and the words are oil, barely floating on the surface of his scheming, hardly interfering. Kyoya is seen getting to his feet.

Real-time Kyoya, in the film hall, turned to Fred. 'That's when I'm coming over to talk to you about your indiscretions.'

'Oh yeah,' Fred said, remembering their talk. 'The statue of secrets.'

Kyoya frowned. 'What?'

'Statute of Secrecy,' Fred explained. 'Not revealing yourself to Muggles and all that jazz.'

'Yes,' Kyoya said in a biting tone. 'You simply excel at that.'

'You're not a Muggle,' Fred pointed out.

'For the purposes of my own secrecy at this school, I am.'

Fred rolled his eyes, rooting around in his pockets for some Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans.

Back on the screen, Tamaki is still raving about his sleepover to-be. '…and Haruhi, you _must_ visit!'

'Oh, must I?'

'Yes!' He is oblivious to the sarcasm in her tone. 'It seems only fair since you did us the kindness of allowing us into your own modest home!'

'I didn't allow you,' Haruhi grumbles, picking up a tea tray, 'you turned up. At my door. What was I supposed to do, banish you?'

Real-time Fred sniggered. 'She's quite funny, isn't she? In, like, that dry sort of way.'

'I suppose,' Kyoya conceded.

'Anyway, Tono, that's not going to happen,' on-screen Hikaru says slyly, curving around to stand next to Haruhi.

Kaoru slinks over to join him. 'Yeah, because we've invited Haruhi to _our_ place.'

'What?' Tamaki opens and closes his mouth. 'No! I won't have it! Haruhi, you are not spending a night with those two!'

'Why not?' Hikaru drawls, a lazy wicked grin unfurling.

'It's perfectly safe,' Kaoru adds, contractedly wide-eyed and all innocence. It is clear, in this moment, the parts they play.

'Even if our parents are away all the time,' Hikaru finishes, eyes glittering. The twins share smirks.

'_Perverts_!' Tamaki yowls. 'I-' (foot-stomp) '-won't-' (foot-stomp) '-stand for it!'

'Sit down, then?' Mori suggests blandly.

Tamaki turns to look at him, hurt. He is pouting. Mori simply shrugs unapologetically. Hunny giggles and pulls a plate of cake towards himself, a fork clenched determinedly in his small hand.

Hikaru and Kaoru begin to dance around Haruhi. 'Haruhi's coming to our house! Haruhi's coming to our house!'

Tamaki starts to wail.

There is a pop and Hunny's mouth falls open in a gasp. A big plastic pink pig is levitating exactly where his cake had been moments ago.

Real-time Kyoya frowned. 'You see?' he told Fred, gesturing at the screen. 'No subtlety.'

'As you've said before,' Fred yawned. 'Jellybean?' he asked, brandishing the bag.

'No, thank you.' Kyoya pressed his fingertips together in a steeple, narrowed his eyes and focused on the screen again. His on-screen self comes back into view and lowers into the usual seat. He glares disapprovingly at the pig before directing his attention to his laptop. His brows furrow and his fingers begin to hit the keys at an alarming speed.

The camera swivels again: a wide shot of the garish pink stall.

'In our natural habitat,' real-time Fred sighed, watching himself and George jump around tending to the girls' requests. 'Born to be salesmen, weren't we?' He suddenly gaped and leaned forward. 'No way. George just gave her the wrong change…! Wait…' He gaped even more. 'That was _me_..? Shit.' He bit his lip, eyes anxious. 'I feel bad now.'

On-screen George says something and they both turn. Fred turns back to Renge and gets in an argument with her.

Cinema-Kyoya rolled his eyes, listening to the argument. The angle of the camera switches again. This time it's Haruhi crossing the room with a tea-tray. Fred and George run up to her and after a little debate are seen heading away, carrying the tray. The camera jolts and there is a sudden nattering of incoherent Japanese. The screen blacks out and is replaced by a buzz of static and fumbling sounds. Kyoya, eyes trained on the screen, snorted as the high-pitched voice of a girl sounded.

'What's she saying?' Fred demanded.

'Trivial nonsense,' Kyoya answered, waving a hand. 'She thought she broke the camera.'

'Hmmm,' Fred frowned suspiciously, not believing him. 'I'm going to have to learn Japanese, aren't I?'

Kyoya gave a bland smile.

'Uh oh,' real-time Fred said suddenly, pointing. 'This is sort of where it all goes wrong.'

On-screen, Haruhi is walking over to Tamaki with a teacup. She sets it down and Tamaki starts to bubble and blunder about how graceful she's getting and how he clearly must be the one who influenced it. Haruhi smiles the best she can, keeping up appearances for the girls that Tamaki has clustered around him, but her eye is twitching and her fingers keep jumping as though she's fighting down the urge to throttle him. Tamaki makes a sweeping gesture with his arms and then picks up his cup and drains it.

'_He's supposed to be elegant_!' Fred all but screamed at the screen. 'What's he doing, chugging it down like that! The fool! No wonder he got such a strong reaction!'

On-screen Tamaki sways on the spot, looking dazed. He looks around, blinking dreamily before his eyes slide onto Haruhi. His mouth falls agape and all of a sudden he's on one knee.

'Oh, Merlin and Morgana!' Fred moaned, shielding his eyes in embarrassment. 'PRAT!'

'Haruhi, my fair maiden!' Tamaki swoons, 'with your skin as pale as cream, may I kiss your hand? I suspect it will taste just like strawberries, only no strawberries could ever compete with you where sweetness lies! Your eyes, Haruhi, they glow like topaz carved from moonlight!'

'What _is_ that?' Fred shouted. 'Seriously! Topaz carved from moonlight? That doesn't even make _sense_!' Fred looked disgusted. He seemed to take Tamaki's words as a personal slight on his potion-making skills.

'What's Tamaki doing?' girls on-screen are whispering, bright-eyed with cupped hands covering their mouths.

'Is he acting out a play?'

'Why's he calling Haruhi a maiden?'

_'The sparkle of your smile...'_

'It _must_ be some sort of play!'

'Oh, how wonderful!'

'_Brightest sunshine on the gloomiest winter day...'_

'Yuki, is it still recording?'

_'Each moment in perfect clarity with you...'_

'Hai.'

Fred gazed at the screen, looking at a loss. He shook his head, trying to dredge up the words to convey exactly how he was feeling. 'I mean, is it just bad English or…' He trailed off weakly.

'No, no,' Kyoya said, lips curving with amusement. 'Tamaki is in the top class with myself. I suppose it is just plain stupidity.' Kyoya considered. 'Actually, he doesn't appear to be acting a great deal differently than he normally does.'

'...with kisses light like butterflies!' Tamaki continues, taking a step forwards. Haruhi raises an eyebrow and takes a step back.

The girls operating the camera suddenly squeal. The camera is swung violently around again in a crackle of white noise. This time the focal point is the Hitachiins' table. As customers, they have three girls sitting primly around the table draped in their daisy-yellow uniform dresses. Their hair is black and glossy under the brightness of the lights.

Kaoru is sitting much too close to Hikaru, even for them.

'And so it begins,' Kyoya intoned dryly.

'Oh, no,' real-time Fred said mournfully. 'Oh, hell. _No_.'

'Watch it,' Kyoya ordered. 'You caused it, so watch it.'

'I didn't _cause_ it-' Fred squawked but he was waved down by Kyoya. He widened his eyes at the Japanese boy in horrified reproach. 'You actually _like_ it don't you, you pervert!'

Kyoya looked revolted. 'I am not going to deign that with an answer.'

'Just did,' Fred pointed out helpfully.

'_Quiet_,' Kyoya said authoritatively.

Fred huffed, feeling for all the world like a reprimanded five year old. He wrinkled his nose at the screen and moved two seats away from Kyoya, pouting childishly. He didn't _have _to watch this, he reasoned with himself. An idea grabbed him. Fred cast a Silencing charm around himself then closed his eyes tight shut.

On-screen; '…Kaoru?' Hikaru is looking at his brother questioningly, head tilted.

Kaoru exhales lightly, letting his breath dust over Hikaru's face. He giggles, looks around and beckons Hikaru closer. Hikaru leans forward, eyebrows contracting in the middle, the faintest of frowns, a flicker of confusion.

They are talking in whispers, words too low to be caught. Kaoru has his hand resting across Hikaru's jaw, idly playing with the strands of light red hair as the words ghost past his ear. Incredulous shock flits across Hikaru's face and he pulls back, looking at Kaoru uncertainly.

The three girls turn to each other and start to gossip excitedly about this turn of events.

Kaoru smirks, lip hooking up lopsidedly, and tugs Hikaru back towards him by the tie. His long pale fingers stroke the satiny material. Hikaru's mouth falls open a fraction and his golden eyes dart to meet Kaoru's. Kaoru leans towards Hikaru. Hikaru tries to draw back but Kaoru's hand is clenched tightly around his tie. The whispers are frenzied and fast now. Hikaru shakes his head, eyes wide but Kaoru grins and mutters something else. His smirk is mirrored on Hikaru's face for all of two seconds before pearl-white teeth are exposed and Kaoru is licking the shell of Hikaru's ear and Hikaru is shivering, clearly visible, in high definition, on this big screen.

Real-time Fred cracked one of his eyes open and peeked at the screen. His face went pale and he immediately scrunched his eyes shut again.

Kyoya watched the performance on screen with his notebook in front of him. Well, why shouldn't he at least take notes of this debacle? He may find a way to profit from it. Somehow.

The girls start to scream and the camera shakes. Hikaru is definitely blushing now and Kaoru has his knees edged in between Hikaru's thighs.

'Kaoru, seme?' one girl shrieks.

'Is that Kaoru, though?' another says curiously. 'Perhaps he is Hikaru, no?'

The squealing debate goes on and then Renge's voice drifts on. 'Kaoru, my darling!' She dashes across the room.

There is a shuddering moment when the camera completely freezes. Once the screen has appeared again, Kaoru is cupping Hikaru's face. From the way Hikaru's cheekbones are hollowed out, he is breathing shallowly. He swallows and the soft dove-white skin at his throat shifts. And then, Kaoru has his head tilted and the screams spiral into the air and the lighting falls down on them at angles that highlight shadows, and their lips meet.

Kyoya's hands jumped reflexively to his ears. The noise issuing from the speakers was horrendous.

It's Host Club history in the making.

Girls suddenly drop to the floor in a faint, uniforms ruffled, satin underskirts shimmering in the vague pinkish light of the hanging chandelier. Kaoru's hand is clasped at the nape of Hikaru's neck, softly running through the half-formed spikes of hair.

Then Renge's wrenching at Kaoru's arm, tugging him away from his brother.

'Eeeep!' one of the nearest girls shrieks in shock and outrage.

'Renge!' cries another, who is really in tears. 'Renge! You're _spoiling_-'

Renge is paying no attention to the bystanders. 'Kaoru!' she says most over-dramatically, tears spilling down her lightly rouged cheeks. 'You can't! You- I love you! You have betrayed me for-'

'What on earth is this?' Haruhi comments. She's out of range but her voice is clear.

'Fujioka-san!' one of the girls cry. 'Is Renge really in love with Kaoru-'

And then Kaoru staggers back wildly, accidentally knocking the tea set over. Tea cups clatter to the floor. They lie shattered like porcelain egg shells. Kaoru looks around the room. Every inch of his panic is caught, his eyes darting. He glances at Hikaru whose hands are clasped firmly around the ridges of the seat, knuckles stained ivory. Amber eyes reflected, clear, the shock, his mouth glazed, lips parted. Unblinkingly, Hikaru raises a hand and skims his fingertips over his lips. And then Kaoru's haring off out the door, footsteps thundering, almost colliding with Nekozawa who is trying to enter the room at the same moment. Renge pauses and then goes tearing off after Kaoru.

'The worst is over,' Kyoya called to Fred. When he got no answer Kyoya reached over the two seats between them and punched him.

'Gah! Wha..? Oh.' Fred lifted the Silencing charm. 'Is it done?' he asked cautiously, shielding his eyes with one hand just in case.

'Yes.'

'Oh, thank God for that.' Fred lowered his hand and sank in his chair with relief.

In the background, Fred and George revolve, see the scene and release inaudible groans. George can be seen mouthing the words 'Oh, no, not good, not good' in rapid succession. Even further behind them is Kyoya, shattered remnants of his tea-cup around him, looking as rigid as an ice sculpture, fingers locked in frozen poise over his keyboard. His face is pale under the unnatural technical blue glare of the laptop's screen.

Fred guffawed. 'This is the bit you-'

'Under the influence of your potion,' Kyoya said. The words dropped, coated in venom. 'We are _not _discussing...that.'

Fred grinned and watched on-screen Kyoya proceed to back a flailing Tamaki up against a wall. He turned back to real-time Kyoya. 'So, when was it you found out you were gay? Shame that he fell so hard for Haruhi, isn't it?' Fred said in one breath. 'You may have gotten lucky.'

Kyoya hit the _fast-forward_ button to skip his own embarrassing moment.

The next shot is Nekozawa running around, trying to find out what has happened. 'The screams, I heard screaming. What demons were troubling you?' he asks Mori. Mori's eyes flicker for the merest second towards Fred and George before he walks swiftly past the gothic boy and picks up the girls who had fainted, placing them gently and carefully on the loveseats. 'Belzenef will save you,' Nekozawa says, pulling out the curse doll with a flourish, 'Belzenef can-'

'Belzenef can piss off,' George interrupts brusquely. 'We don't have time for puppets.'

Nekozawa's pale eyebrows twitch. 'Belzenef is _not_ a puppet-'

'Oh, drink this and shut up,' Fred says, pushing a teacup into his hands. 'We really don't have the time.'

Kyoya hit the _pause_ button in triumph.

Fred looked sheepish. 'Yeah, that's how he -uh- why- he - Hunny-senpai… yeah…' He trailed off looking guilty. 'I didn't really know what I was doing though!' Fred added quickly. 'I make some bad decisions when I'm under pressure!'

'Evidently,' Kyoya muttered. 'Although why you had to actually make the love potions to being with…'

'Well, we needed more people to test them on!' Fred replied, reaching over and pressing the _play_ button before Kyoya could retort.

'It's like...incense and black roses and the smell of rain on the ground,' Nekozawa is saying in awe, looking at the cup with real reverence.

'Totally,' Fred agrees, eyebrow raised sceptically. 'Now, if you'll excuse us...'

The Weasley twins barge past him.

There's chaos in the room; lots of people running back and forth. Haruhi slips on a piece of cracked ceramic and Tamaki goes to the trouble of lunging halfway across the room to catch her. He fails miserably and they both end up sprawled across the floor. Tamaki sighs contently and rests his head against her shoulder. Haruhi looks completely befuddled and Hikaru watches them from his table, his face slightly bitter. Then he glances at the overturned seat and scattered cakes and silver spoons next to him. He gets up and exits the room quickly. Near the door, Nekozawa is gulping down the tea.

'Damage control! Damage control!' the on-screen Weasley twins are shouting, cutting through the crowd, trying to disperse it. They can hardly be heard; most of the girls who had fainted were returning to consciousness and were eager to gabble on about what they'd witnessed between the Hitachiin twins. They were looking around, disappointed to find that said twins were nowhere in sight. The same thing seemed to have occurred to Haruhi although she looked definitely more worried than disappointed.

'Perhaps someone should go and find Kaoru and Hikaru?' she says, looking around the room with her large brown eyes. 'I wonder why he did that, earlier… I hadn't realised they would really go that far…. And Hikaru seemed rather upset. I wonder if it was planned…' She trails off finger pressed to her lips thoughtfully. Haruhi jumps suddenly as Tamaki appears beside her and presses a random kiss to her cheek. 'Hey! Stop that,' she says, moving away from him. 'What's wrong with you?'

Camera jumps to a shot of Nekozawa advancing on Hunny. Hunny is still clutching his cupcake, regarding Nekozawa with mild curiosity. But when Nekozawa reaches his arms out for Hunny, Hunny's eyes widen and he goes running off in search of his cousin.

Kyoya suddenly barges into the foreground. His rage is visibly detectable in the way his fists are clenched, half inside the pockets of his blazer but his expression remains cool and collected aside from the fact that he speaks through gritted teeth. 'Could I speak to you two for a moment?' He smiles grimly.

Fred and George exchange looks.

'Well, Fred,' George says in a heavy tone, 'I suppose we'd better start dealing with our problems better. It's no use both of us trying to run away all the time…'

'Yeah,' Fred sighs solemnly. 'S'pose.'

'Excellent, I knew you'd understand,' George says loudly, clapping him on the back, 'you can start then! I'm away to rectify things with Kaoru, he's the one we're worrying about, eh? See ye after.' George runs out of the Third Music Room leaving a disgruntled Fred with a very angry Kyoya.

'Did you see that?' Fred exclaims, scowling after George. 'He just sold me out! His own brother!' It is clear Fred is getting no sympathy from Kyoya so he shuts up and gives a closed-mouth smile. Kyoya glowers back. Then he spots something, head turning. His eyes suddenly zone straight into the camera lens. He approaches it with a scowl.

'Jesus Christ!' real-time Fred exclaimed, as his on-screen self hops around in the background, debating whether or not to run while Kyoya is occupied. Fred gestured to the close-up of Kyoya's furious face. 'Scary much?'

On-screen Kyoya bares his teeth at the camera before there is a beep and Fred's hopeful sentence of 'So, I'll Oblivate them?' becomes muffled. The camera shakes and then the screen turns pitch black. The video ends; a vivid royal blue beams from the screen.

There is another loud beep. Kyoya's hand dived into his pocket and brought out his phone.

Fred stretched, crumpling up the empty bag of jellybeans. 'No credits, then? Ended a bit abruptly, didn't it?'

'Come on,' Kyoya said briskly, standing. He unplugged the cables from his laptop and packed it into his satchel.

'Where are we going?' Fred asked.

'Back to the Club Room. I was just informed by Ritsu Kasanoda that Hikaru was in the gardens. There's been no update on Kaoru.'

'George'll find him,' Fred said confidently. 'Anyway, Casanova?' Fred furrowed his brow. 'Is that not that Muggle guy who went around sleeping with loads of women?'

'I said Kasa_noda_.'

Fred tilted his head. 'Bossa nova?'

Kyoya walked out of the room.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

* * *

George was walking down one of the corridors when he heard Fred's voice calling distantly, his voice muffled. George frowned and looked over his shoulder. Fred was nowhere in sight.

'Fred?' George asked loudly.

'Prat!' Fred's voice hissed. 'In your pocket!'

'My_ pocket_? Oh!' Comprehension dawned and George pulled out his Two-Way mirror. He grinned.

'Did you get him?' Fred asked urgently, his image swimming around in the mirror.

'Not yet,' George replied. 'I'm pretty sure I heard footsteps down this way though.' George began walking again, glanced at the mirror only to catch sight of Fred battling with what looked like a teal-coloured sequined sarong. 'Forgive me,' George said, his voice sounding strangled even to his own ears, 'but what the hell are you doing?'

Fred flapped his arm, trying to unlatch the garment from where it had become caught in the crook of his elbow. 'I had to go into their costume room,' he hissed. 'It's absolute shambles in here. I tripped over two pairs of high heels and an honest-to-god Native American headdress.'

'Oh,' said George, unable to stop smirking. 'I thought you were experimenting. Teal doesn't suit you, by the way.'

'Silencio,' Fred said with narrowed eyes.

George snorted. 'Whatever.'

'Anyway, listen,' Fred said. 'I didn't call you to be insulted over my fashion choices.' He sniffed.

George snorted again and shook his head. 'Well what is it then?'

Fred glanced surreptitiously over his shoulder, said in a low voice, 'Know how we were working on those Memory-Loss Marshmallows?'

'Yeah,' George said, figuring out what was coming.

'Did we finish all the tests on them?'

'Yep. Wipes everything from the previous hour,' George confirmed promptly. He scratched the back of his head, thinking back to the initial testing days. 'Actually.. Well, no, roughly an hour- that's what we were aiming for, wasn't it? Yeah. It'll be roughly the hour, maybe forty five minutes.'

George saw Fred glance around again. Fred cast a quick time-telling charm. 'Okay.' He looked relieved. 'Yeah, that's fine.'

'The antidotes though-' George began but Fred waved him down.

'Won't matter,' Fred said confidently.

'Have you got enough?' George asked.

'If not, I'll replicate,' Fred said lazily. 'I'm just going to give the Marshmallows to the girls that fainted. Do you agree with that?'

'Yeah. How's Hikaru?'

Fred bit his lip. 'Quiet. Wants to go after Kaoru but Kyoya won't let him.' Fred laughed suddenly. 'Blimey, you should have seen the tape! Kyoya and Tamaki… bloody funniest thing I've seen. I've gave them all the love potion antidote though. Most difficult one was Tamaki. He wouldn't shut up long enough to drink the damn thing. Oh yeah, and turns out that Kaoru didn't actually drink that much of his potion so the effects should've worn off by now.'

'Okay. Good.'

Fred nodded. 'Oh yeah, and Kyoya mentioned something about getting premises for our shop here!'

'Really?' George said, blinking.

'Yeah!' Fred nodded excitedly. ''Course, that means he's gonna expect us to actually get all those dodgy ingredients and shit from over yonder. Slytherin, if I ever saw one…'

George laughed.

'Right well, I'm gonna go now. I can hear Nekozawa, asking a million questions a minute. Bloody creep.'

George rolled his eyes. 'He's not a Death Eater, Fred. He's not even a _wizard_.'

'Don't care,' Fred said pertinaciously. 'It's like he's aspiring to be one. Him and his fake Dark Arts.'

'Whatever,' George sighed. 'I'm gonna find Kaoru,' he said, before Fred could go off on a tangent. 'See you later.'

'Yeah, bye.'

George pocketed the mirror and continued down the corridor, shaking his head. He quite liked Nekozawa. Okay, so he was slightly weird, but who wasn't at this Ouran place?

George continued opening doors, looking around rooms before closing doors again. He came to the end of the corridor feeling a bit disgruntled. 'Bloody last room in this side of the school… Might as well be using a Disillusionment charm, 'sidering how long it's taking to find him…'

George curled his fingers around the door handle and pushed it forward. He entered the room slowly and looked around the library. The chandeliers lit up the room yet it appeared empty, the pearly light reflecting onto the desks below. At one side of the room the desks fitted into a sort of alcove where pale pink lamps hung from the sunken ceiling. In this space was a row of computers.

'Kao-ru!' George called, striding through the widest area. 'Kaoru.' George dropped the sing-song voice and entered into the walls of shelves. 'Oi!' he barked. 'Hitachiin!'

There was no reply.

George sighed loudly and threw himself against the nearest wall of books in frustration, his back hitting the rows of dark official-looking spines with their gold lettering. He felt a few books shift. George turned and took a wavering step backwards, eyeing the shelves with wary eyes. The whole structure gave a shiver, the frames quivering, and then books of all sizes started to tumble off the shelves in a confusing blend of movement and flurrying of paper.

'Argh-!' George was hit in the chest by a rather heavy book that looked like an encyclopaedia; not that he could read the writing on it. Whatever information it contained, the weight of it when it collided with his ribcage knocked him backwards and knocked the wind out of him. Stumbling, he hit the opposite wall of books. 'Shit!' He lunged and tried to grab another large book that was coming his way, only to catch it at the wrong angle, consequently achieving only a paper-cut for his efforts. 'Stop, stop, stop!' George shouted desperately over the crescendo. 'Come on-'

The avalanche continued, books showering down. A thin book flew off the shelf and the corner caught him under the chin. 'Ouch!' he bellowed, eyes stinging. 'See!' he bemoaned to the empty room, 'this is _exactly_ why I don't like readi- alright, that's _it_!' After a particularly hard hit to the nose by a particularly dusty tome, George decided he'd had enough and plunged his hand underneath his blazer to withdraw his wand. Waving it over the surrounding chaos, he shouted, '_Finite_!'

Everything slowed and stuttered to a stop.

'_Thank_ you!' George gasped. He waved his wand again and watched as the books lifted themselves up on the ground and floated - almost with a reproachful sheepishness - back to their shelves. George stowed his wand away again and looked around, panting. 'Bloody ridiculous… Minding your own business, then, before you know it, sodding _books_ coming at you from all angles…'

'Actually, you were minding _my_ business.'

An unfamiliar terror seized George. His heart picking up a furious pace, he turned.

Kaoru was standing a good few metres down from him, visible from torso up, since he was peering, wide-eyed, around the other end of the wall of books at a bizarre angle. 'I don't need any one looking for me,' Kaoru continued coldly.

'How long have you been there?' George asked him, trying valiantly to keep his usual pleasant tone of voice in place. George caught sight of one or two books attempting to wiggle back into place. He leaped over and hastily hid them.

'Long enough.' Kaoru emerged fully from around the corner to face George. His voice and expression devoid of emotion, he said, 'How did you do that?'

George laughed easily, putting his hands in the blazers pockets and casually scuffing at the floor. 'Do what?' he smiled.

Kaoru arched an eyebrow and tilted his head a fraction.

'Really,' George said, smiling more broadly. 'I didn't do anything.'

Kaoru surveyed him for a few moments before his expression shifted and his eyes contracted slightly. 'Whatever,' he muttered, exhaling. He turned again and disappeared around the corner from which he had first appeared.

'Hey- hey- wait-!' He ran after Kaoru, but lost his balance on the marble and had to grab hold of the closest ornate lamp to steady himself. The silky tassels hanging from the shade tangled around his fingers and George struggled with the lamp before finally throwing it off. He grimaced as it fell, looked helplessly at the sad, pathetic mess but there wasn't much he could do - his main priority was finding Kaoru. He dimly hoped that the lamp hadn't been another antique.

Across the room where the computers were Kaoru sat on one of the swivelling computer chairs, with his knees drawn up against his chest. He spun around slowly, using one hand to push off from the corner of the desk and twirl.

'Hey,' George started moving over towards him.

Kaoru glowered at him and spun around in his chair so that he was facing the opposite way.

George slipped into the seat beside him and put his elbow on the table, rested his chin in his palm and waited.

George leaned back in his own chair and spun around a bit. Bored with this activity he slumped on the desk and turned the computer on and off repeatedly, tapping his foot against the wooden panels that lined the desk. The library was too quiet. He reached for the computer's switch again.

'You're wasting electricity.' Kaoru's voice was toneless but it rang out into the silence.

George flicked the switch on anyway and kicked Kaoru's chair so that it swung around to face him. 'Why do you care?' George asked him.

Kaoru glared at him and said nothing.

George sighed took out his wand. Kaoru's eyes narrowed but George paid him no attention as he spelled the marble floor a different colour.

'How are you doing that,' Kaoru said, eyes widening. 'What is that?'

George squashed his smile and made the lights above them flash all the colours of the rainbow.

'How are you doing that?'

George stopped the colours and pocketed his wand. He regarded Kaoru seriously. 'Come back to the Club Room and I'll explain it to you.'

Kaoru looked at him before his eyes dulled and he looked away. 'No.'

George shrugged, like "your loss", before slipping a hand into his pocket and taking out a box. It was small like a match-box, except midnight black with curly silver writing spelling out _Pepper Imps _across the centre of it_. _George shook open the box, picked up one of the tiny black sweets and popped it in his mouth. He chewed casually, surveying Kaoru with mild interest. Kaoru caught his eye and refocused his glare.

George exhaled lightly and a burst of flickering fire jumped from his mouth. Kaoru let out a gasp and stumbled backwards in his chair. George raised an eyebrow at him and ate another Pepper Imp. Kaoru folded his arms. The curiosity burned in his eyes but his mouth was kept tight shut, looking at George stonily. They sat in near silence again, broken only by George shaking the box of Pepper Imps so that the sweets rattled inside.

'Hikaru hates me,' Kaoru said abruptly, staring down at his hands.

'He does not,' George said at once.

'He does.' Kaoru's voice was flat.

'He doesn't,' George protested.

'He _does_!' Kaoru snapped. 'What do you know, anyway?' he added scathingly.

George put down his box of Pepper Imps. 'He wouldn't _hate_ you.'

Kaoru closed his eyes and laughed sharply. '_Right_. Wouldn't Fred hate you?'

'I am Fred.'

Kaoru snapped his eyes open and gave him a piercing glare.

George cringed. 'Right. Sorry. Habit.' George raked his fingers through his hair. 'Look, it wasn't your fault.'

Kaoru laughed bitterly again.

'For God's sake,' George said impatiently. 'It _wasn't._'

'Right, because I haven't just been…' He tapered off and started at his hands again, head bowed. He looked almost like he was praying.

'Haven't what?' George prodded.

Kaoru shook his head. 'It doesn't matter.'

'It can't be that bad,' George said reasonably.

It was evidently the wrong thing to say because Kaoru's head shot up and he glared so ferociously that he almost rivalled a Basilisk. 'You don't know, okay?' he nearly shouted. 'You don't know what the hell you're talking about so just leave me alone!'

'Kaoru,' George said weakly.

'Don't, okay? Just- _don't_!' Kaoru's shoulders shook violently and his eyes filled up. He ducked his head again as the tears spilled over from underneath his eyelids.

_Oh, bollocks_, George thought. He moved, rather awkwardly, closer and put an arm around Kaoru. Kaoru immediately tried to shrug him off but George kept hold of his blazer. 'Come on,' said George cheerily, nudging him.

Kaoru shook his head.

'It's okay,' George said, biting his lip and glancing around the empty library as though looking for someone to help him. 'It's fine.'

'It's not- it's NOT!' Kaoru slammed a fist down on the desk. The computer beside him shook and the headphones hanging on the wall trembled. Kaoru took a shuddering breath and looked up at him, anguished. 'It's not,' he repeated in a whisper, blinking rapidly.

'Hikaru doesn't hate you,' George stated firmly. 'Really.'

Kaoru sighed, his breath hitching unsteadily. 'How do you know?'

'Because. Fred told me. He - Hikaru - wanted to follow you.'

'Yeah.' Kaoru snorted. 'To start yelling at me or something. You don't get it. He hates me. I hate me.'

'No you don't,' George said softly. 'You don't.'

'Stop _telling_ me that! You don't _know_ me!' Kaoru pulled away from George's arm and buried his head in his hands.

George frowned. 'Tell me, then.'

Kaoru took deep shaking breaths and looked at him uncertainly.

'Seriously,' George said earnestly. 'I'm listening.'

Kaoru sniffed and stared at the desk. 'Well,' he said hoarsely. 'Growing up, it was just us. Our mother and father… they were away a lot. We just depended on each other, you know?'

'Sure.' George nodded encouragingly.

'Well, anyway.' Kaoru sniffed again, his voice getting stronger. 'We were- we were fine like that. We _wanted_ it to be that way. So, when they came back, we tended to…how do you…' He paused, as though searching for the word.

George remembered suddenly that English was Kaoru's second, perhaps third, language. It was easy to forget, considering how fluent they all were most of the time.

'Yeah, we tended to ignore them,' Kaoru proceeded, now back on track. 'It's hard to be pleasant with someone who isn't there, even if they are your parents. So, there were always arguments in the house. And it always resulted in Hikaru and I just going up to our room for hours. There was a lot of distance. Meal-times were the worst. Mother always tried to start conversation, but, she always got our names wrong. Hikaru got really annoyed at that. I didn't care, but it upset him. One time, we tried to run away. We took all our savings from the house and got as far as the airport before she sent the security out after us.' Kaoru smiled ruefully. 'And at school, well, we didn't like anyone. We didn't want to know anyone. They were either interested in us because of our family name or because they thought it was cool to be friends with twins.'

'I know what you mean there,' George interjected, nodding. 'That's what me and Fred were like when we started Hogwarts. Not that we didn't like anyone, but everyone thought it was cool to be friends with us because we're twins, so we didn't know who was, like, genuine. Lee was great though, he didn't much care…' George trailed off before he shrugged. 'Then again, we are pretty cool, so, I can't blame them.' George noticed Kaoru looking at him and grinned apologetically. 'Sorry, mate, just totally talked right over you. Continue.'

'Well, no one could tell the difference between us,' Kaoru said. 'The girls were especially annoying. They were always guessing and we were immature. We didn't want them to guess right, because we didn't _want _them to know who was who. So, it became more of a game to us. We didn't like them but it wouldn't have made a difference if they guessed right, see?'

George didn't, but he nodded anyway.

Kaoru shrugged. 'I guess we were pretty mean back then. Anyway, then Tamaki showed up. And, you know what he's like, right? Total idiot.' A smile flickered past Kaoru's lips. 'He tried to get us to join the Host Club. He said if we did there'd come a time when people would see us as two different people. We said we wouldn't join.'

'But you did,' George pointed out redundantly.

'We were bored,' Kaoru said, as though this sufficed as an answer. 'I don't know though. I didn't like the idea much. It got fun, I guess. And then… Haruhi.'

George frowned at the dismal tone. 'I thought you liked Haruhi.'

Kaoru flinched. 'We- I do.'

George titled his head. 'Then what's the problem?'

Kaoru looked him dead in the eye. 'Tamaki loves Haruhi, even though he's not sure what that really means. And Haruhi's oblivious but I'm sure, even though she acts uninterested, she'd like him too. And what's worse, Hikaru's in love with her also.'

'Oh.'

'_Oh_?' Kaoru echoed. '_Oh_? I say all that and that's all you have to say in response, _oh_?'

'Well, _excuse me_,' George snapped, his Weasley temper flaring. 'I don't see what the big problem is.'

'I told you you wouldn't get it!' Kaoru yelled suddenly. 'That's why I don't tell anyone anything! No one gets it!'

'Stop feeling sorry for yourself,' George said shortly. 'I get what you're saying, I just don't see why it's such a big deal! Even if he is in love with Haruhi, it doesn't mean he's going to forget about you! He's your brother!'

'I know that! Okay? I know! I just-' Kaoru glared at the ceiling and took a deep breath.

'Gomen- I mean- sorry. I just don't want to lose him. And- I don't know, after today, what I did, I think I have. I'm sure he hates me for it.'

'You didn't mean it though-'

'Didn't I?' Kaoru asked, his eyes large. He seemed to genuinely want an answer.

'Um,' George faltered, looking back at him. 'I dunno, did you?'

Kaoru sighed. His breathing still seemed a little shaky. He watched George carefully as he began to speak. 'I don't know. No? Maybe? I don't think so.'

'Okay, cool, I'm not confused either,' George said brightly.

Kaoru let out a reluctant laugh.

'You _can_ fix this with him,' George said optimistically.

The laugh slipped away, the corners of Kaoru's mouth tilting down. 'Hah, yeah,' he muttered cynically.

'Trust me,' George said, plastering on his best grin.

'I don't want to,' Kaoru said warily, light sinking back into his eyes.

George laughed and threw an Imp at him.

Kaoru caught it quite easily. 'What are these things?' he asked, flicking it around his palm. 'Did you really breathe fire?'

'Yeah,' said George as Kaoru began to eat it. 'Well,' he amended, 'you don't feel the fire, it's not warm.'

Kaoru huffed out an experimental breath. Orange flames billowed forward. Kaoru let out a delighted laugh. 'Awesome! Can I get another one?'

'Come back to the Music Room with me,' George bargained.

Kaoru narrowed his eyes. 'You said you'd tell me how you did that… thing- y'know, with all the books, if I went back with you.'

George nodded. 'I will.'

'Fine.'

'Fine,' George retorted with feigned huffiness.

Kaoru smirked. 'And give me one of those sweets. They weren't part of the original deal.'

'Have the box,' George said, sliding it over to him. 'Come on.' George stood and walked over to the door, Kaoru trailing after him, engrossed in taking in every detail on the small box of sweets.

'Tell me then,' Kaoru said as they left the room. 'Tell me how you did that. With the books. And the floor. And the lights.'

Repressing the worrying thought that Kyoya was going to be worse than furious with him George began confessing everything about his life as a wizard...

* * *

'Do something else,' Kaoru urged, ten minutes later, as they got closer to where the Host Club was.

George lazily conjured a hat and shoved it on Kaoru's head.

'Eww, I don't suit yellow,' Kaoru complained. 'Change the colour.'

George tapped the hat, turning it red and gold. 'Gryffindor,' George proclaimed.

'_Odaiji ni_,' **(**Bless you**) **Kaoru told him, looking at him strangely.

George smiled vaguely in response, wondering what the hell Kaoru had just said.

They reached the door and glanced at each other.

'What if… what if I did mean it?' Kaoru whispered.

'Wha-?' George blinked. 'Oh. Hikaru. Oh.' George floundered. 'Right. Um.' He scratched his nose uncomfortably before he began to laugh. 'Honestly- I just tell you I'm a wizard and you're the one… No, I guess, both situations are serious.' George sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He was so very much out of his comfort zone. 'Well, look, I'm gonna be honest-' George paused, as he heard a strange whooshing noise, but, brushing it off as his imagination, he continued, 'it's a bit weird, in fact _really_ weird, but, I'm not gonna judge you or anything, right? For what it's worth, it doesn't really make a difference to me. And he won't hate you.'

Kaoru tipped his head to one side and nodded slowly. 'Mm. Okay.'

'Okay?' George asserted.

Kaoru smiled widely. 'Yeah.'

'So…'

Kaoru nodded and took grip of the door firmly. 'Thank you,' he said, smiling still.

'Uh. No problem?' George said uncertainly.

Kaoru beamed and threw open the door, disappeared inside, practically skipping.

George stood in the hallway, stunned by the change of events- the change in Kaoru's mood.

'O-kay,' he said, entering slowly. Despite his cautious pace he nearly collided with Fred who was holding a large bag of fluffy pink marshmallows and a considerable amount of silver ribbon.

'Hey,' George said dazedly. 'Did you see that?'

'Hmm?' Fred wound the ribbon around the bag, sealing it shut at the top. 'See what?'

'Kaoru,' George said, watching as Kaoru bounced across the room. 'He was all mopey and stuff, then-'

'Oh, it worked then?' Fred said brightly.

George whirled to face him. '_What_ worked?'

'The Cheering Charm!'

George gaped. 'What Cheering Charm?'

'I heard you two coming along the corridor so I cast it through the crack in the door,' Fred explained. 'I see it's done the trick.'

'You…' George pinched the bridge of his nose before shaking his head. He looked over to where Kaoru was throwing his arms around Hikaru's shoulders, laughing. 'I… okay. Fine.'

'What's up?' Fred asked.

'I just -' George laughed. 'I spent ages giving him this whole speech and stuff and then you just cast a bloody Cheering Charm and everything's all fine.'

'Ah, well.' Fred shrugged. 'That's why they call me the smarter one.'

'They do _not_ call you the smarter one,' George said hotly.

'Sure they do,' Fred grinned. 'They just say it when you're not around.'

'Shut _up_. Oh, no, here comes Kyoya. Reckon you can cast a Cheering Charm on him?'

'Why? He was alright just a few seconds ago.'

'Yeah well, I've got something to tell him that he won't be so alright about.'

Fred raised an eyebrow. 'Oh?'

'Yeah,' George confirmed, biting his lip. He resisted the urge to mumble. 'I kinda told Kaoru about, uh, being wizards and all.'

'You _what_?' Fred said, mouth falling open.

'You _what_?' the cold voice of Kyoya repeated.

George cringed and plastered a massive grin to his face. 'It was an accident?'


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

* * *

'Get - over - here - now!' Each word was punctuated by a sharp tug to George's sleeve.

'I - didn't - look, come _on_-'

Fred was half-jogging to keep up with them.

In the background, the remainder of the Host Club were ushering their slightly befuddled guests out the door, pointing to the clock and assuring them that '_yes_, _Club time is over _' and _'oh, isn't that how it always is when you're having fun?'_

'Ouch! Kyoya-!'

George determinedly put more effort into dragging his feet. The shiny black school shoes he was wearing squeaked shrilly on the floor. Kyoya shot him a look of annoyance, and George, suitably pleased with this outcome, proceeded to make the noise again.

Now the pale fingers were clasped so tightly around his wrist that George felt as though he was losing all circulation in his hand. He was being dragged so forcefully that the marble beneath him had turned to a pink blur.

'Uh- Fred? Help?' George said in a strangled voice.

Fred simply shook his head.

George, so shocked at this outright betrayal, gaped, and forgot to fight off Kyoya. He abruptly fell over his own feet. With a small snarl, Kyoya had to yank him upright before powering on.

'Why not?' George cried over his shoulder.

Fred bobbed along after them. 'Serves you right for abandoning me earlier and leaving me to deal with him. Remember that?' he said, nodding darkly and smiling a little too vindictively for George's liking.

'Well, _yeah_, but-' George gave him a pleading look but it was cut short as Kyoya shoved him roughly into a chair next to the windows. Outside the sun was setting. George flailed and nearly toppled over backwards. He instinctively grappled at the chair's arms and turned angrily to Kyoya, shielding his eyes against the bright amber-pink light. 'What the hell do you think you're-'

Kyoya sat down opposite him. George tidied his posture then glared into Kyoya's shadowed eyes.

'What,' Kyoya began quietly, eyes now cast downward, 'do I have to do to engrain it into your thick skulls that you can't _keep flaunting magic around so carelessly_?' He slammed a hand down onto the table and his eyes flashed; they looked almost amaranthine in the dusky light.

'Oi!' Fred objected, stomping around to face Kyoya. 'Less of the plural! I didn't do anything this time! In _fact_, I spent ages rectifying the damage - do you know how hard it was trying to convince Mori to eat a marshmallow? Like getting blood out of a stone, I'm telling you!'

George stopped glowering at Kyoya for a moment. 'Wait,' he said to Fred, 'you gave _everyone _the marshmallows?'

'Everyone except for this guy-' Fred pointed towards Kyoya, 'but that could be easily remedied,' he grinned, fingers innocently playing with the silver loops of ribbon knotted around the bag of marshmallows.

'Don't you dare,' Kyoya said boredly.

Fred chuckled and nodded understandingly. 'Suppose not. I guess you want to keep a memory of yourself slamming Tamaki against the wall, eh?'

George wrinkled his nose while Kyoya rolled his eyes. 'Oh, yes,' Kyoya said, in his usual droll tone. 'You caught me.'

Fred winked. 'Secret's safe with me.'

George, meanwhile, had his chin resting on his palm and his gaze fixed on the Hitachiin twins, eyes hovering from one to the other. Kaoru was sitting atop one of the tables nattering away amiably and swinging his legs. Hikaru sat alongside him, nodding and grinning, picking at the icing on a cake. Nothing was off between them; they looked as they did any other day. As George watched, the two of them put their heads together, as though they were planning some nefarious plot. If George knew them at all, he could guess it involved Tamaki Suoh as its main victim.

'So, why did you tell him?' Fred asked George curiously.

'Because he's a moron,' Kyoya muttered.

'Sometimes,' Fred conceded and nudged George.

George jolted. 'What?' he said absently, bringing his gaze away from the laughing pair.

'Why did you tell Kaoru? Did it just slip out?'

'I-No. No, he saw me doing magic.'

Fred raised his eyebrows, silently asking him to elaborate.

'There was a bit of an incident in the library,' George explained. 'I mean - you know how it is between me and books. Not the _best _relationship.'

Kyoya made an impatient noise and drummed his long fingers on the table top.

Fred and George dutifully ignored him and George continued, 'They tried to attack me and Kaoru happened to appear just when I was showing them who was boss and-'

'Spare me,' Kyoya said pointedly, lacing his fingers together and resting his chin on top of them. 'The plain fact is: he knows.'

George swivelled around to face him. 'He won't tell anyone, though.'

Kyoya snorted, his mouth arcing into a cynical smile. 'I don't think you quite understand the dynamics of the Hitachiins' relationship. They tell each other everything. Do not be so naïve to think that he will make an exception for your sake.'

George set his jaw stubbornly. 'He gave me his word-'

Kyoya laughed, his head tilted back.

'You are so obnoxious,' George told him balefully.

'Look, it's not that bad,' Fred interjected in a vain attempt to play peacemaker, 'we'll just give him a Marshmallow and everything will be hunky dory-'

'And not only did he promise,' George continued abruptly, raising his voice to eclipse Fred's and leaning forward to address Kyoya, 'I also know that Kaoru is more than capable of keeping secrets from Hikaru.'

'What are you saying?' Through his usual mask of indifference there was a glimmer of curiosity in Kyoya's expression and also a spark of annoyance over the idea that perhaps someone knew something he did not.

George presented a pleasant smile and tapped his nose, knowing it would further incense the Japanese boy. 'Just something he told me,' he said casually.

Several seconds passed.

George smiled wider.

'Very well,' said Kyoya, face taut.

George smothered a laugh in his hand - Kyoya's irritation was just so tangible.

'Maybe,' Kyoya continued, 'I will accept that he won't recount this secret to Hikaru for some unfathomable reason, but what exactly is stopping him spilling your secret to everyone?'

George grinned. 'I'll just tell him if he does, I'll let slip to Hikaru the thing he so doesn't want him to find out about.'

After a short pause, Kyoya said crisply, 'That's blackmail.'

'Yeah,' George acknowledged, flashing his eyebrows upwards in a motion that was tainted with irony. 'I've brushed up on my skills lately. Guess I've learned a thing or two from you.'

Kyoya's lips curled into a momentary sneer.

Fred made a disappointed sound. 'So, no more marshmallows?'

Kyoya looked between them: George sitting there with a satisfied smirk, arms folded smugly across his chest, and Fred, pouting and looking at the bag of marshmallows as though someone had just denied him a great treat.

'This is not over,' Kyoya said curtly, and he got up and swept away.

Fred and George stood in silence until Kyoya had crossed the room and then Fred turned to George. 'So you're going to blackmail Kaoru, huh?' he said, raising an unimpressed eyebrow.

George tutted, wagging his index finger. 'I'm just letting _him_ think that. Look,' he said reasonably, looking Fred dead in the eye, 'what's so bad about Hikaru knowing? Kaoru already knows. I don't think he'd tell anyone other than Hikaru anyway. And it'd be so much easier if both of them know. I mean, we are staying with them, after all.'

Fred mulled this over. 'I guess you're right,' he said finally.

'You _know_ I'm right,' George corrected with a sparkling grin.

* * *

'_Stupid, smirking, evil, spectacle-wearing git_!' George spat as he threw the door open. The night sky, the sparkling dots of stars above, was reflected in the shining black exterior of the car.

'Hey, it's not so bad,' Kaoru smiled, getting into the limo after Fred and George and sitting next to Hikaru.

George grumbled in response, bunching himself up against the window, staring out into the darkened courtyard.

'Yeah,' said Hikaru, signalling to the driver. The car began to move smoothly. Hikaru pressed a button and a darkened screen rose elegantly between the driver and themselves. 'Shadow King's always putting us on cleaning duty.'

'Yeah,' agreed Kaoru, yawning.

'For five hours?' George said sullenly.

'Well, no,' Kaoru admitted, lolling sleepily against Hikaru.

'Then don't try to make comparisons,' George grumped. '_Merlin. _That was worse than detention with Toadface.'

'At least your hand isn't bleeding,' Fred said drolly, randomly ferreting around in the car's plush interior.

'Yes it is!' George cried, brandishing his thumb in his brother's face. 'Look!' A small red gash was present near the cuticle. 'That bloody mop - I swear it had teeth! And I know bugger all about healing spells.'

'That cat you transfigured the Boss's teddy bear into was cool, though,' Hikaru said, a definite hint of envy in his voice. 'Except for its eyes. Did you see that, it kept the same eyes as that aggravating bear-'

'Ooh!' Fred said suddenly and he extricated a glittering bottle of champagne from the spotless soot-black depths of the limo's pocketed sides. 'Can we?' he grinned, caressing the top of the bottle.

Hikaru and Kaoru shrugged. 'Go ahead,' they said in sync, waving unconcerned hands.

'Are these cars always supplied with alcohol?' George asked as Fred eagerly uncorked the

bottle with a tap of his wand and foaming white champagne showered around them.

'George,' was all Fred had to say and George was automatically handing him four crystalline glasses.

'Depends,' Hikaru answered George's question. 'Oh, that reminds me of something,' he grinned, and glanced at Kaoru. 'One time, maybe a year back? Kaoru and I decided we'd have some champagne before school-'

'Oh, no, Hikaru!' Kaoru said, eyes wide. 'Don't tell them this story! It's embarrassing!'

'Now- Kaoru- you've noticed he's more slender than I am, right?' Hikaru smiled gleefully, cheeks become rounded. 'Well, he's also a complete light-weight and he tends not to eat in the morning-'

'_Hikaruuu_!' Kaoru whined, burying his head in his twin's shoulder.

'There, there,' Hikaru laughed, gently petting Kaoru's hair. 'So,' he continued, ignoring Karou's moan of protest, 'unwittingly, Kaoru goes and downs half the bottle and pretty soon he's totally drunk.'

'What, in the space of ten minutes?' George laughed, taking a glass from Fred.

Hikaru opened his mouth; 'No!' interjected Kaoru, peeking his head up to cut him off, 'no, we got stuck in traffic that day! So the journey was longer!'

'Of course it was, Kaoru,' Hikaru said patiently as Fred also handed him two glasses.

'It was!' Kaoru pouted.

'_Wasn't_,' Hikaru mouthed to the Weasleys, shaking his head back and forth. He saw Kaoru looking up and he immediately stopped and flashed a wide grin. Kaoru awarded him a look of deep suspicion. 'Here,' Hikaru said instead and handed him one of the glasses. Kaoru narrowed his eyes but took it and bit the rim of the glass, baring his teeth.

'So, anyway,' snickered Hikaru, 'by the time we arrive at the school Karou's basically falling about everywhere, and announcing strange things. He told one of our classmates - she was wearing some horrible hair-clasp - and Kaoru told her, quite seriously, that she had a duck on top of her head.'

'It looked like a duck,' Kaoru muttered petulantly, sipping at his glass.

'We were walking through the courtyard and Kaoru turns to me and whispers loudly, _'HIKARU, HIKARU' _and I say _'What is it Kaoru?' _and he says '_I- I gotta tell you a secret _' and I'm like _'okay, what is it?' _So, he looks around a bit then beckons me closer and says, solemnly, '_I really need to PEE_!' '

Fred and George snickered. Karou blushed and covered his face.

Hikaru smiled wickedly. 'So, I'm leading him through the grounds, telling him we'll get to the toilet in a minute, when he gets distracted by the pond.'

A grin unfurled on Fred's face.

'To start with he's just balancing on the edge but then he sees something, what was it, Karou? A bird or something?'

'I can't remember-'

'Yeah, it was a bird. So he's like '_I want the BIRD_!' He reaches out for it and ends up falling in-'

'And you didn't stop me!' Karou burst out.

'You were pretty adamant, Karou. All serious and shit. I didn't want to interfere. Anyway, all the girls come running over, screaming, and suddenly Tamaki-senpai's on the scene squawking about how "a Host should not be seen partaking in such ridiculous activities" and Karou emerges, completely soaked, and says, 'A_ host? Better make it two, then_!' And he pulls the Boss in with him!'

'Bet he wasn't pleased,' Fred and George snickered together.

'The teachers are soon out helping him and Karou out the pond and I'm like _'Come on, let's go to the bathroom' _and Karou says, _'Um.. I don't need the toilet anymore…' _'

'What?' guffawed George. 'He pissed in the pond?'

'That's not true!' Karou screeched. 'Stop embellishing, Hikaru!'

Hikaru laughed. 'You're right, sorry. He actually pissed himself in class.'

Karou thumped him.

'Kidding, kidding,' Hikaru said light-heartedly, holding his hands up.

'The teachers didn't notice he was plastered?' Fred said sceptically.

'No,' Hikaru shrugged. 'I told them I dared Karou to jump in the pond but didn't think he'd actually do it.' Hikaru smiled reminiscently. 'We both got lines.'

The car slowed to a stop. Tyres crunched on gravel.

'We back already?' Fred said in surprise. He kneeled up on the seat and peered out the window.

The sound of the driver's door slamming echoed in the peaceful night air and soon their own door was opening. Hikaru, Fred, Karou and George hastily finished off their glasses and stuffed them onto the lighted shelf then Fred, with amazing speed, shrunk the bottle of champagne so that it now fit easily within his palm.

'Wow,' Karou breathed, staring, awe-struck, at the tiny bottle.

They all hopped out of the car and the chauffeur dipped his head to each of them in turn. The twin maids were waiting to greet them at the door. As they were shedding their coats a female voice drifted out from one of the other rooms across the hallway.

Hikaru stiffened and abruptly stopped smiling. His coat slipped from his fingers. One of the maids dived forwards to pick it up and hang it. Then they both bowed and made their exit. A laugh echoed from the room, the female voice continued to ring out.

'Who is that?' Fred asked, hooking his own borrowed jacket onto one of the pegs.

'Our mother.' Kaoru glanced at Hikaru. 'Come on, let's go and say hi.'

Hikaru shook his head.

'Hikaru,' Kaoru pleaded. 'We haven't seen her in two weeks.'

Hikaru hunched his shoulders. 'So?'

'Please.'

Fred and George shuffled their feet awkwardly.

'Go yourself,' Hikaru snapped and made for the stairs. 'She's on the phone, anyway.'

'Jaa-ne!_' _**(**_See you / Goodbye_**) **was the sound from the background.

Kaoru raised his eyebrows. 'Not anymore,' he smiled.

'Whatever,' Hikaru said dully and boarded the first stair.

Karou grabbed his hand.

Hikaru spun around. 'Kaoru- no-'

'Hikaru, Karou!'

A woman with a fairly young pixie face and short auburn hair, styled into artful spikes, was walking towards them with her arms outstretched warmly. She wore a black skirt, a matching black blazer, charcoal stockings and was draped in bright green accessories. In one pale hand she clutched a mobile phone.

After shooting a look at Hikaru, Karou walked over to greet her.

'Mother,' Hikaru said stiffly when she turned to beam at him. 'These are our friends, George and Fred Weasley, from England.'

* * *

'Hikaru, that was so rude!' Kaoru upbraided as they entered the room a short while later.

After a cursory introduction, Hikaru had ushered them into the kitchen away from Mrs

Hitachiin, collected a few snacks and some glasses, then led the way upstairs.

'I don't care,' Hikaru said shortly, locking the door behind them and walking purposely over to the bed only to throw himself down on it. The pillows flopped feebly in protest.

Karou sent Fred and George an apologetic look, which they responded to with shrugs, and went to accompany Hikaru.

Fred and George sat down on their own beds.

Fred restored the bottle of champagne to its original size and aimed a Refilling Charm at it. He then poured a sizable glass for himself and took a gulp. 'So why do you not like her?' he called over to the Hitachiins without preamble. 'Seemed nice to me. Fit, too,' he added in an undertone.

George punched him. Fred snorted.

'Doesn't matter,' Hikaru replied then leaned over to continue his and Karou's discussion.

'Fair enough,' Fred said. He kicked off his shoes and got more comfortable.

'Apparently she's always away because of her job and she's never had time for them,' George muttered quietly. 'Dunno about their dad.'

'Oh,' said Fred. 'That kinda sucks.'

'What sucks?' Kaoru asked as he walked over. He sat down next to them and crossed his legs.

'Er-'

'Vampires!' George said brightly. 'Vampires suck! Get it? They suck blood?'

Fred cuffed him around the head. 'Baka.' Fred looked at Karou and nodded in a proud self-congratulatory fashion. 'I learned that today. Kyoya called me it.'

George rolled his eyes. 'I guess it doesn't mean anything good then?'

'Are vampires real?' Hikaru asked, joining their haphazard gathering.

'Yep,' George bobbed his head. 'Never met one though.'

'Our brother Bill has.'

'He was in Egypt-'

'-and there was a gathering of them-'

'-in one of the pyramids.'

Hikaru raised his eyebrows. 'Last time we go there,' he said fervently. He nudged Kaoru. 'We went there last year, didn't we?'

Kaoru frowned. 'We went to the Caribbean last year. Remember? You trashed the room.'

'No, we went to both. And you were the one who had a fit because the mini bar didn't have any of those chocolate things you like-'

'Are there vampires in the Caribbean?' Kaoru asked the Weasleys, abandoning the blossoming argument.

'Probably,' Fred shrugged. 'There are vampires everywhere.'

Kaoru's eyes popped. 'Even here? Japan?'

Fred nodded. 'But there's organisations of wizards who donate blood to the vampire community so they don't starve and go on hunts. It's really pretty safe. Well, there are sometimes rogue vampires, but there's not many of those.'

Hikaru and Kaoru didn't look at all reassured.

Kaoru took a big gulp of champagne. 'What else is there?' he asked, wiping his mouth.

'Ghosts,' said George. 'But only wizards can see them. I think Muggles can sense them, though.'

'_I_ saw a ghost once,' Hikaru piped up.

Kaoru rolled his eyes. 'Hikaru always tells this story. He won't listen to me when I say it was just a shadow.'

'Shadow's aren't white!'

'It was smoke, then. It wasn't a ghost.'

'We have a ghoul in the attic?' Fred offered.

Hikaru and Kaoru looked intrigued. 'What's that like?'

'Bald,' George answered.

'Slimy,' added Fred.

'Complains a lot.'

Fred cocked his head. 'Probably 'cause he's up there with Ron.'

'Who's Ron?' Hikaru asked.

'Our brother. He's a whiny little git.'

'Nosy, too.'

'Do you have a lot of brothers?'

'Four. Well, three, 'cause Percy doesn't count.'

'Are all your family wizards?'

'Yeah, we're all magic, if that's what you mean.' George laughed. 'I don't think our mum would be pleased to be called a wizard.'

'We have a sister, too. Ginny. Her life long ambition is to marry Harry Potter.'

'Who is-?'

'Ron's best friend.'

'He's the one that defeated Snakey. You-Know-Who, I mean.'

'Who?'

'V- Well, an evil wizard. He kills Muggles.'

'Why?' Hikaru gasped, looking outraged.

'He's a psycho,' George said sadly.

'Except, then You-Know-Who came back.'

'But we know Harry's gonna bash him in the end.'

'If Umbridge doesn't off Harry first.'

Hikaru and Kaoru wore expressions of increasing confusion.

'She hates him more than she hated us.'

'Old hag.'

George turned to Fred. 'Peeves better've done his job.'

'Who's Peeves?'

'Our poltergeist pal,' Fred answered brightly.

Hikaru wrinkled his nose. 'This all sounds a little unreal.' He shook his head. 'I need more champagne if I'm going to believe it at all.'

George cheerfully handed over the bottle.

* * *

'_Kuso_!' was the loud hiss that Kaoru awoke to in the morning.

He pushed himself into a sitting position and suddenly a deep pounding headache made itself announced. 'Urgh' he groaned weakly, pressing a hand to his temple and taking a steadying breath. He was still holding his head when he was assaulted by a flying red t-shirt.

'Hikaru?' Kaoru croaked. He peeled the t-shirt off his face and peered across the bed to see a half-dressed Hikaru kneeling on the floor near their wardrobe, throwing clothes over his shoulder in quick succession, all the while cursing under his breath.

Kaoru stumbled out of bed, feeling his headache double. Hangovers never did agree with motion. He staggered towards Hikaru, clambering over the sea of clothes, only to meet another obstacle in the form of a dozing Fred Weasley. By the time Kaoru had spotted him it was too late. His leaden legs were in no state to obey his brain and so he found himself stumbling over the sleeping boy.

Fred awoke with a loud incomprehensible yell and looked dazedly up at Kaoru who was still wobbling around. 'Peanut?' he uttered in a mumble.

Kaoru raised an eyebrow and attempted to walk past him, except Fred grabbed his leg.

'What?' Kaoru said impatiently, stepping out of his grip.

'What's happening?' Fred asked.

'I don't know,' Kaoru replied honestly. He held his hands out at his sides for balance and wavered towards Hikaru. 'What's going on?'

'We're late!' Hikaru said in a panicky voice. One of his arms was sunk deep into a pile of shirts. 'We slept in! And I can't find my tie!'

'What? But they always wake us up-'

'Yeah, but our door was locked!'

'Are we really late?' Kaoru asked.

'Let's just say you've got about three minutes to have a shower and get dressed,' Hikaru replied grimly.

Kaoru let out a weak horrified moan at this total lack of luxury.

'Where's George?' Fred asked, now standing on unsteady legs.

There was a sudden banging sound and Hikaru, Kaoru and Fred turned fearfully to stare in the direction of the window. They were just in time to see the flowing white curtains expel one George Weasley and deposit him roughly on the floor. George turned over and smiled up at them good-naturedly.

'Hiya,' he said.

* * *

'We're not that late,' Kaoru reasoned as they sped along the road half an hour later.

Hikaru raised an eyebrow, looking up from where he was sorting his school bag. 'We should be halfway through our second class.'

'Well, yeah,' Kaoru said, 'but at least it's not lunchtime yet.'

'I suppose,' Hikaru agreed. He zipped up his bag and sat back. After a few seconds he plucked at his tie and looked accusingly over at George. 'This isn't really the right shade, you know. It should be slightly lighter.'

'Well if you hadn't gotten drunk and shredded your tie I wouldn't have had to conjure a new one,' George responded cuttingly.

'I didn't _know _I'd shredded it,' Hikaru said sheepishly.

'I'm vibrating!' Kaoru announced suddenly.

The other three turned towards him.

'You're _what_?' Hikaru said, looking quite disturbed.

'My - phone-' Kaoru explained, wriggling around in an effort to extract his phone from his back pocket. Once he had it, he peered at the caller ID. His eyes widened. 'Gah, it's Kyoya-senpai. You answer it.' He threw the phone at Hikaru.

'Hey- that's low, Kaoru-' Hikaru flipped open the phone and pressed it to his ear. 'Kyoya-senpai?' A blare of yelling echoed. Hikaru jumped and held the phone at arms length. 'I think he wants you guys,' he said, cowering, and he passed the phone to George.

'H-hello?' George said tentatively into the object.

The yelling abruptly increased. Hikaru and Kaoru huddled together.

As he listened to the tirade George's face got paler and paler. 'O-okay,' he said finally in a shaky voice. He hung up and passed the phone mutely back to Hikaru.

'What? What is it? What's happened?' Fred asked.

'You know those Memory-Loss Marshmallows?' George said quietly.

'Why does that sentence sound so horribly ominous?' Hikaru whispered to Kaoru.

'What's happened?' Fred repeated urgently.

'You left them in the Club room,' George whispered. 'And. Um. Hunny-senpai consumed the whole lot. He doesn't have a clue who anyone is.'


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

* * *

It all happened in blurring snapshots of changing faces, locations, running down corridors and jumping into and out of cars until finally the whole drama came to a stand-still, an interlude, here, in a quiet wing of the local hospital, on a row of uncomfortable plastic seats.

'I'm sorry,' the petite nurse said again. Her hands were small and she fidgeted with her blue clipboard, her clear varnished nails picking at its corners. 'The patient is with his family. No more visitors are allowed in at the present time.' She held the clipboard closer to her chest as she surveyed them all, gathered there outside Hunny's room. She slung a commiserating smile at them then hurried down the hallway through the set of double doors.

They all watched the doors swing energetically until the movement slowed down to a dull ebb back and forth.

'Well, _she_ wasn't helpful _at_ all,' Hikaru opined loudly, folding his arms.

Everyone turned their heads to look in his direction. Even Fred stirred a little- pulling his solemn gaze off the linoleum floor to glance briefly over.

'Ssh!' Tamaki scolded Hikaru belatedly.

'What?' Hikaru tipped his head back against the wall and stretched his legs out in front of him. 'It's not like she can hear me.'

'It's not her fault,' Tamaki insisted. 'They're doing the best they can. It's a very frustrating situation,' he added knowledgably.

Hikaru and Kaoru turned to each other and rolled their eyes in sync.

'They could at least let us in,' Kaoru mumbled.

'Yeah!' Hikaru agreed. 'Why are we stuck out here? We should be in there. Not to mention these chairs suck. I bet there's nicer chairs in there. When are we gonna be allowed in there?'

'Stop complaining,' Kyoya muttered tiredly, running a hand through his short black hair.

'Yeah,' Haruhi agreed.

'We'll be allowed in when it's time,' Tamaki sniffed, glancing at Haruhi before looking over to the Hitachiins disapprovingly.

'We're his friends,' Hikaru carped resentfully. 'We should be in there.'

'All in good time,' Tamaki said maddeningly.

Hikaru cast him a sour look. 'Why are you being so calm? You should be up and about, flailing around and despairing about your precious Host Club coming to an end.'

Tamaki lost his serene patience so fast it was comical. 'Coming to an end?' he nearly squawked. 'Why would it be coming to an end?' Tamaki clutched blindly at his arm-rest as though he needed solid support.

'This could be permanent for Hunny-senpai,' Hikaru said, dragging his teeth worriedly over his bottom lip and raising his eyebrows significantly. 'He'd end up having to _leave_.'

'Mori-senpai would go with him,' Kaoru continued, blinking widely at Tamaki.

'The Club would feel _strange_ and _unfamiliar_ without them,' Hikaru said, almost slyly.

'We'd end up _disbanding_,' said Kaoru, shivering theatrically.

'It would be _such_ a-'

'Would you two please stop being such fearmongerers!' Haruhi interrupted angrily.

Tamaki's expression of horrified disquiet dissolved as he looked at her in surprise.

'We don't even know what that word means,' the Hitachiins informed her imperiously.

'It means,' Haruhi said, narrowing her eyes, 'stop trying to scare Senpai into getting up and making a scene.'

'Is that what you were doing?' Tamaki cried at them. 'How… underhanded!'

Hikaru and Kaoru slumped back in their seats.

'You spoil everything, Haruhi,' Hikaru bemoaned.

'It wouldn't be that if all those things you were saying came true,' Haruhi retorted and this comment held enough truth to instil silence in both Hitachiins.

Although not in Tamaki who was obviously still not over their betrayal.

'…can't believe you would try and trick me like that!' he continued to mutter. 'It's just as well I always keep my emotions in check and do not let myself get riled up by such nonsensical things, isn't it, Haruhi?'

Haruhi stared at him as though trying to figure out if he were joking or not.

He blinked guileless eyes at her.

'Sure, Senpai,' she finally breathed.

His lips curved up into a sweet smile, eyes slanting into warm lilac ovals.

In that moment Haruhi couldn't do anything but offer a shy smile in return.

From the end of the row Kaoru watched the exchange. He stole a quick glance at his brother. Hikaru was the absolute picture of perfect obliviousness, and that sent a sharp pain somewhere between Kaoru's heart and stomach. His eyes were shut and his head was tilted towards the ceiling. Kaoru's eyes drifted from Hikaru's fanned-out eyelashes, to his pursed lips and eventually came to linger on his neck. Kaoru wasn't sure how long he stared but when he finally stopped he found George watching him expressionlessly.

Kaoru felt his cheeks flame and he immediately looked away.

* * *

Fred had been extremely quiet from the moment he'd heard the news. He'd barely said a word as they rushed to the school then rushed to the hospital. He hadn't said anything in response to Kyoya's knowing glares or George's enquiries and still now his head was ducked and his eyes were averted to a point on the floor.

And, quite frankly, George had had enough of it.

'Come on,' he said firmly, standing up and pulling Fred's sleeve.

'What? No.' Fred protested, but he didn't do much to resist as George dragged him out the seat.

'We're just going for a walk,' George informed the others. 'I think my legs have died,' he offered as explanation. 'We'll be back soon.'

George pushed Fred ahead of him and they started walking down the white strip-lighted corridors. After a couple of minutes Fred just _stopped_.

'Fred?' George questioned warily. 'What are you doing?'

'I boycott walking.'

George looked around. This new corridor was completely deserted. 'Okay,' he half-sighed and sat down against the wall. Fred furrowed his brow but deigned to join him.

'What am I going to do?' Fred asked dully, picking at the flaking sky-blue paint of the skirting board.

'We need to wait to find out how bad the situation is,' George said watching one of the above strip-lights skitter hazily.

'And then what?' Fred asked, still in the same dull tone, still scratching his nails against the wall.

'And then, well… we know the doctors here won't be able to cure him. Maybe the ones in Kyoya's healer hospital might. But I guess we'll have to work on the antidote.'

'I didn't bring the antidote.'

'We can go back and get it,' George said.

'It's not finished.'

'We can finish it,' said George, biting back his irritation at how difficult Fred was being. 'Improve it.'

Fred scoffed cynically. 'Yeah. And probably end up making everything worse.'

George frowned. 'What?'

'I'm such an idiot!' Fred exclaimed suddenly and whacked the bottom of his fist against his forehead. '_Why _did I leave that bag there!'

George sighed. At least they were getting somewhere. At least Fred was actually talking about the problem. 'You didn't make him eat them,' George pointed out.

'I probably shouldn't have had them in the first place. I knew that the development wasn't perfect. But I still went ahead, even after you mentioned the antidote.'

'Okay, so they weren't truly finished,' George conceded impatiently, 'but it's not like you knew this was going to happen.'

'I shouldn't have used the marshmallows at all then. You said all along when we were getting the stock ready for the shop-'

'I know what I said. It doesn't really matter now. I think using the Marshmallows and even having this happen is a better outcome than what would have happened if you hadn't used them.'

'That's selfish,' Fred muttered.

'Maybe,' George said defiantly, 'but at least we can fix this. We wouldn't have been able to fix it if that love-potion scenario got out of hand.'

'S'pose,' Fred grunted.

'Look,' George said in a more reasonable tone. 'If the doctors here can't do anything and his memories don't return in the next couple of days, we'll just have to go home, gather all our materials and keep working on the antidote. I mean, if we just perfected the current one, we'd have the proper solution. We'd have to give him a concentrated dose, maybe, considering the amount he ate but...'

Fred blew thin hardened fragments of the paint off his knuckles before he looked up. 'You think that'd work?' He sounded hopeful.

George got to his feet and scoffed, now confident that he had Fred's backing in the plan. '_Who_ go the E in Potions?' he asked brashly.

Fred almost laughed, and that was good enough for George.

'Seriously,' George grinned. 'It'll be fine. Let's go back.'

They were at the set of double-doors, almost back where they started, when they heard a sudden new babble of voices. Peering through the glass squares in the door the twins saw Hunny's family (with the exception of Mori, who was evidently still with Hunny) exit the room. The mother was covering her mouth with a handkerchief but the father stood stiff, his expression stern. A younger boy with golden-brown hair and glasses also had his face schooled into a strictly impassive expression. George turned to Fred to comment on this serious lack of emotion only to see his twin lurking behind him, looking guilt-ridden and insecure.

'Oh, come _off _it,' George said exasperatedly.

Fred was not to be deterred. He tugged George over to him. 'Hikaru said,' Fred began in a hushed story-telling tone, 'that the Haninozukas are renowned for their martial arts skills. He said that Hunny's dad owns, like, one of the best dojos in the nation.'

'What?' George said, bemused and trying not to laugh. 'Bah. Hikaru was having you on. Merlin. Let's go.' He made to push the door open but Fred grabbed his arm.

'I'm telling you,' Fred whispered, fidgeting agitatedly, 'that guy would kick my arse right back to England if he found out this was all my fault.'

George raised a sceptical eyebrow but he decided to humour his brother and therefore waited until the doctor had led Hunny's family down the corridor before he dragged Fred by the sleeve over to the others, who were now filtering through the doorway to see Hunny.

'Hmm,' said a voice.

For a moment George thought it was Hunny's father- thought that he'd been lying in wait, ready to ambush them and treat them to a special demonstration of his formidable fighting skills- and George was just about ready to take back his scepticism and scoffing but then, as the door to Hunny's room, without anyone there to keep it held ajar, swung shut and the sound echoed, he caught sight of Kyoya standing next to the deserted reception desk. His dark eyes were fixated on the fluorescent lights.

'The doctors,' Kyoya said quietly, addressing the ceiling, 'are baffled as to how Hunny-senpai has lost his memories yet has no visible signs of injury to the skull.'

'Kyo-' Fred uttered, but didn't get much further than that.

'Furthermore,' Kyoya pressed on grimly, 'they are unable to tell whether or not the memory loss will be reversible as they cannot determine which exact part of the brain has been affected.' Kyoya finally pulled his gaze from the lights. 'But it has been confirmed that his last memory is of around the time Tamaki invited him to join the Host Club.'

George paused, unsure whether or not he should say anything. 'So,' he said slowly, deciding to chance it. 'He knows who all of you are?'

Kyoya gave an affirming nod. 'He knows of myself and Tamaki and has known the twins since middle school. Yourselves and Haruhi he does not know. I have given him some details on what you are like.'

Fred and George exchanged a gloomy look.

'Those all-important first impressions, eh?' George intoned under his breath.

Fred raised his eyebrows in low-spirited acknowledgement.

Kyoya smirked, but it wasn't in a nasty or malicious way. 'I haven't portrayed you quite that badly,' he said sounding amused.

'Well, I wouldn't really blame you if you did,' Fred said heavily. 'I've caused problems for you from the start.'

'Perhaps,' Kyoya said lightly, 'it would be better for us to just put all past disagreements aside and work together to help Hunny-senpai?'

'Yeah,' George agreed, 'we've actually already-'

'We've had an idea about that,' Fred said, overriding George's sentence in his eagerness to be of help.

Kyoya nodded. 'Tomorrow Hunny-senpai will be moved to the hospital you have previously visited, where the doctors are - ahem- better qualified to deal with his condition. You'll help them?'

'Of course,' Fred said immediately, 'we'll do whatever we can to-'

The door to the room was suddenly flung open and Hikaru's head popped out from around it. 'Come on!' he yelled down to them. 'Come meet Hunny-senpai!'

George grinned began walking.

'I daresay we'll have time to discuss this later,' Kyoya said.

'Yeah,' said Fred. 'But, seriously,' he said, staring hard at Kyoya, 'I'm really, really sorry about all this-'

'Hey, hurry up!' Hikaru hollered.

'Yeah, Fred, hurry up!' George grinned.

Fred casually stuck the middle finger up at them.

George's laughter rang out.

'It is fine,' Kyoya said to Fred. 'Now, as they have so politely reminded us, you do have someone to meet.'

* * *

Fred cleared his throat hesitantly.

'Err. Right. Well. You don't remember us but my brother Forge -I mean, George- Er. _Shut up_!' Fred directed this last at George who had started snickering from his corner. 'My brother George and I,' Fred picked up again, 'are temporary Club members and, err…' Fred trailed off awkwardly as Hunny shifted on the bed to lean over and say something in Mori's ear, who was sitting on a chair right beside the bed.

After listening to Hunny's whispers Mori gave a brief nod. Hunny beamed at Mori.

'I'm very pleased to meet you!' Hunny chirped to Fred and George. His accent seemed more pronounced than it had been previously. They were hearing a past, less-refined version of Hunny's English. 'Takashi says he likes you so that means I like you too! And so does Usa-chan! We can all be new Club members together!' Hunny pulled the bunny out the cocoon of blankets and rested his chin atop its head, its pink velvety ears framing his small face. 'Sooo,' Hunny said, cocking his head to one side -managing to look even more adorable- and peering at them all happily. 'Who brought me cake?'

There was a beat of silence where they all looked at each other tensely.

Tamaki gulped loudly and nudged Haruhi.

'We were just going to get some,' Haruhi improvised quickly, smiling at Hunny before casting an unamused glare at Tamaki. (He was mopping his forehead delicately in relief and appeared not to notice.)

'Yeah!' Kaoru enthused. 'That was the plan!'

'Uh-huh,' Hikaru agreed, nodding, making an exaggerated thumbs up gesture.

Hunny seemed to be buzzing with excitement.

'Milord, you and Kyoya can stay here and fill Hunny-senpai in on how the club works,' Hikaru delegated.

'Oh, can we?' Kyoya said mildly, his eyebrows raised.

Hikaru flashed him a grin as he, Kaoru, Fred, George and Haruhi walked to the door.

'Thank you~! Bye-bye!' Hunny called happily from the bed, waving Usa-chan all over the place, nearly smacking Mori on the nose with an overzealous bunny ear.

'Go on,' Kaoru grinned, halting at the door and nodding encouragingly at Tamaki. 'We'll get the cake, you tell him all about the Club.'

Tamaki nodded very seriously. 'Well,' he said, pulling his chair closer to Hunny's bedside and settling himself in it. 'It's a lot like this!' he gushed. 'I'm Daddy, and Kyoya's Mommy and-'

'It's _nothing_ like that!' Kyoya interrupted indignantly.

Fred and George smirked, Hikaru and Kaoru burst out laughing. Haruhi smiled and gently closed the door over.

'That guy,' Hikaru snickered.

'At least he's enthusiastic,' Kaoru smirked.

'Heh,' was all Hikaru said.

'But Hunny, too,' George remarked. 'He seems pretty upbeat despite what's happened to him.'

Hikaru shrugged. ''Cause Mori's there,' he said, as though it were obvious. 'Hey, do we go this way?' He frowned. 'All these corridors look the same to me.'

'The lift is over there,' Haruhi said, pointing to the silver doors a small stretch away. 'The café's on the fourth floor.'

'Once again, the commoner's sense of direction is infallible!' Hikaru said teasingly.

'Shut up,' Haruhi grumbled but she didn't sound too angry, just exasperated.

The lift was empty, thankfully, which meant that they didn't get disapproving stares when Kaoru and Hikaru started squabbling over who would get to press the button. In the end, while Hikaru was batting Kaoru's arm away and Kaoru had his hand locked around Hikaru's wrist, Haruhi ducked between them and gave the appropriate button a push. The Hitachiins stopped their mock-fight and stared from her to the glowing button in shocked betrayal.

Haruhi looked uncaring. As the lift shuddered into life she peered into the mirrored walls and tucked a lock of her hair precisely behind one ear. 'What's Hunny's favourite cake?' she asked, pulling a small blue bead-embroidered purse from her pocket. 'Because I don't think I have enough to…'

'Strawberry?' Hikaru pondered. 'Or chocolate. Maybe fudge. Maybe chocolate fudge.' He shrugged. 'Whatever.'

'Those lemon meringue things,' Kaoru chimed in. 'And the vanilla ones with the icing sugar.'

'What?' Hikaru laughed. 'Those are all cakes _you_ like.'

'Which ones should we get?' Haruhi asked, still staring worriedly down into her purse.

'Who cares?' Hikaru yawned. 'He likes everything. We'll just get him everything that's there. It's not like we can't afford some stupid little cakes.'

'Right,' Haruhi said, her voice suddenly tight. 'Of course.'

Silence.

'This elevator's taking a bloody long time,' Fred said loudly. 'D'you think the thing's faulty?'

No one replied.

George scuffed at a forgotten pen lying at his feet. It skittered away like a cockroach into the corner. When he looked up he caught Kaoru snapping his head around to stare at Hikaru with narrowed eyes.

'_What_?' Hikaru said defensively, raising his eyebrows at his brother.

Kaoru shook his head mutely.

The elevator stopped and the doors opened with a bit of clanging and a loud _ding!_

'Finally!' Fred celebrated. 'Here we are-' He broke off as Haruhi delicately sidled past him and walked briskly away. 'Uh, okay, then,' Fred said blankly, blinking blue eyes after her. The doors began to close. 'No, no, no!' Fred panicked wildly and hastily pushed his shoulder between them. 'Ow!' The doors bit at his shoulder.

'You're so tactless, Hikaru,' Kaoru moaned, effortlessly hitting a button that caused the doors to re-open fully. (Fred massaged his shoulder and gave Kaoru a reproachful look.)

'You _know_ she's not rich like us,' Kaoru continued despairingly, stepping out of the lift.

'What!' Hikaru repeated, following him and throwing his arms up. 'What did I do? I did not do anything!'

Fred and George looked at each other, Fred looking decidedly more confused than George. But George wasn't in any position to explain anything so he just had to bite his lip and shake his head as they also got out of the lift.

Kaoru rolled his amber eyes. 'Your comment offended her, Hikaru. How do you expect to-' Kaoru's expression changed and he instantly cut himself off, mashing his lips together.

'To _what_, Kaoru?' Hikaru said testily.

Kaoru opened his mouth only to clamp it closed again. He took a deep breath, his eyes shuttering over. 'Just go talk to her and apologize,' he muttered. 'And try and be nice about it.'

'Kaoru-'

'No,' Kaoru said, opening his eyes again. 'We'll talk later, okay? But, just now, go speak to Haruhi.'

Hikaru looked at Kaoru for a long moment.

'Please?' Kaoru asked softly.

Hikaru's eyes narrowed a fraction and then he was off, running down the corridor, his shoes slapping against the floor and sending echoes ricocheting off the walls.

'Be nice!' Kaoru reminded him. He waited until Hikaru was out of sight before he clapped his palms over his eyes. His fingertips clipped at his fringe, twisting the soft hair.

'Are you alright?' Fred asked, wandering over cautiously.

'He acts like… Like he doesn't even _want_ to be with her.' Kaoru shook his head. 'He's so... I don't even know the word in English. In Japanese, kururesu… it means… naive?'

'Oblivious?' George suggested. 'Clueless?'

'Right, exactly,' Kaoru nodded. 'Clueless. Hikaru is clueless.'

'Fred is clueless!' Fred exclaimed. 'Fred doesn't even know what you're talking about. Hikaru and Haruhi…? Since when?'

'Never,' Kaoru sighed. 'If he keeps acting like that.'

This did not satisfy Fred's curiosity. 'Woah, woah, woah,' Fred waved his hands in the air. 'So, since _when_ - I mean-?' Fred pulled a face. 'I'm confused!' Fred looked almost ready to stomp his foot like a stubborn child.

George cast Kaoru a side-long glance. 'Fred, why don't you go after Hikaru?' he suggested pointedly.

'What? Why do I-' Fred's whine trailed away, as something in the opposite direction had him abruptly captivated. 'Hey, she's _hot_…'

Fred was craning his neck and shuffling sideways to get a good look at a young, pretty woman in a pink pretty dress. Making his decision quickly, George swept swiftly over to Kaoru and grasped his arm.

Kaoru looked from George's hand clenched around his lower arm to George's face. He frowned, looking rather unhappy. 'What are you doing?' he whined. 'I don't want-'

'Just trust me,' George said shortly.

Two seconds later they were gone.

* * *

'_FUCK_!'

The sun was too bright and it was too noisy and too crowded; the air filled with the alarming sound of car horns blaring, chattering voices, even music. Strange food smells filtered around them and the heat rose from the warm shining tarmac. Colourful street signs and shop fronts danced luridly from all angles.

'Fuck!' George repeated. He snatched at the spinning, disorientated Kaoru and dashed madly across the busy road. They reached the pavement, chests heaving and stumbled into the first shop they saw. George registered it as being some sort of small restaurant before he involuntarily flopped down into a red and blue booth and shuddered.

'Trust you?' Kaoru gasped, clutching his ribs, his eyes squeezed shut. 'Trust you!' Panic and adrenaline was still searing through his veins. 'You almost killed us!' He too collapsed into the booth. He sat back against the wall, breathing fast and shallow. Only then did he open his eyes and it was to stare at George incredulously. 'What did you _do_?'

George made an attempt to roll over but all he succeeded in doing was banging his head off the hard corner of the booth. He moaned in pain and sat up. His eyes wavered over the bar in front of them. A waitress was standing there watching them furtively from behind the tall glass she was polishing. She was spinning. George clapped his hands over his eyes. 'Goddd,' he groaned mournfully, shaking his head. The world was still spinning, only now all he could see was an inky blackness. A sharp kick to the knee jolted him sharply back to reality. George lowered his hands and daylight sped back, unforgiving. 'I Apparated us out of there,' he said weakly. 'I was aiming for that alley beside the hospital entrance. I missed by a few yards. We ended up in the road.'

Kaoru gaped at him.

'Yeah, I know,' George said heavily. 'It was stupid. We could have died. Sorry.'

Kaoru took a deep breath.

'I'm sorry,' George snapped, covering his face again with his arm. 'Just. Don't stare at me like that. I didn't mean it.'

'Y'know, aside from the whole nearly-dying part, that is kinda cool,' Kaoru said, grinning a little.

'What, Apparating?' George asked, putting down his arm.

'Yeah.' Kaoru settled himself better on the seat. 'Do you just have to think of a place and then you _go_ to it?'

George made a see-saw motion with his hand. 'Sort of. Bit trickier than that. It can go wrong. As I just demonstrated.' He coughed. 'You have to really concentrate, picture the place really well. I only got a glance of that alleyway, so that's probably why it didn't work out.'

'That's amazing,' Kaoru breathed. 'Although I felt really dizzy. Like I was going to suffocate or something.'

'Yeah, that always happens. You get used to it.'

'Wow,' Kaoru mouthed, staring at George.

George felt a bit uncomfortable with such scrutiny. He shifted in his seat and looked around the restaurant. It was quite empty. There was a middle-aged businessman, noodle strands hanging from his mouth as he tried to eat and read the newspaper at the same time. A couple of women sat up the back, both smoking and clutching drinks. The smoke rose and fell due to the stream of cold air expelled from the air conditioning unit. A woman and her young son sat a couple of booths away. The boy was continually throwing a small ball up and down and although George couldn't understand the language he could tell the woman was scolding him for it, talking to him sternly while she picked at a plate of sushi.

'You got any money with you?' George asked Kaoru. 'I'm _starving_.'

Approximately fifteen minutes was spent with Kaoru and George hunched over the menus, George pointing recurrently and keeping up a constant refrain of _what does that say?_, maybe blending with a few _and what's that?_'s. He ended up with a large bowl of ramen, something that Kaoru had assured him he would like. Kaoru himself ate nothing. He sipped cola out a glistening glass bottle and stared out the window at the sunny bustling street.

'What's up?' George asked, slurping up a noodle. Kaoru was right; he thought this ramen stuff was delicious. 'Why aren't you eating?'

Kaoru shrugged. 'Don't feel like it.'

'It's really busy out there,' George commented.

'It's always busy,' Kaoru mumbled vaguely.

The door opened -there was a quick blare of sound- and an old man dressed in grey shuffled in. He sat himself down gingerly on one of the bar stools.

'Kyoya's supposed to be getting us a shop here,' George said, more to remind himself than Kaoru. 'I think some research needs to be done. I wonder how much of Tokyo's population is composed of wizards.'

'One point five million,' Kaoru proclaimed randomly, watching the people flit past.

'Yeah?' George asked interestedly, turning to look at him.

'I don't know,' Kaoru admitted. 'Probably is, though. There's about eight million people living here. I don't know the wizard to…?'

'Muggle,' George supplied.

'Right. I don't know the wizard to _muggle_ ratio.'

'Me neither,' George laughed. 'Hmm. Have to find out.' He clinked his spoon against the bowl. 'Y'know,' he said thoughtfully. 'Maybe you're pushing Hikaru away.'

Kaoru nearly dropped his coke. 'I'm- what?' He felt somewhat blindsided with the way George had just came out and attacked him with that comment. 'What?'

'I'm just saying.' He prodded a bit of noodle that was stuck to the side of the bowl. 'Why do you want Hikaru to be with Haruhi so badly anyway?'

'I-' Kaoru blinked then shook his head. 'Hikaru wants to be with her. If he wants that, then I want that for him.'

George waved his spoon dismissively. 'But do you really want them together?'

'Yes! I…If Hikaru is happy then…' Kaoru chased the beads of cold condensation shining on the bottle of coke with a finger. 'No. I don't like the idea of it,' he admitted quietly, looking at his fingertip. 'I don't know what I would do if Hikaru was gone like that to me. I'm selfish, I know.'

'You're confused,' George said.

'I am!' Kaoru said, hearing the pang of desperation in his voice. 'I don't really know what to do about all this…' Kaoru let the words trail away. 'But if it's what he really wants...'

'Is it, though?' George asked, swallowing another spoonful of the soup. 'Because, no offense, mate - I'm not trying to say I know Hikaru better than you do - but seriously, I don't think he does. Not really.'

Kaoru eyed George uncertainly. 'What do you mean?'

'Well,' George drew out the word and scratched at his arm a bit, thinking. 'It could be the whole different culture thing or whatever, but I don't think he's acting as if he totally, like, he wants to snog the face off her-'

'Like he wants to _what_?' Kaoru repeated, aghast.

George chuckled. 'Like he wants to, I dunno, kiss her.' George let out another short laugh.

Kaoru knew his cheeks they were now shaded pink. 'He probably does.'

'Well, whatever. _I_ don't think so.' George pushed his empty bowl away and suppressed a burp. 'That was nice,' he commented, licking his lips. 'Anyway,' he continued. 'Didn't you say that she was the only girl that's ever got to know him properly?'

'Yeah, but…' Kaoru mumbled.

'So maybe that's just it,' George jerked a shoulder again. 'It's probably just, y'know, because she's a girl, and she is pretty and funny, and they're friends. But I wouldn't say they're in love or any of that shite.'

'Tamaki,' Kaoru uttered glumly. 'Haruhi…'

'Never mind that,' George said. 'To be honest, I think you're jealous as fuck-'

Kaoru squawked. 'I'm not!' He blushed. 'Well, a little but- jeez! Do you have to say it like that?'

George shrugged unapologetically. 'You're jealous, and it's over virtually nothing, Hikaru's confused as hell because you keep pushing him away-'

'I don't mean to!' Kaoru protested. 'I thought that's what he wanted, he doesn't want to be stuck with me forever! If he does like Haruhi then all I'm doing is holding him back.'

'And if he doesn't like Haruhi then all you're doing is pushing him away,' George replied evenly.

'It's pointless anyway, though,' Kaoru said, hanging his head and fidgeting with the table cover. 'Even if it's not Haruhi he's in love with, it's just going to be someone else. It won't ever be me.'

'Oh, I don't know,' George said. 'You two are pretty fucked up.' He grinned, but he wasn't joking.

'Oh, thanks,' Kaoru said, frowning. He looked off into the street again. A large delivery truck was obstructing most of the view. He sighed.

'I'm just being honest,' George said. 'If you want to be lied to go somewhere else.' He smiled, taking the sting off the words a little. 'But, you don't know. You're twins, right? You probably both feel like this.'

'What? You and Fred don't,' Kaoru pointed out.

'I'm not talking about me and Fred.' George wrinkled his nose. 'Christ, I don't even wanna contemplate that, thanks. I'm just saying, you and Hikaru are almost completely the same, who's to say you're not the same on this?'

Kaoru just stared at him. 'So what do I do now?' he said.

George stretched and stood up. 'We find out how Hikaru feels.' He began walking to the door.

'What?' Kaoru said in a panicky tone, quickly throwing down a thousand yen and hurrying after George.

'Relax,' George smirked, nudging Kaoru on the arm. 'Nothing drastic.' They stepped out into the loud, warm street.

'No love potions?' Kaoru asked suspiciously, stepping back as a motorbike swerved close to the pavement.

'God, no,' George said, shaking his head emphatically. Thoughts of Hunny and that debacle came rushing back. 'Shit!' he exclaimed. 'We're supposed to be getting cake! And I need to find out where to get a portkey. Need to get back and get the antidote notes… Come on…'

'Can we Apparate?' Kaoru asked hopefully.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

* * *

'That doesn't explain why you were sent there,' Mrs Weasley said in a sharp voice and George looked up from his steak pie warily. His mother stood, an imposing figure holding a dishcloth tight in one hand.

Outside was dark. The blinds were drawn and the electric lights that Mr Weasley rigged up were buzzing from the ceiling, sending a bright but shaky light source falling down on the small kitchen. The house was unnaturally quiet; inhabited only by George and his parents. Everyone else was either busy in Japan; working on antidotes, in school; being terrorized by Umbridge and her minions, in work; struggling to keep up with the demands on the wizarding world and the fear of Voldemort's underground movements, or estranged; being a family-abandoning prat.

Mrs Weasley cleared her throat loudly.

George had thought she'd shouted herself hoarse earlier when he'd shown up on the doorstep -yelling things about safety and how he wasn't old enough to be travelling across the globe and exactly where was his brother and why weren't they sending regular owls- but, apparently not. She was changeable that way- one minute it was a shower of hugs and kisses and the next it was bellowing and sending people to their rooms.

'Oh, I'm not angry at you, Georgie,' she clarified, her features softening. She put down the dishcloth. George breathed a sigh of relief and picked up his fork again. 'Yes, you eat up,' she encouraged fondly. 'I'm still not so taken with these foreign foods.' She looked momentarily thrown-off as she evidently pondered why anyone would spend their life eating anything other than her hearty cooking, but then her previous expression returned. 'No, I'm talking to you, Arthur.'

George gave his dad a sidelong look and chewed some pastry.

'What, pardon?' Mr Weasley uttered belatedly, breaking out of a preoccupied reverie.

'I thought perhaps you might be inclined to start giving me answers,' Mrs Weasley said, hands on hips. 'Where did that portkey come from? Why didn't you know where they'd ended up?'

'It wasn't mine,' Mr Weasley said heavily, giving the impression that he'd been over this many times before. 'It was just being kept in there because-'

'_It wasn't yours_!' she repeated, shrill with disbelief. 'Arthur-'

'It wasn't,' he insisted, lines on his forehead deepening.

'Then whose was it?' Mrs Weasley demanded, eyebrows raised. The dishcloth seemed to have made its way back into her clutches. She held it threateningly.

'Does it matter?' George piped up, looking between them. 'I mean, it's all cool now, isn't it? We got there, we know how to get back. No problem.'

It was evident he'd said the wrong thing. His mother's head swerved to face him.

George wilted. 'Er, never mind. I'll just go back to eating this and…yeah.' He ducked his head and returned to his meal.

Mrs Weasley turned back to her husband. 'At least the boys could handle the situation but what if it had been Ginny?'

'Ginny's not an idiot,' George interjected, unable to help getting involved. 'She can…' Another silencing look was sent his way. 'Okay, then,' he muttered.

'I know,' Mr Weasley said, rubbing at his eyes. 'I know.'

'So are you going to tell me-'

'The portkey didn't belong to me.'

'Oh!' Mrs Weasley let out a great whoosh of air and threw her hands up in the air. The dishcloth went flying and landed on top of the teapot on the opposite side of the room. 'I'm going to bed. Only speak to me when you're ready to tell me the truth, Arthur.' She tidied the arrangement of the chairs -something she was obsessive about- then moved around to kiss George on the forehead, brushing back his fiery fringe. 'You eat up,' she said. 'There's more in the dish if you want. Love you.'

'Okay, thanks,' George nodded. 'Night, Mum.'

'Goodnight, love.' She left the room, making sure to give her husband one last disgusted look.

Avoiding looking at his father, George concentrated on finishing his meal. His mother's footsteps could be heard ascending the staircases. Then they grew fainter and eventually faded.

'It was Percy's,' Mr Weasley said abruptly.

George looked at him. 'The…'

'Yes, the tea,' he nodded. 'From his work in International Co-Operation. There was this one thing with St. Mungo's. They needed a department representative for some legal case with a Japanese medical school of some sort.'

'Kyoya's hospital!' George exclaimed. 'Oh, yeah, he did mention Percy!'

Mr Weasley frowned in confusion. 'Kyoya?' he asked blankly.

'Kyoya Ohtori. He's just someone I met,' George explained.

'Oh,' Mr Weasley mumbled. 'Yes, well. It was a gift from one of the group. When he… left, I put a lot of the things that remained in the shed. I would have thrown the portkey out, but I forgot about it.'

'Why didn't you just tell Mum that?' George asked. 'Would have saved you this whole row thing.'

'She still gets teary,' Mr Weasley sighed. 'I'm not going to be the one to bring it up again.' He shook his head abruptly, smoothing out the lines in his forehead and the sadness in his eyes. 'Anyway.' He eyed George knowingly. 'What sort of trouble are you two in? I know you didn't come back here just because you missed us.'

George's face split into a sheepish grin. 'Know us well, Dad.'

'Of course I do,' he said, chuckling. 'So what's the matter?'

'Okay, don't go mad, Dad. It's not like me and Fred are gonna use these ingredients to concoct drugs or something, right? We just need some for our new range of products, you know?'

Mr Weasley raised his eyebrows dubiously.

George went into his pocket and took out a list that showed some of the safer requested ingredients of Kyoya's, the ones his family's hospital needed to continue running. He handed the list to his dad, keeping the other list safe in his pocket. He'd go to Mundungus for those ones.

* * *

'I don't actually like jigsaws,' Hunny confided as he dug his spoon into a creamy white chocolate yoghurt, his eyes looking at the large scenic Japanese jigsaw that lay, completed, on his bedside table. 'But Takashi does. So I thought it would be nice if he brought some. He's at home selecting his other favourites right now.' Hunny now pointed at the completed jigsaw with the dripping spoon. 'Takashi finished this one in under ten minutes!' he said proudly.

Haruhi smiled at his enthusiasm. 'But don't you want to do something you like doing? You are the one in hospital, after all.'

'I know,' Hunny said, 'but it's okay. I'm glad Takashi can be here with me, he should be doing something he finds fun. I could sit here and eat cake _all_ day and I wouldn't be bored at all. But Takashi gets bored.'

'Doesn't eating cake get boring?' Haruhi asked, tentative in case Hunny viewed this statement as blasphemous.

'No!' Hunny looked horrified. 'I love it!' He paused and looked at her. 'But, I can put on the television if I want to do something else,' he said, as though trying to appease her. 'Chika doesn't understand how I can just eat cake, either. But… it's a little strange, Haru-chan.' Hunny looked at her with wide eyes. 'He seems to be much better. I think we got closer in the last year.'

'You have,' Haruhi agreed, smiling at the quizzical boy. 'I've met your brother. I think you do get along much better nowadays.'

'That's good!' Hunny said, clearly put at ease. 'I was worried about him for a time… He's coming to visit later. With Takashi's brother, too. Because I'm getting moved into the Ohtori hospital tonight and they probably won't be allowed to visit as much.'

Haruhi nodded. 'Have any of your memories returned?' she asked.

'No,' he sighed. 'But all the girls at the Host Club are all wishing and hoping for me.' Hunny pointed to his window ledge. 'Have you seen all the cards?'

'Yes,' Haruhi laughed, looking at the crowded explosion of cards. Each one was bursting with colour and love and sympathy. 'You sure have a lot!'

'I know,' Hunny beamed. 'They gave me gifts as well. All of the girls seem really, really nice. I think the Host Club is a really good thing. I really admire Tama-chan for setting it up. He's great, isn't it?'

'Yeah,' Haruhi agreed.

'Ooh, Haru-chan, why are you blushing?' Hunny laughed teasingly.

''What?' Haruhi squawked and hid her cheeks. 'I am not!'

Hunny giggled. 'Yes you are. It's cute. Do you like Tama-chan?'

'No!' Haruhi denied, still covering her warm cheeks.

Hunny unearthed Usa-chan from under his pillow and pressed his lips to the toy's fluffy pink ear. 'I think she does, Usa-chan,' he whispered. 'Don't you?' He made the bunny nod exaggeratedly, its ears flopping.

'Argh! Stop it, Hunny-senpai.'

'But what's wrong with Tama-chan? You won't admit you like him?'

'He's an idiot,' Haruhi grumbled. Her cheeks were still pink.

Hunny kicked his legs out as he laughed. 'Haru-chan!' he scolded through the laughter. 'That's so mean!'

'It's true,' she said, frowning.

'I think you'd be cute together,' Hunny threw out. 'Very sweet.'

'Hmph,' was all Haruhi could say.

'It's obvious he likes you,' Hunny said, sinking his small perfect teeth into a slice of cherry pie. 'But he's a little oblivious. That's why you should tell him.' He nodded.

'What? Me? I could never do that,' Haruhi said, looking astonished. 'I'm really bad at that sort of stuff! I feel nauseous thinking about it.'

Hunny tsked. 'That's just _butterflies_. You should be brave.'

'Urgh.' Haruhi returned to making vague noises. She buried her face in her hands briefly before looking over at Hunny again. 'I don't know. _Maybe _I'll give it a try.'

Hunny nodded seriously. 'I think it would be nice to see my friends happy.'

'Thank you, Hunny-senpai.' Haruhi got out of her chair. 'I have to go home now. I have to prepare my dad's dinner. Mori-senpai and Chika-kun will be here soon, right?'

'Yep!' Hunny chirped.

'Okay. Good luck at the new hospital. I'll come and see you when I get the chance.'

'Okay,' Hunny said happily. 'Tell your dad I said hi!'

'I will,' Haruhi promised, slinging her bag over her shoulder.

* * *

With Haruhi's silhouette fast approaching the door, Fred reeled in and coiled up the Extendable Ear as quickly as he could and turned on the spot, vanishing into the void.

* * *

Kyoya was really beginning to hate himself for allowing Tamaki to come over to his house to study.

Tamaki was sitting on the floor some distance away from Kyoya -Kyoya had distanced himself, preferring to sit on the couch with his laptop on his knees and work on his advanced chemistry essay that way. Tamaki had his arms wrapped tightly around his torso. He was rocking from side to side and was talking to himself in fragments. Despite how much he resembled a mental patient, Kyoya was not worried. This was standard Tamaki behaviour.

'But then… well, maybe….oh, it would be so… but would it work?'

It wasn't worrying; it was just seriously off-putting. Kyoya stabbed at the keys of his laptop, trying to block out the annoying noise. The only thing he was thankful for was that Tamaki was speaking English - this made it the tiniest bit easier for Kyoya to try and tune him out than it would have been if he was speaking in clear Japanese.

'…structure of a tower…dragons… but where would we… China? Or…. Preservation centres…'

Kyoya sucked in a deep breath and slipped his hand into his pocket, praying he would find his earphones. When his hand did not happen upon the coil of thin wire he issued a sigh, resigned to the fact that he was going to have to deal with Tamaki's latest woe/ drama/ existential crisis.

'And bricklayers…. Totally unreliable. Father….planning permission? But perhaps…Non, c'est pas possible…mais… je crois… non. C'est stupide… '

With Tamaki defaulting back to French, Kyoya decided it was probably a good time to intervene.

'Tamaki!' he called.

Tamaki's head snapped up. 'Quoi?'

'Tamaki?'

Tamaki looked at him in total surprise. He toned down his anguished pose- hands loosening from where they had been tangled in his mop of blond hair. Then he let out a desolate sigh. 'I need help, Kyoya,' he said sadly.

Kyoya hid a smile. 'Do you,' he said, as blandly as he could manage.

Tamaki nodded, looking woebegone. 'I don't know what the latest theme for the Host Club should be,' he whined. 'It's so difficult. I thought at first, you know, the middle ages? And I would be a knight and Haruhi could be a beautiful commoner girl who I have to rescue because her village is being invaded.'

'Hmm,' Kyoya commented, willing himself not to comment on the stupidity of this idea. 'I see,' he said.

'Then I had another idea where Haruhi is a princess trapped in a tower-'

Kyoya could see a theme emerging.

'-and me and my team -that means you and the others by the way, Kyoya- have to defeat the dragon guarding the tower and rescue her!' His gleaming eyes lost their shine. 'But then I realised we don't have a tower at Ouran, not the one I imagined, at least, and it'd take too long to build if we were to create it.'

Kyoya coughed. 'And, that would be the only problem? It wouldn't be, say, that dragons aren't real?'

'No?' Tamaki's mouth dropped open. 'But the Weasley brothers told me-'

'Aha, of course they did.' Kyoya gritted his teeth to avoid yelling in frustration. How many times would he have to lecture them? 'No, Tamaki. Dragons do not exist.'

Tamaki gave off a long sigh. 'Well, anyway. I concluded that that couldn't be done because of the tower problem and now I'm out of ideas.'

'Does there have to be a theme?' Kyoya asked wearily, watching the way Tamaki gazed unhappily out the window.

'Yes! You're the one always going on about maintaining interest levels.'

Kyoya nodded. 'True, but-'

'We need something fun. Refreshing.' Tamaki drummed his fingers against his thigh. 'I don't _know_.'

'Remember Misuzu in Karuizawa? He thought your piano playing was refreshing. Why not give a performance?' Kyoya suggested.

'WE COULD PUT ON A MUSICAL VARIETY SHOW!' Tamaki screamed in excitement, as usual taking Kyoya's idea giving it his own crazy twist. 'I could, as you say, play piano. You could… you used to play the flute, didn't you?'

'I doubt any of our guests would find that terribly exciting,' Kyoya said. He had never liked the flute, but neither of his brothers could play any instruments so he thought he'd at least be the first to do that.

'So if you did that,' Tamaki pushed on, deaf to his interjections, 'and Hikaru and Kaoru played guitar-'

'I'm not entirely sure they know how…'

'And Mori-senpai could get one of those rainmaker stick things!'

'That does suit him,' Kyoya admitted, laughing at the image of Mori trumping around with one of those in tow.

'And Hunny-senpai could play the triangle! That suits him, no? And Haruhi…. She can…' Tamaki's brow creased in thought.

'She knows the violin,' Kyoya supplied.

'WHAT?' Tamaki's head whirled to stare at him. 'Kyoya!' he wailed, his eyes large and betrayed. 'Why is it you know all these things and I don't? Why do you get to know all Haruhi's hobbies and her past!'

'I'm sorry, Tamaki, if her father chooses to only share these things with me.'

'Haruhi's father hates me!' Tamaki sniffled. 'Why do you get to speak with her family when I'm the one who… who…'

'Yes?' said Kyoya, cocking an eyebrow in interest. He wondered if Tamaki, underneath his ridiculously naïve and fabulous exterior, had come any closer to recognising and voicing his true feelings for Haruhi.

'When I'm the one who's supposed to look out for her and know her best!'

Kyoya's eyebrows inched higher -

'I mean, I am her father!'

- and then they dropped. Feeling irrationally angry with Tamaki's slow-wittedness Kyoya fixed him with a dry, burning glare.

'What?' Tamaki mumbled, caught in a mix of anger, despair and fear. 'Why are you looking at me like that?'

Kyoya clenched his fists. 'Why are you even planning these trivial things?' he exploded.

Tamaki shrank back.

'Hunny-senpai is still in hospital and we have no solid return date!' Kyoya roared. 'The Host Club isn't even open for business right now!'

'Oh, no, you're right!' Tamaki said, clapping a hand over his mouth. He looked subdued, but then, as Kyoya watched, his features began to straighten out and recover. 'We should plan a massive welcome back party for him!' Tamaki cried. 'How amazing would that be?'

Kyoya grumbled darkly in response.

'You stay here,' Tamaki said cheerily, having no qualms about ordering someone about in their own house. 'I'll go and get the paper and pens and we can _brainstorm_.' He skipped off excitedly to go forage for these named objects.

There was a sudden crash.

'Tamaki?' Kyoya bit out.

'I'm alright!' Tamaki called from the dining room. 'I tripped over my own feet! Hahaha! I think I might have broken your bookshelf though…'

Kyoya massaged his temples and looked hopelessly at the essay he'd barely started. There was no use now though. He saved the document and got up, hoping to step in before Tamaki wrecked the rest of his house.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

* * *

'No, no,' Fred said bulking up his frame and effectively barring the doorway. 'No.' He shook his head, just to make sure he was getting the message across.

The man took a step back and eyed him questioningly.

Fred was in the Healer ward of the Ohtori hospital working on the antidote. After hours of careful research, auditing previous notes he was now manufacturing it, hoping this was the correct version but a part of him knew there was a lot of trial-and-error to get through. It was frustrating, and Fred was hindered further by the fact Kyoya had deemed it necessary to inform a couple of the Healers in the ward what he was up to. This resulted in them popping over every three seconds in case he needed any help.

This Healer right now, Murakami, was especially resilient. He was the youngest of the lot; fresh-faced, interested in everything and didn't speak a word of English.

'Everything's fine,' Fred assured him, inching the door shut with his foot, not being exactly subtle. 'I'll definitely let you know if I need anything. Bye now.' He flashed a forced grin and firmly shut the door. Fred grabbed the bright pink goggles from where they were resting -pushed up his forehead, cresting on his hairline- and snapped them back around his eyes.

'Him again?' George asked sounding amused.

Fred glanced over at the mirror sitting on the desk, George hovering unsteadily inside its boundaries, miles away. 'I don't know how to get rid of the guy. He doesn't understand a word.'

'Well, I dunno, I mean this-' George held up his middle finger '- is pretty much universal.'

'Helpful.' Fred was quickly using up his quota of fake smiles. He added some beetle eyes to the medium-sized silver cauldron on the stand in front of him. The sky-blue substance fizzed up, flecks decorating the heavy white sleeves of Fred's lab coat. He brushed off the flecks absently and sighed, staring contemplatively at the Two-Way Mirror. 'What was I saying? Before he came to the door?'

George grinned. 'You were telling me about dinner at the Hitachiins.'

'Oh, right, right.' Fred wiped a thin layer of steam from his goggles. 'Yeah, it was a weird affair. I saw the dad for the first time last night.' Fred yawned. 'What a nutter. He kept talking about ninjas.'

'That's not too weird,' George allowed.

'It was,' Fred insisted, stirring the potion. 'Anyway. He works with computers or something. There was all this Muggle jargon so I wasn't really listening. And the mother, all she was interested in was her clothing range. She mentioned that she wants us to model some stuff.'

George's head jolted up and he burst out laughing. 'Seriously?'

'That's what she said,' Fred shrugged. 'I told her we'd think about it.'

George continued to laugh. 'What about Kaoru and Hikaru? Did they speak much?'

'Completely silent, actually.' Fred still wasn't over how uncomfortable it had been. He immensely preferred the riotous ruckus that was dinner-time at the Weasleys. 'I was sitting there like _awkward_. Even after dinner Kaoru barely said anything. Do you know anything about that?'

George looked up. 'What? No.'

'I'm kinda glad they're at school today. Tamaki's planning a thing for Hunny returning and - Oh. I overheard Haruhi and Hunny talking yesterday-'

'Overheard?' George cut in. 'Purposely or accidentally?'

Fred grinned. 'Purposely of course. What do you take me for?' He barrelled on. 'So apparently Haruhi loves Tamaki.'

George didn't look exactly blown away by this information. '_Yeah_, I knew that.' He wrinkled his brow. 'We knew that ages ago.'

'Yeah but I'm just saying: it's _confirmed_. You think that's what's got Hikaru and Kaoru not talking?'

'I don't think so,' George said, sounding dubious. 'It's probably something else.'

'Like what?' Fred frowned.

'I don't know. I just meant, it's only really Hikaru that likes Haruhi, so.'

'You think it's maybe that love potion thing?' Fred said, suddenly struck by the worrying possibility. 'Because I did say we should have wiped Kaoru's memory too.'

George shook his head and then, bizarrely, changed the subject. 'Dad told me the origin of that green tea portkey.'

Despite the fact Fred knew it was an obvious distraction he couldn't help but be, well, distracted. 'The portkey? Do tell.'

'Percy.'

'What?' Fred pushed the goggles up and scrutinized George's straight-faced expression.

'Weird, I know,' George agreed. 'Apparently back when he was Weatherby there was some departmental involvement with the hospital. I guess they were being cordial and it was a gift.'

'Weird,' Fred echoed. 'Hmm.' He went back to business, cutting up spiders legs. 'So, what are you going to do about the rest of the Kyoya's list?'

'I'm off to Mundungus's den the now, aren't I?'

'Which one?' Fred stirred acutely to the right, cursing the intricacies of potion-making.

'The Muggle flat. I'm nearly there.' George manoeuvred the mirror and gave a quick panning view of his surroundings, grey houses, sunlight, bright cars and serious-looking pedestrians filtering past. He was almost at the door of a dirty tower of flats.

'People'll think you're weird, walking around with a mirror,' Fred pointed out.

'They'll think I'm a vain git,' George said cheerily as he entered the lobby and ran up the stairs.

Fred snickered. 'And the fact you're _talking_ to it.'

George clattered his way up to Mundungus's flat. For a few minutes George struggled with the door. When he eventually got it open he pretended to wipe the effort from his brow. Fred fake-cheered. George grinned and bowed. 'Thank you, thank you - oh, _fucking hell_!' His light-hearted words turned to a yell. The mirror abruptly dropped and Fred was presented with the picturesque view of a damp dripping ceiling and grafittied walls, metallic reds and greens and blues.

Fred leaned forward uncertainly and wiped a layer of steam from the mirror's surface. 'George?' He could hear him, his mumbling and grumbling coupled with a noise that sounded strangely like barking. More swearing issued from George who was still out of view until finally the mirror was lifted, miraculously unbroken, George reappeared looking shaken but definitely alive.

'What happened there?'

'A crup!' George said furiously, which okay, Fred was not expecting. 'Bloody thing came flying out at me! Look at my shoe!' The mirror was directed downwards to a miserable Nike trainer, ripped and battered, shoelace hanging dejectedly from the flap. A whirr of white could also be seen, skittering madly around the dank dirty stairway.

Fred snorted. '_That_ scared you? Look at the size of it!'

'It was trying to eat my trouser leg!' George cried over the yips and barks. 'What the hell do I do with it?'

Fred tried to reign in his amusement. He was mostly successful but couldn't stop the grin as he said, 'Try and get it back in the flat.'

'In! Shoo - get in! Go! You stupid little-' George half-chased the crup into Dung's dingy apartment - the whole place looked like someone's messy attic- and kicked the door closed behind him. George spelled the mirror to hover in front of him gliding with him as he walked.

'I'd give it something to eat as well,' Fred advised, sobering a little as he realised he'd been neglecting the potion. He consulted his notes and carefully lowered the heat, blue flames shooting down.

'Ah, here's some biscuits. Probably mouldy, but they'll do.' With a great deal of rustling George tore open a packet of Rich Tea biscuits and scattered them down, the blue wrapping fluttering away to join the other rubbish lining Dung's floor. 'It's a greedy little thing,' George observed. 'Likely not been fed in days. It smells vile in here,' George added.

Fred watched as George moved into the kitchen and kneeled at one of the cupboards, slowly hauling out a large cardboard box. George let out a sigh of relief. 'Thank god all this medicinal stuff is shrink-wrapped.'

'Is all the stuff there?' Fred peered closer, trying to get a proper look at the labels.

'I think so- oh brilliant - the creature's back! Get _away_.'

'You should name it,' Fred started but stopped, alerted to the fact someone was at the door. He groaned as the knocking continued, distracting and incessant. No. No, no, no. He was not going to answer.

'Visitors?' questioned George. 'Agh, no! That's my sleeve! Ow, you little bugger! That was my _hand_!' Face creased in pain George managed to glance distractedly into the mirror. 'Aren't you going to see who it is?' His attention diverted again. 'Owww!'

'No,' Fred said simply. 'I'm getting far too much amusement out of this.'

'We'll see how funny it is when this thing's tore me to pieces!'

As George dealt with the animal Fred worked on the potion, looking up every few seconds into the mirror and snorting at what he was met with. The potion was beginning to look very close to what was expected. The colour had deepened but it still had to thin. That part was relatively easy. He just had to leave it on a very low heat without stirring. 'I'm going to need a test subject for this,' Fred mused. 'When are you getting back?'

'I'm not being guinea pig! Test it on yourself!' There was then a tremendous bang and George let out a gleeful 'Ha!'

Fred's eyes roved slowly towards the mirror. 'Tell me you did not kill that animal...'

'No,' George scoffed. 'I just shoved it in the cupboar- Ah! No..! It's got out!'

Just then the knocking on the door got considerably louder as though someone was using a battering ram on the other side. Fred bad-temperedly threw down the stirring rod and strode to the door. If it was Murakami again, so help him… Fred squinted out from behind his fogged pink goggles.

'I've been standing here for almost fifteen minutes,' an unimpressed Kyoya groused.

Fred was torn between relief and annoyance. 'I'm busy. Can't you come back later when I'm not cutting up frog spleens and the likes?' (Kyoya didn't need to know that Fred had finished that stage more than an hour ago.)

Kyoya ignored him, looking past him into the room. Fred was suddenly very conscious of how messy the lab was; substances coating the over-white stretches of tables and uncapped bottles and ingredients scattered around. But Kyoya didn't comment, instead saying, 'How is George getting on with his task? I presume you've spoke to him.'

'Er. Fine. He's handling it… fine.' Fred hoped Kyoya couldn't hear the noise coming from the mirror; tinny yells and barks and general chaos that showed George was definitely not doing "fine". 'Like I said though, I'm busy.' Fred discreetly toed at the door, toying with the idea of just casually shutting it over.

'So busy that you won't visit your new premises?'

'New premises?' Fred echoed.

'Your shop?'

'Really?' Fred immediately cough to clear how eager he'd sounded. 'I… What, just now?'

Kyoya looked very ready to make a sarcastic response so Fred quickly cut him off. 'Okay. Let me just…' He shed the lab coat, hung it up on the nearest coat-rack and set a timer on the flames ensuring that they'd extinguish in just over forty minutes. 'Gotta go, George,' he said to the mirror. George didn't reply, busy as he was being chased around Dung's kitchen. Fred wasn't too concerned.

Kyoya led the way out of the hospital. Fred ignored the strange looks he was getting, figured it was just because he was new around here.

It wasn't until they reached the car park and were about to duck into the limousine that Kyoya looked around and Fred realised that he was wearing an odd expression too. Even his _bodyguards_ looked like they were trying to hold in laughter.

'_What_?' Fred demanded, reaching breaking point.

'You…' Kyoya stifled a laugh and motioned around his eyes. 'You might want to take off those goggles.'

* * *

Haruhi met Tamaki outside French and they were making their way to the cafeteria together.

For most of the day it had just been the two of them. Mori was devoted to Hunny's bedside; trivial things like _school _would not deter him. Fred and George were apparently helping Kyoya help Hunny - Haruhi didn't know much about that but she thought it was admirable anyway. Kaoru and Hikaru were the only other Club members present - which was good because they were her classmates- but they had stayed strangely quiet and despite the amount of people who had ever commented on her perceptiveness Haruhi just couldn't figure out what was wrong.

But what she had slowly come to realise was how much she liked Tamaki's company. He was always a positive presence and he always made her laugh and although her conversation with Hunny was lingering at the back of her mind she still found it easy to interact naturally with Tamaki.

He had just finished entertaining her with the description of his latest dream and was now happily chattering about Antoinette when they were crowded by the girls.

'Yes, Hunny is going to be okay,' Tamaki confirmed to the plaintive litany of concerns. 'He's set to be coming back any day now! And we're planning the best welcome! There's a meeting today after school actually about. Renge will have all the details if you ask her.'

'But where's Kyoya?' another girl piped up.

'Will Hunny really be okay?'

'Did he like our cards?'

'I feel so upset for Mori!'

'Will he remember me?'

'I think we should visit and recount all the stories of the Host Club…'

'That's a good idea! We could help! Tamaki, will you please let us help?'

The girls clamoured for their questions to be answered getting more shrill as the seconds went on and Tamaki was looking a little over-worked, the open enjoyment that he'd had on his face earlier slowly turning to light exhaustion.

'Renge will have all the answers if you go over to her!' Haruhi said in a raised voice, and thankfully they all paid attention to her and hurried over to Renge instead.

'Thank you, Haruhi,' Tamaki said.

'It's nothing,' Haruhi replied. She was really going to have to do something about this blushing thing though.

'Wow!' Tamaki suddenly exclaimed. 'Do you smell that? The food's really good today! Let's go!'

Before Haruhi could do more than laugh incredulously at his enthusiasm Tamaki was grabbing her hand and carting her away to join the lunch queue. (He always insisted on lining up with the other students even though he could have easily skipped to the front and no one would say anything.) On the way past she waved to Hikaru and Kaoru who were waiting at the table the group always sat at.

* * *

Kaoru letting his gaze drop from Tamaki and Haruhi, speared a carrot on his fork and took a bite, focusing now on Hikaru who was sitting - although it was more like slumping - beside him. Hikaru stared back with an equal intensity but Kaoru had the impression that he wasn't truly seeing him; his eyes had a glazed-over quality.

Kaoru gave him a fresh closed-lipped smile and chewed the mouthful of food.

'No,' Hikaru groaned. 'I'm not hungry.' He pressed his knuckles against the shelf of his brow. 'My head hurts.'

'A headache?' Kaoru slanted his mouth sympathetically. 'Should we go to the nurse?'

'No.' Hikaru shook his head violently, and if he didn't have a headache before he probably would now from the force of that movement. 'It's my _mind_.'

'What? Seriously, Hikaru,' Kaoru laughed, 'shut up.' Kaoru ate another bite of vegetable and eyed the students milling around. A few girls were hovering near-by, obviously trying not to look like they were watching but Kaoru knew they were. There was always someone watching him, them.

'I am serious,' Hikaru said, giving him a bit of a glare. 'It's so annoying.'

'_What_ is?'

'This _feeling_.' Hikaru threaded his hands through his hair. 'I feel like I've forgotten something really important.'

Kaoru's fingers forgot they were holding a fork for a minute as his whole body went limp with shock. The fork fell to the floor and immediately some girl was there holding a sparkling new one out to him, coy smile on her lips. He took the fork and thanked her but he'd suddenly lost his appetite.

'Hikaru,' he said urgently. 'What are you talking about?'

Hikaru made a whining noise and it made him sound like he was about four years old. 'I don't know. It's like I'm thinking too hard or like… Y'know when you have a math test and you've got this one question and you're sure you know how to solve it but you can't think of the steps and…' He trailed off. 'I don't know Kaoru, quit staring at me.'

'I'm not,' Kaoru denied feebly. 'I'm just...' He took a breath, tried to calm the thunderous beatings of his heart. He was sure his school tie was jumping on his chest from the pulsing. 'Maybe you shouldn't think about it.'

Hikaru pressed the heel of his palm to his head. 'No I know it's important. But every time I try to remember it's like there's this blind spot and it hurts thinking about it but-'

'It's probably nothing,' Kaoru interrupted. Nervousness ebbed through him, making his voice tense. He was unhappy to see that his hands were shaking and there was a frantic need for him to distract Hikaru from this unsafe topic.

'No,' Hikaru disagreed firmly. 'It's definitely-'

'Hey, Haruhi looks cute today, no?'

Hikaru broke off and looked over at him, suspicion undulating over his features. 'What? She-' He turned around and looked at her standing in the queue, head titled towards Tamaki and chatting animatedly. He turned back, disinterestedly. 'She looks the same as ever.'

'Yeah, but cute, right?' Kaoru continued desperately.

'Yeah, I guess? Kaoru.' Hikaru fixed him with a frown and pouted as though Kaoru was being insensitive. 'Kaoru, are you listening to me or are you more concerned about Haruhi? I could be dying here. There could be something wrong with my brain and you just don't-'

'I just don't think you should push it,' Kaoru replied. 'I doubt it's anything you need to worry ab-'

'Kaoru, Hikaru!'

Renge was half-skipping towards them. She ended her jaunt with a dramatic twirl.

'You see happy today,' Kaoru remarked cautiously, because if you weren't wary of Renge then you were an idiot.

At the sight of her Hikaru had slumped flat across the table.

'I am!' she said brightly. 'I'm working on the next publication of Moe Moe Ouran Journal!' She let out a happy sigh and if she could would probably have let out a stream of love-hearts.

'Great,' Kaoru said.

Hikaru put renewed effort into his imitation of a tablecloth.

'You could be a little happier!' Renge scolded the two of them.

Hikaru mumbled something indecipherable but Kaoru could bet it was rude.

'Oh, I bet you're upset about, Hunny, huh?' Renge, for a scary second, looked like she was going to reach over and pat his hand. Kaoru quickly leaned back out of reach. 'I'm going to give him an extra-special section in the magazine and get pictures of the reunion,' Renge continued happily. 'And I'm going to include some stuff about the Weasley brothers.'

'That'll be nice,' Kaoru said, nodding. 'But, Renge, Hikaru and I have to go now so…' He pushed his lunch tray away.

'No!' she cried, making him halt. 'I wanted to ask you some questions!' A notebook and pen appeared in her hands so fast that Kaoru would have thought she was using magic if he didn't know otherwise. 'About your views on society's perception of the seme-uke stereotype in modern-'

Hikaru issued a noise that sounded like a man dying, effectively drowning out the rest of Renge's sentence. She blinked at him quizzically.

'Is he alright?' she asked softly.

'No, that's what I was trying to tell you,' Kaoru said, getting out of his seat. 'He's got a headache. We're going home.'

'Oh.' Renge wilted disappointedly. 'Can we do the interview tomorrow then?'

'Yeah, like hell,' Hikaru croaked as Kaoru slung an arm around him and peeled him from the table.

'What did he say?'

'He said "that'd be swell",' Kaoru assured her, poking Hikaru in the ribs. 'We'll answer your questions. Just… not right now.'

She beamed and hurried back to her loyal disciples who were fluttering on the sidelines.

'I don't understand why you're so nice to her,' Hikaru grumbled. 'Stupid otaku.'

'She scares me,' Kaoru admitted, loosening the koala-like grip he had on Hikaru's shoulders. 'Do you want to leave? Is your head…' He pressed the back of his hand to feel the temperature.

'I told you,' Hikaru grumbled, 'it's not a fever or a headache.' But he leaned into the touch anyway, closing his eyes.

Kaoru struggled with whether or not to press closer or pull his hand away.

Hikaru hummed vaguely.

Kaoru pulled away and frowned at him. 'Stop trying to remember!'

Hikaru sighed in response.

'Come on, we're going home. You can sleep this off.' He steered Hikaru away from the table and towards the door. He knew he should probably go over and tell Tamaki and Haruhi that they were leaving because they would both probably worry but something in him didn't want to, just wanted to be selfish, wanted to go back to the days when he and Hikaru could do what they liked and not have to worry about other people's reactions.

Renge and her gang smiled and waved as they approached. Kaoru returned the gesture half-heartedly.

Hikaru moaned weakly in protest, clutching at Kaoru.

'No,' Kaoru said again, firmer this time and refused to acknowledge the way Hikaru was burrowing his face into him, his nose ghosting over the nape of Kaoru's neck. Hikaru always got clingy when he was ill or over-tired or, as of now, when his mind hurt. 'We're going to go home and we're going to go to bed. And you'll feel better.'

It wasn't until the gleeful shrieks that Kaoru realised this probably wasn't the best thing to say when passing a group like Renge and her friends with Hikaru draped all over him.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

* * *

Hikaru lasted fifteen minutes before he was kicking back the covers with a long leg, unable to lie still any longer. There was appeasing Kaoru and then there was just plain torture. Hikaru sat up and ran a hand through his messy hair. The Ouran uniform he still had on was uncomfortable and crumpled.

Kaoru was sitting at the desk, a homework booklet open in front of him. Kaoru was doing both their homework. There was no sense of guilt in Hikaru because they weren't like that, didn't operate on the currency of favours.

Kaoru's eyebrows were low and he was pouting little and it made Hikaru smile. Although they had identical features that concentration face was uniquely Kaoru's and Hikaru always got a laugh when he was lucky enough to see it. Mostly Kaoru floated through life's tasks, never really needing to exert much mental effort. Physics, though, wasn't one of Kaoru's strong points and required full engrossment.

'You should let me do that,' Hikaru offered. 'You know I always get the better marks in that class.'

Kaoru didn't jump at the sound of his voice. His face didn't even flicker in surprise. 'Go to sleep already.'

Hikaru rolled his eyes and curved into a stretch, his back popping satisfyingly against the headboard. 'I _was_ sleeping.' He let his arms fall again.

'No you weren't.' The scratch of a pen as Kaoru scrawled out a formula. 'I kept hearing your restless sighs.'

Hikaru did just that- gave the restless sigh to end all restless sighs and shifted along the bed, the blankets pooling around him, until he was sitting nearly in the centre. Kaoru paid him no attention, continued scrawling equations and punching at the calculator.

Kaoru made his fours different and his nines were curvier but there was no way their teacher would notice the difference. No one ever did.

Kaoru abruptly put down the pen and swivelled around. 'Hikaru,' he said and his whole manner was accusatory. 'If you're going to think so loudly could you go outside? I'm trying to do this.'

Hikaru smirked, feeling strangely content even as Kaoru groused at him. This prompted Kaoru to glower until Hikaru was outright laughing.

Kaoru huffed, frustrated. 'Go to sleep. You said your head hurt.'

'My mind,' Hikaru corrected.

'Whatever.' Kaoru looked liked he was going for indifferent but lines of worry tugged at his eyes and mouth.

'It's fine if I don't think about it,' Hikaru assured him. And it was. It was still annoying, but not painful.

'I think that's what I was trying to tell you at lunch,' Kaoru said, rolling his eyes. 'Idiot.'

Hikaru snorted, still pleased with himself for tormenting Kaoru so effectively without even doing anything. It would maybe be hurtful if it wasn't so funny; was he really that level of obnoxious?

'Idiot,' Kaoru repeated.

Hikaru made an exaggeratedly upset face, held it for all of three seconds before bursting out laughing, the shimmer of fake tears turning to those of amusement. He rolled over the slight divide until he was fully on Kaoru's bed, lay on his back. 'You know what Renge was talking about earlier?' he yawned, reaching up to adjust Kaoru's pillow. 'I think I want to play the uke at the Host Club for a change. Mess things up a little, you know?'

The pen stopped momentarily then scratched on. 'The Host Club isn't open,' Kaoru said and shut over the two jotters with an air of finality.

Hikaru sat up somewhat, the muscles in his abdomen clenching. 'Yeah, but-'

A jotter hit him square in the chest.

Hikaru snorted and started flipping through it. 'Are you finished?'

'No,' Kaoru said defiantly. 'I can't concentrate.' He came over and sat down on the edge of his bed, shoving Hikaru's legs out the way. 'You'll have to do it later.'

'Just as well, anyway,' Hikaru said. 'I bet there's tons of mistake - ahh!' Kaoru had grabbed a fistful of his hair. 'I'm kidding!' Hikaru yelped and struggled. The jotter fell to the floor.

Kaoru made a noise of accomplishment and unclenched his hand. He looked about to smooth Hikaru's hair, only to abort the attempt at the last second.

'What?' His hair was perfectly clean, he didn't know what Kaoru's deal was. Hikaru reached out, placing his index finger under Kaoru's chin to tilt his head upwards, a practiced move.

'Stop,' Kaoru complained, automatically turning away.

'What is it?' Hikaru let his hand slip away from Kaoru's face. His thumb accidentally grazed his bottom lip but when Hikaru looked up again Kaoru's face was relaxed, ostensibly happy. Hikaru felt like he'd imagined the whole weird moment until Kaoru's mouth opened again and the excuses poured out.

'I'm going downstairs to get a drink. Do you want- _Hikaru_.' Kaoru now looked pained and it didn't have anything to do with the physical grip of Hikaru's hand around his wrist.

'Stay here,' Hikaru said and he wasn't sure if he was demanding or pleading but either way he gripped tighter.

A satisfied happiness bloomed somewhere in Hikaru's chest when Kaoru carefully lay down too, even if Kaoru sighed resignedly while doing so. Hikaru hooked his arm around him and smiled. 'Good night.'

'…I'm not tired,' Kaoru told him after about ten minutes of measured breathing and a dual heartbeat. 'This is p-p-'

Kaoru suddenly yawned, mouth wide like a lion. 'Pointless,' he finished, glaring, daring Hikaru to comment on it.

Hikaru's lips twitched but he just rolled over and burrowed into his pillow, smothering his laugh.

When he awoke the faint golden outside light that had been leaking through the curtains had turned ruby. His legs were tangled with Kaoru's, who was still sleeping soundly with his open mouth pressed to Hikaru's shoulder. Hikaru blinked away the mist of sleep and looked around, only to see one of the Weasleys silhouetted at the door. It took Hikaru another few blinks to figure out which one.

'Hey,' Fred said, his quiet tone managing to carry. 'I've to tell you your mother is going out.'

Hikaru acknowledged this with a bored nod, unable to muster up the energy for much else.

'She, uh, didn't say where,' Fred continued.

Hikaru snorted, not surprised in the least.

'Yeah, well.' Fred shuffled his feet. 'Don't kill the messenger… Anyway, I'm just back from K- Ko- Koen D - Shib - Shi-' Fred struggled, giving up on the pronunciation. 'Whatever - Kyoya's got me and George a shop! We can all go tomorrow to make it look presentable! Right now I'm going back to the hospital - Kyoya's waiting outside for me - so I'll see you later!' He waved energetically and shut the door.

Hikaru listened to him running back down the corridor, was asleep again before the footsteps had even faded.

The second time he woke up the bed was cold. Kaoru was gone and Hikaru's hand was stretching out into empty space.

* * *

A few hours later the three of them were sitting on the patio near the back of the Hitachiin house, quiet, each of them engaged in different pursuits as birds provided background noise, feeding their song into the cooling air.

Kaoru was lounging on an elegant old-fashioned metal swing-seat staring up at the steadily darkening sky. The white stone wall beside him was what Hikaru was sprawled out on, the length of his body against the stone. He was reading with his head tilted down and his elbow crooked at an angle. Fred sat on the ground near-by, many papers loosely spread around him, blowing slightly in the caress of a breeze.

When the calm was broken by an unannounced intrusion the three of them looked up simultaneously and sourced out the noise. George picked himself up off the lawn, dizzy and stumbling, and brushed spikes of grass off his knees before starting gingerly towards them. He wasn't alone.

'You… you brought that thing back?' Fred squawked in horror as the crup trotted happily at George's heels, its forked tail waving ecstatically. 'What's wrong with you!'

Upon seeing it Hikaru's only remark was, 'Our mother's going to _freak_,' before returning to flipping through his massive book on Modern Art.

Kaoru slowed the swing, his hands untwining from around the chains and slid off languidly, leaving the structure lonely and swaying. 'What's with its tail?' he asked, walking around to get a better look.

'Hello to you too,' George huffed at them and sat down on the paving beside Fred. He ducked his head and breathed heavily for a moment. 'I swear,' he said glancing up through the overhanging red layers of hair. 'I'm never using a portkey again. It gets worse every time.'

'Then how are you supposed to get home?' Hikaru yawned.

'I'll figure something out,' George promised.

Fred was still eyeing the crup distrustfully. Its small brown eyes were bright and playful but Fred wasn't allowing himself to be fooled. 'Seriously,' he said emphatically. 'Why did you bring it with you? You know how vicious they are.'

Kaoru's hand, outstretched towards the animal, froze and then he was rushing backwards. 'Jeez!' he exclaimed once at a safe distance. 'Could've warned me!'

Hikaru looked up, a grin ghosting over his lips. 'Kaoru. Come sit over here before you get mauled.'

'He won't attack you. Right, little guy?' George ruffled the crup's fur. 'You won't attack anyone, will you?'

'Yes it will!' Fred spluttered. 'It tried to attack _you_ and you're a wizard! They're ferocious! And you're sitting here cooing at it!'

Hikaru seemed doubtful. 'It doesn't look that harmful,' he said and Kaoru nodded in agreement, although neither made a move to approach it.

The crup nosed at George's hand, looking very innocent.

'Well they are!' Fred said angrily. 'They're bred to hate Muggles!'

Hikaru gave him an empty look.

'That means _you_,' Fred reminded him.

'Oh_. Oh. _Huh.' Hikaru gave the crup an offended glance. He went back to his book, the thick glossy page swishing as it turned. 'Hah, Kaoru, look at this...'

'Nature versus nurture,' George proclaimed and gave the crup another pat. It made a pleased-sounding yip. 'I say nurture.'

'Pfft.' Fred sounded like he was pouring all the discontent he could into this one noise.

'He's still a puppy,' George said. 'I'm guessing about seven or eight weeks old. If you raise them to be placid-'

'That's not how it works!' Fred snapped. 'It's a built-in thing, they're bred to be the way they are!'

'I don't think so,' George said stubbornly. 'He's just energetic. He's not being hostile. I mean, look.'

Fred rolled his eyes but he looked at the animal, the way it was lolling on the ground, eager for its bristly white belly to be scratched, the splodges of fawn colour around its ears and face, the tiny pink pads on its paws.

'_Fine_,' Fred forced out. 'You can deal with it when it's attacked everyone.'

'Won't attack anyone,' George couldn't seem to resist mumbling. 'Anyway, never mind Peeves...'

'_Peeves_!' Fred repeated. 'Blasphemy!'

George shook off a camouflage-patterned khaki rucksack that he seemed to have procured on his travels. It hit the ground with a dull thump. 'So, it was a right pain in the arse,' George said, 'but I got everything. These-' he kicked at the bag '-are just the samples but the rest is being delivered. It's supposed to get here tomorrow.'

Fred nodded and in return, with reference to the notes still scattered around him, told him about finishing the antidote and the development with the shop. George stared incredulously, as though he'd never believed Kyoya would ever actually go through with his proposal, and was soon whooping with laughter, sending the small songbirds flocking from the trees around them.

'Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes is going international!'

* * *

'That's so cool,' George kept saying, grinning widely at the boxes stacked on the shelves, the bright shiny packaging in all colours. In particular he meant the Japanese writing on the products.

'Easy pleased, I think,' said Fred.

'But it's brilliant! I mean- two shops!' George was delighted. 'And like, we're in Japan!'

'How observant of you,' Kyoya said, walking past with a phone to his ear. 'No, not you, Fuyumi…'

'Shit!' Fred was staring at the boxes, tallying the numbers up on a notepad. 'I forgot to mention to Verity - I Floo'ed Lee earlier and asked him to stop by the shop-' Fred grinned, 'well, the _other_ shop - to pick up some of the merchandise. He's been able to navigate out of Hogwarts on weekends. Dunno how he's doing it, he mentioned something about the Inquisitorial Squad and Polyjuice Potion.'

'Quite impressive,' George agreed. 'Good old Lee, eh?'

Fred grinned. 'I know, I kind of want to be back, a little. Help him run circles around Umbridge. See the place again.'

He paused for a moment, looking nostalgic. 'Anyway. _Verity_. I have to talk to her - she'll be wondering why half of the stock's gone missing!' He pulled a face and dashed away.

George strolled around the shop at a more leisurely pace. It was big; bigger than their premises at Diagon Alley which was sort of funny considering the Diagon Alley shop was supposed to be the main one; not that it made much of a difference. They also had an enormous warehouse downstairs.

The front of the shop was lined with glass shelves against purple walls. The floor was green and turquoise and pink and yellow and _sparkly_, and George was blaming Fred entirely for that. Who in their right mind allowed the Hitachiins to take over the decorating duties? Kaoru's face was still smudged green from where Hikaru had got paint all over him ('Haha! You look like the Wicked Witch of the West!') and Hikaru was still pausing every so often to shake glitter out of his hair from when Kaoru had retaliated, dunking his head into the massive container of glitter. ('Look at that, you look like a fairy princess!')

An office area was situated at the back. Kyoya had kitted it out with a couple of desks, computers (he'd tried to give them a run through on how to set them up, babbling about LANs and WANs and databases but it all meant next to nothing to them) a water cooler, a coffee machine and-

'Spinny chairs!' Fred had rushed to them and not left for almost half an hour.

Despite the presence of the chairs the office was still woefully bare, painfully conservative looking. To combat this they'd took the remainder of the paint and splattered it against the wall - artfully, of course. Kyoya had cringed ever time the bright flecks marred the computer screens or got on the furniture. Fred also dragged in a suitably garish orange rug - no one was quite sure where he'd got it. Eventually even Kyoya was swept up into the nonsense of personalizing the office. He disappeared for an hour then returned hauling in what looked like massive canvases. What it turned out to be wasn't far off - gigantic photographs of Fred, George and the Host Club ; the photos that were taken on their very first day in Japan, in the school grounds.

'These were Tamaki's,' Kyoya had said casually, standing back and surveying them. 'But I think they look better here.'

'You stole them from Tono's house?' Hikaru and Kaoru looked suitably impressed.

Kyoya waved a hand. 'He won't miss them. He has a ridiculous amount of photos. Just like a proud parent.'

'He thinks he _is_ a proud parent,' Hikaru had corrected.

'Yeah,' Fred agreed, poking his head into the office. 'And what's going on with that? Is he going to remain oblivious forever?'

'So it seems,' Kyoya had sighed. 'I am quite done trying to get through to him.'

'If Hunny gets his way it'll be Haruhi that brings him to reality,' Fred said.

Kyoya straightened a frame, considering this. 'That has the potential to be amusing.'

'Or disastrous,' Kaoru had said quietly, eyes on Hikaru.

Kyoya looked around. 'That too,' he'd acknowledged, his tone a little softer, before he walked out with the plastic sheeting the photos had been encased in.

'Think fast!'

George dragged his thoughts back to the present just in time to catch the bag Fred had lobbed at him. 'What's this?'

'Food.'

George dipped his hand in, drawing out packets of chocolate and candy. The cuteness was almost painful.

'I know,' said Fred, laughing at George's expression. 'But it tastes good. C'mon. Kyoya's gonna be nice and take us on a tour round Tokyo.'


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen**

* * *

Kyoya was on the phone again as they left Tokyo's wizarding ward through a special doorway of Shibuya station. While previously it had been his sister he was talking to, from the crease in his brow and the taciturn responses there was no doubt that this time it was Tamaki on the other end. Leading the way through the station he turned every now and then, making impatient chivvying motions towards the exit; motions that were for the most part ignored as Hikaru and Kaoru -having claimed the candy off of George- were engaged in a serious competition of how many chocolate strawberry drops they could fit in their mouths and weren't paying attention to much else. So far Hikaru seemed to be winning.

Fred and George were also walking at a slower pace, limbs heavy from being laden with purchases, the various handles of plastic bags draped from each wrist to elbow, pushing up the sleeves of their light (designer - because they were after all still acquiring clothes from Yuzuha Hitachiin) jumpers. They had been astounded at the amount of wizarding shops, surprised and relieved that there was not already at least one joke shop. Kyoya showed them the place where a popular one had once stood- before it had been burnt down in a fire. The owners had preferred to retire and relocate than attempt to build it up again. Their shop was not yet open to the public and yet there was already a promising gaggle of excited people trying to peer through the front frosted-glass windows.

In the shops the prices were so low in comparison to Diagon Alley. Fred and George bought all sorts of things, from dragon skin jackets to Quidditch merchandise. Feeling charitable they'd also bought for Ron a Chudley Cannons season ticket and other assorted gifts for the family. They were both proud of the ceramic dragon's egg replica for Bill. So despite the heaviness of the bags that they now had to lug around they had no regrets.

'Although I think you might've gone a little over-board,' George said semi-critically as Fred struggled to fit the massive box of fireworks into his reinforced carrier bag.

'Fireworks are indispensable,' Fred told him sternly. 'I mean c'mon, when are they _not _needed?' He placed his wand against the bag, making it expand to allow the box a more comfortable fit. 'And they were half price,' Fred added, 'but, okay, if we're talking about questionable purchases-'

'I didn't _buy_ Peeves,' George said mulishly.

'I didn't mean Peeves. I meant that idiotic hat you bought.' Fred laughed, recalling how ridiculous George had looked. The crup made a small noise and Fred's laughter dissolved then, forehead crinkling with a frown. 'But while we're on the subject, why did you have to bring _it _along?'

George shrugged. 'I wasn't going to leave him at the shop.' He adjusted some of the bags and used the corner of one to nudge Peeves along.

'Yeah,' Fred lamented after apparently considering this. 'We'd return and the shelves would've been torn down and all our hard work destroyed...'

George have him a sideways look. 'Yeah, er, not quite what I meant, Fred.'

They carried on walking.

George glanced at Fred again. 'And you're just jealous,' he said, abrupt. 'You wish you looked as good as me in that hat.'

Fred nearly fell over. 'Haha! Ha! Excuse me while I die laughing!'

They caught up with Kyoya soon after that and ventured out into the sunlight. The Hitachiins joined them a few seconds later bringing with them a heavy saccharine aroma of strawberries. Kaoru chewed vigorously while Hikaru's cheeks were bulging like a hamster's. He made a quick detour around a bronze statue of a dog to access the nearest bin, returning wiping smears of chocolate from his mouth. Smirking in satisfaction he held a hand out expectantly and Kaoru reluctantly relinquished his grip on the last of the candy, having lost the bet.

'I wouldn't look so happy if I were you, Hikaru,' Kyoya said, amused, as Kaoru pouted over the loss of the sweets. 'It just proves what everyone's been saying all along - you have a big mouth.'

Hikaru laughed very sarcastically. 'Hilarious. So,' he began as they progressed along the bustling street, busy people weaving around them in all directions. 'I guess that means Kaoru and I will be able to access the magic part of the city now? We know where the doorway is.' They exchanged matching looks of unholy glee at the thought.

'Nope,' Kyoya replied absently as he narrowed his eyes in the sun's afternoon glare and rooted around in the front pocket of his pale green shirt.

'What!' the Hitachiins screeched, mood swiftly turning sour. 'Why not?'

'It's operated by a magic detecting mechanism,' Kyoya explained as he swept off his glasses and replaced them with delicate sunglasses. 'Neither you nor Kaoru have magic in your blood so you won't be admitted.' He tilted his head, taking in their dejected, disbelieving expressions. 'I'm sorry but there's nothing I, nor anyone else, can do about that. Now.' Ignorant to the twins' belligerent muttering Kyoya looked around, 360 view of the active streets around them. 'It's very busy just now and I have not eaten all day so let's do that first then I'll happily give you a tour of muggle Tokyo.'

'_Boring_,' Hikaru said sullenly. 'And you realise they aren't even listening to you?'

The Weasleys were in conversation with a girl holding a bundle of leaflets and seemed to be competing for her attention, Fred elbowing George in the ribs and stepping forward only for George to push him aside and widen his grin at the girl.

'Yes, well,' Kyoya said, unbothered. 'Gives me time to decide what I want to eat.'

'I still can't believe you kept that from us, Kyoya-senpai,' Kaoru said with an accusing ring to his tone. 'That you can do magic? That's something pretty big to not tell your friends.'

'If you even consider us friends,' Hikaru added snidely.

'Of course I do,' Kyoya said blinking and lowered his sunglasses a fraction, looking back and forth between them as though trying to deduce how serious they were being.

The Hitachiins moved together as a unit and lapsed into a stony silence, staring in Kyoya's direction. Fred and George bade goodbye to the girl and walked back over, George waving a fluttering slip of paper gleefully in Fred's face.

'What are you doing?' Fred asked them, rolling his eyes as George happily pocketed the paper with the girl's number.

'We're trying to see how long we can guilt trip him for not telling us about his magical hospital,' Kaoru explained barely moving his lips, his eyes hardly wavering from Kyoya.

'It works on most people,' Hikaru said from the corner of his mouth. 'And imagine the benefits with Kyoya-senpai.'

It seemed Fred and George couldn't. They stared blankly.

'Well,' said Kaoru, 'he'd feel too guilty to step in when we annoy Tono or Nekozawa or anyone.'

'We'd probably get to do whatever we want at school,' Hikaru said.

'It always works,' said Kaoru. 'One time we convinced Tono that he was being unfair to us at the Club and he let us off club meetings for two weeks.'

'Haruhi was so annoyed,' Hikaru reminisced and both of them stopped staring at Kyoya to grin at each other. 'She had to contribute for the three of us.'

'Yeah but I don't think that's going to work on Kyoya,' George said slowly.

'I thought so too - until lately!' Hikaru said with enthusiasm. 'I've noticed that despite what his cold attitude would suggest he's actually-'

'No, I really don't think he cares,' Fred said bluntly.

'I mean, look,' said George, pointing.

Kyoya was standing at a streetside vendor, waiting patiently as the woman behind the counter filled a small tray for him.

Hikaru's mouth fell open. 'The Shadow King has a heart of stone,' he said, as though he couldn't believe it. The Hitachiins watched with narrowed eyes as Kyoya conversed with the woman quite amiably, sparing them not a single glance.

'Standing there, eating takoyaki…' Kaoru said scathingly.

Hikaru shook his head contemptuously. 'Uncaring that his friends are losing respect for him…'

'What's takoyaki?' Fred asked, standing up on his toes trying to get a better look.

'Octopus dumplings,' Hikaru said. 'They're usually nice but…' He eyed the streets warily. '_Commoners._'

'Octopus,' Fred repeated woodenly. 'Octopus…'

Kaoru tilted his head. 'You've never heard of it? It's seafood, usually it's-'

'He knows what it is,' George snickered. 'He's just narrow minded. Let's go try some.'

'What!' Fred said in horror. 'No!'

George was dragging Fred over regardless of his protests.

'_We're_ not buying any are we?' Hikaru a little fretfully as they followed.

'You _like _commoner stuff,' Kaoru pointed out.

'Only when I know it's safe,' Hikaru returned. 'It's fine if we're in Haruhi's house or if Tono's ordered it or something but here…?'

'Oh, there you are.' Kyoya turned to face them, chewing neatly. 'This is very good,' he said, pointing his plastic spork at the small tray he was holding. 'You wouldn't expect it to be so but it is.'

The woman at the counter looked briefly offended.

'We'll buy some!' George said, barging forwards. 'I'm sure it'll be delicious.' He smiled brightly. 'Right Fred?'

Fred only grumbled.

'I like the little pots of sauce,' Kaoru said, inspecting Kyoya's meal. 'Look at these, Hikaru.'

Hikaru gave the meal a cursory glance. 'For the record?' he said arbitrarily, raising his chin and facing Kyoya directly. 'You make a shit wizard. They -' he pointed to the Weasley twins '-are better.'

'If that's what you think,' Kyoya said mildly and continued to eat, blind to Hikaru's scowl. 'Mmm. You can really taste the onion.'

Hikaru whipped around to look at Kaoru. 'Heart of _stone_,' he announced once again.

'Uh-huh,' agreed Kaoru.

'Shopping now?' George asked, toddling back balancing a few dishes in his already over-crowded arms. 'Here, you need to at least try it,' he said.

Fred sighed and reluctantly speared one of the dumplings, holding it at arms length. As soon as George's back was turned he let it drop.

Peeves was quick to pounce and consume it, straightening up again when finished, tail wagging wildly.

'You know,' Fred said thoughtfully, 'you're not so bad after all.'

* * *

'Have you spoken to him about it yet?' George asked Kaoru while eating a strange cinnamon-flavoured chocolate bar a couple of hours later. They were lagging behind a little but had no fear of losing the others; Fred and Hikaru's hair made them easy to pick out through the crowds that led up to the junction.

Fred was entertaining himself with the newly bought camera strung around his neck, clicking a picture of just about everything around him - not knowing he was holding it upside down. Hikaru, looking slightly pained at this mishandling of the camera, went over and righted it before showing him how to correct the lens. Kyoya alternated between smirking at this and drawing Fred's attention to the most prominent shops.

'What?' Kaoru said absently.

'To Hikaru,' George clarified, wondering if he'd missed any important goings-on while he'd been back home. He wasn't entirely sure at what point he'd become embroiled in this messy tangle of feelings, but it was kind of like those Muggle soap operas he'd sometimes caught Ginny watching on the old tv they had. There was a strange compulsion to know even if the subject matter was totally bizarre. 'About -' George paused. "How you feel" sounded so disgustingly cheesy that he might have to throw up if he ever allowed it to pass his lips. Thankfully Kaoru knew what he was trying to say and spared him.

'No,' Kaoru replied and before their conversation could get beyond that a gaggle of young teenagers, both boys and girls, descended upon them.

There seemed to be two modes: half of the group was gabbling excitedly and pointing and the others were exhibiting some transfixed staring and whispering. But they all had one thing in common: all were looking in George's direction.

'What?' George said. He spun in a circle, paranoid. 'What are they all looking at? Is there something on me?' His voice rose as alarm mounted. '_Is there something on me_?' He hated crawly things, not to the extent Ron did, but it was still enough to induce panic.

'No…' Kaoru trailed off for a moment, listening to what their audience was saying.

George squirmed, trying to check every inch of himself for spiders or other multiple-legged beasts.

'I think it's the dog,' Kaoru said then wrinkled his nose, amended, 'or, whatever you keep calling that thing…' He looked around. 'Hikaru! Hikaru!'

Peeves' odd forked tail flashed back and forwards, clearly lapping up the attention he was getting, his paws pattering on the warm concrete as though itching to bound forwards. 'Peeves,' George commanded. 'Stay.' Peeves whined longingly and there was a tuneful chorus of "aaaaww" from the girls.

One of the smaller girls was reaching out when Hikaru and Fred came lunging out of nowhere and pushed her aside. She stumbled and Kaoru had to move fast to catch her.

'So much for not letting it near Muggles,' Fred said as he snapped a red leash around the crup's neck, quickly handing the cord to George.

'It is attracting a lot of attention,' Kyoya said, displeased. 'Come on.'

They fled from their captivated assemblage of onlookers, Kaoru hastily throwing the young girl back in the direction of her companions, and across the wide diagonal crossing. Hurrying along they reached the end of Koen Dori where the crowds were sparse and the surroundings a little more dated. Kyoya kept them at the same brisk pace until they arrived, puffing and red-faced, at Yoyogi Park.

'Phew!' Hikaru and Kaoru flopped down on the nearest bench in front of a large pond, the silvery waters glittering pink from the reflection of the trees. 'Kyoya-senpai,' they complained in tandem. 'What was wrong with getting the train to Harajuku?'

'It's healthier to walk,' Kyoya said breezily. 'And we want our tourists to get the best experience, don't we?''

Fred and George hadn't seemed to appreciate this very much. Both were out of breath, George particularly from struggling to control Peeves who was trying hard to run to the waters edge where there were shimmering fountains.

'We can have tea and refreshments here and cool down,' Kyoya said. 'Keep the dog on the leash for now. There's a specialised part for dogs further in.'

From there Kyoya gave them a concise but interesting tour of the park. He took them to Meiji Jingu shrine and, in his usual mysterious way -or perhaps by just using his inflated wallet- he managed to get them ahead of all the queues. They spent some time looking at the amulets, making wishes - wishes that became more ridiculous as time went on - and watching folk dance performances. Following that was a lesson on the park's origins and information on the popular events that went on. Fred and George were genuinely interested; Hikaru and Kaoru more set on getting to the promised tea house.

They did at last reach the building. It overlooked a traditional colourful garden that Peeves enjoyed gambolling around in. An elderly, pleasant-faced woman served them tea. The quiet was only disrupted by the periodic starting and stopping of faraway music drifting over from the livelier west side of the park where some indie bands were practising.

'We should've brought Tono along,' Hikaru said, tapping his fingers against the table to the beat of the faraway drums. 'Can you imagine how betrayed he's going to be when he finds out? He's going to have this expression,' and Hikaru attempted his best puppy-dog eyes look. It looked out of place on a face that was best suited to devious smirks but everyone got the basic idea.

'Tamaki's been here at least a thousand times though,' Kyoya said. 'He has nothing to be jealous over.'

Fred and George exchanged amused glances.

'You two come here on dates often?' grinned Fred, still nursing his theory of Kyoya's unrequited love for Tamaki.

'Yes,' Kyoya deadpanned. He set down his teacup with a clink and leaned forward in his seat, pointing over the rosewood balcony. Five sets of eyes tracked the motion, Peeves jumping up, paws scrabbling. 'You see across there? Tamaki particularly likes sitting under that tree and sometimes we have picnics and in the spring we observe the hanami parties…'

'I'm glad Mommy and Daddy have such a beautiful relationship,' Hikaru sniffled, dabbing softly under his eyes with his fingertips. Kaoru nodded in tearful agreement and handed over a scented napkin.

'Creepy how you can say all that with a straight face,' George said to Kyoya.

Kyoya laughed, drained the rest of his tea.

The thing was, he wasn't even lying.

* * *

'And over there, near the bridge, is the place where girls in cosplay and sporting different fashions congregate, coining the term Harajuku girls…'

There was a loud cracking noise that caused Kyoya to stop in his monologue and look around, puzzled. 'Aaaand I don't think we'll be seeing them for a while,' he said, laughing as he realised the Weasley twins had Apparated and were already making a beeline for the colourfully dressed girls. Kyoya sat down on the nearest bench, folding one leg over the other, as though settling in for the long haul. He eased his laptop out of his bag and quickly became engrossed in it.

As Kaoru continued to loiter, boredly observing the surroundings, Hikaru sat beside Kyoya.

'What,' Kyoya asked sensing Hikaru's gaze, but not looking over.

'Go on,' Hikaru said. 'Do something.'

Kyoya wrinkled his nose quizzically as he typed. 'Do something…?'

'With your ~magical powers~,' Hikaru smirked.

'Sorry - no.'

'Aw, come on.'

'_No_.'

This continued, much of the same wheedling and subsequent rebuttals, until Kaoru huffed loudly. 'He's boring. I'm going over there to find out some stuff. There's supposed to be some upcoming festivals. I want to find out about them…'

'Okay. Don't be too long,' Hikaru said as Kaoru wandered off. Kaoru waved, signifying that he'd heard. Distracted as he was watching Kaoru disappear Hikaru was delayed in registering Kyoya's small laugh.

'Private joke?' Hikaru said wryly, shifting to face him again. 'Or have you finally gone insane? Because I have to say, senpai, I saw it coming from a long way off.'

'Is that so?' Kyoya said, glimmer of amusement in his eyes. 'Funny, because it seems to me I'm the only one around here who sees anything.'

'What are you talking about?'

'Oh, nothing.' With an air of infuriating mystery he returned to his laptop.

'Don't see anything,' Hikaru muttered under his breath. 'Don't see anything… I see _plenty_.'

'Mm-hm.' How Kyoya managed to make something so toneless and yet so simultaneously mocking would have really impressed Hikaru had it not been directed at him.

Hikaru sighed loudly. 'So why don't you use magic?'

Kyoya paused in typing and levelled a look at him. 'I opt not to.'

'No, I don't think that's really it,' Hikaru said.

'Don't you?'

'Why would you pass up on an opportunity like that?' said Hikaru. 'It just doesn't make any sense. I would love to be able to… Unless…But that doesn't make sense either, it's not like you're a Muggleborn.' At Kyoya's surprised eyebrow-raise Hikaru nodded, palpable pride on his face. 'Yeah, I've been learning. So, what's up Kyoya-senpai? Why don't you use your magic? Or do you, and that's how you're so efficient in everything?'

Kyoya glanced up, mildly insulted. 'Excuse me. My academic prowess requires no magical assistance.'

'So explain it, then,' Hikaru yawned, head tilted to the sky. He glanced around then, just his eyes moving as though he was attempting to appear casual about it.

Kyoya wasn't fooled. 'He's over there,' he said, pointing Kaoru out in the crowd.

Hikaru's cheeks turned a little pink. 'Yeah. I knew that.' He stayed stubbornly facing the same direction.

'Of course.' Kyoya shut over his laptop. He exhaled and faced Hikaru straight on. 'Fine. I'll be candid with you because I can tell you're not going to let this matter drop and I'd rather you didn't pester me in school with it.'

Hikaru grinned, knowing he'd do exactly that if Kyoya didn't answer him.

'The truth is,' said Kyoya, 'I'm not exactly very practiced in the magical arts. I've learned what is necessary of course but the main concentration, more so for my brothers, has been magic in relation to medicine, not magic as a single subject.'

'Oh.' Hikaru considered this. 'Huh. That's gotta suck,' he said, as close to sympathetic as he would get. 'You just learn boring things?'

Kyoya's face clouded over. 'I'm learning to save people's lives, I would not apply "boring" to that, but... in essence, yes, you could say that.' His expression cleared and he shrugged. 'I go to Ouran, not a magic school. I do the classes at night.'

'But now you've got that medicine for your father, right?' Hikaru said. 'Fred said that he'd... that he'd take that into consideration.'

'Perhaps,' Kyoya agreed though underneath his normal tone there was a spike of uncertainty. 'For now all I can really do is -'

'Hey, Hikaru, Kyoya-senpai!'

They both looked up. Kaoru was back, standing in front of them and pointing ahead of them.

'Kaoru? What is it?'

'It's Renge, look.'

Hikaru got to his feet. 'Are you sure?' He suddenly spotted the girl hurrying over to them. 'She… Why is she dressed like that?'

'I_ don't _know,' Kaoru said firmly, his tone indicating he was not a fan of her attire.

'Hikaru, Kaoru, Kyoya!' she squealed, clattering to a stop in her high pastel pink heels, the lacy hem of her extravagant white dress spiralling around her ankles with the momentum, the ends of the pink satin ribbon around her waist twirling out. An equally frilly umbrella was swinging in one of her hands, her pink painted nails clutching the ivory white end.

'What's with the outfit, Renge?' Hikaru asked, cocking an eyebrow.

'I'm being lolita today!' she explained and fluttered her eyelashes, the thick dark layer of fake ones resting on top. Her hair - although the bombshell blonde colour hinted more at it being a wig - was rainbow shaped and backcombed and threaded with pink extensions. She wore make up that made her skin look like porcelain and a pink dusting of blusher.

'You look very nice, Renge,' Kyoya complimented.

'Thank you! Is this a Host Club outing?' she said and she took on a reprimanding tone. 'You know you were supposed to inform me when you guys had one of those! I could've brought my camera!'

'No, it's not a Host Club thing,' Kyoya said. 'It's a casual outing, we're merely showing the Weasley brothers around the city.'

'I hope you took them to good places! I could show them-'

'Renge,' Kaoru cut her off. 'They're not interested in your manga shops.'

'You didn't do that interview for me!' Renge said, pointing her umbrella at him then jabbing it in Hikaru's direction to illustrate her point.

'Ah, look, there's Fred and George,' Hikaru said hastily.

Renge turned to them and looked ready to scold them too - for whatever reason - when her mouth suddenly dropped, the shocked expression on her face far more profound because of the cherry pink lipgloss she was wearing.

'What?' Hikaru and Kaoru asked.

'That - that-' She ran up to Fred and George. 'Where did you get it?' she demanded.

'Woah-!' Fred said, taking two steps back. 'Hey, calm down.'

'What's going on?' George asked. 'Get… what?'

'I _had_ one of those!' Renge cried, her umbrella now directed at Peeves.

George raised his eyebrows. 'No. I think you're mistaken. You had something _like _this,' he said, grinning.

'No! I had one of these! In France!'

'I'm sorry, Renge,' Kyoya said in a dulcet calming voice as he settled a placatory hand on her shoulder. 'What are you talking about?'

'In France,' she said more steadily. 'I had one - he was called Albert! But this was when I was quite young because I had to leave when I went to Beauxbatons and then after that I came here and I knew I wasn't able to…What? What are you all staring at?'

Fred and George turned to face each other. 'Beaux…'

'Wait,' said Fred, whipping around to face Kyoya. 'Is she… Does… Did you…'

'I had no idea,' Kyoya said numbly.

Peeves bounded forward - the leash loose in George's hand from shock - and circled Renge's legs, nosing at the frills of her dress.

'No idea about what?' the Hitachiins said.

'You're a witch!' Fred and George shouted, goggling at Renge.

'Of course I am,' Renge said, completely reasonably. She reached down and lifted Peeves, cradling him in her arms and the winding the red lead around her wrist. He seemed content, small eyes shut nose pressed against the massive bow adorning the front of her dress. 'How else did you think I'd be able to use my high powered motor?'

'Heh, that's a point,' Hikaru said to Kaoru. 'We always wondered about that didn't we?'

Fred crossed his arms and turned to them suspiciously. 'Anything you two would like to say? Are you two also wizards? Vampires? Squibs?'

'What? What the hell is a squib?' Hikaru said, curling his lip.

'I'm not being a squib,' Kaoru said at once. 'No way.'

'You really didn't know, Kyoya?' Renge asked, genuinely surprised. 'I've known about your family for _ages_. And I've had my suspicions about you two from the start,' she added to the Weasleys. 'But,' she preened, 'I have respected each of your wishes to remain quiet about it.' She looked quite proud of herself about this.

'You knew about me?' Kyoya said.

Renge giggled. 'Kyoya, in the beginning I made it my business to know _everything_ about you.' She smiled sweetly, as though this would make her statement cute rather than stalkerish. She looked closely at him. 'You _really_ didn't know about me?'

He shook his head, unable to formulate words.

'Are you seeing me in a new light?' Renge asked. 'Because, I'm sorry, but my amorous feelings for you have become platonic. I'm much more mesmerized by these two,' she breathed, and she gazed dreamily at Fred and George.

'What!' they yelped.

'Fiery red hair,' she began, her fingers outstretching towards them.

Fred and George abruptly Apparated, reappearing hiding behind the Hitachiins.

'Stop it, Renge,' said Kaoru. 'You're upsetting Kyoya-senpai.'

'No, you aren't,' Kyoya said quickly as Renge looked contrite. 'You do not have to worry about any romantic advances from me. No, I'm just astounded at how you were able to-'

'Keep it a secret?' she said. She smiled and gave a small shrug. 'Everyone has their secrets.' She patted Peeves. 'So now that we all know about each other, how about you show me this shop you're developing? I think I'll be able to help out.'


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

* * *

'Do it!' Kaoru said as they walked to the waiting limousine, the setting sun's warm colours spread out behind the Tokyo skyline.

'No.'

'_Can_ you do it?' Kaoru asked suspiciously.

'Of course.'

'Then do it.'

'I will not.' Kyoya strode around to the other side of the vehicle.

Fred and George, waving as the pink limousine that encased Renge and Peeves drove away, joined Kyoya and the Hitachiins.

'What are you pestering him about this time?' George asked.

'I'm wondering if he can do that teleportation thing you two are always doing,' Kaoru grumbled. 'He's being uncooperative. Again. I don't think he _can_ do it. Do you, Hikaru?'

Hikaru looked at Kyoya, instantaneously reminded of his newfound insight into Kyoya's life. Kyoya looked back neutrally. 'I don't know,' Hikaru answered before glancing around so he wouldn't have to see Karou's disappointment at not being backed up. 'Um, hey, where's the dog?'

Fred pointed at the pink speck that was the limo disappearing along the road. 'Renge became so attached she asked if she could have him for a couple of days. We were happy to oblige.'

'One of us significantly more happy than the other,' George said, eyebrow raised.

'Well,' Fred shrugged. 'Not gonna lie, the thing made me kinda uneasy, the octopus help aside. Oh, hey, and the shop thing, Kyoya?' Fred said. He leaned against the dark roof of the limousine and looked over at Kyoya questioningly.

'It won't be a problem, will it, you and Renge being managers together?' George said, worrying at his lower lip.

'No, I think we'll be quite alright,' Kyoya said. 'As long as she leaves the numbers to me.'

Kaoru's eyebrows were arching. 'Are you sure it's wise to do something like that? I know that _I_ couldn't survive it.'

'I personally wouldn't entrust Renge with something like that,' Hikaru voiced as well.

'She seems like the right person for it,' said Fred. 'She's enthusiastic and knows all about the wizarding scene here.'

'But she's such a control freak!' Hikaru despaired. 'It's no good! So, I propose something else, a much better idea: me and Kaoru should be allowed to help you out.'

'Er.' Fred and George looked at each other. 'How can we put this… _NO_.'

'But we'd be amazing! If not as managers then, we could be like, models! We could stand in the shop window and attract customers-'

'Cheers for the offer, but no.'

'Could we all get in the car now?' Kyoya said, rolling his eyes.

'Where are we going?' Kaoru asked, ducking through the door Hikaru opened for him.

'The hospital,' Kyoya said as he slipped on his seatbelt. 'You two can wait outside though.'

'And _what_ octopus help?' George demanded as the Weasley twins clambered in.

'Oh, nothing…'

'I swear,' muttered Hikaru as they settled into their seats. 'We totally keep being excluded.'

Unfortunately Kyoya over-heard the complaint.

'You both are in full-time education. Muggle education. When do you think you'll have time to manage a joke shop?' Kyoya said. 'This idea, it's utterly inconceivable.'

'We have tons of free time,' Hikaru said sullenly. 'How else do you think we can plot such magnificent schemes to torment Tono with?'

'It's still no,' Kyoya said blandly. 'You may drive now,' he added to the man at the wheel.

'You know what this means?' Kaoru whispered as they joined the build-up of traffic.

He held Hikaru's curious golden gaze and after a beat Hikaru grinned, teeth like gleeful diamonds in the curve of his mouth, as they shared a common thought: _Initiate prank war!_

'We probably shouldn't start with Kyoya though,' Kaoru murmured, already in planning mode. 'We should definitely have some practise.'

'Yeah. Hey, Kyoya?' Hikaru called. From the front, where he sat with the driver Kyoya's head turned. 'Can you drop us off at Tono's instead? We'd like to visit him.'

* * *

Fred placed the bottle of antidote on the bedside table, careful not to brush against or bother the boy's sleeping form. Hunny's eyelids flickered with under-the-surface dreams, a soft exhale passing his pursed lips.

The doctors stood like statues in each corner of the room, busy examining their clipboards and watching their machines.

Fred glanced to the doorway where Kyoya and George stood.

'Come on,' George said, quiet and beckoning while Kyoya remained still, a reserved hope in his eyes as he watched Hunny. 'Nothing else we can do now.'

Fred nodded and shuffled towards the door, hand scraping through his hair.

* * *

'Party! Party! Party!'

'Senpai,' Haruhi nearly wailed, clutching her forehead. 'Please stop?'

Tamaki halted what looked like a tribal dance. 'Haruhi!' He threw himself down on the couch beside her. Haruhi winced. The red velvet cushions surrounding her made a speedy escape, diving off onto the marble floor. Tamaki ignored this and spread his legs out further, knocking off yet another cushion and making Haruhi scramble to catch her history book before it also achieved freedom.

'How can you have so much energy?' she despaired, finding her page again. 'Have you been drinking all the stocks of coffee?'

The morning was still new, the sun outside pale and fresh. Haruhi had made her way up to the Music Room very early, just as the school was opening, with the plan of gaining a little time to study. She hadn't been able to the night before. Her dad's friends had been over having drinks in the living room - stationed there from dinnertime until well into the night, laughter and loud conversations filtering through every time she tried to settle down with her books, and she hadn't had the heart to go out and tell them to quit it, knowing how guilty her dad would feel.

The Music Room would have been the perfect place for her had Tamaki not come in as she was working through her notes and upon seeing her began babbling about this party he was planning for Hunny.

'Ah, commoner's coffee, how I love thee,' Tamaki sang, closing his eyes and smiling, swaying to an inner melody. 'But no!' he said suddenly, eyes snapping open; making Haruhi jump yet again. 'This is simply my natural state of being!'

'Huh,' Haruhi said, pulling her book back into her lap. 'Then can you maybe try and contain yourself? It's stressful.'

'It's been a very stressful time, I agree, not helped by the fact that Beary went missing this morning!'

Haruhi looked over at him through her fringe. 'Your bear went missing? Have Hikaru and Kaoru been round at your house at all?'

'Oooh, that could be it!' he exclaimed, pointing a finger at her and nodding enthusiastically. 'They came round yesterday evening! Those blasted twins, I _thought_ they might be the perpetrators but I didn't want to wrongly accuse them. I am known to be rather careless…' He blushed a little and confessed, 'One time I left Beary out in the garden for a full four days until the nice gardener came and dropped him off at my bedroom door. I was accusing just about everyone in the household that time and it turned out to be me all along…' He sighed. 'I suppose I'm a little scatter-brained.'

'Yeah, well.' Haruhi turned a page of her book. 'You should probably confront them about it, I'm sure they wouldn't withhold the bear from you if you asked for it.'

'I shall do that when they arrive,' Tamaki agreed. 'But, regarding my second highly stressful problem-'

Haruhi took a moment to smile at the fact that Tamaki deemed a missing teddy bear to be a "highly stressful problem".

'I've been waiting for these people since _four am_. When do you think they'll arrive?' Tamaki demanded, consulting his watch and tapping its super flat gold-rimmed face.

Haruhi rubbed at her face and peered at him tiredly through her fingers.

'Hmm? Hmm?' Tamaki asked desperately.

'What…?' Haruhi peeled her hands away from her face. 'Who?'

'The men!' Tamaki said. 'When do you think they'll arrive?'

'What men?' She didn't know if it was because she was exhausted or because Tamaki was being unreasonably vague, but she had no idea what he was talking about. 'The rest of the club you mean?' Tamaki had never really seriously referred to them as "the men" but stranger things had happened. Much stranger things.

'No,' said Tamaki. 'Last night - you know when Hikaru and Kaoru were round helping me with some of the arrangements and _thieving Beary _I suppose-' His face scrunched in mild irritation, '-I called this company and I ordered a float for the party and they said it'd get here before tomorrow but that's a little unclear, isn't it? The party is tomorrow and I'd quite like some clear details so Kyoya can get everything in order. Do you think I should phone them and ask them to clarify? Or would that be rude? I mean, I don't think it'd be any less rude than them failing to specify the exact time the float would get here but then I do not know.' He turned to her, wearing that familiar wide-eyed look. 'As a commoner, Haruhi, you're much more accustomed with different etiquette so what would you say would be the best course of action to-'

'Wait, wait, wait,' Haruhi pleaded, waving her hands. 'Slow down. What _float_?'

'You know, a float!' Tamaki said excitedly. 'The ones you get at processions and festivals and such? They move and they can be decorated with flowers and stuff and people stand on them and-'

'Yeah, I know what a float is. But you ordered one of these things?'

'Yep! For Hunny-senpai!' Tamaki wiggled proudly. 'He is going to love eating it.'

Haruhi was still working through the onslaught of previous information. 'Right, and it'll arrive t- Wait, what? _Eating _it?' Haruhi stared. 'Why would he eat it? Does he eat flowers now?'

Tamaki burst out laughing. 'Don't be silly, Haruhi! I got one made of cake!'

'You…' Haruhi could barely find words, could only blink stupidly for several seconds. 'You got a float. A whole float. Composed entirely of _cake_?'

'Not entirely. It's got an element of ice-cream in its structure too! Hmm, I really should phone the men now!' While Haruhi was still in a state of shock Tamaki produced his phone and began dialling. 'Yes, hello? Hello?' He pressed the phone closer to his ear. 'Is that the men? The cake-float men? Hi! Yes, it's Tamaki Suoh here, I was just wondering…What? Well I could speak Japanese if you _want_, it's just we have guests over right now and we've all got into the habit of… What? Oh. Well, I just wanted to know when the float would get here…' He paused, listening. 'Delivered at night-time? Why?…WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT MIGHT MELT?' Tamaki was on the edge of hyperventilation. '_WHAT_? _HAS _IT MELTED?'

Haruhi cringed.

After spewing many more dramatic sentences Tamaki pulled the phone away from his ear and held it out to Haruhi. 'I'd rather you interacted with them,' he said firmly. 'They're being very rude and ungracious. I think they're definitely commoners.'

Haruhi glared but Tamaki pouted again. 'Please, Haruhi? Please? It's for Hunny-senpai! I can't ruin this for him! I know you don't like me, but for Hunny-senpai? Please?'

'Don't be ridiculous, of course I like you,' Haruhi muttered. 'Fine, give me the phone.'

But he didn't. Instead his eyes lit up and he was all of a sudden jumping around on the couch yelling, 'You _like_ me! You like me! YOU LIKE-' An over-excited jump and the phone went flying out of his grasp, continuing across the room until it crashed down by the doorway, the back shattering off, freeing the battery. His expression turned swiftly from exaltation to horror. '_Crap_!'

Haruhi buried her face in her hands.

* * *

Hikaru and Kaoru stared at their now silent spare mobile phone lying on the granite kitchen table.

'Tamaki-senpai? Tamaki…?' Kaoru grabbed the phone, showed the display to Hikaru.

Hikaru's mouth fell open. 'Did he just… hang up on us?'

'I think he did,' Kaoru said, drawing the phone back in towards himself and clearing the call history. 'What a freak.'

Hikaru drank down the rest of his strawberry and banana smoothie and slammed the glass down when finished. 'What was all that "you like me" crap? Why was Haruhi with him?'

'How am I supposed to know, Hikaru? I'm right here with you.'

'Something's not right there,' Hikaru said firmly, wiping around his mouth with a cloth napkin.

'You do realise,' Kaoru began daringly, pocketing the phone and hopping off the high silver stool he was perched on, 'you whine when Tono says he doesn't trust us with Haruhi, but sometimes you're just as bad with him? Neither of you own her, you know.'

Hikaru briefly glowered. 'I didn't say I didn't trust him. And I didn't say I _own _her.' He moved to the fridge and put the carton of smoothie roughly back in its niche. 'I'd just like to know why he and Haruhi are at the school a full hour before they're required to be.'

'I don't know, maybe they're planning Hunny-senpai's party.' Kaoru frowned, grabbing their school stuff from beside the door. 'Anyway, we're going to have to go and change the telephone number back to the original one so that he can actually get through to the "cake-float men" by tonight.'

'Yeah, I know. I don't know why he got so outraged,' Hikaru said, taking the satchel Kaoru was holding out to him. 'We gave him the right information. It's not gonna be delivered until tonight because the ice cream will melt in the day's sun. Any idiot could figure that one out.'

'Yeah but we didn't tell him about the ice-box covering,' Kaoru smirked. 'So he probably thinks it's melted already.'

'Ouran will finally be able to put the underground garages to use,' Hikaru said. 'We'll have to get Tono's dad or someone to meddle with the temperature though. Get it well below zero or the ice cream really will melt.'

They headed out to the car, uncaring that the kitchen door shut with a tremendous bang behind them. The sound of their feet treading across the gravel alerted their driver's attention to them.

'What about the other two?' he asked, slipping on his cap and sheepishly stubbing out his cigarette on the wall; an action that would have him sacked if Yuzuha Hitachiin found out, but Hikaru and Kaoru quite liked this driver so they wouldn't say anything. (At least not unless the situation arose in which they needed to blackmail the man or get rid of him for their own gain.) 'The red-headed English ones?'

'They're busy,' Kaoru said, tone short and sour. 'Stupid shop.'

'How will they get to school?' the driver asked.

'They'll find their own way,' Hikaru said dismissively. 'But hey, can you drive a bit faster than normal today? We really need to get to school as soon as possible. I want to find out what Tamaki's up to.' He jumped into the car.

'Okay,' their driver said dubiously and hurried into the front seat.

Disposing of the sigh he longed to make Kaoru got in the back with Hikaru.

* * *

As it turned out, by the time they arrived at the school - and prised the usual collection of girls away from them - the music room's only occupants were Kyoya and Tamaki.

'She's at the second floor library,' Kyoya said when asked of Haruhi's whereabouts, looking up from where he was penning names on party invites, his writing artful in the shining wet ink.

'Are you sure?' Hikaru said, eyeing Tamaki suspiciously.

'Tch.' Kaoru immediately bit his lip. He hadn't been able to stop the small noise escaping and hoped the other two had not registered it, but then he noticed Kyoya's dark eyes on him and all Kaoru could do was look away and curse silently and pretend nothing had happened, the disconcerting jealous feeling bubbling inside of him all the while.

Tamaki was battling with a roll of shimmering coloured streamers, the streamers easily winning. 'I cannot do this, Kyoya!' Tamaki said, looking hopeless and disenchanted. He shook a coil of pink and silver from his wrist. 'Kyoya? Kyoya, don't ignore me! I'm having a crisis! A _crisis _I tell you!'

'Will you be _quiet_?' Kyoya snapped. 'I am trying to _speak_ over here.'

Tamaki squeaked and dove off to find a suitable corner to sulk in.

'Yes, I'm sure,' Kyoya affirmed, calm again as he faced Hikaru. 'I was in the library earlier printing off a science paper and she was there doing some history revision. But why the sudden concern?'

'No reason,' Hikaru said, visibly closed-off. His shoulders were hunched beneath his blazer. The rigidity however, in clear opposition to his intentions, made him look fragile. 'Anyway. We'd better get to class or whatever. Kaoru?'

'No, we're still early,' Kaoru said. The unsettling feeling of envy or anger or whatever it was had still not subsided and he wasn't sure he could trust himself around Hikaru. 'You can go if you want, though.' He pulled out a chair beside Kyoya and sat down.

Hikaru had gone frighteningly still and silent.

'Damn pen,' Kyoya muttered and reached for another identical one. He shook his head. 'I told Fuyumi the ones I had were fine, but no, she just had to go and give me these crappy ones…' He uncapped the new pen. 'I suppose she means well…'

'You want me to leave?' Hikaru said with difficulty, his jaw somewhat slack with disbelief.

Kaoru sighed. 'No I don't want you to leave. Just, I want to hang out here and you obviously don't, so…'

'Right. Sure.' Hikaru laughed; not out of amusement, but more like because he wasn't sure what else to do. 'Okay. I'll… see you in class then.' He left.

'What _is_ going on with you two?' Kyoya asked, sounding a little exasperated but Kaoru couldn't tell if it was because of them or because of the fountain pen.

Kaoru really did debate answering him but knew that no words would suffice so instead he settled for a groan and slowly rested his head against the table and let Kyoya interpret it in whatever way he saw fit.

'Kyoya, the streamers…' Tamaki bleated from the back of the room.

'…I am going to kill him,' Kyoya said, quiet and resolute, his hand clenching into a pristine whitened fist around the pen. 'I am genuinely going to murder him.'

Kaoru huffed a laugh out against the table's rich mahogany surface. As Kyoya got up and strode robotically over Kaoru inched his hand over to where Tamaki's bag sat and rummaged through to get the phone, quickly amending the numbers- yet another thing Hikaru had forgot about completely in the face of Haruhi Fujioka.

'Hitachiin!'

Kaoru quickly distanced himself from the bag and turned to face Tamaki. 'No, senpai,' he said, before Tamaki could do much more than blink at him. 'I refuse to help untangle any streamers or blow up any balloons or do anything of that sort right now. It's way too early.'

'This is not about streamers!' Tamaki said, flailing. 'It's about something much more dear to me!'

'Haruhi?' Kaoru guessed. It always was, one way or another.

'I- What?' Tamaki blinked. 'Haruhi?'

'Never mind,' Kaoru sighed, getting up. 'I'm gonna get to class. Catch you later, Tono.'

'BUT WHAT ABOUT BEARY!' Tamaki bellowed.

Kaoru wilfully ignored him and walked out of the room.

'I WILL NOT LET THIS GO, HITACHIIN KAORUUU!' Tamaki promised. 'I WILL BE WAITING!'

Kaoru walked faster down the corridor, but still managed to hear Kyoya dragging Tamaki back within the confines of Music Room Three.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen**

* * *

Hunny awoke from his second nap that morning. Recovering memories was hard work.

But gradually everything was slotting into place. The only problem was, the memories were returning in reverse order, starting with the very last week he had lost and continuing backwards all the way through the year. _That _was confusing and made the time between his naps rather disorientating.

Hunny yawned.

It was easier to just sleep and let his subconscious sift through things.

From the taste of memories he'd gotten so far, Hunny knew that when he was in possession of the entirety of the missing knowledge, when the process was finally complete, he would have a _lot _to discuss with his friends.

* * *

'So…' George cleared his throat. He was sat in Renge's limousine - Renge's pink limousine, he remembered with a twitch - with Renge, while Fred popped into the jokeshop to collect some items. George himself was charged with the task of doing their homework. They'd been neglecting it as of late; not that that was anything new. It was hardly a strenuous activity however - George had simply set out the jotters and was letting one of their modified Smart Answer Quills get to work on the exercises.

Renge let out a soft laugh, playing with Peeves.

Not even a full day in and Renge had managed to scope out a factory - in response to a debate about the transport of merchandise and whether or not it was their best option, due to the fact the international Owl Order rates were rising rapidly. She'd more than proved her worthiness and George was realising that the girl was much smarter than her somewhat demented personality suggested. That wasn't to say that she'd put a stopper to that aspect of her character. Having spent hours with her, since five am - four o' clock in the morning they'd had to get up at! - George was realising he now knew entirely too much about practices such as "crossplay" and games like "Ukidoki Memorial" than any self-respecting English bloke should, wizard _or _Muggle.

Renge laughed again and George too watched Peeves trotting autocratically around the limo. It amused George when he remembered the animal's lowly beginnings - snaffling up moulding Rich Tea biscuits in Dung's grimy hovel.

'Adjusts fast,' George muttered.

Renge looked up suddenly as though she'd only just remembered his presence.

'So you had a crup at Beauxbatons,' George said, capitalising on her attention.

'Mm. That's right.' She smiled. 'Albert.'

'At Beauxbatons, then, you must have known Fleur Delacour?'

Renge blinked, her smile dimming a little. 'Yes. How did - Oh. The Triwizard Tournament?'

'Yeah,' said George.

'Well that and the fact our brother's dating her,' said a voice. A stack of Skiving Snackboxes appeared, Fred behind them, levitating them in yet doing a good job of pretending to lift them. But George knew there was no way his brother's skinny arms could accomplish such a thing. Fred shoved through the doorway and sat down. 'You know about the Triwizard Tournament, then? Did you read about it in the papers?'

The limo began to move and fresh air started to circulate around them, still cool enough to have that refreshing tang but warm enough to hint at summer being near. George closed his eyes and enjoyed the breeze.

Fred nudged him. 'Hey, what's up with her?'

George re-opened his eyes and looked over at Renge, who appeared to be frozen in horror. 'What indeed…' George leaned over and clicked his fingers in front of her face. 'Renge…?'

'He's dating DELACOUR?' Renge abruptly shrieked.

'Still with us, then,' Fred muttered, rubbing at his nose in an attempt to disguise just how badly he'd flinched at Renge's yell. No one was fooled, not George and especially not Peeves, who looked up with sheer undisguised glee. 'Go away,' Fred muttered to the crup, waving his foot in Peeves' direction.

'Fleur!' Renge seethed, looking on the verge of starting a diatribe against her. 'He _has_ met her, your brother?'

'Uh, yes?' Fred and George said quizzically.

'Fleur never stopped complaining,' Renge said, her lips tightening with disdain. 'The crème brulee never sweet enough for her liking, the temperature of the dorm always inadequate…'

'I take it you didn't get on,' George surmised cautiously, exchanging a look with Fred.

'She thought I was weird,' Renge sniffed, her head held high and haughty. 'Because I liked video games and muggle things. Gabrielle was tolerable though,' she added, after pondering the matter a little longer. She shrugged then, all vitriol leaving her and she turned her attention back to Peeves. 'It's in the past.'

'We could still get you an invite to their wedding,' Fred winked. 'We're not supposed to know but we heard Bill and Charlie talking and Bill's gonna propose to Fleur.'

Renge's look of horror made a brief comeback but was almost immediately squashed by a look of excitement. 'Does that mean I'll meet Harry Potter? The Boy Who Lived…'

George looked delighted. 'Got a thing for dear old Harry, do you? I'll be sure to tell him.'

'Ginerva won't be best pleased,' Fred smirked.

'Is that his girlfriend? I thought his girlfriend was Hermione. Has he had many girlfriends?'

'You get Rita Skeeter over here too?' said Fred, scrunching his nose. 'Don't read anything of hers. In fact, cancel your subscription to the full paper while you're at it. Ministry controls everything from the Quidditch news to the obits.'

But Renge was not interested in knowing about the political allegiances of the Daily Prophet. She only had one topic on her mind. 'Harry!' she exclaimed. 'What is he like in real life? He looks so handsome in the papers, so determined...'

'Oh, yeah. He's just dreamy,' said Fred, snickering.

'Are his eyes really that green?' Renge persisted, undeterred.

'Oh yes,' George said solemnly. 'As green as a fresh pickled toad.'

Fred hooted with laughter. He looked at George with admiration. 'I forgot that one! Oh, Ginny.' He snickered again. 'We have to bring that one back.'

'She didn't know the Bat Bogey Hex when she was eleven though,' George pointed out.

'Ah, we'll take the chance,' Fred said, wiping his eyes.

'Houshakuji-sama,' said the driver, his voice drifting through little speakers. 'We have reached our destination.'

Renge gave herself a little shake, obviously ridding herself of thoughts of the Boy Who Lived and switching into a more professional mindset. 'Give me the Snackboxes. I'll take them inside and talk to the retailers about the mass-production rights. Then I suppose we'd better get to school. _Stay_, Peeves.'

She clambered out of the vehicle, cradling some, not all, of the boxes in her arms and made her way towards the big industrial-type building.

'She's crazy,' Fred said in an awed tone as they watched her disappear through the gates.

'Smart, though,' said George.

'Hey, see Kyoya?' Fred piped up.

'Not currently, no.'

'Oh, ha-ha. No. I mean. Kyoya, don't you think he seems a little like Harry?'

'Haruhi?'

'_Harry_!' Fred repeated. 'Harry Potter.'

'Harry? Huh. I dunno. Maybe. The dark hair.'

'The glasses.'

'The serious expression. Yeah. I guess so.'

'Yeah.'

'Why?'

'…Nothing.'

* * *

They were still immersed in preparations for the party; he and Tamaki had just finished constructing the makeshift changing rooms by pulling the large swathes of curtain on the enormous rails out from the Club's storage room when Kyoya's phone had rung.

'That's fantastic! Yes.' Kyoya nodded. 'Yes, I'll definitely tell the others. Okay. Yes, it's all arranged. Alright. Goodbye.' Kyoya hung up. 'Tamaki, that was - Damnit!' Tamaki was right up beside him, in his space and mere centimetres away from his face.

'What is it?' Tamaki demanded, letting one of the balloons he was holding bob forwards against Kyoya's skull. 'You never use the word fantastic. In _any_ language.'

'Well today I have good reason to,' Kyoya said, moving away from the multi-coloured cluster of balloons and the person holding them. 'That was Mori-senpai on the phone. Hunny-senpai - he's fine. He's back to normal.'

Tamaki let go of the strings and the balloons flocked towards the ceiling, helium carrying them up.

'Tamaki,' Kyoya began, 'you-'

It was too late; Tamaki's arms were wrapped around him, Kyoya's arms pinned to his sides, his hands struggling feebly - fruitless against the ferocity of Tamaki's hug. 'Tamaki, the balloons…' Kyoya watched helplessly as the balloons journeyed towards one of the chandeliers. Kyoya screwed up his eyes and sure enough, in quick succession, they all burst.

'Great,' Kyoya said. 'We'll have to start over.'

'What?' Tamaki said, letting go at last.

'The balloons,' Kyoya said wearily. 'You let them go and they-'

'What's wrong with them? There they are there.'

'What? Tamaki, I just saw them burst.' Kyoya looked exasperatedly over to the middle of the room where Tamaki was pointing.

'See?'

Kyoya nearly dropped to the ground in shock when he realised Tamaki was right. 'What? How? I just saw…!'

'Good morning!' George called cheerily from the doorway.

'You see?' Tamaki repeated. 'Silly Kyoya. The excitement must have gotten the better of you. Hallucinating.' He laughed and patted Kyoya on the head as though he were a troublesome yet endearing infant or something.

Kyoya looked over at the Weasley twins.

'You're welcome,' Fred mouthed.

Tamaki bounded up and caught both of them in an embrace. Fred and George looked at each other over Tamaki's shoulders.

'What's this about?' Fred asked slowly moving to pat Tamaki's back a couple of times.

'We got some good news.' Kyoya guided the newly created balloons away from any and all chandeliers.

'The best ever!' Tamaki proclaimed. 'Tell them, Kyoya.'

'The best ever,' Kyoya agreed. 'Hunny-senpai recovered all of his memories.'

'W-what?' Fred struggled out of Tamaki's grip to better view Kyoya. Tamaki didn't complain, just happily clutched George closer. 'It worked?' Fred continued. 'He's okay?'

'He's fine. More than fine, actually. He's wondering about the party, wants to know what cakes we've got for him.'

Fred stuttered out a laugh. 'I can't believe - It worked! Ha!' He turned to George. 'We did it!'

'Yeah, you did,' George grinned. 'Well done. I told you it'd be fine…' He was starting to sound a little breathless. 'Now, do you think you could help me? He's crushing my ribs.'

Tamaki beamed and held on tighter.

'Kyoya!' George pleaded, nearly choking. 'Do something! Call him off!'

Kyoya laughed and laughed. He laughed for much longer than the situation warranted but it felt good. A lot of stress had been unloaded with Mori's phone-call. 'Come on, you big idiot,' Kyoya said, peeling Tamaki off of George. 'We've got class, remember?'

'Class?' Tamaki repeated. 'Are you saying I'm not… classy?'

'I meant, we've got lessons, moron. So come on, move.' Kyoya took Tamaki's sleeve and led him out of the room. 'Thanks by the way,' he said to the Weasleys. 'It all worked out.'

'Yeah,' Fred echoed, looking very happy. 'It did.'

Kyoya smiled. 'If you see Haruhi or the Hitachiins be sure to pass the news on.'

* * *

By the time it came to morning interval not only did the rest of the Host Club know but all of Ouran did too. Upon hearing the news the cheers that ensued were deafening. The chairman even decided to extend their interval time by thirty minutes. The atmosphere in the cafeteria was heightened with excitement and everyone was being excessively loud.

Everyone except Hikaru. He sat alone at a table and watched the small celebration through dull eyes. It wasn't that he didn't feel happiness at the news about Hunny. He did, of course; great happiness and relief. Only, these emotions were, if not eclipsed then at least matched by the uncertainty and ill-feeling created by his interaction with Kaoru earlier this same morning. Since then they hadn't spoken a single word - in fact Kaoru had barely even looked in his direction - and to say it was unsettling Hikaru was an understatement. Not only that but it was the little voice in his head that whispering to him, saying how they'd been heading this way for a while. Maybe if Hikaru had been more observant he'd have realised this was coming. But he didn't want this void between him and Kaoru. In fact, he…

Out of the corner of his eye Hikaru caught sight of Kaoru and Fred - or was that George - heading away from the crowds, out of the cafeteria altogether.

Hikaru jumped out of his seat, quickly making the decision to follow. He diligently weaved through the mass of people, trying not to show his intentions too blatantly, keeping his face carefully blank. Then he stumbled, meeting a barrier; someone had thrown out their arm.

Hikaru followed the arm up to the face it belonged to. 'Kyoya,' he said in slight surprise, which swiftly folded over into annoyance as he craned his neck and peered over the clusters of students, confirming that Kaoru and George had most definitely left the room by now. 'What do you want?'

'Where are you off to?' Kyoya asked. 'Did you not hear? The cooking staff are bringing out food, free of charge.'

'No thanks,' Hikaru bit out. 'I'm in a hurry.'

Kyoya raised an eyebrow.

'Bathroom,' Hikaru snapped. 'Jeez. You want any other details?'

Kyoya's second eyebrow joined the first. He gave Hikaru a scrutinizing look and slowly withdrew his arm.

'_Thank _you.' Hikaru glared at him and continued through the crowds, less careful this time about barging past people. Finally reaching the first corridor, he looked around, sharp eyes honing into the classroom with the ajar door. He crept towards it, suddenly wishing he had one of those Extendable Ears George had showed him.

As it was Hikaru had to make do with crouching beside the door and listening as hard as his own ears would permit without artificial aid.

'Headaches?' George was saying in a tone of puzzlement. 'What do you mean? When was this?'

'I don't know. A day or two ago, does it matter?'

Kaoru sounded agitated. Hikaru fought down the instinctual urge to go and comfort him.

'Yeah, it matters. It could be a latent side effect. Did he say anything else?' George's tone was positively professional now, as though he were a doctor taking note of weird symptoms.

'No, not real headaches, he was complaining. As though trying to remember something and it go so frustrating it hurt.'

Hikaru's heartbeat quickened. They were sneaking off to discuss _him_? As badly as he wanted to Hikaru didn't dare peeking around the doorframe.

'And you think it's about that?'

'Well, what else could it be about?' Kaoru snapped.

_What else could what be about! _Hikaru screamed inside his mind.

'What I want to know,' Kaoru continued, 'is how it's happening. None of the others have had this happen, have they?'

'Not that _I _know of…' George hummed thoughtfully and there was a scraping of chair legs against the floor. 'But you share a connection, right? You know what each other are thinking sometimes, occasionally have the same dreams?'

_Yes _Hikaru silently answered.

'Yeah, that happens a lot. Is that significant?'

'I'd say it is. Magic isn't - it's not scientific. There's no true rules, not really. I'm just theorizing, I don't know for sure, but he could just be picking up vibes from you. People react differently.'

They were silent for a long time. Hikaru was almost ready to stand up and sneak back to the cafeteria when George spoke up again, soft and hesitant.

'You don't think you should just let him have the memory back? We have the antidote now…'

Hikaru's breath hitched in his throat.

'No!' came Kaoru's voice, loud and ragged-sounding. 'He'd… he'd hate me. No.'

'But what if-'

'No.'

'Okay, then. Fine. I just think…'

Without being fully conscious of his movements Hikaru was on his feet and running back in the direction of the cafeteria.

* * *

'Fred! Fred! Fred!'

He was walking back from the stalls of free food when he heard the female voice. He turned at precisely the wrong moment and collided with Renge. 'Oof!' he said involuntarily, staggering backwards. He'd been carrying a couple of perfect cream-cakes but they were now reduced to a splattered mess, all over his hands and his blazer. Unbothered, Fred picked off a shard of dark chocolate and popped it in his mouth.

'I'm sorry!' Renge said quickly. 'Here, let me…' She pulled a damp cloth out of nowhere and began swatting at his hands. 'I'm so sorry.'

'It's fine, look.' He surreptitiously vanished the mess with a quick muttered spell. 'It's fine,' he repeated. He looked at her. 'So. You wanted something?'

'Ah, yes, I…Well, I was just talking to Kaoru there - before he ran away with your brother,' Renge harrumphed. 'Almost as if they didn't want me to be a part of the conversation,' she mumbled with a downcast look. 'But anyway! Kaoru and I were discussing Kyoya's problem.'

'What problem is this?' Fred grinned. 'His neurosis, or something else entirely…?'

'He can't Apparate!' Renge whispered. The way in which she said it, she might as well have been saying _He can't get an erection! _

Fred, with these thoughts in his head, tried not to look too disturbed as he looked back at Renge. 'He can't Apparate?'

'No. So you have to help me! I'm going to try and teach him.'

'And, er, how are you going to do that?'

'Well!' she said, her eyes gleaming with excitement. 'I've got a plan: first of all we kidnap him…'

* * *

Kyoya and Tamaki traversed through the school for their third lesson of the day. At the juncture where the mathematics corridor intersected with the humanities department stood Renge, for once quite apart from her giggling bunch of friends. Her Anthropology teacher, a formidable-looking man, was quick to appear beside her. Noticing him, Renge's arm reluctantly dropped, ceasing her waving. She gave a last glance, particularly aimed in Kyoya's direction - Kyoya inclined his head in response - then obediently entered the classroom under her teacher's watchful eye.

'She is friendly today,' Tamaki noted.

'Oh, don't,' Kyoya huffed.

'Don't what?' Tamaki's eyebrows were high and he looked a little hurt.

'Act astute,' Kyoya replied, his whole face broadcasting his disapproval. 'I do not need you to ruminate on the situation. Renge and I are just friends.'

Tamaki's mouth formed an O. 'I wasn't implying anything.' His look took on a smug tinge. 'You did that on your own! In fact, I am surprised. I didn't realise Renge was even a friend to you.' He cast a speculative, enlightened look back at Renge's classroom.'

'Tamaki…'

'I'm not going to do anything,' Tamaki assured him, amused to see his friend looking almost flustered.

'Well. Good. Not that there is something for you to do anything about because there is nothing at all.' Kyoya's brow furrowed. He seemed to puzzle through his previous sentence then, looking frustrated, stalked into their classroom.

Tamaki followed, pleased, and laughed at the clipped way Kyoya bid their teacher good morning. Tamaki installed himself at his desk and leaned forwards to pursue Kyoya's attention. 'Are you going to speak with Renge?'

Kyoya didn't turn around as he spoke. 'I will undoubtedly converse with her at some point throughout the course of the day, yes.'

'That's not what I meant at all,' Tamaki complained. 'Kyoya-'

'Tamaki,' Kyoya said sedulously as he unloaded his required belongings and arranged them on his desk. 'Do you not think it would benefit you more if you could devote your attention to your own situation?'

'M- My situation? I don't believe I have a situ-'

'Really? Then I must have imagined the way Haruhi blushed when I mentioned the possessiveness Hikaru exerts whenever he feels threatened by you. Which is to say, a lot. She looked rather happy at the thought you might….' Kyoya trailed off. 'Well,' he said, sighing lightly and exaggeratedly. 'If you say there is no situation then I suppose I'd better just do my work and let my overactive imagination rest.'

'No, wait!' Tamaki grabbed Kyoya's shoulder. 'Maybe it is true that something has changed…'

* * *

Hikaru slid off from where he was perched on the row of sinks and headed out of the bathroom. Just because he had no intention of attending class didn't mean he had to skulk around in a bathroom for the rest of the day. Instead he decided to do something more productive: continue with the half-baked prank war. Hopefully the scheming and planning would take his mind off of other things, maybe even cause him to forget who he was supposed to be sharing these plans with. Not likely, of course, but he was allowed to try.

'Not going to class, young Hitachiin?'

Hikaru nearly had a heart attack as the two forms materialised in front of him. He cursed and fought for balance, glowering as Fred and George laughed at him. 'Stop doing that!'

'Oh dear, someone's in a tizzy.'

'We need your help.'

'I'm busy,' Hikaru said striding away. They reappeared directly in front of him. Hikaru huffed.

'We need to find a hula hoop. We need to know where to get one.'

'A hula hoop? Why?' It was such a pointless request. Then something horrific occurred to him. 'Please tell me you're not learning to belly dance?'

'Renge needs one for her current project.'

Hikaru didn't want to know anything more. Renge's projects were never good news. 'Hula hoops are in in store room in the P.E department. On the ground floor.'

'Told you it'd be near the sports,' George crowed triumphantly. 'Thanks, Hikaru. Is there anything we can do for you now?'

Hikaru paused. 'Yes, actually. If you could get me the biggest tub of maple syrup there is and a large quantity of feathers…'

Five minutes later Hikaru's wishes had been granted. He smirked his way up to Music Room Three.

Wizards were so resourceful.

* * *

'So what does it mean?' Tamaki whispered, finishing his long-winded speech.

After all this time wanting Tamaki to address his feelings, Kyoya was beginning to wish he'd never asked.

'The joy I felt,' Tamaki continued dramatically and Kyoya could have cried - he'd thought Tamaki had ended his monologue.

'Is that normal? This morning I realised,' Tamaki's voice lowered to a miserable little whisper. 'I realised how much she means to me.'

Kyoya quirked a curious eyebrow. 'Why this glum tone? I thought a little enlightenment would be good for you.'

'But it's messed everything up don't you see?' Tamaki was hissing now.

Kyoya shot him an unimpressed look.

Tamaki shrank back a little and controlled his voice better. 'It was a perfect set up! Haruhi was our daughter, Hikaru and Kaoru our sons, Hunny and Mori our neighbours… And now I just don't think the family setting is applicable to this situation!'

'Oh, no?' Kyoya asked. He belatedly became aware that the teacher had her eye fixed on them. Quickly he consulted the board and took down the notes he was lacking.

'I feel more for Haruhi than I should. More than the current situation allows. As her father I definitely… I shouldn't…'

Kyoya closed his eyes and took a calming breath. 'Tamaki.' As Kyoya twisted around in his seat he made sure to keep his voice light and enquiring. 'Tell me, do I have breasts?'

'Ehhh?' Tamaki's eyes widened, his cheeks turning bright red. 'K-Kyoya? Are you having a gender identity crisis?'

'No,' Kyoya snapped. Trust Tamaki to not follow the script. 'Idiot. I merely meant to draw your attention to the fact that I am not a woman. Really, tell me: is there anything about me that is particularly womanly? Motherly?'

Tamaki silently shook his head, cheeks still pink.

'Exactly,' Kyoya said. 'Because I am not Haruhi's mother, I will never _be_ Haruhi's mother nor will I ever be a substitute for her. And you, you are not her father. She has a father. If you just accepted this we would all be better off. You would get what you want, Haruhi would get what she wants and I would get peace and quiet, which is what I want.'

Tamaki was silent.

Kyoya faced forwards again, shaking his head. Why did he bother? He might as well be talking to a brick wall.

'You've known all along?' Tamaki said eventually, resignedly.

Kyoya snorted, didn't grant that with a proper response.

'Of course you have,' Tamaki answered himself. 'Well, Kyoya. I don't know what to do now. How can I transfer my feelings to actions without looking foolish.'

'Perhaps you should speak with Haruhi,' Kyoya said. 'Today.'

Tamaki's face took on a teasing expression. 'I will undoubtedly converse with her at some point throughout the course of the day.'

Kyoya groaned self-deprecatingly. 'I knew you were going to say that.'


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen; Parts I & II**

* * *

**Part I **

* * *

Kyoya burst out of the class before the bell had even finished. After their in-depth discussion Tamaki had begun quoting soppy poems and warbling love songs. Needless to say the last twenty minutes of class had been the longest of Kyoya's life and he absolutely refused to endure another second of Tamaki's antics.

He looked up and down the corridor, was deciding on the quickest route to the science block when, from nowhere, the Weasley twins sprung at him, wielding between them a red hula hoop. Before Kyoya had time to fight them off the hoop had been slipped over his head and Fred and George had each grabbed one of his arms.

'What are you doing?' Kyoya attempted to pull the ring off of him but his two captors wouldn't allow it.

'We'd like if we could get through this with minimal fuss,' they requested. 'If you don't mind.'

Kyoya peered at them in disbelief. 'Sorry to inconvenience you but-'

'We'll Petrify you if we have to,' Fred said. He shook his head sadly. 'Don't make it come to that. Hmm?' He gave Kyoya a friendly nudge.

The corridor was beginning to fill with students and Fred and George were whispering to each other.

'_What_ are you doing?' Kyoya asked irritably, most annoyed by the fact that his glasses were steadily slipping and, being pinned in place, he couldn't do anything about it.

'We're not teaching you to belly dance, that's for sure.' George snorted. 'That Hikaru has some strange notions.'

'Well, what is the meaning of this?'

'Patience!' scolded Fred. 'Let's go.'

With a nod to each other Fred and George briskly tightened their grip on him and Kyoya found himself being frogmarched away.

* * *

'Hikaru still hasn't shown,' Haruhi sighed.

Kaoru started and looked away from the clock he was staring at, surprised that she'd voiced exactly what he'd been thinking. Glancing at her, he found she looked as worried as he felt - gnawing on her lower lip, also watching the clock.

'What do you think he's doing?' Haruhi asked after a moment.

Kaoru shrugged with one shoulder.

'Do you think…' Haruhi's murmurs abruptly faded as their teacher passed them, crossing through the class to stand at the front.

'Bon,' she said, clapping her hands together once. 'Répétez après moi…'

Kaoru and Haruhi watched her for a moment before both their gazes drifted to the empty seat between them. Around them the rest of the class dutifully chanted phrases back to the teacher. Kaoru shrugged again and pretended that something in his textbook had caught his attention. The words merely swam in front of him so instead he uncapped his pen and contented himself with drawing a moustache on one of the printed illustrations.

Haruhi shook her head. 'Not that I care if you get into trouble, but you shouldn't be doing that to a book.'

'It's my book.' He proceeded to add oversized spectacles to another of the cartoonish figures. Such illustrations could be found every so often throughout the textbook, put there with the purpose of assisting with learning through (an attempt at) humour. Most had already been subject to his or Hikaru's art. 'Anyway,' Kaoru resumed, penning a ludicrous monobrow on his next victim. 'It's not as though Hikaru would hurry himself for this.'

Haruhi looked around at their classmates, listened to their tedious yet perfect ballad of verbs, and laughed. 'You're right. Hikaru hates this kind of stuff.'

Kaoru nodded. Satisfied that he'd effectually put to rest her questioning, Kaoru re-focused on defacing the book. But it seemed his artistic talent had deserted him for the next figure got merely a faceful of angry jagged scribbles.

* * *

'Kyoya? Kyoya?' Tamaki pushed out into the corridor. 'Kyoya, I wasn't going to recite the full thing, you can stop hiding now!'

Kyoya made no appearance.

'Um, Senpai?'

'…Huh?' The interruption had cut off one of his patented woeful sighs. 'Oh.' He looked down at the girl, vaguely recognising her. She was very small in stature. Possibly one of Hunny's fans. 'What's wrong, my dear?'

'It's just, you have…' She reached towards his head.

Tamaki bent obligingly, curious. From his hair she pulled a strip of metallic blue - a leftover sliver of the streamers. 'Thank you!' He took it from her and blew it away, watching it dance through the air. The girl looked dazzled by his smile. Tamaki noticed then the small crowd and addressed them, 'What a mess I'd be without you all looking after me!'

'Oh, but of course that isn't true,' one girl objected. 'You're always so immaculate.'

Immediately the others chirped along in agreement, even more girls joining the cluster.

'Excuse me, excuse me,' a harried voice was saying over all the excessive flattery. 'What's all this fuss, anyway?'

'Oh!' Someone squealed with joy. 'It's Haruhi!'

Tamaki watched Haruhi wade her way over to him. 'It would be you causing the hold up,' she said grumpily as the ring of admirers skirted to one side to better allow her space through.

'I'm sorry.' Tamaki bowed his head. He hoped he hadn't made her late for class. 'I had a streamer in my hair. I'll walk you to class now and apologise to your teacher.'

Haruhi looked at him, surprised, and a little self-reproach could be seen in her eyes. 'Oh, no, Senpai, I wasn't being…'

He smiled, cut off her unnecessary apology. 'Let me walk you to class.'

Haruhi's eyes grew impossibly wide. 'I…'

The girls around them - because obviously they would not have understood that maybe it was a private conversation; privacy was such a foreign concept at Ouran - had fallen silent, drinking in everything. Tamaki had the distinct impression that many were conversing without words in that spooky way only fangirls could achieve.

'Okay,' Haruhi said, sounding a little helpless.

Tamaki beamed. 'And I'll take your bag too, okay?'

'Senpai…'

Tamaki hushed her, finger pressing gently to her lips. Their onlookers took a collective breath and Tamaki watched, captivated, as colour flooded Haruhi's cheeks.

''Kay,' she muttered finally, in a small voice.

Tamaki happily swung the satchel onto his own shoulder. 'Let's go then… And you must tell me what's bothering you…'

As they began to walk, chatter started to ascend throughout the group of girls. There was some scrambling for phones as they eagerly started typing out frantic texts.

'It's nothing really,' Haruhi said when they'd covered a short distance and the "squeeing" was less of a disturbance. 'I'm just a little worried about Hikaru and Kaoru…'

* * *

Hikaru stood in front of the changing rooms that Kyoya and Tamaki had constructed earlier, surveying them. The draping white curtains and silver frame-work looked exactly as they had before he'd entered; there was nothing to suggest that he had tampered with them. He gave the curtain that had Kyoya's name on it one last tweak, shaking out any imperfections in the fabric.

Nodding once, pleased with his efforts, Hikaru left the room, licking stray trickles of maple syrup off his fingers as he went. It had been a shame to waste it, but it was a vital sacrifice to the cause. Had just the right consistency.

Now maybe he'd just go find a quiet place to sit, kill time until it was lunchtime.

* * *

A few tiny sparrows darted around them, the beat of their wings loud in the relative quiet.

'Why are we in the gardens?'

Fred and George had maintained their secure grip on him for the whole voyage and gave no sign of letting up. The hula hoop was still an annoying presence around Kyoya's neck. He'd tried a good few times to remove it, to no avail. Fred and George were quite stubborn like that.

'I have an important test next, you do realise,' Kyoya snapped at them as they led him through the tunnel that the parallel rows of blossom trees were making. The ground was a moving pattern of shadow and sunlight. It would have been quite beautiful, had Kyoya been in the state of mind to appreciate it.

'Not anymore,' George said, idly flicking some pale pink petals off of his blazer but leaving the cluster gathered on Kyoya's own. 'We spoke to your teacher.'

'He's a nice chap,' Fred said. 'Or, he was once we cast a Cheering Charm on him.'

Kyoya could only gape for a few moments. Leaving the shelter of the trees he had to squint to see them through the sudden bright light. 'You… You bewitched a teacher?'

'It was only a Cheering Charm!' Fred protested.

'Why are you doing this?' Kyoya said resignedly, knowing that any further reprehension of their acts against the staff would fall on deaf ears.

'We owe someone a favour,' George said.

Kyoya fell silent, considering this. It was the most information he'd gotten so far as to why he had been kidnapped.

The three of them entered the less frequented part of the gardens. Kyoya rarely came here. In fact, the last time he'd been in this place had been the day the Club had played kick-the-can.

Raised voices up ahead caught his attention. Fred and George both looked surprised, a little uncertain. They ground to a halt, listening.

'… _care_ about trajectories of the sun! That sounds made up anyway!'

'It isn't!'

'Don't think because you're sweet it means you can do whatever you like!'

'What-?'

'No, you'll just have to find somewhere else to plant the flowers! Bye bye now!'

Ritsu Kasanoda came hurrying out from behind one of the hedges, gave a startled yelp at the sight of them and nearly dropped the trays of compost he was carrying. 'That Renge girl,' he said, his gruff voice laced with fear. 'She's scary as hell.' He clumsily rearranged the tottering trays, gave them one last slightly fearful look then continued past, still going at a moderate speed.

'Renge,' Fred said as they rounded the corner and found her sitting at a gazebo, sipping delicately at a teacup. 'Why did you chase the poor guy away?'

'I need this place,' Renge said huffily, not looking up from the magazine she was perusing. 'He can go somewhere el- KYOYA!' She'd finally glanced up. 'You got him!' She gave a delighted flutter-clap.

'We did indeed,' Fred said.

'He put up quite a fight though.'

'Oh, Kyoya. So strong-willed.' Renge set aside her teacup, came closer to examine the hula hoop. She carefully removed it from him, as though she were playing that game Operation, and Kyoya fleetingly imagined that this was what freedom felt like, or at the very least how dogs felt when they got let off their leash.

'Oh but I wanted a pink one!' Renge pouted, setting the hoop on the ground.

'Weren't any,' Fred and George chorused.

Their readiness with that statement made Kyoya suspect that there had in fact been multiple pink ones.

'So… what is the purpose of this?' Kyoya asked coolly. 'I'm afraid these two failed to inform me.'

'Yes, well, they can leave now. Go on,' Renge said sweetly.

'But we're really tempted to stay and watch!'

Kyoya narrowed his eyes. 'Watch what?'

'You'll see,' Renge trilled.

'She'll have you jumping through hoops,' Fred grinned.

'In a manner of speaking,' George added.

'Weren't you two leaving?' Renge said with a searing glare.

George clasped his hands together. 'Oh look at that Fred, they want their private time!'

'How _cute_!' simpered Fred.

'GO!'

Cackling, the Weasley twins made themselves scarce.

Kyoya eyed Renge. 'Care to enlighten me now?'

Renge twirled. 'You're here to do what they just did!'

'I'm here to….make you angry.' Kyoya frowned. It didn't seem quite right.

'No, Kyoya,' Renge said patiently. 'You're here to learn how to Apparate.'

A sparrow dived past once more, Renge blinked beatifically at him and Kyoya blanched.

Renge danced over to the hula hoop with barely contained glee. 'Now here's what you must do…'

* * *

Lunchtime brought many people to the Third Music Room.

'We're here to see the decorations,' one girl said, playing disinterestedly with a star-shaped balloon.

'Yes,' many others agreed thinly, and quickly began gazing at the colossal festoons, smiling blandly at the vases of bright flowers.

Of course the real reason for their presence in the Club room was because of what they'd heard through the grapevine, or more aptly - a chain of excited text messages: that there was sufficient evidence pointing to a romantic involvement between Fujioka Haruhi and Suoh Tamaki. Unable to resist such an enticement almost the whole female population of Ouran High had flocked over to investigate. The room was now congested with the girls and their yellow dresses.

Yet there was a distinct sense of disappointment; thus far nothing noteworthy had occurred.

Haruhi sat at the long table, calmly eating a lunch of pickled yams, frowning speculatively at some puzzle in the newspaper. On the other side near the windows sat Tamaki. Fred and George accompanied him and the three of them were engaged in a rather tense game of Exploding Snap.

The only hint that something might have been going on was in the frequent glances that Tamaki couldn't seem to help putting in Haruhi's direction.

'Oi,' Fred hissed in Tamaki's ear. 'Do you want us to shift the crowds?'

'No!' Tamaki said immediately, fearfully watching the girls prowling around. 'That'd be rude!'

'And, er,' Fred and George, both wearing expressions of incredulity, gestured to the girls, 'this isn't rude?'

'We are _gentlemen_!' Tamaki said, scandalised. 'We can't kick them out!' He hesitantly put down another card.

Fred did the same.

George shook his head. 'This is bloody mental. Where are the Hitachiins? '

'Better yet, where's Kyoya? He'd have no problem clearing out this lot.'

Tamaki pouted and looked over at Haruhi.

There was an immediate explosion of excited screams. George shook his head again and bitterly slapped a card down. The whole pile ignited, provoking screams of an entirely different tone.

* * *

'The B lunch please,' Hikaru said, just as Kaoru stepped up in the queue parallel to him and said the exact same.

They both faltered, turned to each other in shock. The lunch ladies - having had no choice but to train themselves over the years to become quite immune - merely smiled as they promptly loaded the trays. Hikaru and Kaoru picked up their orders at the same time, froze again, their eyes locked on one another.

'Oh come on,' Hikaru said at last. 'This is… stupid. Over here.' Hikaru leading, they went over to the emptier side of the room and sat down across from each other at the same table. They both paused then.

'Damnit, Kaoru,' Hikaru said, averting his eyes.

Kaoru regarded him sadly. 'Hikaru-'

'Kaoru, I'm-'

'Hikaru... How come… how come there's no girls?'

Hikaru blinked. He'd been about to go off into a heart-felt apology and, perhaps rather assumingly, had expected one from Kaoru too, but Kaoru's unpredicted remark had thrown him off.

'No girls?' he repeated.

'Really,' Kaoru said. 'Look around.'

Hikaru looked around and realised Kaoru was right. It was odd. Not only was there not their usual fluttering cloud of admirers - not that he was complaining about their absence - but the whole cafeteria was almost completely devoid of girls.

'I don't know,' he said, puzzled. 'But Kaoru-' It was weird, yes, but he didn't especially care right now. They had more important matters to sort through. 'Kaoru-'

'Hey,' Kaoru tapped Hikaru's arm, 'Look-'

A lone girl had wandered into the cafeteria, looking somewhat lost and very confused. As they watched she drew her phone from her pocket. She gaped at the screen for a moment then let out a loud shriek and was immediately running back the way she'd came.

'Okay, this is _too_ weird,' Hikaru admitted.

'We should go check the Club,' Kaoru said nodding.

Hikaru nodded too and got up, finding it slightly jarring that Kaoru had pretty much managed to evade him yet again.

* * *

Kyoya put a hand over his mouth, his chest heaving as a feeling of nausea swept through him. 'I think we're done here,' he mumbled. If Side-Along Apparition had that effect on him then he could guess just how bad it would be if he did it on his own.

'Don't be such a baby!' Renge chided. 'Be strong!'

'Renge,' he said crisply, withdrawing the hand, and frowning at her. 'You seem to forget that this is the very first time I have ever done this.'

'Yes, yes, I know most people feel awful but I would have thought _you'_d handle it with more grace!'

Kyoya was loath to admit that the taunt held him in place. He crossed his arms.

Renge smiled devilishly. She placed the hula hoop down again and then backed away from it several metres. 'Now, watch. It's simple!' Renge held his gaze as she pirouetted on the spot then, throwing her arms out in a wide theatrical pose, she disappeared, only to reappear inside the hoop. 'It's easy!' she said. 'Try it! Focus on the hoop, spin slowly, and then-!'

Kyoya focused on the hoop, he spun slowly… and tripped over a plant-pot.

Renge immediately also dropped to the ground, overcome with giggles.

'What is funny about this?' Kyoya demanded, getting to his feet and brushing away the dirt and grass.

'I've never seen you so un-coordinated,' Renge said a little breathlessly from where she sat in the grass, running her hands over the soft green blades. 'So discomposed!' Her hands clenched and she was laughing again.

'Well. As you can see, I am clearly not cut out for this. I will be leaving now… If you need me I will be in the Club room plotting my revenge on those Weasleys…'

'No, Kyoya, wait!' She leaped to her feet and grabbed his hand. 'Please. We'll try again…'

* * *

'What's going on?' Hikaru said, his brave tone at odds with the way he instinctively gripped Kaoru's hand as the great flood of girls descended upon them as soon as they got through the doors. 'Has Hunny-senpai returned early?'

The girls started jabbering; Kaoru could only pick out a few sentences over the babble.

'We're monitoring the levels of affection between the two of them!'

'Is it true? Are they really _in love_?'

'Who?' Hikaru and Kaoru said.

'Haruhi-kun and Tamaki-sama!'

Kaoru bit back his gasp and forced himself to breathe, his thoughts being sent into a spin. He looked over at Hikaru and saw a mask in place. Kaoru couldn't determine much else - the wall of girls on all sides was too distracting. But the pressure Hikaru had on his hand had neither increased nor lessened.

'Excuse us!' Fred was forcibly reaching through and grabbing the lapel of Kaoru's blazer while George did the same to Hikaru. The wall of females thankfully turned out to be at least semi-permeable for he and Hikaru managed to squeeze through in one piece, albeit mildly ruffled and a little bruised.

'A complete mess, this,' Fred complained angrily as they headed away from the bustling congregation. 'But the King won't make them leave.'

'What's going on?' Kaoru heard himself ask. He picked out Tamaki sitting at the window, and Haruhi sitting at the other side of the room determinedly reading a newspaper.

'The ladies think there's something between Haruhi and Tamaki.' Reading the question on their faces George shrugged. 'We don't know. They haven't had the chance to tell us, to be fair. We're kind of waiting on Kyoya showing up and saving the day.'

'So where is he?' Hikaru demanded.

'He's with Renge. She's teaching him how to Apparate.'

'I thought maybe we could turn on the fire alarm,' Fred said. 'They'd have to leave then. What?' he said, seeing Kaoru and Hikaru shaking their heads in disagreement. 'That wouldn't work?'

'No. The fire trucks would arrive and then everyone would be evacuated. We'd be stuck outside for hours while the whole building was checked.'

George smirked at Fred. 'They seem rather well informed about how it works.'

Kaoru attempted a grin. 'Our junior year.'

Fred threw up his hands in defeat. 'Guess we'd better just sit down and wait it out.'

* * *

The eight of them: George, Fred, Hikaru, Kaoru, Haruhi, Tamaki, Renge and Kyoya were slumped at the long table in exhaustion.

The latter two had shown up, weaving a remarkably political dance as they ushered the girls out, dispersed the crowd. They were in a difficult position: Renge had to remain the girls' equal and their friend whereas Kyoya had to stay true to his Hosting personality and act cool yet charming. They had to be forceful but not rude, they had to avoid answering the questions without overtly repudiating the rumours.

Oddly enough the silence now seemed just as deafening as the previous hubbub.

'So that was… shit,' Fred proclaimed dully.

'Yes,' Kyoya tersely agreed.

It became quiet once more. The atmosphere was cold and yet stifling at the same time.

'Hmm.' Everyone but Tamaki and Haruhi looked at George in grateful anticipation, but he said no more.

'Um. So!' Renge piped up suddenly, breaking through the barrier of awkwardness. 'I know I can't be the only one wondering- are you two?' She giggled slightly. 'I - I mean-'

'If you don't mind,' Haruhi said quietly, rising from her seat, 'I think I'm going to get to class. I'll be back here for the meeting later though, don't worry.'

Renge made a small noise in her throat. 'Oh- but-'

Tamaki also showed signs of life at this. 'Haruhi-'

Haruhi sighed. 'No. We'll speak later, okay Senpai?' The doors closed quietly after her.

Renge wore a worried expression. '…Did I… Did I upset him?'

'_Him_?' they all said, swivelling to face her.

'Um, yes?' Renge raised her eyebrows as everyone continued to stare. 'Haruhi-kun?'

Everyone stilled.

It seemed totally bizarre, given all the drama and all the new secrets, that Renge didn't even know the simplest most basic one.

Hikaru cleared his throat and crossed his arms. 'Who's going to break the news?' He then followed the remark up immediately with, 'I vote Shadow King!'

'Same here!' Kaoru called out at once, waving a hand in the air.

'Us too,' Fred and George pitched in.

Tamaki remained utterly immobile, still watching the door. He looked dangerously close to his dreadful depressed robot-state.

'Yeah, fine,' Kyoya grumbled. 'Renge. Could you come with me please? I think we'd better go a walk.' He paused and looked over at Fred and George.

Renge waited at the door, fiddling with the bow in her hair anxiously.

'You two wait here,' Kyoya said to them. 'I have news. I'll be back shortly. And you two-' he pointed to Kaoru and Hikaru, 'stay as well. I'm sure you know that we've not yet discussed your outfits for tomorrow.'

'Damnit,' said Hikaru while Kaoru settled for a gloomy, resigned look. 'How annoying. I thought he'd forgotten.'

* * *

**Part II**

* * *

'…I'm hungry,' said Hikaru. 'How much longer is Kyoya-senpai going to take?'

'Renge's world is crashing around her as we speak,' Kaoru said boredly. 'So it's probably going to take a while.'

'I'm hungry,' Hikaru repeated, as though this were the only thing in the world that mattered.

Fred and George looked at each other. '…Give us a minute.'

A minute was all it took for them to travel to the kitchens and back, carrying a hamper with them.

'We have, well, everything,' George announced, grandly flipping open the thatched lid, revealing the elegantly stacked towers of various foods. He began unloading the plates and cutlery while Fred set out the cans of juice and bottles of water.

Fred frowned at the plate George pushed over to him. 'Does this tableware look familiar to you?'

Hikaru and Kaoru automatically reached for the dish of spicy cajun chicken quinoa.

'I love how we never go to class,' George voiced as he arranged his own lunch - potato wedges and lamb steaks drizzled in mint sauce.

'Class is boring,' Fred said thickly, who'd skipped the main meal and was steadily demolishing a crusted-cloud meringue. 'No-one wants to know about that.'

George inclined his head. 'True. Far more important things to consider. Like, should we sell the same products in each shop or grant each an element of exclusivity?'

Fred raised his eyebrows and attempted to speak through the meringue.

'No,' George disagreed, having somehow been able to interpret the vague sounds. 'I mean when we introduce new products every season, it could get complicated.'

'Both have their pro's and cons,' Fred said, somehow blind to the clump of meringue doing an amazing balancing act on the tip of his nose. 'The exclusivity option does have more appeal, but would we want the distinction? In the long run…'

'I don't like when they go all professional-like,' Hikaru confessed darkly to his skewered piece of chicken.

Kaoru snorted, dancing his fork over the peppers in the dish they were sharing. 'Are we not going to discuss it then?' Kaoru asked, his voice quite normal.

Hikaru chewed slowly, looking at Kaoru. 'Discuss what?'

'You _know_ what. Tono and Haru-'

'Drop it, Kaoru.' Hikaru shook his head. 'Please,' he added, less sharply.

Kaoru shrugged and returned to his meal, judiciously not giving in to an argument.

Fred and George's decision-making voices washed over the room.

'The Snackboxes.'

'Definitely.'

'Daydreams.'

'Yup. Potion range?'

'Yeah. Trick sweets.'

'Of course!'

_Crack! _

The four of them didn't scream or flail like little girls at the noise. And they definitely did not fall off their seats at the sight.

'No way! You did it!' Fred and George leaped to their feet, goggling at him. 'Already?'

'K-Kyoya senpai!' Hikaru exclaimed, rubbing his elbow and straightening up.

'Senpai, you don't look so good,' Kaoru assessed as he clambered back up to his chair.

Kyoya was swaying and looking a little green. He coughed once. 'Yes, well, I'm a fast learner but that doesn't improve the general unpleasantness. I will not be using this method of travel with anything close to the frequency in which you two do.'

'That's okay,' Fred said. 'No one ever does.'

'Yeah, we're sometimes told it's over-kill.'

'So is this you showing off your new skills?' Hikaru asked. To his credit the note of jealousy was only barely detectable.

'No…' Kyoya shifted. 'I had to distance myself from Renge.' He almost cringed. 'The truth about Haruhi's gender seemed to affect her more harshly than I anticipated. But,' he said more loudly to counter-act their alarmed looks at the thought of Renge on one of her famous rampages, 'she'll calm down soon. We have other matters to discuss.'

He sat down beside Kaoru and, uninvited, reached out and took a long drink from Kaoru's water glass. Hikaru frowned but Kaoru permitted it without comment.

'Yeah,' said George, 'you said you had news.'

'Good news, is it?' Fred enquired.

'It's about the factory Renge met with. The executives want to meet you and discuss some things. Just some minor details but your signatures will be required, I expect. Relatively simple.' From his inside pocket Kyoya brought out a piece of white notepad paper and handed it over.

As the sheet passed under Kaoru's nose he read it inquisitively. His brow furrowed and he glanced at Hikaru.

'Take my car,' Kyoya said. 'It's waiting in the courtyard.'

'We've to go now?'

'Yes,' Kyoya said firmly.

'Cool, that means we miss Geography!'

'Nice!'

Chortling at their good fortune Fred and George left the room.

Kaoru titled his head and surveyed Kyoya. 'That address…'

Kyoya smiled and dipped one of the left-over potato wedges into a pot of garlic sauce. But when he popped it into his mouth he immediately gagged. 'Hmm,' he said, neatly depositing the mouthful into one of the napkins. 'While _revenge_ is a dish best served cold, these evidently are not.'

'Stop picking at other people's lunch then,' Hikaru muttered.

Kyoya stood. 'Excuse me now, I have to go and track down our King. Remember, five o' clock, be here for the meeting about tomorrow.'

* * *

'I don't… think this is the right place…'

'It has to be, that's the address it says on the paper.'

'Maybe he made a mistake…'

The Weasley twins peered up at what blatantly was an abandoned building. It was tall, derelict and imposing, had tattered walls with peeling white paint showing the grey underneath. Some windows were sad-looking, others jagged and broken, but most were boarded up. The whole stretch was ridden with vines and spray-paint tattoos. What they could see of the roof was dark with moss.

Fred and George both shivered. The building was obscuring the sunlight.

'This has got to be some sort of joke,' George said. 'Right?'

'What a shitty sense of humour. We're stranded in the middle of nowhere, for Merlin's sake!'

Starting from the left side of the house was a latitudinous thicket of trees, the close-knit gnarled branches reaching out like hands. The lack of light made their surroundings look worse- dank and empty and forbidding. On their right side was a long winding road - the route they'd arrived by - and if followed, would lead back to the motorway. The faint roar of cars could be heard - a small reminder that somewhere out there was civilization. It didn't help much; in fact, it made them feel more alone.

'Want to go round the front?'

They trudged through the weeds and unkempt grass, random shards of glass glittering underfoot, to the other side. It wasn't much better - still dilapidated, still creepy - but at least the sun shone and there was a wide vacant car park instead of a dark claustrophobic woodland. Several rusting husks that had once upon a time been cars were the only company they had.

'So,' Fred began conversationally, 'I'm going to kill Kyoya's driver - the sod - then I'm going to kill Kyoya himself.' He ran his hands through his hair. 'What are we supposed-'

He was cut off by the arrival of a convoy of black limousines.

George stopped trying to peer through the cobweb-covered windows and joined Fred. They watched the vehicles drift through the car park and come to a halt in a sleek line about twenty feet away. Then, all at once, people - around twenty five people in total - emerged, some carrying weird equipment, others pushing trolleys or heaving nondescript boxes. The most bizarre thing was that they all crossed the car park, completely disregarded Fred and George, and entered the building.

'Erm…' George pointed to the building, hesitant. 'Should we… I mean… Do… Do we follow?'

'No idea,' Fred replied.

'You're here!' a high female voice cried out.

Walking towards them flanked by two men whom, from their burly frame and dark sunglasses, could only be bodyguards, was Yuzuha Hitachiin. She was dressed in plain black chinos, spindly gold heels and a loose-fitting black blouse. She also wore a big smile. 'Thank you so much for agreeing to do this!' she called as she drew closer. 'I hoped you'd agree, it would have been such a waste of potential if you hadn't!'

'Er…'

'When I got the phone call from my models telling me they couldn't make the shoot…' She made a dramatic gesture that was plainly supposed to convey distress. 'But then the nice Ohtori boy called and said you two were willing to fill in.'

Fred's mouth unlatched.

George started smiling ruefully. 'Oh, Kyoya, you sneaky bugger…'

Yuzuha clicked her fingers, passing them swiftly. 'Come along, look alive!' she called, laughing, as she walked backwards towards the door. 'It's already two pm and we've got lots to get through!'

* * *

'I see you've developed a sudden interest in basketball.'

Tamaki jumped guiltily but didn't turn.

Kyoya joined him at the wide window and minutes passed with them quietly watching Haruhi's class play in the grounds. It looked like a skilled game but Haruhi herself was hopeless; her lack of co-ordination and her lack of height combined to make a painful shortage of talent. Mostly she wavered on the sidelines, dressed in an over-large t-shirt and baggy three-quarter length trousers, talking to her classmates whenever they came over to her side of the court.

'Quite awful,' Kyoya remarked with some amusement, watching her fumble another pass. 'They should do her the kindness of letting her sit it out, really.'

'You weren't terribly great yourself,' Tamaki recalled mildly.

'Why should I have been? You know I dislike sports.'

Tamaki hummed.

Kyoya sighed. 'What is the matter with you? You cannot blame the girls for being curious, although I'll be the first to admit that the excitement was excessive. I'm sure you didn't give them very much to work with. I mean, you didn't do anything ridiculous, did you? You didn't... propose?'

'_Propose_! No! I… I offered to carry her bag and walked her to class,' Tamaki despaired. 'Anyway… I'm not annoyed at them. They acted as expected.'

'Then what?' Kyoya said, annoyed. 'These melancholy moods are becoming quite tiresome. I'm sure when we have the time later you and Haruhi can talk.'

'That's the problem!' Tamaki sighed. 'There has to be a big thing made of it and we have to discuss things when, with everyone else, she can be natural and chat idly!'

'…So you're upset that your relationship with Haruhi is more elaborate than what she shares with everyone else?' Kyoya stared disbelievingly.

'Yes. No. But she she's so natural and happy with them!'

Kyoya pinched the bridge of his nose. 'I'll say it again, I much preferred you when you were oblivious.'

Tamaki pouted and looked out the window. They watched the orange ball bounce off the courts, past Haruhi, who did nothing about it. It continued to roll until two identical figures, sent by the teacher, ran off to retrieve it.

'Elaborate could be a synonym for special,' Kyoya said.

'But,' Tamaki whined, 'is it wrong to want things to be simple?'

'It'd be simple if you hadn't been so dim. Hiding things from yourself and from her.'

Tamaki looked upset.

'It's not a trait unique to yourself,' Kyoya continued to reassure him somewhat. 'For example, look at Hikaru and Kaoru. They have an elaborate relationship and it's become strained because they're hiding things.'

'What?' Tamaki said blankly.

'Are you really so uninformed?' Kyoya said, dismayed. 'I thought only when it concerned you were you so slow. Or has that been switched since earlier's revelation?'

'What? Kyoya! Stop insulting me! Hikaru and Kaoru we were talking about.'

'Yes,' Kyoya agreed, refraining from an eyeroll. 'I'll give you a moment to work it out.'

'Then…' Tamaki watched the Hitachiins skirt around each other as they headed back to the rest of the class with the ball. 'They…' Tamaki's eyes acutely widened in understanding. 'But… I thought it was an act for the Club!'

'Mm.'

'Is it an act? Or is it not?'

'I'd say that depends.' Kyoya straightened his glasses.

'Hmm.'

They continued watching the game progress. The passes given to Haruhi were often intercepted by either Hikaru or Kaoru who were less shy about letting her know how much she sucked than their other team-mates. They themselves were easily the best in the class but they played as though bored as the activity. It came as no surprise, then, when Kaoru suddenly collapsed in the middle of the sunny court.

Tamaki gasped loudly and pressed his nose and both hands to the glass in an attempt to see better. 'He's injured!' Tamaki wailed as Hikaru raced to Kaoru's side followed by the rest of the class.

Kyoya snorted as someone appeared with a stretcher. He turned his back on the window. 'And that guarantees them no lessons for the rest of the day.'

'Why are you so cold?' Tamaki cried, mopping at his own eyes. 'He's been grievously-'

'Tamaki, that plot was lifted directly from Renge's movie, remember it?'

Tamaki's mouth dropped. 'That was -' he pointed to the scene - 'that was _orchestrated_?'

Kyoya smirked. 'Come on. They are heading this way, the class. Do you wish to explain to Haruhi why you were stalking her?'

'I wasn't stalking her!' Tamaki protested, then, automatically launched into, 'It's perfectly natural for a father to want to oversee his daugh-' he slowed, faltered, 'his dau- h-his…'

Kyoya raised an eyebrow.

Tamaki blushed deeply. 'Okay, fine I was stalking her,' he mumbled.

Kyoya laughed delightedly. 'You know, I think I might enjoy this development.'

* * *

Fred sneezed and nearly fell off his stool when the make-up brush tickled his nostrils with its soft bristles.

'You must stay still,' the make-up artist scolded, wiping harshly at his face with the firm pads of her fingers.

'It tickles!' Fred shifted uncomfortably within the new stiff black suit he'd been forced into.

'Yes,' the girl said solemnly, moving her own stool closer to his to better inspect his face. 'You must put up with it.'

Fred frowned sullenly and tried not to grimace as she came at him with the brush again.

George was pointing and laughing, lounging on a black leather couch (the 'set designers' had brought along the couch). He was still wearing his Ouran uniform which now looked positively casual next to Fred's current designer get-up. George was drinking a strawberry milkshake topped with tiny chocolate drops and enjoying himself thoroughly.

'Well, you're next!' Fred called over and was pleased to see that that wiped some of the smugness of George's face.

The make-up girl pursed her lips pointedly and Fred did his best imitation of apologetic.

'Look up,' she commanded tiredly.

He did and tried not to whimper when he caught sight of the eyeliner pencil approaching. He looked at the ceiling - which was not the dripping rotting mess he'd envisioned it being before having entered the building. Before entering, Fred's imagination had run wild, creating rooms made of rot and rusted pipes and pools of stagnant water. He'd imagined woodlice and rats and maggots, eroding floorboards and sunken walls. Maybe a corpse or two. In reality, while it wasn't a five star hotel, it definitely wasn't as bad as he'd thought. Certainly no corpses. It was just old and run-down, dusty with plaster from the crumbling walls and filled with cobwebs. The lights were in working order and the floorboards seemed sturdy enough - if creaky - and they'd happened across no rats or maggots, though there had been an amusing incident involving George and some woodlice.

'Stay still,' the girl said through gritted teeth and Fred realised he'd unconsciously been leaning further and further back out of her reach. 'Otherwise, I will be getting powder all over your eyelashes. And if that happens I may have to use the mascara.'

Fred didn't move a muscle for the rest of the time he was with her.

* * *

_Flash._

George blinked hard, colours popping in front of his eyes. He blinked again, braced himself for the next flash.

After going through the trauma that was hair and make-up (he'd accidentally inhaled a great cloud of hairspray then knocked over a tub of meticulously organised combs in the resulting panic) George had been dreading the actual modelling part. To his surprise, it actually turned out to be quite easy - if blinding. He just had to stand and wait for the bark of instructions.

'Too stiff!' Yuzuha called. 'Loosen up! Relax your shoulders, head back - we don't need to see the tendons in your neck!'

Fred sniggered.

'No laughing, I want relaxed but intense. Good.' She moved to stand beside the photographer, peered at the monitor. 'That's right, now turn.'

They obediently shuffled sideways.

_Flash_.

'Excellent! Now, profile.'

_Flash. _

George rubbed his eyes.

'Set your jaw. Too solemn.' She darted forwards to smooth a crease away from Fred's collar. 'Try again…Better,' she said approvingly. 'Very nice… the shadows, perfect.'

The photographer ushered them over to the foot of the spiral staircase and the lighting was dismantled only to be reassembled to suit.

'Now, stand on the second step…'

And on it went.

They did multiple shots in the formal wear and between takes formulated a competition of sorts - trying to make the other laugh so they'd get in trouble for ruining the shot. The method backfired; the result being that in a great deal of the photos one of them was pulling a ridiculous face or in mid-speech while the other laughed his head off.

Then they got changed into the casual wear and were led outside into the natural light. To their displeasure this meant wiping off one layer of make up to have another applied.

They muddled through on the promise of getting doughnuts and milkshakes when it was all over.

* * *

Kyoya looked up when they walked into the Club room at around five pm. 'How was the _meeting_?' he said into his notebook.

Hikaru and Kaoru inspected them, rubbing at their cheeks and pinching their hair.

'Make-up residue!' Kaoru called triumphantly, swiping a finger under Fred's eye and holding it up to the light, a smear of shimmering foundation visible.

'Yep, definitely her,' Hikaru confirmed after sniffing George's hair and picking up the distinct scent of oranges. 'Able to recognize that brand of hairspray anywhere.'

Satisfied, the Hitachiins drew back and surveyed them. 'So you survived our crazy mother on a working day. Well done!'

'Eh, it wasn't all bad,' George said throwing himself down into a chair. 'The food was good. But how exactly did you get the models to cancel?'

Kyoya tapped the side of his nose secretively.

Fred sat down and put his feet up on the convenient table. 'Well, as far as revenge schemes go, it was tame. I don't know why you went seeking revenge anyway. We did you a favour and you're acting as though we did something terrible.'

'No, you don't know what you've started,' Kyoya said and kicked Fred's feet off the table. 'Renge is scheming as we speak.'

Fred and George exchanged doubtful looks. 'It surely can't be-'

'Oh ~Kyoya~!' Renge came clattering in, trailing with her a wheelbarrow type contraption brimming with broomsticks.

Kyoya's pen slipped and his face quickly lost the small amount of colour it had. He swallowed but looked steadily over at the Weasleys. 'You were saying?'

'Phase two of the Make-Kyoya-Into-A-Proper-Wizard-Plan is in motion!' Renge said happily, coming forwards with her collection of brooms. 'We shall begin lessons tomorrow!'

Fred immediately got up and began rummaging through. 'George, look, there's Nimbuses here!' He licked his lips grinned up at Renge. 'Mind if we take a couple?'

'I don't get it,' Kaoru said. 'What's so wizardly about learning how to sweep a floor?'

'And with _those_ brushes?' Hikaru wrinkled his nose.

'Are you kidding me?' George exclaimed. 'You two came to the Wizarding shops! Surely you saw the Quidditch place!'

'Ah, no,' said Kyoya. 'If I recall, at that point they were much more entranced by the pet shop.'

'Well, even so,' Fred said doubtfully. 'Surely we mentioned Quidditch at some point?'

George shrugged back. 'Maybe they weren't listening?'

'So, what do these things do?' Kaoru asked, crossing over. 'They don't look much.'

'They don't look much, but they're the best inventions in the entire world!' Fred and George launched into impassioned speeches about Quidditch.

By the end Hikaru and Kaoru looked, predictably, mutinous but didn't get to say much about the unfairness of it all because Renge babbled over them. 'So, flying commences tomorrow morning! I'll pick you up bright and early, Kyoya!'

'_Bright and early_?' Hikaru repeated. 'That doesn't sound like a very Kyoya-senpai thing…'

'_Pick him up_?' was the part Kaoru had a problem with. 'She almost sounds like the man of their relationship.'

'There is no relationship,' Kyoya said.

'Bright and early!' Renge repeated, hushing them with her hands. 'Shall we leave now? I made the reservations for six thirty.' At their blank expressions she explained, 'We're all going to a sushi bar in town and we'll have the Club meeting there. I've already been in touch with Tamaki-san. He is at home getting changed.'

'Renge,' Hikaru started, 'you can't decide where we-'

Renge drew herself up to full height. 'As manageress of this Host Club I deem this place too messy for us to hold a meeting!' It was true that the room was cluttered with costumes, boxes, instruments, balloons, streamers and a few folders full of detailed planning. 'We deserve to be in a high-class environment to complement our serious attitudes as we consider-'

'Very well.' Kyoya slapped his notebook shut and stood. 'I'll meet you all there.' He Disapparated before anyone could get a word in edgeways.

'I think you've had a bad influence on him,' Kaoru informed the Weasleys.

* * *

As was tradition, Haruhi was last to arrive. Fred and George clapped as she walked in, giving her an entrance. Waving at them reluctantly she trooped over to the shadowy private corner where everyone was seated at a long rectangular table made of dark glass. Bright tea-lights were dotted around every placemat.

'I don't see why we have to do this,' Haruhi grumbled immediately as she was seated by a waiter in the place between Hikaru and Kyoya. (She felt a twinge of guilt at the fact she was thankful for not being next to Tamaki.) 'And in such a fancy place too.' She leaned forward and put her chin in her hand. 'I had stuff to do tonight, you know.'

'Oh, what were you doing, Haruhi?' Kaoru smirked, directly across from her. 'Homework again? It can wait, can't it?'

'I had a load of laundry to do,' Haruhi told him, pursing her lips. 'And it's going to have to wait a couple of days now because I can't put the machine on at night or it'll wake the neighbours.'

'Don't complain,' Kyoya replied lightly. 'Look, we have ootoro.' He extended a hand towards the lavish display set out in front of them.

Haruhi glared at him. 'They days of you guys bribing me with food are - are -' Her focus wavered and her eyes slid helplessly to the mini banquet. 'Not over,' she finished weakly, grudgingly.

Kyoya chuckled.

'But they will be!' Haruhi told him fiercely, taking a bite of the ootoro. Her features slid into happiness. 'Soon…'

There was a badly suppressed squeak and everyone else looked to the end of the table where Tamaki sat. He was squirming, a hand pressed over his mouth.

Hikaru, who was seated near the edge of Tamaki's space, raised an eyebrow. 'Tono? Oh crap, he's not going to be sick is he?' Hikaru started edging away.

'SO CUTE!' Tamaki screamed; couldn't seem to help it. Then his eyes went wide and he immediately slapped his hand back over his mouth, his face turning a deep red.

Luckily and, impossibly, Haruhi didn't hear. But perhaps it wasn't entirely impossible, for everyone knew that the world could be ending around her and Haruhi would still be fixated on the fancy tuna in front of her.

Kyoya cleared his throat. 'So, as for tomorrow's events-'

'Say, Kyoya-senpai,' Haruhi interrupted, coming out of her ootoro-induced bliss, wiping slightly sticky particles of rice from around her mouth. Her eyes tracked the table. She was sat between Hikaru and Kyoya, Hikaru on her left. Tamaki was at one end of the table. Continuing around clockwise, George, Kaoru and Fred sat on the other side. A place was empty. 'Where's Renge?' Haruhi asked.

'At the bathroom,' Kyoya said, automatically handing her a napkin. 'For your face,' he said tonelessly.

Haruhi frowned and forcibly wiped the napkin across her mouth.

Kyoya smiled pleasantly, returning to addressing the whole table once more. 'Tamaki's been able to ensure that there are no classes tomorrow. The whole high school has a day off and-'

'I thought you only gave invites to certain people though,' George interjected. 'If everyone's off school, won't they all want to attend?'

'Yes, I daresay they will. They'll simply have to buy their tickets tomorrow.'

'Ah, his mind on the profits as usual,' Hikaru muttered and Haruhi nodded.

'Buy tickets?' Fred looked confused by the concept. 'To a party?'

'They're getting fine cuisine, music, entertainment and atmosphere. All expenses accounted for by the Host Club. The small price of a ticket is merely a gesture. A donation, if you will.'

'A gesture that'll still manage to secure Club funds for a few more months,' Kaoru pointed out.

Kyoya shrugged expansively. 'I-'

He was interrupted a third time as, with a loud crash, a mountain of shopping bags landed on the table, making the plates and glasses tremble. Kaoru scrambled for his set of chopsticks and Kyoya hastily reached out to steady his glass.

'I thought you just went to the bathroom, Renge,' he said mildly, looking up at the girl.

'I decided to do a little shopping en route.'

'En route?' Kaoru repeated, eyeing the bags. One brown bag had Louis Vuitton stamped across it. He poked at it with one of the chopsticks. 'Where the hell _was_ this toilet? Omotesando?'

'It couldn't wait!' Renge cried. 'I had to do something once I had the idea!' She ran around the table to confront Haruhi.

'R-Renge-?' Haruhi said as Renge slumped down at her feet.

'I know,' Renge said simply, looking at Haruhi with admiration and adoration.

'You know?' Haruhi said and looked around at the other Hosts.

'Your secret!' said Renge. 'I _know_!'

'Oh!' Haruhi nodded. 'Okay.' She peered at Renge, who remained crouched at her side, still and silent. Was that it? Wasn't Renge going to make a big fuss? Could they really get through one dinner without any big declarations?

'What a shame it is!' Renge screeched dramatically and Haruhi berated herself for even doubting the reaction. 'Oh, how you're so poor that your father can only afford boy's clothes! My heart breaks! How you're forced to wear them to school and how everyone tragically mistook you for a boy because of it! I bet you wish you could wear elegant dresses, or nice skirts! That's why I bought you all of this!'

Tamaki's head shot upwards and he looked at the shopping bags then at Renge with new appreciation. 'Finally someone realises how cute Haruhi would be in proper clothing!' he whispered through tears of joy.

'Um, actually Renge, I'm kinda okay the way I am,' Haruhi said, trying to tug the ties of her navy hoodie out of Renge's anguished grip.

'No! It's too unbearable! Look at the rips and stains in these jeans of yours! Don't downplay things for me, Haruhi!' She gasped suddenly, hand over her heart. 'Hold on, I know! Oh, the woes in your life never cease!' Her eyes were glittering with tears.

'They really don't,' Haruhi agreed miserably, aware that they had the attention of the whole restaurant.

Kyoya clicked his fingers and waiters sprung from where they'd been hiding (and that was kinda creepy) behind the massive artificial plants to pull wooden shutters over from each side, effectively sectioning off the Host Club's area.

Renge went on. 'You're forced to pretend to be a boy at home too, aren't you? Oh, that's it isn't it? Your father wanted a son so all your life you've been pretending-'

'No, my dad is perfectly aware I'm a girl,' Haruhi stated firmly.

'And now you're entering a relationship with a boy,' Renge continued, not listening, and unaware that with her words tension was building around the table, 'but you know that your dad expects you to be in love with a girl-'

'He does _not_. And I'm _not_ entering a relationsh-'

'I think that's enough,' Kyoya said, clearing his throat. He tapped Renge on the shoulder. 'The meeting, remember? Please take your seat.'

'Yes,' Renge agreed but before doing so gave Haruhi a big hug. 'You know this means I'm not in love with you anymore, right? But we can be best friends now!'

'Renge,' Kyoya intoned.

'Yes, yes!' She skipped back to her seat and sat down, clearing the shopping bags off onto the floor. 'The meeting!' she said. 'So the float arrives tonight, doesn't it? And tomorrow we must be at the school early to set up the marquees and flower arrangements…'

Haruhi breathed a sigh of relief as the conversation was steered back to safer topics. She went back to her nice uncomplicated sushi and hoped this meeting wouldn't outlast how long it'd take her to finish her meal.

From the way they were all going on, tomorrow promised to be another very long, very action-packed day.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen**

* * *

'…Ready, set, GO!'

No one moved.

'Guys…' Tamaki was disappointed. He'd expected them all to be dutifully scampering off to fulfil the tasks they'd been given when in fact it seemed they hadn't even been_ listening _to him; Kaoru was _asleep_, Fred and George consumed entirely in unloading crates of commoners' coffee, and Hikaru was hunched over in a chair – headphones clamped over his ears – tapping dully at his touchscreen phone. (Tamaki could just make out the colourful moving Tetris squares.) Haruhi had not yet arrived.

'_Guys_!' Tamaki said, loud and whining.

Hikaru lifted one headphone away. 'What?'

'You need to do as I say!' Tamaki griped.

'No.' Hikaru punctuated the refusal by letting the headphone clamp back onto his ear. Kaoru murmured vaguely, seeming to be in agreement.

Tamaki felt his lip quiver. 'Okasan! Okasan, the children aren't listeni—' He broke off mid-wail - he'd forgotten: Kyoya wasn't here. He'd said last night that he wouldn't arrive until around noon.

But at seventeen minutes past eight Tamaki was feeling a deep despair in his soul. How was he supposed to control two sets of twins until midday?

'Senpai.'

_Haruhi._

Tamaki, with a complete lack of finesse, spun around to face her. He then proceeded to stare at her wordlessly, helplessly, for several seconds. She wasn't in uniform – none of them were – but she was wearing a dress. It was blue and fairly simple in design, coupled with lace-trimmed knee-high socks.

'Uh…' Haruhi saw his expression and became self-conscious. 'Renge made me promise to wear something that she'd bought me…' She toyed with the small white bow stitched on at the collar. 'This was the only one that didn't have tons of decoration…'

'It's very… nice.' His usual extensive, florid vocabulary had apparently declared mutiny and his voice was a lot rougher than he would have liked. Tamaki kind of wanted to cringe, hide away in a corner. Normally that was an actual option but today – today he had to stay in control. He'd already vowed to himself he was going to try and be more mature and serious around Haruhi.

Haruhi smiled a little awkwardly. The events of the previous day hung between them for a few moments then Haruhi shifted and looked around the room, breaking the spell. 'So what is it you're having trouble with?' she asked with her face blank again, calm.

'Oh, I'm –' Tamaki shuffled the folders he held. 'I – I'm trying to organise today's events…demo… it's not going so well…' The words were no sooner out of his mouth when two manila folders slipped from his grasp and fell. 'See what I mean?' Cheeks reddening, he stooped to pick them up.

'Kyoya-senpai isn't here to help, huh?' Haruhi was smiling slightly again.

'Those four –' Tamaki straightened and pointed accusingly at the twins – 'aren't co-operating! I don't know what to do!'

'You're useless, Senpai,' she said, pityingly.

'But – but I'm the one trying to get things done here!'

'You're too nice about it. Look…' She moved to stand behind Hikaru then abruptly yanked his headphones away.

'What the hell, Tono,' Hikaru began in a snarl then actually looked up. He blinked. 'H-Haruhi?'

'H-Hikaru,' she mocked. 'Why are you just sitting there? We have to set stuff up for the party.'

'But it's early,' he moaned, rubbing his eyes. He then looked at her properly. 'Why the dress?' He quirked his lips, 'Ah, not that I'm complaining or anything…'

Haruhi rolled her eyes. 'Shut up. Renge made me wear it. Why does everyone think I'm incapable of dressing myself, anyway?'

'Is that a trick question?' Hikaru asked.

'Oh, whatever. Wake up your lazy brother.' She strode over to Fred and George.

'What if we pick out outfits for you to wear?' Hikaru called with a filthy smirk. 'Will you wear them?'

Looking back over her shoulder Haruhi gave him a deeply sardonic look.

Hikaru laughed. 'I'll take that as a maybe. Hey, Kaoru, wake up. Haruhi said we can dress her up…'

'What now?' Fred and George said interestedly even as they were being dragged over by Haruhi herself.

'I did _not _say—'

Tamaki cleared his throat importantly, gave Haruhi a grateful look. She averted her eyes.

'Now that everyone's awake and attentive, let me just repeat today's plan…'

* * *

'Kyoya!' Fuyumi's voice trilled through the house up to Kyoya's bedroom. 'There's a young lady here to see you!'

Kyoya scowled and raked a hand through his damp hair. He didn't even have a shirt or his glasses on yet. 'I'll be there in a minute!' he shouted.

'It's not nice to keep her waiting!'

'Not nice,' Kyoya mimicked, low. 'Maybe I'm not nice, then.'

Grumbling under his breath Kyoya stepped over his recently-used towel and picked out a white shirt from the scattered mess of clothes on the floor. He assessed it, eyes squinting, to ascertain it was both clean and unwrinkled. Shoving on his glasses, grabbing his phone and his wallet, he gave himself one last cursory check in the mirror.

Fuyumi was standing at the foot of the stairs and he brushed past her in order to greet Renge.

'There he is!' Fuyumi said, smiling brightly. She looked him over proudly. 'Oh, Kyoya let me just –' She reached out to smooth his hair.

'Leave it,' he said curtly, stepping out of reach, pained by her constant fussing.

Fuyumi raised her eyebrows and made a mock-chagrined face in Renge's direction. The two females dissolved into giggles.

Kyoya bit the inside of his cheek, annoyed. 'May we leave now?'

'Yes, yes, go on!' Fuyumi beamed, fluttering her hands at them.

'It was nice meeting you!' Renge called as Kyoya ushered her towards the front door. It wasn't even nine am yet and the day was already bathed in warm sunlight. They stepped out and Kyoya shut the door on his sister's playful smirking face.

'Kyoya, I thought I told you to wear jeans.' Renge tsked, eyeing Kyoya's grey suit-type trousers. 'They won't be comfortable for flying.'

'I don't think flying will be at all comfortable, no matter what my attire,' Kyoya stated. He looked over Renge's own outfit – she had on tiny pink denim shorts, a tight white top and a cap – and added, 'I can't imagine that what you're wearing is suitable either…'

'Oh,' she said, holding a finger up importantly, 'but this is similar to the outfit of-'

'Alright, never mind,' Kyoya said quickly.

'Hm!' Renge smiled, amused. 'Are you ready to go to the secret location?'

'No.' But he still found himself clasping her hand when she held it out for him.

'I'll count us in!' she said happily. '3, 2, 1~!'

They spun once and promptly disappeared.

* * *

Yoshio Ootori let the curtain from behind which he'd been speculatively watching his son fall back into place and he moved away from the second floor window, his expression inscrutable.

* * *

'Coffee, coffee! Get your coffee here!'

Fred and George stood chanting at the school's main entrance. Two steaming, glinting pewter cauldrons crouched by their side. Fred and George rattled ladles against the cauldrons, the metallic crashes reverberating loudly. Lined up behind them a long queue of tiny milk-bottles stood like strange miniature astronauts.

Kaoru stopped beside them and ducked his head to peer at the swirling black pit. 'That isn't _all_ coffee in there, is it?'

'Yup. There was more, but Tamaki's already been over a few dozen times.' George ladled out some coffee into a polystyrene cup; a hovering milk-bottle helpfully added a splash of milk. 'Sugar's already in.'

The cup floated over to Kaoru. He caught it, while nervously eyeing the milk-bottle. 'So…' He took a small sip. 'A coffee stall - why?'

'We had to empty your Club storeroom,' Fred explained, stirring vigorously. 'I mean, the room was basically empty since a lot of the stuff's being used today, but the coffee had nowhere to go.'

'The storeroom's now temporarily a room for all the shop stuff, after what happened last night,' said George.

The Hitachiins' father had stumbled across some of their shop merchandise that they'd – until that point of discovery – been keeping in what Hikaru and Kaoru had assured them was a rarely used bathroom in the Hitachiin estate.

'Sorry about that.' Kaoru scratched the back of his head. 'I forgot that he sometimes goes wandering at night.' Kaoru somehow managed to make his father sound like a particularly bothersome cat. 'So, do you mind if I hang out here?'

'Tamaki didn't find a job for you to do?' Fred said, surprised.

'I nominated myself to make sure the cakes get here on time. It's the most important job but I don't have to do anything for hours yet, except pick up mine and Hikaru's clothes for tonight.' Kaoru seemed quite pleased with his own cleverness.

'Well, hey, since you're doing bugger all…' Fred held out a key spinning on a length of string. 'Do you mind checking to make sure we locked the storeroom?'

* * *

Kyoya gripped the broom apprehensively. They were standing in the centre of Renge's privately owned Quidditch pitch. Kyoya was almost certain that in normal Quidditch pitches the grass was not pink but he wasn't about to engage in a discussion about it.

'Try to sort of… float. Like this.' Renge mounted the broom and hovered, the toes of her canvas-shoes just gently skimming through the pink grass.

'I don't think I can –' He found himself ascending sharply. 'Renge-!' he said, panicking, already more than thirty feet in the air. His heart beat faster, palms dampening with sweat. Beautiful blue sky spanned out for miles around him; it was the most terrifying sight he'd ever seen. 'Renge!' Any second now he was going to lose grip on the broom. Why exactly had he agreed to go flying in the first place? He was perched on a flimsy bit of enchanted wood at least eighty feet above ground. Really, at what point had this seemed like a good idea?

'Renge - some assistance?'

She appeared at his side and reached out a hand to steady the barely-controlled broomstick. 'You're not supposed to kick off so hard with the Firebolt,' she explained patiently. 'With an older type, maybe, but not a broom of that quality. They're attuned to the slightest touch.'

'You couldn't have told me that while we were still on the ground?'

'You're doing fine!'

'I'm in the sky,' he said as calmly as he could manage. Which was why the sentence came out sounding more like a yelp than the measured, composed tones he'd been aiming for.

Renge smiled mischievously and then was suddenly haring off in a streak of white and pink and billowing clouds of caramel hair down to one end of the pitch.

'Where are you going!' Kyoya bellowed, giving up any semblance of collectedness. 'I don't know how to get back down!'

'Follow me and I'll show you!' she yelled back, her voice muffled by distance. She looped elegantly through one of the three massive hoops.

Although thoroughly convinced it would lead to his death, Kyoya titled the broom downwards a little, took a deep breath and aimed for where Renge was situated. Wind roared in his ears, speed picking up. There was a moment of exhilaration, where he was sure he'd gone mad because he was actually kind of enjoying this, but then he was abruptly out of control again, and Renge and the metal bar of the goal post were getting closer and closer, the metal broad and glinting, Renge's bright eyes wide, her lips parted in shock.

Just when he'd been sure they were going to collide and fall to their deaths he felt the broomstick shudder to a stop. Shaking with residual terror he looked at her. 'What just happened?'

The shock left her face and she pushed her hair back, smiled. 'You were able to control the broom! Oh, I'll make a Quidditch player out of you yet,' she praised smugly. 'Now let's go back to the ground and discuss speed control some more.' She placed a hand on his forearm.

Feeling very stunned Kyoya let himself be guided down to the pink ground.

* * *

Kaoru looked around the storeroom. It'd been locked but curiosity had gotten the better of him.

It was as though a circus or carnival had just vacated the room, with the stream of multi-coloured flags trailing along the back wall, a flock of floating hats in one corner. Sweets and their bright wrappers littered the floor but Kaoru had had enough experience with those so he dodged around them, not even daring to brush against them with the sole of his shoe, just in case.

A weird scratching whispering noise caught his attention. He turned. A large blow-up hammer was heading his way with alarming velocity. Kaoru threw himself to the ground, the hammer colliding into the wall of wooden drawers before it deflated, air steadily squeaking out of it.

'Death trap.'

He got to his feet, carefully avoiding other miscellaneous objects covering the space around him. The hammer had caused a few of the drawers to jolt open. With caution, Kaoru pulled one out further.

Inside several flat multi-coloured packs lay in a pile, the lettering on which boasted "Ready-to-use Water Balloons – Contain Glitter". In smaller writing it said "For best pranking results pair with use of Anti-Gravitational Powder."

And all of a sudden, Kaoru had an idea.

* * *

As the clock tower proclaimed midday Tamaki stood atop a table in a heroic pose and yelled, 'Meeting time!' Wrapped above his eyebrows was a floral headband. He wore it with pride. 'Where are we in our preparations?'

Fred and George leaped up onto another table. 'We're about to start work on creating the outdoor pool!'

'A pool…?' Tamaki thought this over. 'Well, not in the original plan but _I like it_!' He gave them two thumbs up which they merrily returned. 'Anything else?'

'When they say pool…' Haruhi whispered to Hikaru.

Hikaru nodded. 'I think they really mean a swimming pool. Full sized.'

'What else? What else?' Tamaki clomped back and forth across the table. 'Kaoru's getting the cakes later, the float's already here, the catering staff and band are booked-'

'Just the marquees to do now, from what I can see.'

All heads turned; Kyoya was striding out to the balcony, Renge swanning through the doors after him.

'Kyoya!' Tamaki leaped off the table and, in one swift move, grabbed the edge of the balcony. He hung there, fingers gripped to stone tightly as the rest of his body dangled, legs swinging, boots scuffing against the white wall. 'I've been waiting on you,' he half-accused, his face turning pink from the exertion it was causing him to remain hanging there. 'You've been gone – hours!' he puffed.

'Yes,' Kyoya agreed seriously. 'Time just_ flies_ when you're…' – his lips pinched at the corners – '…having fun. Anyway, I told you I'd be gone.' He pulled at the headband and allowed it to snap back against Tamaki's forehead.

'But I had to _speak_ to you and you didn't answer my calls either! But never mind,' Tamaki gabbled, 'wait here and I'll go and get the napkin samples – I couldn't remember which ones we'd decided on so I ordered both…' Tamaki let go of the balcony, landed neatly and sprinted off.

Fred and George wasted no time in going up to Kyoya and pressing him for details about the flying lesson.

'Terrible,' Kyoya simply said, shaking his head. 'It was terrible.'

'A downright disaster?'

'No! He's a natural!' And Renge sighed dreamily, settling her arms on the balcony and staring off into space. 'I love Quidditch players...'

'I nearly broke my neck at one point,' Kyoya told Fred and George, talking over her.

'Well, yes,' Renge said absently, while the Weasleys winced. She took off her cap and fluffed out some tangles in her long hair. 'But apart from that…'

'Doesn't this kind of person make you laugh…!' Kyoya looked at her, absolutely incredulous. 'I nearly die and she brushes it off as some little unimportant incident.'

'Brutal,' George said, both amused and sympathetic.

'But you didn't die,' Renge was saying. 'You were… wonderful.'

'I don't think-'

'Kyoya,' Fred interjected sternly. 'Some advice…' He looked over at George, who nodded seriously.

'When a lady says you're wonderful,' George said promptly, 'you _do not_ argue with her.'

'No,' agreed Fred. 'You shut your mouth, and you try to keep the illusion alive for as long as possible.'

Kyoya didn't look too impressed. 'I'd rather you kept your offerings of unsolicited advice… Besides, I think it's time for me to go check on Tamaki.' He pattered down the series of steps.

'Yes, run along to your boyfriend,' Fred called after him.

'Hey, Renge,' said George, 'will you help us set up the marquees and build a swimming pool in the gardens?'

'And later,' Fred said, 'you might even be able to convince Kyoya to get his kit off and - ow! It was just a thought! Don't slap me!' He shielded his face from her swipes. 'I thought we were friends…! George, save me! This here's a mad woman!'

Then Renge caught sight of Haruhi and her attack on Fred melted away amidst the ensuing coos.

Kaoru, who'd also only recently reappeared, was bemused. 'She's still acting like Haruhi's a boy dressed up as a girl.'

'Maybe she's just pleased she has a new friend,' Hikaru said, joining him. 'Or slave, rather.'

Kaoru slung his mouth upwards appreciatively.

'Anyway,' said Hikaru, 'did you get our clothes?'

'In the Music Room.'

'Hey, Kaoru?'

Hikaru sounded a little worried; Kaoru turned to face him. 'Hm?'

Hikaru bit his lip. 'I don't know if you're aware but… you're sort of levitating.'

Kaoru jerked his head downwards. Hikaru wasn't lying – he was in fact noticeably hovering, speckles of Anti-Gravity powder adorning his maroon Doc Martens. Kaoru glanced guiltily at the Weasleys.

Hikaru crouched to examine the shoes then stood up, grinning. 'Let me try them on. I want a go.'

Kaoru rolled his eyes but submitted and for a while it was almost like things were back to normal with them.

* * *

Tamaki marvelled at the marquees. 'How was it possible? I was here not two minutes ago and it was just a skeleton of rigs and poles! Tell me the secret!'

'Magic,' Fred winked while George and Renge looked proudly up at their handiwork. They'd constructed five of the oversized tents. The silver central one was the largest; where the main meal would be hosted. The others were to house the various additional activities.

'Not everyone malingers like you, Tamaki,' Kyoya replied. 'Some people actually get work done.'

'I don't malinger! I've been so busy this morning, you wouldn't believe it!'

'You're right. I don't.' Tamaki's mouth fell open; unable to distinguish between the times Kyoya was winding him up and when he was being serious. Kyoya, trying not to smirk, continued, 'Several times I've spotted you doing nothing more than idling around drinking coffee.'

'Well, sometimes I take a break!'

And here Kyoya cocked an eyebrow. 'From taking a break?'

'No!'

Showing no further interest in the squawks of denial being issued from Tamaki, Kyoya hid a grin and faced the Weasleys. 'I'm pleased that you're using your skills more constructively.'

'Don't bet on it,' Fred cackled. 'We plan on having a lot of fun today! By the way, Kyoya,' he said conversationally as Kyoya took a sip of water, 'did you know we spiked that with Veritaserum?'

Kyoya choked and with a loud splutter sprayed water everywhere.

'Ha! Only joking!'

Kyoya, eyes glittering meanly, went to upend the remaining water over Fred's head but with one unseen flick of his wand Fred evaporated it.

'What's Veritaserum?' Hikaru asked Fred in an undertone – Tamaki wasn't listening, but it didn't hurt to be cautious.

'This.' Fred pulled out a tiny vial of clear liquid. 'It's truth potion. Would have you spilling all your secrets if someone asked. You're unable to stop talking.'

'So it's like alcohol?'

Fred laughed. 'Worse. Much more effective. Plus you remember all the shit you admitted to afterwards.'

Hikaru gulped. 'And you're allowed to have it? It sounds kinda dangerous.'

'Nope,' Fred said cheerfully. 'It's illegal to be in possession of it without authorisation. '

'Uh huh.' Hikaru bobbed his head slowly once. 'And I take it you don't have authorisation.'

Fred waggled his eyebrows. 'That'll be my secret.'

* * *

By mid-afternoon, preparations were in full-flow and there was less time for joking around.

George and Fred were working on the swimming pool while everyone else was being slowly deafened by Tamaki.

'Back to your stations!' he screamed, waving a folder above his head wildly. 'Think back to the strategy! Kyoya, move your platoon eastwards…'

'Why is he making this sound like a stringent military operation?' Hikaru asked as he pushed along a trolley of cutlery and napkins.

Kyoya was standing inside the mouth of a marquee, the leafy green colour reflecting on his skin. He flicked a page on his clipboard boredly and replied, 'After overseeing the arrival of the float he was too excited to sleep and just stayed up watching war movies instead. Also,' Kyoya sniffed, 'I think he's close to a caffeine overdose.'

'Lieutenant Hitachiin, your _platoon_! It has to be moved too!'

Hikaru spun around. 'I don't _have_ a platoon!'

'I think he means your portion of the flowers,' Haruhi offered as she and Renge passed, sidling along, each holding one end of a large "welcome back" banner. 'They're arranged in a sort of unit, I guess, if you look closely.'

Kyoya and Hikaru blinked at her. Haruhi shrugged and continued her sideways shuffle onwards. To them, the pile of red and white roses littering the ground bore no resemblance to any sort of strategic formation.

'Hmph,' said Kyoya, a little put-out. 'It must be serious if she's now actually able to interpret his acts of lunacy, don't you think?'

Hikaru's eyes lingered on the mound of roses and Kyoya, for the first time in a long time, regretted having spoken.

'You should probably move the platoon,' Hikaru answered at last. It sounded a lot like defeat in his tone – the ridiculousness of the words being outweighed by how serious his expression was. He pushed the trolley into the marquee.

Kyoya's ringtone interrupted before he could dissect what had just occurred.

'Yes?' Kyoya sighed into the phone, rubbing a hand across his forehead, expecting his sister's voice to chirp back at him. Instead Kyoya's eyes widened, his spine straightening automatically. 'Father? You…Yes, it's not a problem. I'll be home right away.' Checking the surroundings once, Kyoya stowed away his phone and Disapparated.

Fred and George crept out from where they'd been standing, unnoticed. The enormous stack of tiles they'd been levitating rested at their feet.

'Suspicious,' was all George said.

'Interrogate him later,' Fred agreed. 'Maybe we really can use the Veritaserum this time.' He gave the vial a shake. 'It'd be a right laugh. Imagine them all hosting under its influence.'

'That'd destroy the Club. Anyway, haven't you had enough of spiking people's drinks and causing mayhem?'

'Spiking drinks? Not yet. Causing mayhem? Never!'

'Well, I think I'll be in charge of this,' and George snatched the bottle from his brother and stashed it safely in his pocket.

In truth? He had his own morally ambiguous plans for it.

* * *

'…And then Nekozawa came running at me! Kowai!'

Hunny lowered Usa-chan so that his face was no longer concealed. 'But Takashi… Do you… Do you think I've gone crazy?'

Mori slowly shook his head, cleared his throat. 'It sounds crazy, but I don't think your own sanity is at stake, Mitskuni.'

The words didn't really alleviate how troubled he felt. Hunny looked around, the familiar sight of his bedroom and all his belongings having a calming effect. The cards and presents had made it back with him and were crowded on the floor.

'But the memories are so odd,' Hunny continued. 'Potions that make people fall in love and puddings turning into farmyard animals? Marshmallows that can wipe memories?' Hunny's eyes were getting bigger and bigger. 'How can you believe what I'm saying? Are you just smiling and nodding and then you're going to send me off to a mental hospital? Tell me, Takashi.'

That surprised a laugh out of him but Mori shook his head and put a hand into his pocket. He pulled out a small jar that had something inside it.

Hunny perked up, already stretching out a hand. 'What's that? Is that a sweet you got for me?' He titled his head. 'Iie…Takashi, it looks yucky…'

Mori snorted and slapped his hand away. 'Don't be so greedy. It's not for you to eat. That was the whole problem in the first place.'

'What?'

'Look closer.' Mori held out the jar so Hunny could examine it better.

Preserved inside the jar was a singular off-white marshmallow.

Hunny's widening eyes travelled from the jar up to his cousin.

Mori shrugged. 'You know I never consume foods unless I know the source is a trustworthy one. And since it was one of those twins…'

Hunny thought for a moment. 'So all I said… it actually happened?'

'Unless what we experienced was a shared delusion, yes.'

Hunny paused and played with Usa-chan's ears. 'That's really weird,' he said finally.

Mori nodded fervently; apparently equally freaked out but, as usual, less vocal about it.

'_Really _weird,' Hunny repeated. 'So, what do we do now?'

Mori shrugged again. 'Is there anything for us to do, particularly?'

'Well,' Hunny hummed, 'we should confront them about it.'

'If you want,' Mori nodded.

'Okay, we'll just go to the party later and see what happens.'

'See what happens,' Mori echoed.

Hunny sat back, resting his head against the pillows, tamping down on the thoughts swirling in his mind. 'Now, tell me really, Takashi. You did bring me some sort of sweet, right?'

Mori thunked his head against the ornate bedside lamp before lifting it again to look at him. 'Mitskuni,' he said, voice wavering a little with exasperation. 'You're surrounded by cakes. What difference is one from me going to make?'

'But it is different! Because it's from Takashi!'

Shaking his head Mori went into his pocket again and, with deliberate slowness, placed a small cupcake encased in a plastic box beside the lamp. 'Happy now?'

Hunny smiled at him from among crumbs.

* * *

Kyoya left his father's office and paused in the hallway, tipping his head back against the wall and breathing out deeply. By the time he was outside he'd picked up the pace, striding through the quiet sunlit estate, hands in his pockets.

He went to his room and changed into his evening clothes, all the while mulling over his father's words.

Their discussion had given him much to think about and decide upon. He could afford the introspection, had time for it. But – and he realised this quite abruptly – it wasn't a difficult choice that he'd been given. It was, in fact, easy – something that he'd perhaps known all along.

A feeling of serene determination settling within him, Kyoya called the limousine that would take him back to Ouran.

* * *

Haruhi stared at the clumsy-looking stage that had been erected behind the silver marquee. She felt movement behind her; Hikaru, Kaoru, Kyoya and Renge had joined her.

'What the hell is this,' Hikaru and Kaoru said together.

'I don't know what it's for,' said Haruhi. 'It was just sat here.'

Renge tutted disapprovingly. 'I don't like it. It's not been assembled properly. Its structural integrity is… well, it has none.'

'Oh, she's an engineer all of a sudden,' Hikaru muttered.

Kyoya looked dumbfounded by the stage's presence. 'The main stage for the band is set up inside the marquee… So, as to why this thing is here…' He held a hand out in askance.

'I made it myself! It's for the Musical Variety Show!'

'Ah, _he_ made it.' Renge nodded in understanding. 'That's why it's not structurally sound.'

'Oh, please, no.' Kyoya raised his gaze upwards. 'I'm gone for _one hour_ and this happens…'

'The Musical what?' Hikaru and Kaoru said suspiciously as Tamaki rounded the corner, pulling with him a protesting, long-haired, middle-aged man dressed in leather. An acoustic guitar was swinging wildly from a strap around his neck and the man's arms were covered in tattoos. He had multiple ear-piercings.

Hikaru and Kaoru looked gleeful at the look of horror on Kyoya's face.

'You just found this guy busking in the street, didn't you, Tono?'

'He better not have,' Kyoya said threateningly.

'You think it's better if they actually know each other?' Kaoru mused. 'Maybe they're buddies. Maybe Tono has a secret identity in a rock band, like that one show with the girl who's meant to be a famous pop-star.'

'If I didn't know for a fact that Tamaki hates that genre of music, I wouldn't actually put it past him,' Kyoya said.

'What's going on here?' Fred and George ambled over covered in dust from the tiles.

'Tono's kidnapped some guy,' Hikaru informed them happily.

'He's going to teach you two how to play guitar for tonight's show!' Tamaki said, not denying the accusation.

'What two?' Hikaru and Kaoru chorused.

'You two!' Tamaki said.

'He is?' Renge said worriedly.

'I am?' the guy said, equally as worried.

'He's _not_!' said Kyoya angrily.

'You're not,' Hikaru and Kaoru assured the man.

('How convenient that this random guy also speaks English,' George whispered to Fred.)

'But why not!' Tamaki wailed. 'Why can't he help! He's really good – I heard him play! It moved me to tears!'

'What doesn't, though?' Kaoru, Hikaru and Kyoya said.

The three shared a look of amusement.

Tamaki missed the comment and continued. 'It's such a shame he's confined to the dirty streets of the city when he could be onstage where he belongs! If he plays here at Ouran then he could make his debut and—'

'Hold up,' said George, 'I thought he was supposed to be teaching them the guitar, not playing to an audience?'

'He is not playing and he is not teaching. Tamaki, take this man back where you found him.'

'Kyoya!'

Hikaru started to laugh. 'Go on, Tono, take the shady-looking rocker dude back.'

'Come on, Haruhi,' Renge called out excitedly, 'we have to leave as well. Time to get ready for later!' Renge linked arms with Haruhi and skipped off, dragging Haruhi along with her across the grass.

Tamaki sighed woefully and took the man by the wrist. 'Come on, let's go…' But he glanced back at Kyoya, eyelashes lowered to lend him a plaintive expression. 'We _are _still having the Musical Variety Show though, right?'

Kyoya pointedly turned his back on Tamaki and the man.

'Aha, that avoidant strategy won't work on us,' George informed him, indicating himself, Fred and the Hitachiins.

Kyoya made a note on his clipboard and beckoned two nearby delivery guys over. 'What do you mean?'

'When you disappeared earlier. We want to know what that was about.'

'This morning?' At Kyoya's signal the two men began demolishing the stage Tamaki had made. 'Or when I went home to get changed?'

'No way did you just go home to get changed,' Hikaru scoffed. 'I saw you take that phone-call.'

'Oh. That.' Kyoya shrugged. 'It wasn't important.'

'Really? You sure seemed in a hurry,' George prodded.

'Looked pretty urgent, actually,' Hikaru said, forehead creasing.

'Unimportant,' Kyoya stressed. 'But thank you for the concern.' He checked his watch. 'Quarter to five. Time for you to be getting changed.'

'Okay, I'm getting a drink first.' Kaoru headed into the marquee where the soft-drink dispensers were. He shoved a paper cup under the Cola dispenser and jammed the button. He waited, but nothing happened. Not even a drip.

George strolled in just then. 'What's going on?'

'The machines,' Kaoru sighed, hitting one of them.

'You can have this.' George held out a bottle of water. 'I got it from the canteen.'

It wasn't a Coke but it would do. 'Thanks.'

George leaned back against the table, perching on the edge. 'You know Hunny's returning later.'

That made Kaoru laugh. 'Shit, really?' he joked. 'I was wondering what the purpose of all this party planning was!'

'You realise he's gonna remember _everything_,' George said bluntly. 'Maybe it's time for you to be honest.'

Kaoru felt the smile vanish from his face. He took a long drink to avoid having to respond.

George watched him carefully then slipped off the table again. He lingered in the doorway for a few moments. 'I was just reminding you,' he said eventually. 'It poses a bigger problem for me, anyway.'

George had barely left when Kyoya entered.

'Have you finished up here?' he demanded.

'Yeah,' Kaoru said a little shakily, capping the lid on the now empty bottle.

Kyoya clapped his hands. 'Well, let's go.'


End file.
